Sleep Exercising...? (Video)

Apparently I was working out in my sleep.........which is super fucking weird.

Pretty Twisted

I don't even remember how this came about, but a few days ago my mom and I were talking about nightmares. I said that most of the dreams that I actually remember (which is a pretty small number) are what most people would probably consider nightmares. Usually I seem to dream about awful things happening. Yet, I don't mind them the way I imagine most people do. The truth is, my real life is so fucking boring that I would rather be chased by a serial killer or something than wake up and do fucking dishes, and laundry, and whatever other meaningless bullshit I have planned for that day. This is not a healthy attitude. Oh well, at least I still have a few Deadpool comics left to read, and they released the trailer for Supernatural season 11. As long as I can immerse myself in enough fiction, I can usually (usually) tune out real-life enough to get through the day.

The Wrong Line of Work

I spent a couple of hours putting up hay, earlier today. It was really fucking hot, and I got really fucking sweaty, and I also got cover head-to-toe with little hay particles, and sort of sunburned. None-the-less, I really don't mind doing that sort of work. I always feel better about myself, and the work I've done when it's 1-something physical, and 2-something with measurable results. I really wish that almost all physical labor type jobs didn't require you to be there ridiculously early. I feel like, if I have to have a job that isn't actually something I want to do, that would be the next best thing. I just can't justify looking for a job that would require me to get up any earlier than I already do (which has been somewhere around 5:00, most days, recently). And skipping my workout (or most of the other things I do in the mornings, for that matter) is out of the question.

I don't share Dean's attitude about this sort of thing. 

That Worked Out Well

You know how I'm always bitching about how shitty our internet is here? Well, for the past three days, it has been SUPER shitty. Like, working just enough to make you keep going "Maybe it'll work now!" over, and over, and over again until you want to throw your computer through a wall. Or maybe that's just me? Anyway, today for the first time in weeks I finally manged to make myself get up early; not because I had anything in particular to do, but just because I feel better and get more accomplished that way. Well, guess what? The internet was finally working, so instead of getting anything important accomplished, I spent four hours just fucking around online to make up for not being able to for a few days. I'm telling you guys, my time management skills are impeccable. The good news about all of this wasted time is that I managed to find an Etsy shop run by a vegan/animal rights advocate who makes perfume inspired by various nerdy things; including this one\/ based on Sam Winchester.

Also, she donates some of the proceeds to animal charities! How cool is that? If I had money, I might just buy every one of her perfumes just so I would know what all of my favorite characters smell like.  Here is Dean, by the way. And Cas.   

Wow! Thanks, Subconscious!

You know how, when you're asleep, sometimes your subconscious will sort of work the things that are happening in the real world into your dreams? Well, here's a good one for you.

I like to sleep with my window slightly open. Usually it's totally fine because the way my window is positioned keeps any rain, or snow, or whatever from coming in. Well apparently last night it was both rainy AND windy, so the rain started blowing in through the window and hitting me in the face while I was sleeping. Would you like to know what my subconscious mind came up with as an explanation for all the little drops of moisture hitting my face? In my dream I (and several other people, though I can't remember who they were) were standing in this dungeon type room. It was basically a huge box made of bricks. I can't remember what the room was supposed to be, or why we were there. What I do remember is that the walls and ceiling suddenly started leaking. That's not so bad, you say. But oh, I'm not done yet. It wasn't water, it was blood. There were little drops of blood dripping out from between the bricks. So yeah, I got rained on in my sleep and my brain decided that the best things it could do with that was to put me in a dungeon and have the walls bleed on me. I'm sure that's totally normal and definitely not a sign of any sort of mental illness or anything.

A Softer World

You know what I totally forgot existed and then suddenly remembered last night? A Softer World. They are just so great, and I hadn't read them for so long. Now I'm obsessively trying to catch up on all the ones I missed. They say all of those things you think but won't say because they're to awful, or too offensive, or just too goddamn weird. They also somehow manage to say the MOST depressing things in such a way that they end up being fucking hilarious.

Also, check me out. All up and writing my post early-ish in the morning. (I've actually been up for a couple of hours, it just took me this long to get my shit together enough to write.) 

You May Be Right. I May Be Crazy.

In fact, I'm quite certain of it.

You know how yesterday I said that, when I know I don't have to do anything, I come up with all these crazy ideas? and how I have mentioned before that when I get too much sleep I get all spastic? Well, when you combine the two you get a fairly dangerous combination of insane creativity and unmanageable energy. Which is what happened yesterday, and again today. I did manage to actually do some productive things yesterday, but I also did some kind of nutty things. For example, cut my hair. It's not so much that I cut my hair, it did need cut, it's how I did it. I recently bought one of those straight razors they sometimes use in salons, and I've used it the last several times I cut my hair. It works really well actually, but it's not something that one should necessarily use when she is in a strange, manic, obsessive state. The results were a decent looking, if messy, haircut and multiple cuts on my hands from all the aimless slashing. I also decided that I want to draw some of my own images for this blog (I give this idea about a week, due to the fact that I will eventually remember that I absolutely cannot draw). So yesterday I did several really poor drawings, and this morning I drew this weird little pole dancing blob creature.

She won't let her complete lack of a form stand in the way of her dream of being a stripper (apparently). 

It's a Good Look

You know what's really stupid? Some days, I wake up in the morning and my makeup looks better than it did when I put it on the previous day. How is that possible? I spend all this time and effort trying to get it to look just right, and it ends up looking sort of meh. Then I sleep in it, and wake up looking better than when I went to bed. It actually looks a lot like that "smokey eye" look that everyone is always talking about. I have actually tried smearing it when I first put it on to get it to look that way, and sometimes it kind of works, but it never comes out quite right. I have actually considered just planning for this and putting my makeup on before I go to bed at night but then, of course, there are the days like today when I wake up looking like The Joker.

Thinking

I feel like I spend the majority of my time trying desperately not to think too much about my life, or life in general. I distract myself with music, TV, Pinterest, etc. I think that's also part of the reason I feel better about things if I sleep less; I don't have the mental energy to think everything to death. It's not even thinking about the state of my life right now that bothers me so much, it's the unlikeliness of it ever changing as much as I want it to. So every once in a while, I'm scrolling through Pinterest, ignoring reality to the best of my ability, and I see something that reminds me of all the things I want in my life that I am probably never going to have. When this happens, I always feel vaguely betrayed like "Damn you Pinterest! You're supposed to be helping me forget about shit like this!" So yeah, Pinterest and I are not on the best terms right now. That's not to say that I won't still scroll through it for hours on end, but I will do so with a slight air of disdain.

Ewwwww

After yesterday's post, some of you may be wondering why the fuck I would be so damn determined to make myself get by on less sleep, when most people are constantly tying for more sleep. Well, I'm going to tell you a little story.

For the last weeks or so, the ground outside the door of the pig barn has been a straight sheet of ice. Fortunately, it was rough enough on the surface that, as long as I was careful, I could still walk on it. Then, yesterday it got up near sixty degrees here and the ice began to melt. It didn't quite melt all the way though. It just sort of melted on the surface. This caused it to become slick as all fuck. When I got to the barn, I could tell by it's excessively shiny appearance that it was slick, but I thought "I'll just be extra careful. It can't be that slick." Wrong! I'm holding both water buckets and I, very slowly, take a single step forward and (SWOOSH!) my feet go flying out from under me. I do sort of a half turn in the air and land with the side of my leg directly on top of one of one of the buckets. Then, by some twisted physics that I don't understand, I sort of skidded across the top of the lid; resulting in a gash across the front of my knee and a bruise stretching almost the entire length from my hip bone to the side of my knee.

By now, you're probably wondering just what the hell any of this has to do with the amount of sleep I get on a given night. Well, normally, an event like this would have made me absolutely furious. First of all- it's just plain inconvenient, second-I hate feeling like a fool (which is sort of the inevitable result of failing to keep your own body standing upright), and third- it kind of hurt. On the average day, I probably would have ended up punching something. Would you like to know what my response was yesterday? "Ouch." and then "Eh." and then I went about my day.

You see, there is obviously something severely fucked up about my brain chemistry because sleep deprivation affects me in about the same way that a mild sedative affects other people. I feel basically the same as I do any other time except for the fact that I don't get ridiculously pissed off over stupid shit all the time.

Now you're probably wondering why the hell I posted a picture of a rainbow. It's because this is basically what my leg looks like at this point. It is SO many different colors. 

Hey, Check It Out! It Worked!

Observe, if you will, what time I am posting this. It looks like my stupid list idea worked, this time anyway. I actually got up at 6 today, the first time my alarm went off no less. This gave me just over five hours of sleep and, aside from the fact that it's cold and dark and miserable this time of day, I feel pretty decent. So yeah, I just wanted to share my tiny drop of success with you all.

"I don't sleep."

Also, my dad and I started watching Dark Angel the other day. So you can expect Dark Angel references for a while. 

Time for Plan D

I sincerely believe that my life would be significantly better if I just had the time to do all of the things that I want/need to do. The problem is, my list of things that I want/need to do is eternally growing and so is my desire to just sleep through my life. I keep trying to make myself get up early enough to get everything done, without having to rush around in a frenzy and make myself even more of a lunatic than I already am. The problem is, not matter what I do, I just can't seem to make myself get up any earlier than I absolutely have to. I either A- sleep through my multiple alarms altogether, or B-wake up and think "Eh, I don't really have to get up just yet." Either way, it eventually leads to me waking up, looking at my clock, yelling "FUCK!", jumping out of bed, and being in a pissy mood for the rest of the day while accomplishing a fraction of the things I had hoped to accomplish.

So my new plan is this. Every night before I go to bed, I am going to start making a list of all the things I want/need to do the following day (you all know how much I like lists). I am also going to make notes of why these things are important and how my life will be improved if I actually get them done. Then I will go to sleep with these things fresh in my mind, in the hopes that I will wake up in the morning and still remember them. In case you can't tell, I'm getting kind of desperate here.

Sorry, It's the Best I've Got

So, I have nothing of any real value to write about today. So I'm going to tell you about this weird-ass dream I had the other night. I was dismantling these strange old ruins that were, for some reason, in my yard. Despite the fact that they appeared to have survived for thousands of years, when I shoved on them the blocks just slid and tumbled to the ground. So I just kept climbing around and shoving blocks off the top edges of the walls. I remember thinking that it was kind of a shame to destroy them, since they were so old and quite beautiful, yet I do not remember why I was doing it in the first place. I also remember thinking that these were Tibetan ruins, which makes very little sense seeing as how my yard is not, in fact, in Tibet.

At least there was no creepy cheese man. As a vegan, I would have been rather offended to have my dreams invaded by the Cheese Man and his dairy-based vestments. 

What Free Time?

I swear, my brain has this truly remarkable ability to fuck me over at every turn. I was really looking forward to having some free time for a while. I told myself that, now that I don't have to go to work at Goodwill, at least I will be able to get around to doing some of the things I have been wanting to do, and maybe even keep up with all of the housework type shit that I always let get ahead of me. Alas, my brain said "No, no. You will sleep straight through all three of your alarm clocks every day and never, ever, have enough time to do all of the things you want to do." That guy is such an asshole.

It doesn't help that I have a, kind of, sort of, almost, job now pretending to be an electrician. 

As You May Have Noticed.......

There was no blog yesterday. Sorry about that. Fucking Hughesnet! It wasn't as bad as it could have been though; it did let me watch Supernatural and S.H.I.E.L.D. I think I mentioned this before, but Hughesnet has this rule where anything you do online between 2am and 7am doesn't count. So I got up at 5 so I would have time to get both in before 7. It was either that or wait until tomorrow and, well, fuck that! Anyway, by the time 7 rolled around I decided that the best thing to do was to go back to sleep for an hour (which, by the way, is NEVER the best thing to do). When I got back up at 8, it was raining and therefore our internet was on strike. By the time the connection was back up, I was running late and didn't have time to write a blog.

They were some great episodes though.

*SPOILERS* Cas had sex! and then got stabbed :(

Just to Reiterate

My brain is such an asshole! Last night, I set three clocks! THREE! And they still didn't wake me up! I set my CD player alarm for 6:30, my brand new alarm clock for 6:35, and my alarm on my phone for 6:40. I thought "There's no way I can sleep through all that." Wrong! I didn't wake up until 7:30, when my dad came in and shook my foot. By then all the clocks had given up, except my phone which was till desperately buzzing away under my pillow. Poor little bastard tried so hard; I felt kind of sorry for him. How is this physically possible? More importantly, how am I ever going to get my shit together if I can't even manage to wake up in the mornings?

Rock Bottom

Lately I have been in a just fucking terrible mood. By that I mean that I have been in a terrible mood that has been getting progressively worse over the last several months. I have not wanted to do anything, or see anyone, or even think about anything, and I have been absolutely pissed about it! I have been sleeping too much, doing too little, and generally making poor decisions. Yesterday, I overslept by three hours, got no housework done, didn't go grocery shopping, bought stuff online that I couldn't afford, and then actually skipped working out for the first time in at least a year. I say enough! I am going to get my shit together if it fucking kills me!

My Brain Is an Asshole

I swear there is some little piece of my brain that thinks the most fun thing in the world is to sabotage me, in every possible way. Yesterday was my day off, and I had all these things I was planning to get done. As usual, my plans didn't quite pan out. I thought "That's okay. I'll just get up early tomorrow and do it." So I set my clock for 6:00. I woke up at 8:56, which is about two hours later than I get up when I don't have shit-tons of housework to do. Fucking awesome! Thanks brain!

There's a chance it may be Scorpius. 

You Really Don't Have to Read This One.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. I need to write something. Blah, blah. It's five in the morning and I have to get ready for work. Blah, blah, blah. I should have gone to get my check on Friday because now I want to order silly things online and can't because I don't have enough money. Blah, blah. My brain doesn't work this early in the morning. Blah. This morning I set my clock for 4:00 and woke up at 3:59. Kind of weird. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, this post was a waste of all of our time. Sorry.

What More Can a Girl Ask for?

As I've said about a million times (sorry about that, by the way.) what I really want out of a job is purpose. I want to be able to say that my job means something. However, considering the fact that it may be entirely delusional to think that I could find such a job, I've given a lot of thought to what kinds if things I'm looking for in a regular, just for the money, job. I've come up with;
1-I want something physical to do. I can't handle just sitting around all day.
2-I want to be able to take time off if I want it.
3- I want to be able to work evenings so that I don't have to get up at 3am just to get ready.
4- I don't want to have to have a separate wardrobe to wear to work.
5- I want to stay busy.
6- I want to have enough free-time to do the things I actually care about.
7- I want to do something I'm good at.
8- I want to be able to feel, at least, okay about what I do.
9- I don't want to have to deal with animal products.
10- I want to be able to make enough money to get by.

Then I realize that, except for that last one. I pretty much have all of that at Goodwill. And then I think ......