Just What I Was Hoping For

For the past several weeks, I have been desperately searching for a new pair of Mitchell

Gloves (which is what I call those fingerless gloves). I had several pairs of the knitted ones, but they are all starting to wear out and I kind of wanted some that were vinyl or something, so that it wouldn't look quite as weird if I continued to wear them once the weather clears up. Anyway, once again, I ran into the problem of all the ones I like being leather, and/or super expensive, and/or from overseas. I finally found some that I liked in L.A. (still a little farther than I would like, but I was willing to deal with it) for, get this, $4.99! and free shipping! I was so happy that I bought two pairs, so I would have an extra. Well, they arrived a couple of days ago and I couldn't wait to try them on! When I took them out of the envelop, the first thing I noticed was a big WARNING stick which informed me that they contained chemicals which may cause cancer. I found that a bit disconcerting, but I was willing to overlook it. Them I tried them on and realized that, not only would they apparently give me hand cancer, but they made me look like I already had it. They were sown crooked so they had (obviously unintentional) holes everywhere, they were completely square, and they were several sizes too big (despite being "one size fits all"). Basically, they made it look like I had giant robot hands that had torn through my gloves in random places. Yeah, yeah, I know "you get what you pay for" fuck you.

Mitchell^.....................Gloves^                 

One Year

Well, it has officially been one year since I started this blog and, as promised, here is my one last secret that I have yet to reveal to all of you. It probably won't seem like much of a secret to most of you, especially considering the multitude of exceptionally personal things I have already discussed here, but it's a pretty big one for me. Here it is; despite the way I act and the immense effort I go to in order to hide it, in a lot of ways, I am a big stereotypical girl and it bugs the shit out of me!

I try to act like I only care about really important things and the only thing that matters to me is trying to make the world a better place.

But sometimes I'm like "I just want somebody to hold my fucking hand!"

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a list of all the ways in which I am just an annoyingly average girl. 

1- Sometimes I just really want someone to tell me I'm pretty. 

2- A part of me still believes in the whole "fairy tale love" bullshit. 

3- I actually do that stupid things that girls do in movies where they dance around their houses when they're home alone. 

I do, at least, wear pants when I do it though. 

4- Good romantic scenes make me really happy and really sad at the same time. 

I couldn't find a picture of the part where he picks her up and spins her around, but holy fuck do I wish someone would be that happy to see me! 

5- I'm constantly comparing myself to other women and taking inventory of our respective good and bad attributes. 

I will never be able to look at her and feel good about myself. 

6- There are certain excessively cheesy love songs that I just can't help but love, no matter how shameful they may be. 

When this song comes on the radio I find myself incapable of turning it off, or of not singing along. 

7- Here's the one that I really REALLY don't want to admit to. Sometimes I actually do cry. Fuck do I hate it! And I never do it when anyone else is around to see, but it does happen. Usually, it's not even for any particular reason either. It's just sort of a "life in general sort of sucks" thing. 

8- I actually think it would be a lot of fun to go dancing, like in a club (gasp!). I would probably give it a try were it not for the fact that I am fairly certain I would just make an ass of myself. 

9- I totally understand every part of this post 

Every part. 

10- Part of me has always wanted, and probably will always want, to be a famous actress/singer/something. 

11- Sometimes I find myself looking at these stupid things and thinking "You know, that probably would be pretty nice." 

I chose this particular one because I think the second picture makes it infinitely funnier. 

12- I have quite a fondness for sexy underwear. 

I especially like this place because their stuff is sexy, badass, and affordable. 

13- As much as I try not to, I get extremely bothered by negative comments, especially ones concerning my appearance. 

I also have a tendency not to forget these comments for, well, ever. 

14- Whenever I happen to be near a mirror, I find that I can't help but check to make sure there's nothing for anyone to say anything negative about. Like obsessively. Usually I find lots of things. 

Too many things. 

15- I really wish I would get hit on sometimes. I mean by someone who isn't three times my age. 

Could somebody look at me like that^ please. 

So there you go, guys. My deepest, darkest secret is that I am, in fact, a girl. 

Procrastination, Never a Good Idea

Do you ever put off the most mundane shit for so long that it becomes this incredibly daunting task, that you can't imagine yourself ever completing? Because I sure as hell do. I haven't checked my email in a couple of weeks, which I knew was a big mistake, and yesterday I tried to check it and found 827 unread emails in my inbox. I ask you, how the fuck am I ever supposed to sort through that many emails? Also, our kitchen has been entirely overrun by glass jars. They have the residue from various types of nut butters in them, and they have accumulated so much over the last few (weeks?, months? I don't ever remember anymore) that the idea of washing them all just seems unreasonable.

Eventually, I suppose I will get to this point. 

I'm Tired of Boy Hair

I ordered some black hair dye the other day. The more I think about it, the more I think I really do want to try growing my hair out and dying it dark. After all, some of my favorite badass girls have long, dark, somewhat unruly hair. For example, Zoe (from Firefly), Meg (from Supernatural), and Daisy (from Being Human). I think someday I might actually be able to achieve Daisy hair. Unfortunately, before that I will have to deal with the charming triangular afro phase that my hair goes through when it's growing out.

The Most Useless Premonition Ever

I get Deja Vu all the time, I would say at least once a week or so. Every time I do, instead of feeling like "I think I've done this before." I usually feel like "I think I dreamed about this." This is weird for two reasons 1- I almost never remember my dreams, so thinking that I remember dreaming about anything is kind of dumb. 2- It pretty much always happens when I'm doing something ridiculously mundane. So my next thought after "I think I dreamed about this." is usually "Wow, that must have been a really boring dream." Also, I'm usually doing things that I do all the time so, even if I did dream about it, I may very well have just been dreaming about the last time I did whatever it was. Anyway, something slightly different, but no more helpful, happened this morning. I was brushing my teeth and I got that "I dreamed about this" feeling. Then I thought "Wow, I dreamed about brushing my teeth! Fascinating!" Then, I remembered the rest of the dream though; I was brushing my teeth and my mouth started bleeding profusely. About thirty seconds after I remembered the rest of the dream, I accidentally jabbed myself in the gums with my toothbrush. This is not unusual, I do this all the time. What was a bit unusual was the rather remarkable amount of blood. I tried to spit out some toothpaste and spit out a whole mouthful of blood instead. My dream still exaggerated a bit, but not that much. Of course, the most logical explanation here is that I was so distracted by the thought of my creepy dream that I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, not that I get premonitions of absurdly boring events, but that wouldn't make a very good topic for a post.

It looked kind of like this. 

Sort of an Androgynous Gunslinging Space Vampire?

A lot of people take style cues from magazines, fashion designers or their favorite celebrities; I get mine from my favorite sci fi/ fantasy characters. Right now I'm going for sort of a Zoe meets Mitchell look (with a few vegan/animal rights accessories of course).

This could have something to do with why I'm single.