Thanks for the Ego Boost

Today I was out shopping with my mom and my sister. When they went to checkout, I stopped to look at the movies. As I was reading the back of one of the DVD boxes, I looked up and there was this guy staring at me. Like really staring at me. Of course, being the awkward human being that I am, I just sort of glanced at him and then quickly walked to the register and got in line beside my mom. I looked back a minute later and he was still looking at me. Despite the fact that he was being somewhat overly intense, it was nice. Up to this point, pretty much the only guys who have shown the slightest interest in me have been at least twice my age and highly creepy. This guy was actually around my age and only slightly creepy. Huge step in the right direction, right? Well then, just as we are about to leave, I look back at him one more time and what do I see? Him talking to himself! Not in a quirky sort of way, in a schizophrenic sort of way with agitated pacing and exaggerated hand gestures. So I would just like to thank the Powers that Be (I've decided to start saying that instead of the Universe) for that. You guys are some seriously talented practical jokers. They were like "Hey, see that girl over there who looks like she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Let's make her think that someone is actually attracted to her when really he just has severe psychological problems. That'll be hilarious!" Thanks fuckers.

I think it was these guys. They seem like the type. 

Alright Universe This Is Your Last Chance

So I've decided that I'm going to go ahead and see this police thing through. I called them back today and I'm going to get fingerprinted on the 14th. I thought about it, and I still feel like it's my best shot at actually feeling like I'm doing something worthwhile with my life. I'm sure, if I actually manage to get the job, there will be things I won't like but I think it might be the closest I will ever get to doing what I want to do.

Plus as stupid as this is, I can't help but feel like there has to be some reason why things keep happening the way they do. Most of the time it really just seems like something out there is trying to drive me insane, but I keep trying to believe that eventually it might work out for the best. I really had given up on this job. Then I was just about to apply for another one, or several. If I had actually accepted another job before I heard from the police department I wouldn't have wanted to turn it down. So who knows, maybe I heard from them now because the universe knew that it was almost too late.

I'm telling you what though, if nothing good comes out of this I'm not paying attention to anymore "signs" from the universe ever again. I'm just going to assume that something out there is just fucking with me for the fun of it. I mean it universe! This is it!

Uncle! Okay? Uncle!

Somehow I have managed to have even worse luck the last few days than I normally do. Two nights ago, Petunia pulled the fence away from the barn far enough that she could climb over it if she wanted to. I spent around half an hour trying to fix it, and finally got it to the point where it looked like it would hold. Then the next morning, when I was already running VERY late for class, as soon as I go near the barn she jumps up on the fence and rips it right back down. Then, as I'm trying to push her off of the once again broken fence, she flings her head and throws a huge chunk of mud in my eye, not near my eye, in my eye!

Then last night, as I'm on my way back form my mom's house, I get pulled over for the first time in years. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, because he didn't give me a ticket. What he did do was ask me if I had any bombs in the car. That's right, bombs! Who asks that? Has anyone ever been asked that when they got pulled over? He also asked me if I had any drugs, twice. What the fuck?

Worst yet, this morning the power went out, which for most people would mean having to get dressed in the dark, but for me means no lights and no water. No water means no washing my hands which, for me, means basically no functioning at all. As bad as this would be on a normal day, today was the worst possible day for it to happen because I had to be at class at 8:00 for a test. That's why this post is so late, by the way.

All I can say is I hope the universe is done with it's little game, because otherwise I am going to lose my damn mind. Also, the fucking power better come back on, or I am going to have to stay with my mom and my sister in their already exceptionally crowded apartment.

Hey, People Have Been Believing Random Shit They Read in Books for Thousands of Years

How do we ever know if we are on the right paths in our lives? Every time I make a decision about what direction I'm going to go, something shifts and changes everything. Sometimes it's just my own perception that changes, but many times it's not. I've never thought the idea of fate made much sense, but I swear it seems like something out there is either trying to push me in a direction that I can't seem to find or it's just trying to screw me over, one or the other. There is this one concept that I've always loved. It's actually from The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I know that sounds stupid, but it's a cool idea, so bear with me. It's called Ka and it's sort of a combination of fate and free will. Basically the idea is, if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, things will just line up for you. I keep thinking that someday I'll find the right path and things will actually start to work out for me, for the first time in my life. So far it just looks like the universe hates me.