I Am an Actual Conscious, Semi-Functioning Human Being

You all know how much I hate dealing with the majority of the human race, right? I just have a hard time putting up with all of the irritating shit that people do. I have recently found though, that the thing that I hate most is being patronized. I absolutely cannot stand being treated like I'm stupid, and I seem to be getting a lot of that lately, and it's really pissing me off! I don't know why everyone has suddenly decided that I must be a fucking moron, but I'm really not; I swear. It seems like every person I deal with lately keeps talking down to me and giving me advice that I would have to be brain dead, or from another planet, to not have thought of myself.

What an Honor

I think I have mentioned several times that, on most nights, I close by myself at work. I mean, there is always a manager and usually someone in utility, but I'm the only cashier. It didn't used to be a big deal; for the most part, I still had time to get everything done. Well, recently, they hired one clothes hanger who comes in and works 5:30 to close. This kind of fucks me up, because now I have to try to find time to hang clothes, check out customers, and get the floor cleaned up by myself. Now, I know that since I always work nights and she always works nights that our schedules are likely to coincide frequently. However, it seems like we end up working the same nights even more often than we should just by chance. It's a bit stressful but I've pretty much gotten used to it. So the other day, the manager who was closing with me comes up to me and says "So I've got some bad news for you." In my head, I'm going "Oh fuck. What now?" Then she says "We have a hanger coming in at 5:30" (Big sigh of relief) I say "Yeah, she works most nights that I work." The manager kind of smiles and says "You know what that means?" I say "That I have really bad luck?" She says "It means that they know they can trust you to get those racks put out." and smiles at me like it was a huge compliment. I'm sure she did mean it as a compliment, but here's the thing; what it really means is, they know that I'm dumb enough to rush around like lunatic and end up doing twice as much work as everyone else for the same pay, despite the fact that it benefits me in no way whatsoever. So yeah, I'm really honored that they know they can count of me to be a dumbass.

You Really Don't Have to Read This One.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. I need to write something. Blah, blah. It's five in the morning and I have to get ready for work. Blah, blah, blah. I should have gone to get my check on Friday because now I want to order silly things online and can't because I don't have enough money. Blah, blah. My brain doesn't work this early in the morning. Blah. This morning I set my clock for 4:00 and woke up at 3:59. Kind of weird. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, this post was a waste of all of our time. Sorry.

Top Tens

So you know last night when I mentioned "real writing"? Well it turns out I was talking about writing lists.

Here are my top ten favorite things in various categories, not necessarily in any particular order.

Movies:
1-Bold Native
2-Year of the Dog
3-My first Mister
4-Across the Universe
5-The Matrix Trilogy
6-Garden State
7-The Breakfast Club
8-Zombieland
9-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
10-Donnie Darko

Books:
1-The Dark Tower series
2-Farm Sanctuary
3- The Last Unicorn
4-The Shining
5-Looking for Alaska
6-The Folk of the Air
7-The Perks of Being a Wallflower
8-Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
9-Paper Towns
10-Vegan Freak

Musicians:
1-Bob Dylan
2-Bright Eyes
3-The Giving Tree Band
4-Dar Williams
5-The Beatles
6-Mumford and Sons
7-Rise Against
8-Shawn Mullins
9-Elliot Smith
10-Fleet Foxes

TV series:
1-Supernatural
2-Firefly
3-Being Human
4-Buffy
5-Doctor Who
6-Angel
7-Dollhouse
8-Torchwood
9-Sherlock
10-The Invisible Man. I haven't seen it in years, but it was the first show I ever fell in love with so it has to be on the list.

These may not, in fact, be my favorites. I will almost certainly post this and then instantly think of twenty things that should have been here, and be mad at myself for forgetting them. Oh well, these are still all very good things.

Top ten, get it? 

Celebration! (I guess)

Sorry there was no post last night. Hughesnet decided to let me go ahead and write a posts and then cut out just as I tried to post it. Anyway, here it is.

So today was my last final; I am officially done with school. Well, I'm officially done with this semester, I've just decided to be done with school. I think for the most part my finals went okay. A couple of my classes are worrying me a little, but I'm not even sure why. Since I've decided not to go back next semester, I'm just not sure why I even care what my grades are like. Anyway, no it's time to figure out what the fuck I'm doing now. That should be fun.

Regeneration

Every time there is a major change in my life, I feel a need to change something major about my appearance as well. When I came back from Watkins Glen I bleached my hair blonde. Right before I came back from California I dyed it red again. Before I started college, this time, I replaced all of my tee shirts with tank tops. At the end of last semester I replaced all of my homemade bell-bottom jeans, which I had been wearing exclusively for the past several years, with skinny jeans (only to be worn with tall boots). This time I dyed my hair black. By the way, the general consensus seems to be that it looks alright.  

Eureka! Maybe...... I don't know.....

So I had sort of an epiphany today, or maybe it was a stroke, who knows. Anyway, I had an interesting idea. The idea was this; you know how if you say, or even just think about, a word too much it loses all of it's meaning? Well, what if that works with everything? What if you can focus on anything and eventually it will cease to have any impact on you? Well, I decided to try it out. The yoga workout I've been doing has a few poses that are fairly painful. I actually don't mind the ones that are really painful, but there are several that are just highly uncomfortable, and those bug me. Normally, I try to distract myself from the "pain" by thinking about something else, focusing on my breaths, singing to myself in my head. That never actually works though, I just end up thinking about how uncomfortable I am, counting how many breaths it takes to get through the pose, or paying attention to how far into a song I have to get before I'm finished. So today I decided to try something different. Instead of trying to ignore it, I just focused all of my attention on the spot that hurt the most. I was somewhat surprised to find that it actually worked. After a few seconds of focusing exclusively on the pain, it basically stopped hurting. I'm tempted to try it on psychological issues, but I'm thinking that has an equal chance of resulting in a much better outlook on life or a complete breakdown.

I Mean Come On.

In my literature class we're currently reading Hamlet. The professor told us that, over the weekend, she wanted us to watch two different versions of the "To be or not to be" scene on youtube, compare them and see which one we liked best. One was with Kenneth Branaugh the other was........... David Tennant! That's right, the tenth Doctor himself. I watched then anyway, but there was really no need. Which one is better? What an absurd question. Who could be better than this guy.

Also, Rachel, remember when our Shakespeare class did Hamlet and I got to do a truly pathetic death scene and you got to cry over me? "The drink! I am poisoned!" (collapse awkwardly on the floor).  

Hermits United

I often find myself torn between a desire to connect with other people and the idea that I would be better off living in a shack in the woods or something. Every once in a while I actually do enjoy being around other people (It was great catching up with you the other day, Rachel!) but, for the most part, I just don't like social situations. I always have these ideas about how things will go and they almost always fall far short of my expectations. I keep thinking that if I could learn to be more outgoing or get to know more people that my life would be better but I have found that, most of the time, I am more comfortable and  happier(?) being alone. I keep trying to force myself to go do things and be around people in the hopes that someday I'll get used to it and learn to enjoy the company of others, but I'm starting to think I am just putting myself through extreme awkwardness and discomfort for no reason. I'm not sure I am ever going to like being social, and maybe I really would be better off just spending as little time around other humans as possible.