And So It Begins

The ladybugs are back.

Epilator! (Video)

Fuck you, Epilator! 

Fight Club (Video)

I need a new outlet! 

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A?

My dad and I have been watching Hemlock Grove, on DVD because we can't get Netflix at his house. I thought that it was pretty safe to watch season one because season two had already been released on blu-ray (for $60.00, for ten episodes!) so surely the DVDs would be out anytime. So, ever since we started season one, I've been checking Amazon every couple of days for season two DVDs. Well, we finished season one a couple of days ago and there was still no sign of them.

I've already watched both seasons twice, but I'm still dying to watch it again, and my dad really likes it and wants to know what happens next. So we have both been pretty annoyed by the lack of season two DVDs. A while back we managed to find "Hemlock Grove Season 2 (Region 2) DVDs", but I was kind of iffy about that, because I wasn't really sure what the difference was. I mean, I knew that meant they were originally released in another country, but I didn't know if they would be different somehow. So I kept waiting.....and waiting......and finally, yesterday, I just said "fuck it!" and ordered them.

Then today, I happened across another set of DVDs from region two. These had a disclaimer which said "Region two; Won't play in most American or Canadian DVD players." SHIT! I assumed, if there was a difference it would be within the show itself (like it would be edited differently or something) I never considered the possibility that the disks wouldn't even work. And here's the really annoying part, it's not even a difference in the players, it's just in the way they are programmed. So, at some point, some asshole was like "Hey, we can't have these people selling DVDs from one country to another, let's program some weird protocol into the players that won't let them play foreign shows." Fuck that guy!

Fortunately (maybe) there are supposedly cheat codes you can use to make your player "region free." I guess we'll just have to wait until the disks get here, and give it a shot.

Oh we're ready. We are so ready. 

Adjustments

It's so weird to me how quickly we get used to certain things; you deal with something for a little while and then all of a sudden it's the norm and you don't even notice anymore. (Of course, this only works for some things. There are always the things that you never do get used to, but I talk about that enough.)

The last couple of days the weather has been significantly cooler here. Not cold, by any means, just cooler. And I have been freezing my ass off! Today it is in the seventies outside and I'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt. I hate long-sleeved shirts, I never wear them unless I absolutely have to. Last night I think it got down into the upper forties. All through last winter, I slept with my window cracked at least a little almost every night. Last night I woke up and closed the window all the way and added a second blanket to my bed, even though I have been sleeping with just a sheet for the last couple of months.

It just always amazes me how differently our bodies (and our minds) interpret things based on what has been happening recently. I know damn well that a couple of months ago this weather would have felt amazing, but since it has been upward of ninety degrees lately, I feel like I'm going to freeze to death. It's not even like I got used to being comfortable and am now uncomfortable, the heat hasn't been particularly pleasant either, it's just that something different is happening and now my body is convinced that it is now winter.

Well...if I had a tail, it would be.

You're Kidding Right? Right?...........RIGHT?

You know my electronic curse? That thing that causes every electronic device I ever own to break in weird, inconvenient, and irreparable ways? Well, it appears that it is not confined to electronic devices but electricity in general. You know how I said that my dad and I got electricity run to the pump house last week, and that all we had to do was hook up the panel box and I would have water at the pig barn? Well, it turns out that there is a short somewhere in the (I believe 80ft long) cable that we ran along the ceiling of my dad's shop and then under the ground outside, and there is no way for us to know where it is unless we dig the whole thing up and probably strip the coating off of it to find where the problem is. So yeah, I'd say we're back to square one with the electricity, but we're actually way farther back than that. What the fuck, Powers? Seriously, what the fuck?

Busy Busy Busy

Sorry there was no post yesterday, it was kind of a crazy day.

First, my dad and I took a trailer full of stuff from the camper to the dump (always fun).

Actually, that wasn't first. While we were trying to finish loading the trailer, I kept hearing a kitten crying. I know I've bitched about the excessive number of cats at my dad's house before, so yeah, we pretty much always have kittens around. But this one sounded like it was coming form the pig field, needless to say that is a terrible place for a kitten to be. So I walked through the pig field trying to figure out where he was. Naturally, Tuni assumed that the only reason I could possibly be in her field was that I wanted to wrestle with her, so she kept grunting at me and trying to push me over. I finally got to the opposite end of the field and realized that the kitten was not, in fact, in the pig field, but in the tiny area between the pig field and the yard where my dad's dogs are. So I had to climb over the fence, crawl under a bunch of shrubbery to get to him, then climb back through the shrubbery while trying to hold onto him. Also, I'm fairly certain this particular kitten was on the porch the previous day, which means he had to go through the dogs' yard to get to where he was, not a good idea!

Anyway, after that we went to the dump.

Then we went to Lowe's to buy (hopefully) most of the rest of the supplies we will need to finish the camper.

Then, as soon as we got back, I turned around and went back to Clarksburg with my sister, to get groceries.

Then we got stuck in a ridiculous thunder storm.

Then it was 10:00 and I really just didn't give enough of a shit to write a blog post. Anyway, I think I will write my animal rightsy post tomorrow.  

P.S. We're doing my Typhoid Mary shoot tonight!

P.P.S. I chose this picture of Mary because I'm pretty sure this is what I looked like climbing through the brush trying to get to that kitten. 

Whitney's Haven for Unpleasant Creatures

I feel like someone, somewhere, put out an ad or something telling every creature no one likes to come live at my place. Perhaps something like "Do humans hate you? Are you scorned and threatened everywhere you go? Are you extremely annoying? vaguely creepy? messy? destructive? just plain inconvenient? Then we have the place for you!" In fact, there may even be some sort of underground railroad type situation going on to bring every unwanted or looked-down-upon creature on the planet to my dad's house, my pig barn, or my dad's shop (where I store my pig food, hay, etc.). I wouldn't even mind having them around, if they would just not be assholes about it. Sure, come live here. I don't give a shit, and I promise not to kill you. Just don't make my life difficult. But no! They move in, make themselves at home, and then decide to see how far they can go.

We are particularly overrun with mice and bugs (especially spiders. Holy shit! So many spiders!). Personally, I think mice are adorable; I don't mind having them around, but when they start shitting all over my house or.... OR giving birth in my pig food bags! (yes that actually happened) they become much less adorable. I also don't really have a problem with spiders, unless they build their webs across every doorway and also across every path I take between the house and the pig barn, right about eye-level so that I end up with webs stuck to my face! in the dark! so that I can never really know for sure whether or not there is a spider on my face!

I'm pretty sure they got the idea for the ad from Doyle.

P.S. All of our domesticated animals are obnoxious as hell too, just so you know. 

 

Demolition

I think I told you guys that my dad and I have been working on the camper every weekend. This week, we started working on the pump, but it turned out that we didn't have all the stuff we needed, so we ended up working a little on the interior instead.

We tore out that weird table/bed thing that was in the "kitchen" and some of the stuff in the bedroom. Then, today, I finished taking out the rest of what was in the bedroom. I definitely have a hell of a lot more room than I did. Unfortunately it also turns out that there was a lot more damage in the bedroom than we realized. Along with the rotten floor, it turns out that a good portion of the walls and ceiling are rotten as well. Awesome.

Also, why is it that whenever I do demolition, I end up destroying myself as much as the thing I was trying to demolish?

Come Gather Round, Friends, and I'll Tell You a Tale

I want to tell you guys a little story about an interaction that I had a few nights ago.

It was around 10:00, and I was walking down the hill to the pig barn, water buckets in hand. I noticed headlights far in the distance and thought "If I hurry, I can get to the barn before they get here." because when a car passes, I have to crowd over into the weeds on the side of the road to avoid being hit. Unfortunately, it was pitch black out and the road next to the barn contains several of the worst pot-holes I have ever seen in my life. This meant that rushing could easily result in twisted ankles and/or spilled water buckets.

So I just kept walking at a careful pace and moved into the weeds when the vehicle got close. It turned out to be a large pickup truck being driven by a guy with a buzz-cut. Instead of just moving on by (you know, so I could climb back out of the waste-high weeds and get on with my life?) He stopped in the middle of the road, right beside me. I will now recount for you the conversation that followed.

Guy- Hey! You feedin' them hogs?
Me- (Well, I am carrying water buckets to the barn so.....) Yeah.
Guy- Them are some pretty big hogs.
Me- Yeah.....they're pretty big.
Guy- So you gonna butcher 'em or what?
Me- (GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!) No.......they're just.......they're rescues.
Guy- Rescues.......?!
Me- Yeah.
Guy- You from around here?

At this point, I assumed he was making a joke. Like, "You obviously can't be from here because no one around here would ever have rescue pigs" (hurhur).

Me- Yeah, I do.
Guy- I've lived here my whole life, and I never seen you before.

At this point, I realize that he was not, in fact, making a joke. He was actually asking me if I was from here.

Me- (Seriously!? No, I just travel around the country, feeding other people's pigs at 10:00 at night. What the fuck?) I live right up there.
Guy- Oh yeah?.......Hey, what is the name of the people who live up there?
Me- Metz.
Guy- Right. So what's your name?
Me- Whitney Metz.
Guy- Well, you look like you're kind of struggling with those buckets, hahah.
Me- (Grrrr. Snarl, poorly disguised as a smile) No, I got it.

I immediately realized this was a mistake, because I'm sure it sounded to him like I was encouraging him to continue talking. When what I was actually trying to do was assure him that I was not some weakling who was incapable of carrying a couple of buckets.

Guy- Hey, do you know........

He then proceeds to list names of my relatives as I confirm that I do, in fact, know them.

Guy- Hey, be careful down there. There's a big bees nest on the barn.
Me- (Yeah, I'm down there every fucking day, and the thing is about two feet long. I kind of noticed it. Also, they're yellow jackets, not bees.) Yeah, I know. It's been there for a while.
Guy- Yeah.....? (Look of utter confusion)

Apparently, allowing a bees nest to continue to exist on the side of my barn for an extended period of time was what it took for the guy to finally decide that I was too crazy to talk to anymore.

Anyway, this was one of the most awkward conversations I have ever had. And, for me, that's saying something.

The title is a reference to this ^ song.

   

Perhaps I Should Fear After All

You know how I have been putting carolina reapers in my food lately? And that they weren't as hot as I expceted? Well, I think I may have been mistaken. I ate them in my food everday for several weeks, and really liked the flavor. Then, a few days ago, I noticed that I had this big wound on the inside of my mouth. It was like I had bitten my lip three or four times right next to each other. I kept wondering how I had done it; I thought maybe I had been chewing on my lips in my sleep or something. Then I noticed that it burned like hell when I ate the teff with the reapers in it, and thought "Hmmmm....I wonder....." So I did a little experiment. I tried chewing the teff exclusively on the other side of my mouth (because, apparently, I chew much more on the right than on the left?) and by the next day, it was kind sore and raw on that side. Then I started thinking that, if they were doing that to the inside of my mouth, what the fuck were they doing to the rest of my body? Scalding me from the inside out? Liquefying my organs? Who knows. So yeah.....no more reapers for a while (alas!). It's been, I think, five days and my mouth is almost entirely back to normal. So that's good I guess.

If I had sontinued eating then, I think there is a chance that I would have ended up like one of the vampires from True Blood. 

The Most Supernatural Thing

There is this running joke in the Supernatural fandom that the most supernatural thing on the show is the fact that Sam gets wifi wherever he goes. Personally, I think it's actually how easily they dig up graves. Then again, cemetery dirt probably isn't as full of rocks and roots as my yard is, but still.

In case you hadn't guessed what I was getting at here, I worked on my ditch again today. I dug for about an hour, until I was utterly drenched in sweat (since it was upwards of 90 degrees today), and then said "fuck it!" I think I'm about halfway done. The rest of it may go a little quicker because I think I'm almost out of the really rooty/rocky part.....almost. Then there is still the other ditch to dig. Awesome. Anyway, digging is bullshit and Sam and Dean make it look way too fucking easy.

I wanted the image of these two guys digging up a grave and talking about how Supernatural makes it seem so easy, but apparently it doesn't exist. So this one will have to do.

Riveting Update

I just thought I would let you guys know that I got all of my blueberries dried. It didn't work quite as well as I had hoped, but I suppose they aren't too bad. The first batch came out more like freeze-dried than dehydrated. I wanted them to be like raisins, but instead they were more like a combination of gravel and dried leaves. Of course, I ate them anyway, but it was kind of unpleasant. I dripped some water on them, to add some of the moisture back, and that seems to have worked pretty well. Now if they just don't mold or anything I'll be good to go.

This is what I was going for......not so much what I got.

To make up for the really boring post, here is the trailer they just released for Suicide Squad. If you haven't seen it yet, it's ridiculously creepy/disturbing/amazing! 

My Own Place?

I bought a camper today you guys! It really looks like I might really get to have my own place here soon! The thing is all the way in NY but I'm working on hiring someone to haul it for me. Unlike the last time I needed something hauled, I actually got several offers from people willing to move it. So it might just work out.

I'll tell you, it was a fucking ordeal though. I bought it on Ebay, which should have been a pretty straightforward process, right? No, of course not! This is me so, naturally, it had to get absurdly complicated and annoying as shit. You see, the seller set it up so that you could only pay the deposit, not the full price. I have no idea why anyone would do that. I mean, all that could possibly accomplish is making things harder on both of us.

So I wrote to him and asked how I was supposed to pay the rest. He writes back and says that I should pay with cash or check when I picked the camper up. Well, guess what? That's why people buy shit on Ebay, so they don't have to pay with cash! I could have bought one locally if I had the cash to buy one! Also, I'm not actually going to be there to pick the thing up. So I wouldn't be able to give the money to him even if I had it.

So yeah, we wrote back and forth like six times. He made several really helpful suggestions like; get a cash advance from my credit card, mail him a check, or use Western Union. Thanks, but that doesn't really work for me! Finally, I went to Paypal's website and manged to figure out how to transfer the money directly to him. I had to pay an extra fifty dollars just for making the transfer, but it was better than having to discuss the issue with him any further. Then, I wrote to him and asked him if he got the money, and he took forever to write back to me, which really made me wonder if he was just going to scam me out of my money.

He finally did get back to me though, and said that it did go through. So as long as nothing goes wrong with the transport, I should have my camper sometime in the near future. Then I can start the process of making it livable, which shouldn't be too bad actually, especially since my dad has offered to help pay for some of the necessities. I'm not going to be convinced until I have the thing at my house though, because I simply don't trust the Powers That Be not to fuck me over at the last second.

If there's anybody who knows what it's like to be fucked over by the Powers more than I do, it's Deadpool.

Overthinking

Does anyone else find that they are only good at things when they can manage to not think about them? Pretty much everything I try to do, I do better if I can keep myself from actually focusing on what I'm trying to do. I don't know for sure, but I feel like most people concentrate on doing things when they aren't sure if hey can do them or not. Not me. I can do so much more when I don't think about it than when I do. It's like my brain intentionally tries to fuck me over. No matter what I'm doing, thinking about it makes automatically makes it shitty. I mean, even just speaking becomes difficult when I think too much about what I'm trying to say. I can have a half-way decent conversation if I just talk without thinking about it, but when I'm really trying to make a point I end up sounding like a dumb-ass.

The time when it's must obvious though is when trying to develop a new skill. Lately I've been practicing jumping up and swinging on the rafters in the pig barn. Sometimes I can do it right the first time, other times I miss four or five times in a row. The only difference is whether or not I can stop myself from thinking about what I'm trying to do. Of course, the problem is that knowing that I need to not think about it makes it damn near impossible to not think about it. It's super fucking annoying. I don't know why my brain does this to me!

Don't Worry, I'll Get There

You guys remember when I was talking about how I bought a sand bag to use as a weight? Well, I've been wanting to get a heavier one forever, but couldn't find any. I guess most people don't like the idea of picking up a hundred pounds of sand, go figure. Anyway, I finally decided to just "make" a heavier one. So I bought two fifty pound bags and poured them into a pig food bag then taped the shit out of it with duct tape. It was a pretty lengthy and annoying process, but I was really excited about trying it out. I used it for my sit-ups today, and that worked out pretty well. However, when I tried to use it for squats, I realized that I just physically couldn't get it into the necessary position. I was able to pick it up, but I could not hoist it up over my head to get it on my shoulders. It was rather disappointing. I was looking forward to being able to do less squats; I've been doing sixty of them with the fifty pound bag. Instead I still had to do sixty, but I had to do them after I had fucked around with the new bag for like ten minutes, trying to figure out how to get it to work. I guess I'm just going to have to practice picking the damn thing up until I get strong enough to lift it over my head.

HALP!

Okay, so I didn't tell you guys about this because I didn't want to get ahead of myself and start going on and on about yet another thing that will never actually happen. The problem is, I really need this one to happen or I'm honestly going to fucking snap. I simply cannot continue to live in my dad's house. I've spent my entire life living with other people, and I just need my own fucking space! Like now!

So my mom and I have been looking for a trailer that I can put near my dad's house (because none of my other ideas about getting my own place are anywhere near feasible right now). I actually found one that, while kind of grungy and generally shitty, has everything I need to make it into what I want.

It has a "cathedral ceiling" (which sounds rather absurd in reference to a trailer, but whatever) which is perfect for me, so I can do all of my crazy workouts without crashing into the ceiling, and I could actually set up my stripper pole. It also come with a refrigerator, and a washer and dryer. And it's free!

Here's the problem though, we can't find anyone to haul the fucking thing for me. It's on a hill, at the top of a kind of pot-holey, gravelly, driveway and apparently that's more of a pain in the ass than professional trailer movers are willing to deal with. I mean I would totally understand if they wanted to charge us more for dealing with this, I'm totally fine with that, but we can't find anyone to do it at all.

So, if anyone out there knows of anyone who can, and has the necessary equipment to, move and set up a trailer and would be willing to help me out with this I would greatly appreciate it! Seriously, the fate of my sanity rests on your shoulders!

 

How About if Everybody Just Calms the Fuck Down?

My dad is out of town for a couple of days, so I actually have the house to myself for the first time in I don't even know how long. This would be kind of nice, were it not for the fact that all of the animals like him better than me and are therefore throwing a collective fit! Every one of them is completely spazzing out and being a general pain in my ass. So instead of having some nice time to myself, I have every animal in the house following me around and looking at me like "Why did it have to him who disappeared and not you?!" Also, barking, lots and lots of barking.

Basically they're acting like this. 

I Don't Get It

Did I ever tell you guys about how Impala likes to have sex with my clothes sometimes? Well he does. He also like to carry my clothes around the house for no apparent reason. Last night, my dad and I were sitting in the living room watching Angel and Impala just comes wandering into the room carrying one of my shirts in his mouth. This was the shirt I had slept in the previous night and I had left it lying on the floor in my room, upstairs. Yes, he carried my shirt down the stairs and into the living room. He then proceeded to drag it aimlessly around the room before wandering off again. At the time, I thought "I'll probably never see that shirt again." because he has been known to take my clothes and hide them under random pieces of furniture, I guess so I won't take them back? Later, when I went upstairs to go to bed, there was the shirt just lying at the top of the stairs. So, just to recap, he took my shirt from my bedroom floor, dragged it down the stairs, brought it into the living room, wandered around with it for a moment, then dragged it back up the stairs and put it back a few feet from where it was to begin with. Why? I just........why?

Be a Rabbit

I actually started thinking about this after the new Supernatural episode on Tuesday during which Dean, once again, mentioned his aversion to "rabbit food". I think this is something that most vegetarians or vegans have heard at one point or another. I've certainly heard it enough. Omnivores like to refer to plat-based foods as rabbit food in this condescending way, that implies that it is somehow not sufficient for humans. Like "Oh, I could never eat that rabbit food." Or, better yet, imply that we are somehow less capable than them because we do eat it. Like "How can you survive on that rabbit food?" Well, here's the thing that I don't think they realize; rabbits are actually pretty fucking badass when you think about it. Rabbits are;

1- Fast- They can run up to 35 MPH and frequently outrun the carnivores who are trying to eat them.
2- Strong- They can jump more than 36 inches.
3- Sexy- People don't talking about "breeding like rabbits" for nothing.
4- Determined- Have you ever tried to pick up a rabbit who didn't want to be picked up?
5- Smart, the know how to escape from all the many creatures who are always trying to eat them.
6- Energetic- Unlike most carnivores, who pretty much sleep anytime they are not actively hunting, rabbits almost never stop moving.

So here's my question; why is it that people think it's better to be like the big animal with the sharp teeth and claws, who is always killing smaller animals, than to be like the little animal who, despite his small size and lack of sharp claws and teeth, stands up to the big animal on a daily basis? Furthermore, why is it considered a bad thing for us to eat the diet that allows this amazing little creature to do these things? The point is this; we should all be so lucky as to be more like rabbits, and the next time someone tells me I'm eating rabbit food I'm going to say "Thank you."

This is my depiction of a, sort of, post-apocalyptic warrior rabbit. Note the double Samurai swords, pierced ears, and veganarchy tattoo.