Several Fails and a Win

Well, I have really been on a roll this week, let me tell you.

1- I have now missed two posts within one week.
2- I have now put off my animal rightsy post for so many days that it now doesn't really seem worth posting one. I think I'll just wait until this Friday.
3- The guy who sells the hot peppers wasn't at the farmers market, so there will be no reaper video this week.
4- I bought an epilator (if you don't know what that is, because I didn't, it's basically a bunch of tweezers hooked up to a motor that pulls your hair out). That in itself isn't too much of a fail, aside from the fact that I really couldn't afford such a thing, but the fact that so far all it has done is remove about half of the hairs in a given area and give me a horrible looking rash is. I'm going to keep using it for a while anyway though, because I paid too damn much for the thing to give up on it that easily.



Now for the one win.

1- The Typhoid Mary pictures cam out really great!

Monday Seems Like a Good Day for Random Updates

I just wanted to let you guys know about some things that have been going on.

1- Tomorrow (barring any unforeseen complications) I will be posting Part One of my Pepper Review video. So far, we still only have two parts, but I'm hoping to get ahold of a Carolina Reaper so I can do a third part.

2- That weird orange shit is still on my ankle, and I think it actually looks a little more disgusting today. It seems to have mostly stopped burning, but it has moved on to itching, which is only slightly better. Also, I still have not a single clue what it is or where it came from.

3- On a more pleasant note, I think whatever the fuck was wrong with my rib has finally healed. I am now able to do my entire workout without intense pain. So I guess there's that.

4- You know how I said the other day that my sister was going to take some new pictures for me? Well, I had this idea that I wanted to do one or two pictures dressed as Typhoid Mary (The Marvel character, not the woman who gave people typhoid fever). I just assumed that my sister would think it was stupid, but it turns out she's totally into it and now we are going to do a whole Typhoid Mary  shoot. I'm pretty excited about it. On a related note, does anyone have a katana I can borrow?

Typhoid Mary ^

Coming Soon to a Computer Screen Near You

I just thought I would give you guys a heads up on some things that I have planned for this blog in the near future.

1- Starting next week I will be posting a series of videos (which, by the way, are much better quality than my regular videos because my sister helped me with them) of me "reviewing" a selection of ridiculously hot peppers. The will include a ghost pepper, and at least two that are hotter than the ghost pepper. So yeah, hopefully you guys will get some amusement from my pain.

2- I think I can now say with confidence that my new body weight exercises are working! I'm pretty pleased with the results I've been getting, especially since I was half afraid I was going to end up losing the results I had gotten from my workout with the sandbags. Because of this, I wanted to get some new pictures taken, and my sister has agreed to take them for me. You guys probably don't care about this, but I'm kind of looking forward to them. I think I might get kind of ridiculous with them this time, do some crazy shit.

3- Okay, so I have this idea.......I can't decide if I'm actually going to go through with it or not. I feel like it could be fun, or it could just be really fucking embarrassing. I think I've mentioned a few times how I've always wanted to try acting, but never really had the opportunity? Well, at this point I think I can safely say that's never going to happen. I still think it would be fun though. So I had this idea that I might make some fake audition videos for parts that I would want to play. I don't know though...........maybe.....maybe......

Peach ghost pepper ^

Ant-Man

My mom, my sister, and I went to see Ant-Man today. I'm sure you will all be surprised to hear this, but I loved it! (perhaps I'm not the most objective when it comes to Marvel movies, because I think I say that about all of them but, seriously, this movies was really great.) We ended up being the only three people in the whole theater, which I though was really sad. I mean, I know it's already been out for a while, and we did go to the 3:30 showing, but still, why aren't you going to see this movie, people? Here are the reasons why you should go watch it-

1- Marvel has a rather incredible knack for taking things that should be ridiculous and making them super fucking cool. I mean seriously, anything called "Ant-Man" should be totally stupid right? Wrong!
2- As always, Paul Rudd was fantastic. Also, he obviously put a good bit of effort into getting into superhero-worthy shape.
3- Scott Lang is a really cool and interesting character.
4- Scott's daughter is fucking adorable. For example, at one point he gives her the creepiest looking toy rabbit I have ever seen. To which she replies "He's so ugly! I love him!"
5- We get another badass female character, Hope.
6-  I really liked the ants and the fact that they were, at least to some extent, given distinct personalities. I thought this was great, since a lot of people never think twice about killing ants. According to Evangeline Lilly "You could take all of us out of the movie, and it would still be really kick ass if you had the ants. They’re really the best part of the movie."
7- The big fight scene at the end was both intense and totally hilarious. Giant Thomas the tank engine flying through the air anyone?
8- Falcon has a (somewhat small, but still) part, which made me happy because I loved him in the Winter Soldier.
9- Scott has a circle professional criminal friends, who I found quite endearing. ( I don't know, I have a thing for likable criminals).
10- The post credit scene was weird and confusing (in a good way) and left you with an overwhelming need to see Civil War!

Pretty much my response to the post-credit scene^

35 Things I Think I Have Figured Out

This is a post from my old blog, from way back in 2012. Surprisingly, I think it all still holds true (for me anyway). Also, I never did get 21 and 31 quite right.


I recently found this through StumbleUpon. http://inoveryourhead.net/100-tips-about-life/ and it inspired me to make my own list. Not that anyone has any reason to take my advice, but I think maybe I have figured out a few things that might be helpful to some people. Or maybe not, who knows, but here they are anyway. 

1.Never put yourself in a situation where you feel like an outcast. Surround yourself with people who understand you. If you have to be surrounded by people who don't understand you, make them understand.

2.If you are doing something that makes you feel guilty, stop doing it.

3.Make yourself eat healthy food, even if you don't like it. You will learn to like it (trust me) and pretty soon all that junk food you've been eating will start to taste like shit.

4.Don't be afraid to change your appearance as drastically and frequently as you want to. Nobody ever said you have to look the same way all the time, and sometimes a fresh look feels like a fresh start.

5.Find a type of exercise that you enjoy and do it every day, preferably in the morning. It makes the whole day go easier.

6.Try to understand people, even people you don't like. Everyone has a reason for being the way they are and understanding that makes it a lot easier not to hate them (sometimes it's still really hard though).

7.Music makes everything better. Play it loud to drown out the sound of your own thoughts when you need to. Or sing (even in your head) if you are in a place where you can't play music.

8.Spend time in nature.

9.Create something.....anything.

10.Give people the benefit of the doubt but never count on them too much.

11.Learn to be self-sufficient in as many ways as you possibly can.

12.Force yourself to be strong, physically and emotionally.

13.Always try to be better than you are, but don't judge yourself when it takes a long time to get where you want to be.

14.Find a cause that you truly care about and dedicate yourself to it wholeheartedly. It will give you a reason to keep going even when you feel like you have nothing else.

15. If you really want to do something that seems crazy, do it anyway.

16. Stop trying to impress other people. Only try to impress yourself. Don't do/buy/say things because others think you should and don't be ashamed to like what you really like.

17. Don't follow trends, but also don't stop doing something just because it becomes trendy.

18. Make your house/apartment/room/car your space. Stop worrying about making it look "good" and make it look "you" paint murals on your walls, buy mismatched furniture, cover your car in bumper stickers. Make it a place that feels good, not a place that feels presentable.

19. Stop caring about material possessions. No matter what our society tells you, they just don't matter.

20. Buy things used. They have more character and it's better for the environment.

21. Make yourself talk to people (that one is more for me than for you).

22. Designer labels are bullshit.

23. No matter what some people (like my dad) might say, using words like "shit" and "fuck" does not make you sound unintelligent. Sometimes it just makes you sound more passionate.

24. Being nice to people, even the ones who aren't nice to you, really does get you a long way. It also might get you an ulcer, but you decide what is more important.

25. Don't make yourself do things you don't want to do just because it's expected of you, but do make yourself do things you don't want to because it's needed of you.

26. Stop believing things just because people tell you to, no matter who those people are. Look at an issue from all sides and then decide for yourself.

27. Don't feel guilty for being who you are.

28. If you feel depressed, don't just take a pill, change your life.

29. Stop treating symptoms and start fixing the underlying problems, in all aspects of your life.

30. Be your own canvas.

31. Never condone something you don't believe in just to avoid looking like an asshole (that one is more for me than you too).

32. There is nothing quite like a good adrenaline rush.

33. Sometime the people who seem the most together are actually the most fucked-up.

34. Do things you're not sure you're capable of. Learning your true strength is extremely good for your self-esteem.

35.Finally- Pretty please stop eating animals! (Did you really think I was going to leave that one out?)

Then again, maybe I'm just full of shit.

Ⓥ Tips and Tricks Part 2; Non-Food Products

As a follow-up to last week's post, I also wanted to share some of my favorite animal-friendly products and brands. I know how incredibly frustrating it can be to find good products that also fit with your beliefs, so I thought I would offer a few suggestions.

1- Naturally, the first step in buying cruelty-free products, is identifying them. I have found that a lot of people don't realize that unless something specifies right on the label that it isn't tested on animals it almost certainly is tested on animals. The easiest way I have found to identify companies as cruelty-free, or not, is with PETA's list. It's quite extensive and, as far as I know, they keep it pretty up-to-date.

2- As with vegan foods, cruelty-free body care, and beauty products can be expensive and hard to find. So again I will recommend Vitacost and iHerb. For things that can't be found at either of those places, Amazon is usually my go-to.

3- If you still can't afford to buy the fancy vegan products, it is possible get generic cruelty-free
products. Food Lion's store brands are not tested on animals. Though they are not necessarily vegan, this is still a huge step in the right direction, and they offer a wide selection of products, from health and beauty to cleaning supplies.

4- My all-time favorite brand of hair dye is Surya. It is certified vegan and cruelty-free, natural (henna based), and actually good for your hair. Plus it comes in some really beautiful shades. If you try it though, make sure you get the cream, not the powder. I haven't tried this particular brand in powder form, but all of the other henna powders I have used were a huge pain, and the cream is super convenient. Also, you should be aware that the box tells you to leave it on for up to an hour but, since it's actually beneficial for your hair and you get better results the longer you leave it on, I just put it on with a cap over it before I go to bed and leave it overnight. I have yet to find a color that didn't come out amazing with this technique.

5- If you want a more intense hair color, I recommend Manic Panic. They are cruelty-free and at least most of their products are vegan; supposedly there are some that aren't, but I can't seem to find out which ones. I will warn you though, their colors do fade a lot, and they really only work if you bleach your hair first. And, again, the longer you leave the colors on, the better (like overnight). If you want the white-blonde look though, you can't beat Manic Panic's Flash Lightening. I used the 40 volume, and it was much more effective and slightly less harsh than any other bleach I've tried. Also, I found that to keep the blonde white, instead of yellow, mixing a drop or two of Ultraviolet into my conditioner worked really well.

6- I absolutely love Sarawen's perfumes! I have tried quite a few of them and have yet to find one that didn't smell wonderful! My favorite, at the moment is Chocolat Rose, though the Ambrosia Chocolat is a close second (I don't know, I guess I just like smelling like foods that I don't eat). The scents are all vegan and cruelty-free, and she donates some of the proceeds to animal charities. Plus, it's just fun to shop for her perfumes, because most of them are inspired by fictional characters.

7- Speaking of good smells, Crazy Rumors lip balm is absolutely amazing! It comes in tons of great scents, and it works better than any other lip balm I have tried (even before I went vegan). Plus, they are another completely vegan company.

8- I will admit, I'm not as good with makeup as some girls (like my sister) are, so my opinion here may not be worth as much as in other ares, but I really like e.l.f.. They are ridiculously affordable (like nearly everything is between $1 and $3) and, for as much as I can do with makeup, they work as well as any other brand I've tried. They are cruelty-free and, while they are not vegan certified, I did find this correspondence from e.l.f. in response to a question asked by Cruelty Free Kitty "All ingredients used in e.l.f. cosmetics are vegan friendly, safe and meet F.D.A requirements." 

9- As some of you may know, I have had issues with acne my entire life and I have finally gotten it (mostly) under control. I'm sure that a lot of that has to do with my overall lifestyle being so much healthier these days, but I also think that a big part of it has been due to Dr. Woods Shea Vision soap. I have been using it as hand soap, body wash, and face wash for months now and my skin has never been better. Dr. Woods products are all cruelty-free and, as far as I can tell, they are all vegan.

10- Along with my acne issues, I have also always had problems with dry skin (and dry hair). Coconut Oil has all but fixed this problem for me. I use it on my face, body, and hair, and it has made my skin incredibly soft. I have given up any ideas about my hair ever being soft (since it seems to be made of cactus needles) but the coconut oil definitely helps keep it more manageable.

So, there are my favorite products. I hope they make life a little easier for someone out there.

My new hair color, Surya in "mahogany". Also, lots of e.l.f. products. Also, almost everything else on this list.

Now Let's Keep It Rolling

Remember those changes that are supposed to be happening in my life? Well, I started by buying some new hair dye, which hasn't gotten here yet so I'm still not sure if I'll like it or not. I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I've also been (gradually) making some changes around this site too.

1- I've started the process of "labeling" my posts, in the hope that it will make things easier to find. Unfortunately since I have nearly 900 posts now, it's going to be a while before I make it through all of my old ones. I really don't know if it will be worth it, in the end, but I guess I'm going to do it anyway.

2- I've added some new pages to the site. This what my friend, Rachel, was kind enough to help me with a while back and I'm finally starting to actually do it! I'm still not sure how many pages I'm going to add, or what I want them to be. So the current arrangement may still change quite a lot, but at least I'm doing something, right?

3- Here's the really exciting thing though (at least for me)! My sister helped me get it set up so I can sell stuff straight from here! No more fighting with Etsy's rules and policies, or having to pay them even when I'm not selling anything. Just so you know, I actually love Etsy; it's just more of a pain in the ass than it's worth for me, since no one ever actually buys my stuff anyway. So now I can sell my stuff here, and do it however I want. Then if I don't sell anything, oh well.

4- I'm pretty sure I'm going to abandon the name Flying Pigs Jewelry, in favor of Volatile Vegan Vestments. I like this name better because 1- You all know how much I love alliteration, and 2- I just think it sounds cool.

I was torn between posting a picture of someone wearing vestments (fancy ceremonial wear), or some dumb joke about rolling. Thanks to Spottedfire94 at Deviant Art, I have both!

Ⓥ Tips and Tricks Part 1; Food

I've been vegan for over ten years now and, while I know I take the whole thing a bit farther than most vegans do, I feel like I have, over the years, acquired a fair amount of useful knowledge. So I just thought I would share some helpful tips with you. This is information that I feel would be of use to anyone who is new to veganism, is thinking of becoming vegan, or is simply interested in limiting their contribution to animal exploitation.

1-Whenever anyone asks me for advice on becoming vegan, the first thing I always say is "Buy a rice cooker." Honestly, this appliance has been the most useful thing I have ever owned. I have never found a single grain that doesn't cook perfectly in my rice-cooker, and without any real effort on my part. It doesn't just have to be grains either; for the most part, you can just throw all of your ingredients in there at the same time, and just leave them until it shuts off. Seriously, it will change your life.

2- I, personally, do not like to cook (hence my reliance on the rice-cooker) but, if you do like to cook, Pinterest is probably the best place to find vegan recipes. Just type in "vegan" at the top, and I guarantee you will find endless delicious recipes for anything you could imagine.

3- When it comes to buying vegan and cruelty-free products (without unlimited financial resources), I find that the secret is to know where to shop. Two of my favorite places to shop for vegan food and other products are Vitacost and iHerb. They both have similar products, but each has some that the other doesn't and the price differs one way or the other between the two, depending on the product. Still, it is well worth a little checking back and forth to get good quality stuff without spending a ton of money.

4- Personally, I like to keep things simple (again, cooking is not my thing) so I tend to have a few basic staple foods that I rely on. I think my very favorite staple foods are nut and seed butters, especially almond butter. They are delicious in pretty much any way you want to use them; sandwiches, dips, sauces, spreads, whatever.

5- Another great staple food I found recently is teff. If you haven't heard of it, it's a tiny grain from Ethiopia that is full of all sorts of nutrients, and very high in protein. It tends to cook into a big clump, but if you just fluff it with a fork it gets a really nice sort of couscous-like texture. I love it!

6- Anyone who has been vegan for any length of time probably knows about nutritional yeast. It is a great way to add a slightly cheesy taste to any food. Plus, again, full of great nutrients (including the elusive B12). Also, most cats absolutely love the stuff. This was the only way I got my, exceptionally picky, cat on a vegan diet.

7- Speaking of vegan companion animals, Evolution Diet is the best vegan "pet" food around. I won't pretend that it's cheap, but it's worth the price. My animals have all done remarkably well on it, and are healthier than they ever were on meat-based foods. A lot of other people have had similar experiences.

8- For the longest time, I refused to use any sort of protein supplement because I didn't want it to seem like I thought my diet was deficient in any way. I absolutely still stand by that, I easily get everything I need in order to be healthy with no help from supplements. However, when I started working out more, I realized that all of these meat-eaters who work out were drinking protein shakes in order to build muscle. So I thought "if they can do it without people assuming their diets are deficient, then so can I!" I've been drinking Sunwarrior for several months now, and it has definitely made a huge difference for me. It took some getting used to because, as I said, I've never had protein powder before, but I've grown to really enjoy the stuff.

9- If you're looking for a quick, healthy, vegan snack, I recommend larabars. Most of them are made of only fruit and nuts, and they taste great. Be careful though, they used to all be vegan but they have come out with a few new flavors that aren't. Just look for "vegan" on the label.

10- Probably the most expensive, and unnecessary product I buy is Solar Energy Gum. The way I see it though, if chewing gum is my only real vice, I can afford to splurge a bit on it. You might not guess it, but vegan gum is kind of hard to find, and even when it is vegan it's still usually full of nasty chemicals. This one is healthy though, and has a ton of B vitamins to help give you energy (hence the name). Okay, this isn't really a food, but close enough.

Be a Rabbit

I actually started thinking about this after the new Supernatural episode on Tuesday during which Dean, once again, mentioned his aversion to "rabbit food". I think this is something that most vegetarians or vegans have heard at one point or another. I've certainly heard it enough. Omnivores like to refer to plat-based foods as rabbit food in this condescending way, that implies that it is somehow not sufficient for humans. Like "Oh, I could never eat that rabbit food." Or, better yet, imply that we are somehow less capable than them because we do eat it. Like "How can you survive on that rabbit food?" Well, here's the thing that I don't think they realize; rabbits are actually pretty fucking badass when you think about it. Rabbits are;

1- Fast- They can run up to 35 MPH and frequently outrun the carnivores who are trying to eat them.
2- Strong- They can jump more than 36 inches.
3- Sexy- People don't talking about "breeding like rabbits" for nothing.
4- Determined- Have you ever tried to pick up a rabbit who didn't want to be picked up?
5- Smart, the know how to escape from all the many creatures who are always trying to eat them.
6- Energetic- Unlike most carnivores, who pretty much sleep anytime they are not actively hunting, rabbits almost never stop moving.

So here's my question; why is it that people think it's better to be like the big animal with the sharp teeth and claws, who is always killing smaller animals, than to be like the little animal who, despite his small size and lack of sharp claws and teeth, stands up to the big animal on a daily basis? Furthermore, why is it considered a bad thing for us to eat the diet that allows this amazing little creature to do these things? The point is this; we should all be so lucky as to be more like rabbits, and the next time someone tells me I'm eating rabbit food I'm going to say "Thank you."

This is my depiction of a, sort of, post-apocalyptic warrior rabbit. Note the double Samurai swords, pierced ears, and veganarchy tattoo. 

Sometimes It's Good to Live in a Fantasy World

You know how yesterday I wrote about all the things that I think I would need in order to function properly? Well, for the most part, I have no idea what to do about those things. I either don't know what I want them to be, or I do know but haven't the slightest idea how to achieve them. One thing I do know though, is what I want my home to be like. So sometimes, just to make myself feel better about everything else, I imagine what I would want in my perfect space. Here are a few of the things I think a good home needs.

1- One big open space. As far as I'm concerned, the only room that needs to be separate is the bathroom.
2- Most of the walls covered in shelves.
3- Of the walls that aren't covered in shelves, one should be a huge white board. That way I can keep everything I feel I need to remember in a particular day, clearly in sight.
4- Another wall should be a huge pin-board. That way I can have my own real life Pinterest, in my house.

In the open space I would have;
5- My punching bag.
6- A stripper pole.
7- A pull up bar.
8- A rope to climb.
9- Maybe a clothes line, so I won't have to waste energy using a dryer. Also, since it's me we're talking about here, the clothes line would probably end up doubling as my closet.

10- Everything would be the most ridiculous, bright, semi-obnoxious colors.

Or, you know, I could just live in the Impala with Sam and Dean. Either way. 

Self-Awareness

One of these days, I really am going to get my shit together and post everyday. Anyway.

I really hate myself sometimes for being as unhappy as I am. I feel like, to an outside observer, my life really doesn't seem all that bad. So what right do I have to feel the way I do about it? Furthermore, I pretty much always hate myself for how incredibly angry I get over the most mundane annoyances. I mean, one tiny thing goes wrong and I'm utterly furious for most of the day. I think I finally figured out though, why it is that I am the way I am. It's not like knowing why is actually going to change anything, but at least I understand now. So here's my theory; I think there are a few basic things that people need to have, or feel that they have, in order to function in an even remotely healthy way.

1- Purpose- People need to have concrete goals to work toward. They need to know where they want to be and what steps they should take in order to get there.
2- Fulfillment- People need to feel that the things they do matter. Their lives need to have value for them.
3- Connection- People need other people. Whether romantic or platonic, people need to feel deep connections with others. They need to feel understood, accepted, and appreciated.
4- Space- People need to have a safe place. They need to have a place to go that feels like their own, a place to get away from the rest of the world and feel at home.
5- Control- People need to feel like they have some small measure of control over what happens to them. They need to feel like they have the ability to shape their own futures, like their choices matter.

The problem is, I don't feel like I have any of these things.

1- I don't know what the fuck my purpose is.
2- I know, for a fact, that nothing I'm doing right now matters in the least.
3- Basically, the only people I even associate with are my immediate family and, half the time, they don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.
4- I can't even remember when the last time was that I felt "at home" in the place I was living.
5- No matter how hard I try, every choice I make somehow gets me farther and farther from where I want to be.

The point here is this, I have GOT to get some of this shit figured out or I am going to end up spending the rest of my life as a giant fuming ball of rage. I don't have any of the big things that people need in life, so I put far too much importance on the little things. So then, one little thing gets fucked up and my world falls apart. I am basically holding my psyche together with duct tape.

To make up for the fact that this post is so depressing and whiny, here is a picture of Impala being all adorable.

400

This is my 400th post here and, you my have noticed that, I like to commemorate every hundredth post with some sort of list. Well, I couldn't think of anything I really wanted to make a list of. So I decided to go all Welcome to Night Vale and just make a "list of things." That's what I love about Night Vale, they manage to say the most absurd things yet somehow make them sort of profound, in some way. The "list of things" was just that, a list of random things, yet each thing somehow managed to evoke a very particular feeling/emotion/sensation. Anyway, I thought I would give it a shot myself, and see if I could manage to pull it off nearly as well as they did. So here goes. 

1- Your favorite song

2- Razor burn

3- Clothes straight out of the dryer

4- Unrecognizable, yet familiar, smells

5- Damp dishrags that have been laying in the sink for days

6- A really good book 

7- Pea-gravel 

8- Socks with holes in the toes

9- Deja Vu

10- A cat purring

11- A human purring

12- An empty box

13- Something moving inside a supposedly empty box

14- A scratched CD

15- A hair on your clothes that doesn't belong to you

16- Thunderstorms

17- Guilty pleasures

18- Lost time

19- Childhood fantasies

20- Dirty looks

21- Old friends you thought you'd never see again

22- Old acquaintances you hoped you'd never see again

23- Dryer lint 

24- Disappointment 

25- Paper cuts

26- Beauty products that smell like food 

27- The clicking of a pen

28- Stubbed toes

29- Static electricity

30- Unaccomplished goals

31- Snow clinging to tree branches 

32- Unidentified moisture

33- Fine dust on your finger tips

34- Nostalgia 

35- Missed opportunities  

36- Good conversations 

37- Awkward conversations

38- Shower steam

39- Old food in tupperware containers

40- A hole in your favorite shirt

41- The instant before a dropped glass hits the floor 

42- Musty basements 

43- Hangnails 

44- A face that looks familiar, but you don't know why

45- A thought that makes you smile when you're alone

46- A cloud that moves across the sun

47- The look on a dog's face when he has done something wrong

48- The sound a guinea pig makes 

49- A really bad song you used to love when you were young

50- Clumpy mascara

51- Contemplating life with a good friend

52- Contemplating life by yourself

53- A slightly damp handshake

54- Something given to you by someone you don't know anymore

55- Gas pump handles 

56- Interviewing for a job you don't really want

57- Food stuck in your teeth that you're not sure how long it's been there

58- The decision to throw something away instead of bothering to recycle it

59- Pictures of your parents when they were young

60- A job well-done

61- A job not-so-well-done

62- Eraser dust

63- Frost on a window

64- Frost on your car windshield

65- That feeling that you're forgetting something

66- An instant of eye-contact with a stranger

67- Regret

68- Knowing that you are right, but that you will never convince anyone else

69- Kindred spirits

70- Hot coffee

71- Vaguely cool coffee

72- Tripping over your own feet in public

73- The feeling that your life is about to change

74- The feeling that your life will never change

75- Jeans that just don't fit quite right

76- Someone laughing at your jokes

77- Bare light bulbs

78-  Strange dreams, half remembered

79- Good dreams, mostly forgotten

80- Bruises that you don't remember getting 

81- The memory of a good experience you know you'll never have again

82- That piece of hair that will never stay in place

83- An old pair of shoes

84- Once loved toys that are now forgotten

85- Warm sunlight on your face

86- Falling asleep in the backseat, on the way back from a long trip 

87- Uncontrollable laughter 

88- A patch of stubble when you just shaved

89- A movie you haven't seen in years

90- Your old school pictures

91- That sudden sensation of falling that jolts you out of sleep 

92- Cracking knuckles

93- Clothing racks in department stores

94- Colors that are a little too bright 

95- Sand between your toes

96- Dirt under your fingernails 

97- Under-cooked rice

98- Over-cooked pasta

99- The idea of love

100- The reality of life  

I seriously considered trying to come up with 400 of these, but then I decided that would be insane and probably make you all hate me. So I stuck with 100, which is probably still too many. 

By the way, here is the transcript  to the episode of Night Vale with the "list of things."

Let Me Explain

Here is my list of all the reasons I can think of that I SHOULD take the bounty hunter training.

1- It is probably the closest I will ever come to doing the things I actually want to do, which are all only viable careers if you live in a fictional world.
2- There is a chance it might actually give me the things I am looking for in a job; meaning, enjoyment, excitement, enough money to live on, a decent amount of personal freedom, etc.
3- I think it might just be the best chance of me ever making use of my, very specialized qualifications.
4- Whenever anyone, specifically my parents, give me advice on what jobs I should try I frequently find myself saying "Do you think I look like someone who could get hired to be a ______?" Well, you know what? I think I kind of do look like someone who could get hired to be a bounty hunter.
5- It would make me feel like a total badass which, as I'm sure you all know, is one of my biggest goals in life.
6- I think there is a god chance it could help me to achieve some of my other goals, like maybe #31, #36, #79, and #83 for example. Or maybe I just think that because I watch too much TV, who knows.
7- The training costs $600, which sounds like kind of a lot of money (at least to me) until I think about how much debt I have from all of the other education I've gotten that ended up doing me absolutely no good. So basically, even if I never use it, it's not that much of a waste when you consider my history.
8- If I don't end up actually working as a bounty hunter, I still think the training may very well be the coolest fucking thing I've ever done. Seriously, just read the schedule and tell me that doesn't sound like THE MOST FUN!
9- According to this site, in WV, the average bounty hunter makes $45,000 a year. Shit, if I could make half that I'd still be doing better than I have with any of my other jobs (sadly).

10- I found this on Pinterest yesterday and I thought to myself "You know what? Okay! I will!"

14 for 2014

The following is my lists of goals for the next year. Let's start with all the things I didn't manage to get around to this past year, shall we?

1- Do some real activism. Also, write more animal right related posts here.

2- Find a way to make enough money to get by without wishing I were dead.

3- I am going to rephrase the "social skills" one a bit and say that I want to start doing more social activities., and  find, at least, one that I actually enjoy.

4- I still really want to take a martial arts class.

5- I damn well better be able to do a fucking pull up by next year!

6- I AM going to go back to Farm Sanctuary this year, and hopefully back to the Festival of Colors as well.

7- Learn to act like one of those confident girls. Who know, stand up for myself, stand up for my beliefs, talk to people.

8- Learn to make metal jewelry, and hopefully actually sell some.

9- Write more poetry, and hopefully perform it somewhere.

10- Buy a car. A cool one would be nice but, at this point, I would settle for a piece of shit one.

11- Write something more substantial than a blog post. Get another article published? Write for the Flaming Vegan? Work on the "book" I started writing forever ago? Something.

12- I don't know, maybe go on a fucking date or something. Have some sort of romantic type interaction with another human being.

13- Get myself on a real schedule so that maybe I can accomplish half of the things I set out to do, in a given day. Especially get my sleep schedule down, so that I don't start out the day with several less hours than I had planned on.

14- Keep up with my goddamn email! Fucking hell I have so many emails!

In case you didn't notice, I decided to be a bit more vague with some of them this year so that, hopefully, I won't be quite as disappointed with myself next year. 

The Road So Far

{Carry on my wayward son! There'll be peace when you are done!}

{ Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more}

So here is my big summary of the past year, with Carry on My Wayward Son playing in the background. I am going to start by covering the things that I did and did not managed to accomplish from my resolution list from last year.

{Once I rose above the noise and confusion, just to get a glimpse beyond this illusions.}

{I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high}

{Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man. Though my mind could think I still was a mad man.}

{I hear the voices when I'm dreamin'. I can hear them say.}

1- I did manage to keep up with this blog pretty well. I only skipped a few posts, which is pretty good for me. I didn't manage to write a single post for The Flaming Vegan though.

2- I made it through one more semester of college before I gave up, yet again.

3- I don't think I did a single bit of real activism this year. In fact, I barely even did any slacktivism this past year.

4- I did actually get an article published in T.O.F.U. magazine. It's not like I got paid or anything, but still it was pretty cool. You should definitely check out the magazine.

5- Apparently finding a job I don't hate is just going to be a lifelong struggle for me. Who knows, maybe this whole handyman(ish) thing will actually work out.

6- HAH! Improve my social skills? What the fuck was I thinking with that one?

{Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done.}

{Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more.}

{Masquerading as a man with a reason. My charade was the event of the season.}

{And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know}

7- Nope. Didn't take a martial arts class either.

8- Uh, yeah. I'm not any less angry either. Probably due to the fact that I haven't managed to make any progress in my life over the last year.

9- This one really pisses me off! I have been trying every day for the last year and I still can't do a single fucking pull up. I can now do six almost pull ups, but those last few inches are killing me.

10- I don't know, I might have been more creative? Maybe?

11- Again, maybe? I guess I may be acting a little more like I really am than I used to. Meh, who knows.

12- I did not make it back to Farm Sanctuary, not even for the Celebration for the Turkeys, which sucks.

13- Fairly certain I have not gotten any better at saying things that need to be said either.

{On a stormy sea of moving emotion, tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean}

{I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say.} 

{Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done.}

{Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more}

As for my bucket list, I have managed to cross off

#19- Find a way to stop my hands from getting all bloody and gross every winter. I'm not even sure what I did, but they didn't get gross this year. Yay! 

#40 and 41- My sister got me a really nice camera for Christmas, and I did use it to take the picture for yesterday's blog. 

#46- (Sort of) I don't know if I officially feel "good" about my body, but I feel better about it than I ever have in the past. 

#50- I did come up with fifty more things for the list. This one was a bit of a freebie. 

#63- My dad bought me a punching bag, and I have made good use of it. 

#73- I did buy an iPod. (I love how half of my goals were basically to spend money that I don't have.)

#82- I actually found an exercise that works on my legs. I'm not sure which one it is exactly, but something in my yoga routine is definitely working.

That's about it for those. 

{Carry on you will always remember. Carry on nothing equals the splendor.}

{Now your life's no longer empty. Surely heaven waits for you}

{Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done.}

{Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more.}

Now here are a few kind of cool things that happened that weren't on any lists.

1- I went to the Festival of Colors. This is actually something that I have always wanted to do, but didn't even bother putting it on any lists because I thought they only did it in India and I knew I was never going to get to India. Turns out they have one in West Virginia, who would have thought?

2- Got into size 0 jeans. Size 1 actually fit but, by god, if I can squish my ass into those 0s I'm going to do it.

3- Impala came to live here which, now that he doesn't piss all over the house anymore, has turned into a really good thing.

4- I passed that police test. Even though it didn't result in a job, and was basically just a waste of time, I'm still pretty proud of that.

5- I actually read one of my poems out loud, in front of a bunch of strangers. It was basically a disaster, but I still did it and I guess that's something.

I have also watched SO MUCH Supernatural this year. So much. 

One Year

Well, it has officially been one year since I started this blog and, as promised, here is my one last secret that I have yet to reveal to all of you. It probably won't seem like much of a secret to most of you, especially considering the multitude of exceptionally personal things I have already discussed here, but it's a pretty big one for me. Here it is; despite the way I act and the immense effort I go to in order to hide it, in a lot of ways, I am a big stereotypical girl and it bugs the shit out of me!

I try to act like I only care about really important things and the only thing that matters to me is trying to make the world a better place.

But sometimes I'm like "I just want somebody to hold my fucking hand!"

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a list of all the ways in which I am just an annoyingly average girl. 

1- Sometimes I just really want someone to tell me I'm pretty. 

2- A part of me still believes in the whole "fairy tale love" bullshit. 

3- I actually do that stupid things that girls do in movies where they dance around their houses when they're home alone. 

I do, at least, wear pants when I do it though. 

4- Good romantic scenes make me really happy and really sad at the same time. 

I couldn't find a picture of the part where he picks her up and spins her around, but holy fuck do I wish someone would be that happy to see me! 

5- I'm constantly comparing myself to other women and taking inventory of our respective good and bad attributes. 

I will never be able to look at her and feel good about myself. 

6- There are certain excessively cheesy love songs that I just can't help but love, no matter how shameful they may be. 

When this song comes on the radio I find myself incapable of turning it off, or of not singing along. 

7- Here's the one that I really REALLY don't want to admit to. Sometimes I actually do cry. Fuck do I hate it! And I never do it when anyone else is around to see, but it does happen. Usually, it's not even for any particular reason either. It's just sort of a "life in general sort of sucks" thing. 

8- I actually think it would be a lot of fun to go dancing, like in a club (gasp!). I would probably give it a try were it not for the fact that I am fairly certain I would just make an ass of myself. 

9- I totally understand every part of this post 

Every part. 

10- Part of me has always wanted, and probably will always want, to be a famous actress/singer/something. 

11- Sometimes I find myself looking at these stupid things and thinking "You know, that probably would be pretty nice." 

I chose this particular one because I think the second picture makes it infinitely funnier. 

12- I have quite a fondness for sexy underwear. 

I especially like this place because their stuff is sexy, badass, and affordable. 

13- As much as I try not to, I get extremely bothered by negative comments, especially ones concerning my appearance. 

I also have a tendency not to forget these comments for, well, ever. 

14- Whenever I happen to be near a mirror, I find that I can't help but check to make sure there's nothing for anyone to say anything negative about. Like obsessively. Usually I find lots of things. 

Too many things. 

15- I really wish I would get hit on sometimes. I mean by someone who isn't three times my age. 

Could somebody look at me like that^ please. 

So there you go, guys. My deepest, darkest secret is that I am, in fact, a girl. 

Snippets

I kept waiting around to see if I would come up with a good topic for a post today but, alas, I did not. So here are just a few random bits of things I have been thinking about. I may, one day, write full posts about them. However, I am far to uninspired to do it today.

1- I really need to make sure that I get the fuck out of this house everyday. Today the roads were supposedly bad, so I just stayed home. Now my biggest accomplishment for the day has been staying awake.

2- Do you ever get a new book and just feel like it is going to have something really profound to say to you? No real reason for it, just a feeling. I just started American Gods by Neil Gaiman and I definitely have that feeling about it. I hope I'm right; I could seriously use some profound insights right now.

3- My mom and I were talking today about raising your sense of self-worth by making a point to do things that you feel good about and not do things that you feel bad about. I think I have mentioned this before and I do believe that it is a good idea. However, I realized today that, while it will most likely raise your sense of self-worth, I'm not sure that it will improve your overall quality of life because you will end up doing a lot more things that you don't like doing. Like dishes, and laundry.

4- I have developed this intense aversion to noise lately. I think it was cause by overexposure. None of the animals in this house ever, EVER, shut the fuck up. Ever.

5- Is it just me, or do other people always run out of everything all at the same time? I actually managed to save my last check from Goodwill and I was all excited because I thought I would actually have money to buy halfway decent Christmas presents this year. Then I suddenly realized that I need to buy everything I ever use!

It seems like it's going to be a really good book. 

Gripe List

As promised, here is a list of all the things I was hoping would be addressed at the end of Battlestar Galactica. Spoilers, obviously.

1. What was the deal with Daniel? They brought up this missing Cylon and how the others had done something to him, and I kept waiting for him to be relevant to the story somehow but, as far as I could tell, he never really was.

2.How did Baltar survive the attack on Caprica? I just don't believe that Six standing in front of him would protect him from a nuclear blast. For a while I thought maybe he was a Cylon. Then, toward the end, I thought maybe whatever happened to Starbuck to allow her to come back from the dead also happened to him, but no.

3.What the fuck did happen to Starbuck? Coming back from the dead is weird enough, but where did the new Viper come from, and why was it picking up signals from Earth?

4. What exactly was that design that kept showing up? The one that Starbuck kept drawing. It looked kind of like lots of things, and she kept seeing it everywhere but they never actually told us what it was.

5. Why was Hera the only character on the whole show named after a goddess? I mean, some of the others had call signs that were the names of gods or goddesses, but none of their real names were.

6. Who were the "angels" really? I don't feel like they were actually angels and, at the end, the one who looked like Baltar said something about God and the one who looked like Six said "He doesn't like to be called that." So if they didn't actually work for the real God, who did they work for?

7. I kept waiting for some of the pilots' call signs to be significant. Some of them were so weird that they almost had to mean something, and we knew that they had to have meant something to whoever gave them those names, but we never got to know.

8. Why was Baltar trying to piss off the centurions? There was an episode, I think toward the end of season four, where Baltar and some of the others were on the Cylon base ship. I think it was when Lucy Lawless's character was trying to get the four to come join them. Baltar goes up to one of the centurions and starts telling him how the other Cylons are treating the centurions unfairly. What the fuck was his goal here? Did he really think that was going to end well for anyone?

9. Come to think of it, what happened to Lucy Lawless's character? Did she really just sit alone on Earth and starve to death?

10. What the was the deal with All Along the Watch Tower?! That bugged me more than anything else in the entire show! I really, really wanted this to make sense. You know what? I'm going to do a separate post just about the fucking song.

11. Remember the Arrow of Apollo? I kept thinking that since "all of this has happened before and all of this will happen again" that the Arrow of Apollo would have something to do with Apollo (Lee). But no.

12. In the last season, they kept showing Adama taking pills. What were those?! He kept holding his shoulder when he took them, and I assumed they were trying to tell us that he had a heart condition. I actually assumed that they were setting it up for him to die at the same time that Roslin did. Instead they just let us wonder whether he was having health issues or was just becoming an addict.

13. What actually happened on Earth? They gave us some of the story, but I wanted more. What led up to it's destruction? How exactly did the final five survive when no one else did? Who were they there? What were their lives like?

14. Why did half the characters on the show have hallucinations? It seemed like someone was always seeing things that weren't really there and they never give any explanation for most of them. The "angels", Lampkin's cat, Adama's ex-wife, all the weird shit Starbuck kept seeing, Tigh seeing Ellen all the time, etc.

15. Why could some people see the "angels"? So, maybe Six saw them because if the whole Cylon Projection thing, but what about Baltar and Starbuck? I thought maybe it had something to do with coming back from the dead, but they never say that actually happened to Baltar.

16. What exactly was the deal with Cylon projection? It just seems like that should have had more meaning than it did.

17. In what way was Starbuck the harbinger of death? I assumed it would have something to do with the Cylons and humans mixing together to form a new race. She would "lead humanity to it's end" by leading them to a peaceful existence with the Cylons so that they would create a new population of half Cylon half Humans. They never tell us that's what it meant though, and since they landed on our Earth with a whole new population of humans, I don't really know if that is what they were going for or not.

18. Why did the one hybrid call himself the Cylon god? Remember the one from Razor? I mean, he wasn't their God, right? He died at the end of that episode, didn't he? So why did he say that?

19. The hybrid on the base ship said something about the "children of the ones reborn" finding their own home, or something like that. When Tigh had the flashback to Earth, he saw Ellen tell him that they would be reborn together. So, I thought the "children of the ones reborn" would be the children of the final five, but none of them ended up having children. So who was reborn? and who were their children? I think Hera was the only child they ever really talked about. Were they talking about the entire population being reborn by starting fresh on our Earth? I don't know.

20. Everything the hybrid said. I really thought that they would eventually explain all of the seemingly nonsensical mumbling that she was always doing, but most of it was never addressed.

21. Why did Roslin make it to Earth..... twice. I thought the "dying leader" was never supposed to make it to Earth, according to the prophecy? Instead, she made it to two Earths.

22. Remember the weird disease that killed a shit-ton of Cylons? What was up with that?

23. Why did Leoben suddenly abandon Starbuck when he found out that she had come back form the dead? From the first time he met her, he kept talking about her special destiny. Then he finds out that she experience a genuine miracle ( I guess) and he's like "Nope. I'm done." Why?

24. The Cylons had this idea that love was the secret to conceiving children. What was the significance of that? Obviously love was not the secret, because Hera was the only Cylon child that was born. Were we supposed to be seeing that it's just sort of random for the Cylons, just like it is for humans? Like, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't? If that were the case, you would think they would have managed more than one.

25. Starbuck and Anders' tattoos. They were really cool tattoos, and I want to know what they meant. I mean people don't just get matching tattoos for no reason. Were they some sort of marriage ritual? What were they?

26. The opera house; everything about it. None of that made sense to me at all. I really got the impression that they wrote that in without thinking it through. Then they got to the end and realized that they didn't know what to do with it. Then someone was like "I know! What if Galactica was the opera house?" Was it Cylon projection? If so, who was projecting it? and why? I feel like they made that whole thing seem way more significant than it ended up being.

27. I wanted to know more about Gaeta. Right before he was executed, he said something about wanting people to know who he really was. I was hoping that we would get more of his back-story after that, but we didn't.

28. Why did no one seem to care that much that Athena kept killing people? She killed the one Six who was not doing anything wrong, I know she was scared for Hera but still. Then she killed Boomer when she was actually trying to help them. I don't know, I just felt like someone should have taken her gun away from her.

29. How long were Baltar and Six together, back on Caprica? Did he really never ask her name in all the time they were together?

30. ^ This. All of this. When he took off in the Raptor and said goodbye to everyone, I just assumed that he was going to crash it. He had said before that he couldn't live without her, so I just thought he was going to make sure that they died together. Instead, he waits until she is dead and then puts his wedding ring, from his previous marriage (kind of not very romantic) on her finger. Then he just parks on top of a mountain and sits around and talks to himself about cabins. What?