Meat

To make up for my lack of animal rights post last week, I thought I would go ahead and share one of my animal rights poems (from my book) for my throwback post. It's probably a little over-the-top, but I still stand by it. 

It's the murder of the most innocent

those who could commit no crime.

Their souls have far more purity

than you could hope for yours or mine.

How can this be justified?

How can they say that it's alright

to kill those who cannot protect themselves,

those who can't put up a fight?

I wish that I were stronger

that I could truly speak my mind.

I know there's courage deep inside me,

but it's so fucking hard to find.

I want to tell the world

of all the evils that they do,

but I can't seem to speak opinions

even when I know they're true.

Why can't people see it?

Why won't they open up their eyes?

How can they ignore the suffering?

Can't they hear the anguished cries?

Don't they know that they can stop it?

Don't they know it's up to us?

If we can just sacrifice a couple luxuries

we can make the suffering stop.

I want to make a difference.

I want to change the way we live.

I'd give up anything to do that

but I just don't know what yo give.

I wish that I were strong enough

to convince them to make the right choice

but I can't seem to speak up so loud

that they can hear my voice.

Inside my head I'm screaming

but from my mouth just a whisper comes out.

I wish that I could be the type

to look them in the eyes and shout.

"Stop what you're doing!"

Stop it now!

before more lives are lost."

Stop acting like a selfish child

never thinking of the cost

of all these stupid things you want

these things you think you really need.

If you would just give up a few desires

your poor slaves could all be freed."

Humor

Here is another post from my old blog. Once again, this one still rings true after all this time. 

A lot of "funny" meat-eaters out there may think that vegetarians and vegans have no sense of humor. What other explanation could there possibly be for us not laughing when they make hilarious jokes like "if we're not supposed to eat animals why are they made out of meat?" Well, there is a very good explanation. That's not fucking funny! In fact, that is so not funny that I want to rip your face off when you say it.

Shortly after Riley and Petunia (my adopted pigs, for those who don't know) came to live with me, some guy was driving by and saw me walking toward the barn. He stopped and asked me what was in there. When I told him they were two pigs he laughed and said "are their names ham bone and pork chop?" I'm sure he thought I was quite rude because, not only did I not laugh at his remarkable wit, I simply said "no" and walked away from him. Though I'm sure it did seem that way, I didn't do this to be rude. I did it because, had I tried to stay and talk to him, I would have said something much more rude than "no".

I have actually had several people make similar jokes about Riley and Petunia and I know at least most of them are not trying to upset me. They genuinely think they're being funny. But if I made a joke about murdering your family would you think it was funny? Riley and Petunia are my family. And when you make jokes about eating other animals it's like making a joke about murdering someone else' family, still not funny.

The truth is that most vegetarians, vegans and animal rights activists do have a sense of humor. Most of us are quite capable of laughing at ourselves. Personally, I will not be offended if you make fun of me, of vegans in general, of vegan food, of whatever. Just don't make fun of the animals who are suffering, because that will never be funny.

I am a fairly stereotypical vegan. I'm socially awkward. I dress weird. I eat strange things. I like animals better than people. I buy environmentally-friendly everything. And the list goes on. There is plenty of comedic material there. Make as many jokes about that as you want.

A lot of vegan food is pretty weird. It also happens to be quite delicious, healthy and not made of the flesh or secretions of tortured animals, but none the less it is kind of weird. Yesterday I happened upon this image

and thought it was hilarious! I love Tofurkey, but it is sort of inherently funny and most omnivores are rather horrified by it.

The point is, when animal rights activists don't think you're funny it's not because we're so full of ourselves that we can't take a joke. It's because what may seem like a joke to you is just a heartbreaking reminder of the fact that animals are being tortured and killed to us. Suffering isn't funny. If you took a moment to try and see things from our perspective, you might realize how horrible what you're saying sounds to us.

So the next time you see me, if you want to point out the fact that I am entirely incapable of having a normal conversation with another human, or inquire about the mud stains on my jeans (which are there because Riley and Petunia smear mud on me and I'm not willing to use chemical based laundry detergent to get it out) go right ahead. Just don't try to pretend that there is anything funny about what happens to animals in this society, because there isn't. Thanks.

The Beauty of the Broken

This is probably my favorite of all of my old poems (even though I never think of this one as a poem. In my mind it's always a song.). There are very few pieces of my old writing that I can look back on now and not cringe at least a little, this is one of them.

Your scars and your tears,

your addictions and your fears

make you beautiful.

Your love

is such delicious poison.

I see the beauty of the broken in your eyes

and I

can't seem to shake this feeling

although your anger sends me reeling every time. 

I know it's not right

to stay with you all night

and watch you disappear 

into a thick fog of pain

and the chemicals you claim

bring you some relief.

And deep down I know

it's better if I go

and let you find your way

to the light on your own.

I thought that maybe I could save you

but I just don't know how to

and it breaks my heart

to see all the pain you live with

and the harm you'll cause yourself to ease it.

There's nothing I can do.

My staying here's not helping.

I wake up every morning and I feel so lost.

Lately I just feel so useless.

I can't stand to feel this hopeless.

It's tearing me apart.

I don't know how to tell you,

part of me still doesn't want to

but what else is there to do

but to walk away?

Remnants of Childhood

Here is yet another of my old poems. 

I went back 

to the place where I grew up

and there I found 

hidden in the brush

the remnants of my childhood.

There they were

at the base of that old tree,

rusted and broken

and so caked with dirt that I could hardly see

these things that I once loved.

Old toy and old places

tend to crumble with time

try if you want

but you never will find

a way to return them

to the way they are in your mind.

In the memories of children

everything seems divine.

Don't misunderstand.

Please don't get me wrong.

I have plenty of bad

and painful memories from when I was young,

more than I care to name.

But it's just different

for children than it is for adults. 

They have this innocence

that won't let them understand what's going on,

it's their only defense.

Children just know

how to see the beauty in everything

and to overlook

the things that they don't want to see,

things too ugly to face,

like depression and anger

in the people they love

and all of the chaos

this world is made of.

They believe those sweet lies

people tell to the young,

and no matter how hard they fall

they always get back up.

I wish that I

could get some of that back,

and see more value

in happiness than in truth and facts.

I miss that innocence.

Maybe then I could

start a new life for myself

and overcome

all of this hopelessness that I have felt.

I think that would save me.

35 Things I Think I Have Figured Out

This is a post from my old blog, from way back in 2012. Surprisingly, I think it all still holds true (for me anyway). Also, I never did get 21 and 31 quite right.


I recently found this through StumbleUpon. http://inoveryourhead.net/100-tips-about-life/ and it inspired me to make my own list. Not that anyone has any reason to take my advice, but I think maybe I have figured out a few things that might be helpful to some people. Or maybe not, who knows, but here they are anyway. 

1.Never put yourself in a situation where you feel like an outcast. Surround yourself with people who understand you. If you have to be surrounded by people who don't understand you, make them understand.

2.If you are doing something that makes you feel guilty, stop doing it.

3.Make yourself eat healthy food, even if you don't like it. You will learn to like it (trust me) and pretty soon all that junk food you've been eating will start to taste like shit.

4.Don't be afraid to change your appearance as drastically and frequently as you want to. Nobody ever said you have to look the same way all the time, and sometimes a fresh look feels like a fresh start.

5.Find a type of exercise that you enjoy and do it every day, preferably in the morning. It makes the whole day go easier.

6.Try to understand people, even people you don't like. Everyone has a reason for being the way they are and understanding that makes it a lot easier not to hate them (sometimes it's still really hard though).

7.Music makes everything better. Play it loud to drown out the sound of your own thoughts when you need to. Or sing (even in your head) if you are in a place where you can't play music.

8.Spend time in nature.

9.Create something.....anything.

10.Give people the benefit of the doubt but never count on them too much.

11.Learn to be self-sufficient in as many ways as you possibly can.

12.Force yourself to be strong, physically and emotionally.

13.Always try to be better than you are, but don't judge yourself when it takes a long time to get where you want to be.

14.Find a cause that you truly care about and dedicate yourself to it wholeheartedly. It will give you a reason to keep going even when you feel like you have nothing else.

15. If you really want to do something that seems crazy, do it anyway.

16. Stop trying to impress other people. Only try to impress yourself. Don't do/buy/say things because others think you should and don't be ashamed to like what you really like.

17. Don't follow trends, but also don't stop doing something just because it becomes trendy.

18. Make your house/apartment/room/car your space. Stop worrying about making it look "good" and make it look "you" paint murals on your walls, buy mismatched furniture, cover your car in bumper stickers. Make it a place that feels good, not a place that feels presentable.

19. Stop caring about material possessions. No matter what our society tells you, they just don't matter.

20. Buy things used. They have more character and it's better for the environment.

21. Make yourself talk to people (that one is more for me than for you).

22. Designer labels are bullshit.

23. No matter what some people (like my dad) might say, using words like "shit" and "fuck" does not make you sound unintelligent. Sometimes it just makes you sound more passionate.

24. Being nice to people, even the ones who aren't nice to you, really does get you a long way. It also might get you an ulcer, but you decide what is more important.

25. Don't make yourself do things you don't want to do just because it's expected of you, but do make yourself do things you don't want to because it's needed of you.

26. Stop believing things just because people tell you to, no matter who those people are. Look at an issue from all sides and then decide for yourself.

27. Don't feel guilty for being who you are.

28. If you feel depressed, don't just take a pill, change your life.

29. Stop treating symptoms and start fixing the underlying problems, in all aspects of your life.

30. Be your own canvas.

31. Never condone something you don't believe in just to avoid looking like an asshole (that one is more for me than you too).

32. There is nothing quite like a good adrenaline rush.

33. Sometime the people who seem the most together are actually the most fucked-up.

34. Do things you're not sure you're capable of. Learning your true strength is extremely good for your self-esteem.

35.Finally- Pretty please stop eating animals! (Did you really think I was going to leave that one out?)

Then again, maybe I'm just full of shit.

Broken Glass

This is another of my old poems. I decided to go with this one this week because a couple of days ago, I got comments on it from Hello Poetry, which I haven't even logged into for years. Anyway, I figured if people there liked it all of a sudden, maybe you guys would too. 

I view my world through broken glass

it distorts everything I see.

Things that should be nice and comforting

all look dangerous to me.

Everything around me, everyone I know

is so twisted and unrel.

I'm living in this nightmare wasteland

where fear is all I feel.

I know this place is beautiful.

I hear it all the time

but it just looks like a prison cell

to these broken eyes of mine.

All these strangers that surround me

I guess you'd call them family and friends

just make me fell like I'm a spy

who's trying to act like one of them.

Is there smewhere out ther I can go

that will really look like home?

Or am I doomed to see only ugliness

and to always feel alone?

Are there people out there in this world

who will truly be my friends

who will love me and respect me

and on whom I can depend?

If I keep searching long enough

will I ever find a way

to see the beauty in this life

so I will have a reason to stay?

Or will I wander aimlessly

until the day I die

looking for a place and a life

that I will never find?

I wish that I could see the world

for what it really is

but my corrupted vision

is a problem I don't know how to fix.

For now I'll keep pretending

to see things the way you do

and hope that Im the one who's wrong

and it's you who sees the truth.

Riley and Tuni's First Post

Anyone who followed my blog probably noticed that I didn't exactly deliver on my promise to chronicle my experience at Farm Sanctuary. There are several reasons for this, which I am not going to get into right now. Lets just say that the main reason was my usual lack of motivation. Since I didn't write anything for the two months I spent in Watkins Glen, I felt kind of ridiculous just starting back where I left off when I got back. So I have been waiting for a good topic to start back on. I think this is about as good as I could have hoped for.

Here is a bit of backstory. While I was interning at Farm Sanctuary I met two wonderful piglets, Riley and Petunia. They were adorable and sweet and I (and, I'm pretty sure, everyone else who met them) fell in love with them instantly. Petunia was brand new to the farm and overflowing with energy and enthusiasm. Riley was a bit older and more reserved, but just as friendly and loving despite the trauma he had endured before finding his way to Farm Sanctuary.

Riley was rescued from a stockyard by a brave and compassionate Farm Sanctuary employee who witnessed his suffering and saved him from a painful death. Despite the best efforts of everyone at the farm and the veterinary staff at Cornell, Riley was left blind in one eye and with his head permanently tilted to one side from a severe infection. Petunia was born with a hernia and was "donated" to Cornell so that veterinary students could practice performing surgery on her. She would have been euthanized had it not been for the fact that Cornell was very familiar with Farm Sanctuary. They agreed to save her if Farm Sanctuary would pay for the surgery. So after her surgery she came to live at the farm.

I got to know Riley and Petunia very well during my internship and was very sad to think of leaving them when it was over. About a week before my last day, the shelter director mentioned that she was planning to adopt out Riley and Petunia. As soon as I heard that, I knew that I had to be the one to adopt them. Thankfully, she agreed that I would make a good pig guardian. So when I got back to West Virginia my dad and I started work on a fence and a barn. After a very lengthy process, and a lot of help from my co-workers, we ended up with a charming, mint-green, barn and an acre of pasture. Then we just had to wait for them to arrive.  

The staff at Farm Sanctuary scheduled Riley and Petunia's arrival for 8:00am July 9th. I spent the last couple of days before they got here making sure that everything was just right, to make the transition as easy as possible for them. I woke up at 5:00 on the 9th, and sat around for hours waiting for the truck from Farm Sanctuary, and worrying about all the things that could go wrong. At 10:30 they finally arrived.

Apparently the two men entrusted with Riley and Petunia had left Watkins Glen at midnight and driven straight through. But their GPS had decided to take the scenic route and had gotten them lost in the ridiculous labyrinth that is the back roads of West Virginia. The fact that they didn't just turn back is rather remarkable to me. Instead they somehow managed to guide an enormous trailer up and down the most narrow, winding, pot-hole-infested "roads" you can imagine and find their way to a place most people, even in this area, have never heard of. For that, they have my utmost respect and gratitude. 

 I had prepared myself for the fact that Riley and Petunia would be extremely upset by the whole moving process and terrified by their completely alien surroundings. I was ready to give them their space and wait patiently for the day when they would finally get to know me again and let me come near them. I was sure that they would not remember me, and therefore probably not trust me at all. I half expected them to hide in their barn and cower whenever I came by. It turns out this was not something I needed to worry about.

When they arrived, they stepped out of the trailer as if it was completely natural for them to be on the road for ten and a half hours and then find themselves in a place they have never seen before surrounded by people they don't know. As soon as my parents and I went into the barn, they acted like we were all old friends. I like to think it's, at least partly, because they remembered me but this may just be wishful thinking. I'm pretty sure I would never associate me, as I look now, with me, as I looked all bundled up in layer upon layer of thick clothing and the absurdly bright, orange, tasseled hat I wore the entire time I was at the farm. But whatever the reason, their immediate friendliness alleviated much of my anxiety about the whole thing.

Riley and Petunia have now been living with me for over a week and I think we are starting to get the kinks worked out of our system. My dad and I built them a pond to discourage swimming in the water bowl, which seems to have been very effective. I've learned to drop the food bowls over the fence to protect myself from being tackled. I discovered that apples are far easier for them to eat when they have been cut in half and that carrots look rather disgusting when they have been frozen and thawed, but are apparently much tastier that way. I have also learned that both Riley and Petunia love company and will follow us all over the field, as long as they aren't trying to eat. If they are trying to eat, everyone else ceases to exist. I have noticed how much they love each other and that they don't seem to spend any time apart. If they do get separated they play their own version of Marco Polo to compensate for the tall weeds and Riley's poor vision. Of course, once again, if food is present all bets are off.

Well, this post has gotten quite long enough. I will be posting updates (hopefully) regularly and (again hopefully) there will be pictures on Facebook soon. If anyone is interested in visiting Riley and Petunia please contact me. They are quite fond of visitors, especially visitors who bring snacks.

This ^ was Riley and Tuni's first day with me.

Who Am I?

So here is my first "throwback Thursday" post. It is the first poem in my poetry book from 2010. 

I am a dreamer without a dream.

I am an artist without an art.

I am a soldier against my own thoughts.

I am a betrayer of my own heart.

I am an activist too scared to act.

I am a lover unable to show love.

I try to be everything at once.

I find that I am nothing at all.

I hide my true desires

behind everything that I pretend to be.

It seems that all the things I really want

conflict with what I want people to see.

I want to take chances

but fear what I might lose.

I want to stand up for my beliefs

but I don't know what I can do.

I want to show how I truly feel 

to let people finally see the real me

but I can't stand to show them all my flaws

or let them know that I am weak.

No wonder I can't make connections

since no one knows who I am.

I wish that I could show them

but I don't know how I can

since I don't even know myself,

who I am or who I want to be.

All of my conflicting traits

don't even make sense to me.

Since I use the image of Spike doing poetry for my new poems, I thought I would use one of him singing for my old poems (because most of them were actually written with songs, not poems, in mind). Also, Buffy's face in this picture pretty nicely conveys the feeling I have about most of my old work.