Every Damn Time

The poetry thing was last night. So, naturally, I spent the entire day reading my poem over, and over, and over, and over again. Then I spent most of the evening convincing myself that, yes, I did want to go through with this. It turned out that I didn't actually know where the place was, even though I thought I did. So my mom and I had to drive around forever and look for it. We still ended up getting there almost an hour before the thing started, which gave me ample time to freak right the fuck out. By the time I got up on stage, I was just trying to keep myself from looking as freaked out as I was. I actually did alright, I think. Not nearly as good as I had hoped, of course. But also not nearly as bad as I had feared. I got a pretty decent score too. Here's the fun part though; they were doing the competition in three rounds. This means that we were each supposed to have three poems prepared. Apparently everyone knew this but me. I always manage to find some way to embarrass the shit out of myself, even when I don't embarrass myself in the way that I expect to.

Happy Anniversary!

I almost had to write a post about the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who, didn't I? I mean how could I not? How often does one get to experience an event like this in a society where everything is designed to become obsolete after a short amount of time? I watched The Day of the Doctor during the global simulcast and it was such a strange and wonderful  feeling to know that at that very instant there were millions of people all over the world watching, and feeling, the same thing I was.

Anyway, I am going to attempt to pay homage to the show and the episode while avoiding spoilers as much as possible, for anyone who didn't get a chance to see it. I have found that the writers of the show always come up with new and exciting ways to confuse the fuck out of their audience while making the experience so much fun that the audience doesn't mind being confused. This episode was no exception. It was a great episode and just as fun and crazy as always.  I was so happy to see Ten again! I had almost forgotten how much I loved him. Almost. I thoroughly enjoyed the interaction between the three doctors in the episode as well as all of the references to all of the past doctors. I think the John Hurt character showed us a new side to the doctor that we had never seen before, and I loved his complete bewilderment at seeing his future selves. Overall, it was an excellent episode and a fantastic way to celebrate 50 years of other excellent episodes. I can't wait to see what sort of changes we will witness in the Doctor's personality in the future now that he has a bit less reason for self-loathing (see there was almost a spoiler there, but I reined myself in).

Also, I absolutely loved Billie Piper's wild, post-apocalyptic look! 

Snow = Evil

So it snowed last night. That was awesome (for anyone who might not be aware, I hate snow with a fiery  passion). Aside from the fact that it is cold and generally annoying it also knocked out our internet. Which is why this post is late. It also really makes me question continuing to work at Goodwill (you know, more than I already was). Driving forty minutes each way for minimum wage is bad enough, but driving forty minutes each way for minimum wage IN THE SNOW? Now that's just a bit too much to ask, don't you think? Plus, I'm still driving my mom's car. So if I happened to wreck, not only would I feel like shit, but we would both be without a car.

I Am an Actual Conscious, Semi-Functioning Human Being

You all know how much I hate dealing with the majority of the human race, right? I just have a hard time putting up with all of the irritating shit that people do. I have recently found though, that the thing that I hate most is being patronized. I absolutely cannot stand being treated like I'm stupid, and I seem to be getting a lot of that lately, and it's really pissing me off! I don't know why everyone has suddenly decided that I must be a fucking moron, but I'm really not; I swear. It seems like every person I deal with lately keeps talking down to me and giving me advice that I would have to be brain dead, or from another planet, to not have thought of myself.

What an Honor

I think I have mentioned several times that, on most nights, I close by myself at work. I mean, there is always a manager and usually someone in utility, but I'm the only cashier. It didn't used to be a big deal; for the most part, I still had time to get everything done. Well, recently, they hired one clothes hanger who comes in and works 5:30 to close. This kind of fucks me up, because now I have to try to find time to hang clothes, check out customers, and get the floor cleaned up by myself. Now, I know that since I always work nights and she always works nights that our schedules are likely to coincide frequently. However, it seems like we end up working the same nights even more often than we should just by chance. It's a bit stressful but I've pretty much gotten used to it. So the other day, the manager who was closing with me comes up to me and says "So I've got some bad news for you." In my head, I'm going "Oh fuck. What now?" Then she says "We have a hanger coming in at 5:30" (Big sigh of relief) I say "Yeah, she works most nights that I work." The manager kind of smiles and says "You know what that means?" I say "That I have really bad luck?" She says "It means that they know they can trust you to get those racks put out." and smiles at me like it was a huge compliment. I'm sure she did mean it as a compliment, but here's the thing; what it really means is, they know that I'm dumb enough to rush around like lunatic and end up doing twice as much work as everyone else for the same pay, despite the fact that it benefits me in no way whatsoever. So yeah, I'm really honored that they know they can count of me to be a dumbass.

I'm Under Attack

Yesterday, as I was on my way to work, I had the windows down, and the radio blasting, and was just trying desperately to ignore the fact that I was running late for work, and the fact that I didn't want to be going in the first place. Suddenly, I feel something tickling the side of my neck. I didn't really think anything of it, a fallen hair? a fly who had come in through the window? my imagination? So I reach up to brush whatever it is off, and I feel it fall down onto my chest. Okay, so not my imagination, too heavy to be a hair, flies don't usually fall. I look down and there, sitting on chest, just staring at me is this angry looking spider. At first I thought "I'll just pick him up and toss him back out the window, that he apparently just came swinging in through." However 1-I couldn't catch him, 2-The harder I tried to catch him, the angrier he got and the more concerned I became that he might bite me, and 3- I wasn't entirely sure that he wouldn't just land in the road and get run over. As I'm looking for a good place to pull over where I can quickly get him out of my car, get back on the road, and maybe maybe make it to work on time, he continues to run all over my body. At one point, I lost track of him for a second and then realized that he was hiding under the edge of my leg. I finally find a good place to pull over, push myself up so I'm sort of hovering above him and try to quickly pick him up and throw him out. He was too fast for me. He dove onto the floor before I could grab him. So I picked up a piece of paper off the floor and tried to flick him out. Apparently in the two seconds between when he hit the floor and when I picked up the paper, he had managed to tie himself down, because when I flicked him out he just bounced right back in. It took me four tries to finally get him to stay out.

Okay, so he looked nothing like the Racnoss and he was actually kind of cute, but that doesn't negate the fact that he was a talented and dedicated little warrior.

P.S. I made it to work with 7 seconds to spare.

I Have a Wand Now. Wands Are Cool.

So this is going to sound really stupid to anyone who isn't me, and I kind of feel like an ass ever writing it but whatever, I feel like an ass most of them time anyway.

I have been slowly gathering the various tools, symbols, and artifacts associated with Wicca. One of the things I wanted to get was a wand. I had been thinking about buying one, but then David Salisbury's book said that you should create your own. He said to use a fallen branch rather than breaking or cutting one from a tree, and that the wand should be about the length from your elbow to the tip of your middle finger. I knew immediately which tree I wanted to get my wand from. 

There is this one tree that I have loved ever since I was a kid. I used to climb it all the time and, (here comes the really stupid sounding part) I always felt like we had an emotional connection. Anyway, I had been thinking about it for a couple of days and just didn't bother to go look for one. Then, the other day, I just suddenly got all inspired and thought "I'm going to go get a wand from my tree!" This happened to be on a day when it was pouring the fucking rain, but I didn't care; I was going to get a wand! So I'm trudging through the rain, trying to get to my tree and I'm looking at my feet the whole time to make sure I don't trip over anything hidden in the waste high weeds. Then, all of a sudden, I look up and there is this fallen branch tangled in another branch and hanging directly in front of my face. It was exactly the circumference that I was wanting and was almost perfectly straight but with all these cool little knots on it. There was one knot that, when I held it up to my arm, was just at the end of my middle finger. I thought to myself "if it breaks right there, I'll know this is supposed to be my wand, and guess what? It did. The really cool thing is that David Salisbury also mentioned that wands are never supposed to touch the ground. So the fact that this branch had fallen without touching the ground is pretty fucking amazing, I mean if you're a big nerd like me that is. Anyway, the point is I now have a really cool wand that was a gift from my favorite tree.

Nerdiest post ever? Oh, I think so. 

You Really Don't Have to Read This One.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. I need to write something. Blah, blah. It's five in the morning and I have to get ready for work. Blah, blah, blah. I should have gone to get my check on Friday because now I want to order silly things online and can't because I don't have enough money. Blah, blah. My brain doesn't work this early in the morning. Blah. This morning I set my clock for 4:00 and woke up at 3:59. Kind of weird. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, this post was a waste of all of our time. Sorry.

You're a Little Late

It's really goofy how life works sometimes. Whatever you're waiting around for never seems to happen, but if you decide that you don't give a shit about it anymore and start waiting for something else, (BAM!) there's that other thing all of a sudden. Kind of like how no one ever asks you out unless you're already dating somebody, or how you can't ever get a job unless you already have a job.

You know how I said I was doing the whole online dating thing? Well, it was basically a fucking disaster. I kept checking my email all the time, just hoping that someone (who wasn't creepy and three times my age) would contact me. Well, it just wasn't happening, so I said "fuck it!" and tried to forget about the whole thing. Then a couple of days ago, I found this shop  and wanted to buy the whole fucking place! I managed to limit myself to three or four things though. One of them was a bottle of perfume and I was fairly certain it was vegan, but I wanted to make 100% sure before I bought it. So I wrote to them and asked them about it. Being the crazy person that I am, I was super excited to buy all the amazing stuff I found so I was VERY anxious for them to write me back. So naturally, I checked my email about 800 times yesterday, just hoping for a response from the shop. Well guess what? They never did write to me. Guess who did write to me? Two different guys from Vegan Passions. TWO! And they both seem decent. All this time I've been driving myself crazy just hoping to hear anything from anyone, and now that I basically gave up on it and stared driving myself crazy over something else, now I get two!

I am The Girl Who Waited......and then got the thing she wasn't waiting for anymore. 

Top Tens

So you know last night when I mentioned "real writing"? Well it turns out I was talking about writing lists.

Here are my top ten favorite things in various categories, not necessarily in any particular order.

Movies:
1-Bold Native
2-Year of the Dog
3-My first Mister
4-Across the Universe
5-The Matrix Trilogy
6-Garden State
7-The Breakfast Club
8-Zombieland
9-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
10-Donnie Darko

Books:
1-The Dark Tower series
2-Farm Sanctuary
3- The Last Unicorn
4-The Shining
5-Looking for Alaska
6-The Folk of the Air
7-The Perks of Being a Wallflower
8-Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
9-Paper Towns
10-Vegan Freak

Musicians:
1-Bob Dylan
2-Bright Eyes
3-The Giving Tree Band
4-Dar Williams
5-The Beatles
6-Mumford and Sons
7-Rise Against
8-Shawn Mullins
9-Elliot Smith
10-Fleet Foxes

TV series:
1-Supernatural
2-Firefly
3-Being Human
4-Buffy
5-Doctor Who
6-Angel
7-Dollhouse
8-Torchwood
9-Sherlock
10-The Invisible Man. I haven't seen it in years, but it was the first show I ever fell in love with so it has to be on the list.

These may not, in fact, be my favorites. I will almost certainly post this and then instantly think of twenty things that should have been here, and be mad at myself for forgetting them. Oh well, these are still all very good things.

Top ten, get it? 

Stupid Cybermats!

For some reason, my dad's house has a tendency to attract a ridiculously large number of mice. We have one of those no-kill traps that just locks them in a little box and then you go release them somewhere. Well, tonight it caught one and I walked him down near the pig barn to release him. Apparently, he didn't particularly want his freedom because he clung to the inside of the trap and wouldn't come out. I had to stick my finger inside to try to coax him out and, when I did, he bit me! What the fuck, mouse? I was trying to help you! I think he might have been one of these.

Happy 200th Post!

That's right, I have done this 200 times now. I don't know if you find that hard to believe, but I do. I keep thinking "How the fuck did I come up with something to say 200 separate times?" Then I remember that half of what I write about is completely ridiculous and the other half is about TV shows. Then I go "Really? Only 200?" Anyway, I wanted to do something really cool and exciting to commemorate this momentous occasion but I couldn't come up with anything.............So here's a Tordis.

You're welcome. 

If I Ever Have a Wedding

Lately it seems that weddings have been a major theme among my, very limited, social circle. Plus I spend a great deal of time on Pinterest and it's like half wedding shit all the time. Anyway, this made me start thinking about what sort of stuff I would do if I ever got married. I've decided that I would;

1- Have an entirely vegan wedding (obviously). If anyone expects me to provide meat for them, they obviously don't know me well enough to be coming anyway.
2- Have the ceremony outside, possibly in the woods, possibly at night, possibly both, definitely some place I wouldn't have to pay for.
3- Wear a short dress with tall boots, and hopefully buy it at a thrift store.
4- Tell the guests to wear something weird or absurd instead of the usual formal looking shit.
5- Make all the decorations myself.
6. Wear a charm shaped like the TARDIS (Amy can tell you why)
7- Use either fake flowers or flowers that are still alive, because cut flowers make me feel bad.
8- Have a pandan cake.
9- Possibly do the whole handfasting thing. I had never heard of it before but a facebook friend was talking about doing it at her wedding so I looked it up and it's a very cool concept.
10- Marry someone who would like all of these things. This would be the tough one.

 By the way, I wrote this last night but couldn't post it because fucking Hughesnet is afraid of thunder. 

Celebration! (I guess)

Sorry there was no post last night. Hughesnet decided to let me go ahead and write a posts and then cut out just as I tried to post it. Anyway, here it is.

So today was my last final; I am officially done with school. Well, I'm officially done with this semester, I've just decided to be done with school. I think for the most part my finals went okay. A couple of my classes are worrying me a little, but I'm not even sure why. Since I've decided not to go back next semester, I'm just not sure why I even care what my grades are like. Anyway, no it's time to figure out what the fuck I'm doing now. That should be fun.

Regeneration

Every time there is a major change in my life, I feel a need to change something major about my appearance as well. When I came back from Watkins Glen I bleached my hair blonde. Right before I came back from California I dyed it red again. Before I started college, this time, I replaced all of my tee shirts with tank tops. At the end of last semester I replaced all of my homemade bell-bottom jeans, which I had been wearing exclusively for the past several years, with skinny jeans (only to be worn with tall boots). This time I dyed my hair black. By the way, the general consensus seems to be that it looks alright.  

Eureka! Maybe...... I don't know.....

So I had sort of an epiphany today, or maybe it was a stroke, who knows. Anyway, I had an interesting idea. The idea was this; you know how if you say, or even just think about, a word too much it loses all of it's meaning? Well, what if that works with everything? What if you can focus on anything and eventually it will cease to have any impact on you? Well, I decided to try it out. The yoga workout I've been doing has a few poses that are fairly painful. I actually don't mind the ones that are really painful, but there are several that are just highly uncomfortable, and those bug me. Normally, I try to distract myself from the "pain" by thinking about something else, focusing on my breaths, singing to myself in my head. That never actually works though, I just end up thinking about how uncomfortable I am, counting how many breaths it takes to get through the pose, or paying attention to how far into a song I have to get before I'm finished. So today I decided to try something different. Instead of trying to ignore it, I just focused all of my attention on the spot that hurt the most. I was somewhat surprised to find that it actually worked. After a few seconds of focusing exclusively on the pain, it basically stopped hurting. I'm tempted to try it on psychological issues, but I'm thinking that has an equal chance of resulting in a much better outlook on life or a complete breakdown.

A New Companion and an Old ......Me

So the new Doctor Who was finally on last night, yay! It was a really good episode. In fact, there was only one thing I didn't like about it and that really wasn't the show's fault. The thing I didn't like was that it made me realize that I am getting old. I think I am officially too old to be the Doctor's companion now. Last night they told us that Clara, the Doctor's new companion, is twenty-four. I'm pretty sure Rose was nineteen when he met up with her. I'm thinking Amy was twenty-one or twenty-two. I don't know that they ever said how old Martha or Donna were, but I'm guessing neither of them were twenty-six either. That's as far back as I've seen, but I think the previous Doctor's have all had young companions as well. Anyway, I guess I can stop waiting for the Doctor to show up and take me away to see all of time and space. Damn it.

I Mean Come On.

In my literature class we're currently reading Hamlet. The professor told us that, over the weekend, she wanted us to watch two different versions of the "To be or not to be" scene on youtube, compare them and see which one we liked best. One was with Kenneth Branaugh the other was........... David Tennant! That's right, the tenth Doctor himself. I watched then anyway, but there was really no need. Which one is better? What an absurd question. Who could be better than this guy.

Also, Rachel, remember when our Shakespeare class did Hamlet and I got to do a truly pathetic death scene and you got to cry over me? "The drink! I am poisoned!" (collapse awkwardly on the floor).  

Things That Make Me More Happy Than They Should

As I'm sure most people who read this blog have figured out, I'm not the happiest person in the world. However, there are a few things that I thoroughly enjoy. Most of these things are quite strange and predominantly overlooked by most people.

1. My new workout routine, especially the running part. It sucks ass while I'm doing it, but I feel really good afterward. I think it might be some sort of high from lack of oxygen.
2. Netflix.
3. That on Supernatural last night, Meg called Cas her unicorn. I fucking loved that!
4. The sound my boots make when I walk under the overpass on my way to class. It's a pretty long walk from where I park to my classes and I always look forward to the ten seconds or so that I'm under the overpass because my boots make this cool echoy (echoey? echoie? I guess that's just not a word no matter how you spell it) sound as if I'm in a cave.
5. Listening to good music when I'm in the car by myself. I get WAY too into it.
6. Getting an extra day off from class, even though I never do anything good with it.
7. That feeling in the air when it's just a tiny bit chilly and there is a slight breeze that somehow feels warmer than the rest of the air.
8. Sore muscles. I know, weird and probably a sign of some sort of psychopathology.
9. Finding out that some random celebrity has become vegan.

10. This...

Fuck It! I'm Buying a TARDIS!

Today I was running late for class. There were several reasons for this; 1- I'm always running late for class. 2- I decided to get up a little later than I usually do. 3- I slept an extra twenty minutes past my new, later, time. 4- I wanted to run before I left for class and didn't leave myself as much time as I thought I needed. 5- As it turns out, I actually needed more time than I thought I needed because apparently I simply cannot physically run as fast that early in the morning. Anyway, I was already behind by about ten minutes but I thought, quite incorrectly, that I might be able to make up a couple of minutes on the drive. Instead, on my way to class I encountered; 1- a huge tanker truck, just sitting in an intersection for no apparent reason, 2- a wreck which somehow seemed to have involved five separate vehicles, and 3- an SUV which insisted upon driving between five and ten mile per hour below the speed limit, no matter what the speed limit was. Ultimately, this resulted in my being fifteen minutes late for the class taught by the professor who promised to fail us if we were late enough times. Awesome.