Good News

On Saturday, my sister and I went to the Pittsburgh Vegan Festival. It was pretty cool, there were tons of people there (although it's hard to say how many of them were actually vegan, that's still encouraging), and a lot of really great local(ish) vegan vendors! Apparently they're doing another one in the fall, and I think this time I'll try to actually get there early enough to hear some of the speakers and everything. Anyway, there was someone there doing tarot readings, and I just couldn't help myself. 

I know a lot of people think this kind of stuff is complete crap, and maybe it is, but here's how I look at it. When it comes to anything that's outside of or beyond our physical world, I believe that anything is possible but nothing is for sure. Because I wanted to get the most accurate impression of her abilities (or lack thereof) I tried my best not to react to anything she said. I know that is one way that fake psychics con people; they say something vague and then, when you agree, they get more specific. My sister pointed out afterward that this woman actually started out specific, and very accurate, and then sort of backpedaled when I didn't say anything. I mean, it still wasn't anything remarkable but, that said, I thought it was a pretty good reading, and my sister agreed.

The reader started off by telling me that I was very stable, but that my life had potential for much better things. At this point I was kind of like "riiiiight, totally" but as she went on it got more accurate. I have to assume that the stable part was about my behavior, and not my actual mental state. I really am quite good at pretending to have my shit together and behaving as if I do. Even when I'm completely losing it, I still manage to get shit done. Someone I worked with years ago once told me I was "very zen", at the time I just did my best not to laugh. 

Anyway, she then went on to say that I've been wanting to make changes in my life; changing jobs, moving, changes in relationships, etc. She said that I had reached a plateau and that things were going to change dramatically, specifically that "I wouldn't be surprised if I saw you two years from now and your life was completely different". 

She then said that I'd had a lot of struggles in my life and that they had been strengthening my soul for something better. This was one of the times when she sort of tried to back up, when I didn't react. I didn't acknowledge the fact that I was struggling and she looked sort of flustered and said "Or the goods things in your life. It's all been to change you for the better." 

She smiled at me and said that I always do everything in my life with love and compassion and that was why better things were going to come to me. Again I didn't react. I wasn't going to tell her that all I want in my life is to make the world a better place, or that I desperately need to give my life meaning. She kind of shrugged and said "Maybe just with your vegan lifestyle." 

When she turned over the last card, which represents the overall outcome, she got this big smile on her face and said "Oooh, I love it when it's a good card!" It was The Universe (she wasn't using a standard tarot deck, by the way) and she said that this also meant changes for the better. She looked sort of sympathetic though and said "This one means that it will take a while." and explained that changes this big never happen quickly. She finished by saying "Someday, you will have the world the way you want it."  

Honestly, I thought that the way she phrased that last statement was the most impressive part of the reading. I feel like most people would probably want to hear that their own lives would be the way they want them, but she didn't say "life" she said "world." It made it seem as if she knew that I would never be satisfied with just having a good life for myself, as long as the world in general is still so shitty. 

I guess I just thought it was interesting that the whole reading focused entirely on the three things that seem to be the themes of my life; a constant struggle to change things, a commitment to trying to do the right thing, and a desperate need to have a positive impact on the world. I know this still could have applied to lots of different people, especially at a vegan festival, and also that it's a little too good to be true. But hey at least it gives me something to keep me going for a while. After all, that's why people go to psychics anyway, right? 

Plus, I went to a psychic once before, years ago, and she was blatantly full of shit.

It Looks Like the Powers Have a Sense of Humor

So, yesterday, I broke out the old Tarot cards for the first time in over a year. I decided to be really serious about it this time (don't you laugh at me), so I went outside and sat under my favorite tree and really focused on being open to any suggestions the Divine Powers might have for me. By the way, I have taken to referring to them as the "Divine Powers" when I'm being sincere and the "Powers that Be" when I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, I ended up with a layout that, while still not especially helpful, did seem somehow intentional and more than a little snooty.

The first position in the layout is called "what covers you" and it is supposedly the issue you're facing. My card was the king of wands. I started reading about him and realized that he was basically....well....me. Last time I tried to do my cards, I was trying to choose a card to represent me, which is something you are supposed to do before you start your reading. I finally just gave up on that because none of the queens really seemed that much like me. So the Divine Powers were like "You see, here's your problem. You're basically a guy." The next position is "what crosses you" which is either an obstacle or a benefit, depending on the context. My card was the ace of pentacles, which is all about money. I think that one is pretty self-explanatory. The next card "crowns you" and is all about the way you think about your situation. My card was the king of swords and his whole deal is about making people follow the rules. So, to me, this refers to my distaste for rules and my desire to live outside of conventional society. The next card is "at your feet" and indicates everything I have done that has led me to my current situation. It was the queen of swords who is all about following the rules. I interpreted this as meaning that I have been letting other people influence me and my decisions for too long. Next is the "near future". I got the knight of swords. He is this charismatic, dare-devil type. The way I saw it, this could either be someone who will come into my life, or someone I could become. Either way, I'll take it. Then came the "near past" which was the page of swords. This one talked about a kid with a dysfunctional family life who never felt that he/she had a real home. Seemed fairly accurate. Next is the "most important aspect". I got the ten of swords which is about pain and despair. I found that one pretty self-explanatory as well. Her comes the kind of funny part. The next position is called the "world to you". Guess which card I got? The world. I kind of feel like someone was getting sick of giving me insight and was just like "You want me to tell you what the world to you is? Really? It's the fucking world!" After that was "hope and fear". My card was the hermit, which was also funny because it was actually both my hope and my fear depending on whether I looked at it literally or symbolically. Literally, yeah I'm pretty fucking terrified that I will end up being a hermit for the rest of my life. But when you read the description of the card it actually represents the light at the end of the tunnel. The last card is the "out-come" and is supposed to be the answer to the question at hand. Mine was the ace of wands, which talks of new beginnings, fresh starts, and positive changes. I'll fucking take it!

By the way, yes I do realize that I obviously didn't shuffle well enough. Hence the king, queen, knight, page and ten of swords all in a row. That doesn't make them any less accurate though. So there.

These are my cards. Aren't they pretty? 

I Have a Wand Now. Wands Are Cool.

So this is going to sound really stupid to anyone who isn't me, and I kind of feel like an ass ever writing it but whatever, I feel like an ass most of them time anyway.

I have been slowly gathering the various tools, symbols, and artifacts associated with Wicca. One of the things I wanted to get was a wand. I had been thinking about buying one, but then David Salisbury's book said that you should create your own. He said to use a fallen branch rather than breaking or cutting one from a tree, and that the wand should be about the length from your elbow to the tip of your middle finger. I knew immediately which tree I wanted to get my wand from. 

There is this one tree that I have loved ever since I was a kid. I used to climb it all the time and, (here comes the really stupid sounding part) I always felt like we had an emotional connection. Anyway, I had been thinking about it for a couple of days and just didn't bother to go look for one. Then, the other day, I just suddenly got all inspired and thought "I'm going to go get a wand from my tree!" This happened to be on a day when it was pouring the fucking rain, but I didn't care; I was going to get a wand! So I'm trudging through the rain, trying to get to my tree and I'm looking at my feet the whole time to make sure I don't trip over anything hidden in the waste high weeds. Then, all of a sudden, I look up and there is this fallen branch tangled in another branch and hanging directly in front of my face. It was exactly the circumference that I was wanting and was almost perfectly straight but with all these cool little knots on it. There was one knot that, when I held it up to my arm, was just at the end of my middle finger. I thought to myself "if it breaks right there, I'll know this is supposed to be my wand, and guess what? It did. The really cool thing is that David Salisbury also mentioned that wands are never supposed to touch the ground. So the fact that this branch had fallen without touching the ground is pretty fucking amazing, I mean if you're a big nerd like me that is. Anyway, the point is I now have a really cool wand that was a gift from my favorite tree.

Nerdiest post ever? Oh, I think so. 

The Power of Words

I haven't said much about it for a while, but I've still been reading up on Wicca. The more I find out about it, the more I like it. I like the polytheistic aspect of it. I love the emphasis on a connection to nature and the idea that we are able to interact with the planet's energies in a meaningful way. I think the thing that I like the most though, is the focus on the power of words. The whole idea behind a spell is that the right combination of words can actually create an energy force that can cause a desired outcome. When you think about it, isn't that the point of writing? To find the specific combination of words that  has the greatest effect? I just started reading The Deep Heart of Witchcraft (my third book on the subject) by David Salisbury, who happens to be a gay, vegan witch (YES!). When I found him it sort of dispelled any reservation I had about Wicca after reading The Witches' Way. The authors of The Witches' Way put a LOT of emphasis on the importance of the male/female polarity and the whole thing seemed rather discriminatory to me. They also talked about non-humans as having a lower form of soul with no individual consciousness (bullshit!). Anyway to get back on topic, there is a quote right in the very beginning of David's book which says "When we write something down, we're affirming the thought in our heads to the physical world, bringing it into being. In that sense, every act of writing is an act of magick and should be treated as such." Love it!

Aranyani

So, I'm almost finished with the Witches' Way. When I actually finish it I will talk a bit more about what I did and did not like about it; although, overall, the belief system fits very well with my own beliefs. One thing that I thought was pretty cool was that, while they embrace the idea of many gods and goddesses, there is no particular set that they adhere to. The authors recommend that each person (or coven) choose their own deities from any number of religions based on which ones resonate with them personally. So today I searched online, for a lot longer than I should have, and I think I finally found my patron goddess. According to Wikipedia; "Aranyani is a goddess of the forests and the animals that dwell within them......she is described as being elusive, fond of quiet glades in the jungle and fearless of remote places." Apparently she is a protector of animals and the forests who has little to no interest in interacting with humans. She is perfect!

Here is a hymn about her from the Rig Veda:

Goddess of wild and forest who seemest to vanish from the sight.

How is it that thou seekest not the village? Art thou not afraid?
 What time the grasshopper replies and swells the shrill cicala's voice,
Seeming to sound with tinkling bells, the Lady of the Wood exults.
 And, yonder, cattle seem to graze, what seems a dwelling-place appears:
Or else at eve the Lady of the Forest seems to free the wains.
 Here one is calling to his cow, another there hath felled a tree:
At eve the dweller in the wood fancies that somebody hath screamed.
 The Goddess never slays, unless some murderous enemy approach.
Man eats of savoury fruit and then takes, even as he wills, his rest.
Now have I praised the Forest Queen, sweet-scented, redolent of balm,
The Mother of all sylvan things, who tills not but hath stores of food.

Maybe I'm Not as Crazy as I Thought. Maybe.

Remember a long time ago when I said that I sometimes feel like my dreams are sometimes premonitions of exceedingly mundane things? Well I found someone to corroborate my theory! I have been reading The Witches' Way (I know, I've been reading it forever, but I keep reading novels at the same time and getting wrapped up in them and forgetting about it). Anyway, the authors mention the idea that "dreams may often use precognitive material, not necessarily significant in itself, but as the simple bricks and mortar of the manifest content." Manifest content being the true meaning behind the dream. I know it sounds totally crazy, but you never know it could be true. Even if it's not, at least there are other people in the world who are crazy in the same way I am.

Brief and Intermittent Motivation. Also, Indecision

I actually got motivated for a little while today and made a couple of pairs of earrings. If I manage to get motivated again in the next few days I just might even put them on Etsy, maybe. Anyway, I was hoping for some advice. I made the earrings with these tiny little bottles that my sister found for me. What I'm trying to decide is, should I put things in the bottles or leave them empty? I was considering using either salt or herbs with supposed magical properties. Also, if I do put things in them, should I print up little labels for them? I was thinking, if I use salt, maybe I would make labels that say "a circle of salt to protect you". What do you think? Should I keep it simple or go all out? I know it would be much easier if I posted pictures of the earrings so you would know what I'm talking about, but my camera is shit and I'm lazy.

I found this picture rather adorable. Apparently it's by Luke Chueh. 

Just Thought I'd Share

Lately I've been reading up on Wicca. This actually started because I was going to make those necklaces I mentioned a long while back. Unfortunately, that never actually happened and now I am just reading about it because it's interesting and I have nothing better to do with my time. Anyway, I am currently reading The Witches' Way and there is this one part that I think is really cool and I just thought I would share it with all of you, mostly because I have nothing better to talk about tonight. There is this story about the "descent of the Goddess" and the whole thing is kind of interesting, but it ends with this little paragraph that I just love for some reason. It goes like this....

"For there are three great events in the life of man: Love, Death and the Resurrection in the new body; and magic controls them all. For to fulfill love you must return again at the same time and place as the loved one, and you must remember and love them again. But to be reborn you must die and be ready for a new body; and to die you must be born; and without love you may not be born; and this is all the magics."

I don't know, I just think there's something really beautiful about that. Also, it always bugged the crap out of me when everyone on Buffy always pluralized the word "magic" since I had never heard anyone do that before. Well, apparently it's a real thing. Who knew? besides Wiccans I mean.

Adulthood (Poem)

I am not an adult. I refuse to relinquish my crazy dreams. I'll never abandon my impossible fantasies. I simply cannot concede that my delusions are well.........delusional. I will not accept the inevitability of mediocrity. I believe in the possibility of great and wonderful and terrifying things. More importantly, I believe in my own ability to greet those things with a fierce courage and unstoppable strength. I reserve the right to believe that magic exists and so do superheroes, and that there is still a chance that, someday, I might encounter both. I assert that I am entitled to the occasional temper tantrum, even if I do insist on keeping it at bay until I am alone. I can't help but assign emotions to inanimate objects, though only if the objects seem particularly emotional. I still create stories in my head just like I did when I was a little girl and, though I may no longer act them out physically, much of my life is still spent in those imagined places. The beauty and wonder of those places has led me to view our reality through a film of distaste and defiance, and to ask myself  "Why would anyone want to live here?"

New Possible Career Path.......Prophet

I mentioned a few days ago that I was going to research various, magic-related things to put in my little bottles when I make necklaces out of them. I found several rather promising herbs, one of which was bay leaves. I found a Wicca website that says they can be used for protection, success, strength, healing and purification. It also says that you should write wishes on them and then burn them. My thought is that it would be pretty cool to write wishes on them and then put them in the bottles, maybe then you could get all the benefits at once (or it would just look interesting). The website also says that you can put them under your pillow for "prophetic dreams". I'm thinking I might just give that shit a try tonight. I could certainly use some prophetic dreams. Hell, I would settle for some mildly insightful dreams.

I'm not sure it'll work though. I was never in advanced placement. 

If I Ever Have a Wedding

Lately it seems that weddings have been a major theme among my, very limited, social circle. Plus I spend a great deal of time on Pinterest and it's like half wedding shit all the time. Anyway, this made me start thinking about what sort of stuff I would do if I ever got married. I've decided that I would;

1- Have an entirely vegan wedding (obviously). If anyone expects me to provide meat for them, they obviously don't know me well enough to be coming anyway.
2- Have the ceremony outside, possibly in the woods, possibly at night, possibly both, definitely some place I wouldn't have to pay for.
3- Wear a short dress with tall boots, and hopefully buy it at a thrift store.
4- Tell the guests to wear something weird or absurd instead of the usual formal looking shit.
5- Make all the decorations myself.
6. Wear a charm shaped like the TARDIS (Amy can tell you why)
7- Use either fake flowers or flowers that are still alive, because cut flowers make me feel bad.
8- Have a pandan cake.
9- Possibly do the whole handfasting thing. I had never heard of it before but a facebook friend was talking about doing it at her wedding so I looked it up and it's a very cool concept.
10- Marry someone who would like all of these things. This would be the tough one.

 By the way, I wrote this last night but couldn't post it because fucking Hughesnet is afraid of thunder. 

Magicpunk Maybe?

I've decided I'm going to start making jewelry again. I'm trying something different this time though. I have all these cute little bottles and I really want to do something with them. So I'm thinking some sort of steampunkish stuff. I also think it would be cool to put unique and interesting stuff inside the bottles. I'm considering researching some sort of spell ingredients to put in them (only plant based obviously). Otherwise maybe I'll just fill them with salt, you know for protection against ghosts/demons/whatnot.

Yeah, kind of like that.