Halp!

As you may have noticed (if you live in the same area I do) it was actually halfway warm outside today. Some of the snow even started to melt! It was so nice to actually be able to go outside without immediately feeling my nose hairs freeze that I started thinking about all the things I want to do once the snow completely melts. Here's the problem though, I couldn't actually come up with anything. I seriously need to get a fucking life, like now! I can't spend every second of every day hanging around the house. I just can't! Furthermore, the only social contact I've really had, for the past I don't even know how long, has been my immediate family. Don't get me wrong I do love them and everything, but I swear to fuck, if I don't get some sort of interaction with someone who fucking gets me and doesn't constantly make me feel like shit about myself soon, I'm going to snap! So here's my question for you. Where should I go to interact with other people? Also, how do I interact with other people?

I'm fairly certain this is what I look like every time I try to talk to other humans. 

I......I Don't Understand

I get the weirdest fucking (compliments?) comments sometimes. Total strangers just come up to me and say the strangest god damn things. Today I was in a public bathroom, washing my hands, and some woman comes out of one of the stalls and looks at me. I am going to recap the resulting conversation for you.

Her: "I like your hair."
Me: "Thank you."
Her: "I really do."
Me: "Thank you."
Her: "It looks comfortable."
Me: "............Thank you.....?"

Then she left and I spent the next couple minutes staring into the mirror wondering what exactly makes it look "comfortable", and the next several hours wondering what in the hell that actually means. Can anyone explain this to me? How can a person's hair look comfortable? I Just.........I don't get it.

P.S. One of these days I really am going to get back on a regular posting schedule. 

As You May Have Noticed.......

There was no blog yesterday. Sorry about that. Fucking Hughesnet! It wasn't as bad as it could have been though; it did let me watch Supernatural and S.H.I.E.L.D. I think I mentioned this before, but Hughesnet has this rule where anything you do online between 2am and 7am doesn't count. So I got up at 5 so I would have time to get both in before 7. It was either that or wait until tomorrow and, well, fuck that! Anyway, by the time 7 rolled around I decided that the best thing to do was to go back to sleep for an hour (which, by the way, is NEVER the best thing to do). When I got back up at 8, it was raining and therefore our internet was on strike. By the time the connection was back up, I was running late and didn't have time to write a blog.

They were some great episodes though.

*SPOILERS* Cas had sex! and then got stabbed :(

This Is Why I Can't Have Nice Things

Today when I went on lunch, two of the guys who work in the back were also on lunch. Normally I just sit by myself and read during my lunch, but they were already sitting at the table in the break room, so I sat down with them. Now a normal person would have just had a conversation with them; which probably would have been nice, you know actual human interaction and whatnot. Instead, they asked me a few questions (which I tired to answer like a human would) and then things got uncomfortable. So I just returned to my book, which seemed like it would be less awkward, but it wasn't. Then there was just them sitting there not saying anything and me sitting there kind of reading but mostly just silently cussing myself out for being so very fucking socially incompetent.

Had I not started reading I was afraid I would look like this. 

Trapped

Periodically it suddenly hits me that I am probably never going to get out of my current situation. I keep convincing myself that things are going to get better, that I am going to find a job that I actually like, that I will be able to afford my own place, that I will have a real social life, etc, etc. Then I realize that is never going to happen. Then, just when I think I am just about as disappointed as I can possibly be with my life, things completely go to shit. Today, I was trying very hard to ignore how much I hate my life. Then, immediately after I got out of the shower, I had to scrub a huge pool of cat piss off the floor, twice! Not only am I entirely  trapped in my shitty life, I am trapped in my shitty life and constantly covered in something disgusting and germ infested. Fan-fucking-tastic!

A Time for Celebration

Well, I finally got the results from my written test for the police job today. I got a 90%, which I guess is good. It's at least good enough that I am going to have to jump through the rest of the hoops. I still have no idea whether I'll actually get the job or not, because this is my life we're talking about here and nothing can ever be certain, simply or straightforward.

There is one thing worth celebrating that is certain though. The new Supernatural is tonight! Supposedly this episode is going to have both Cas and Meg. I wonder if he'll show her what he learned from the pizza man :)

Ever Get that Feeling Someone's In the Backseat? Frowny Face

I automatically turn around and look in the backseat almost every time I get in my car. It's not that I'm paranoid or anything; I don't actually believe anyone is back there. It just seems like a very easy, practical way to avoid an extremely cliched horror movie death. I also tend to pay attention to other things that are stereotypically indicative of something bad about to happen in a movie. I'm always wary of things like seeing the same random person in more than one place in the same day, or the same car staying behind me for an extended period of time. These just seem like common sense precautions to me.

While we are on the topic of horror movies, what is the deal with every woman in every horror movie, and a lot of other movies as well, doing that shrieking thing? As I have said on multiple occasions, I am not a normal girl. So maybe it's just that I'm weird, but I don't get that. I just don't think that I would ever scream like that. I mean what good does it do? Personally, I think it makes a lot more sense to save your breath and try to fight the guy off, but maybe that's just me. I don't care if I'm being attacked by some crazed murderer, or a ghost, or a zombie, or whatever, I just don't see myself ever doing that. 

My "People Skills" Are "Rusty"

Some of you may be wondering why it is that I frequently post such overly personal and/or awkward and/or embarrassing information here. Well, I'll tell you why; it's because my people skills suck. I am terrible at dealing with people, I am terrible at talking to people, and I am REALLY terrible at telling people things about myself. I can know someone for years, have a million conversations with them and still never actually tell them anything significant about myself. Even with the people I am closest to, who I assume know most of what there is to know about me, I usually can't actually bring myself to talk about very personal things. So for the longest time, people just didn't know anything about me. I don't think most of them really cared to anyway, but still. I just got tired of keeping everything to myself. I got tired of feeling like I was ashamed of so much of who I am. So I decided to just be completely open about everything. I'm not going to hide things anymore. It's too exhausting and, to be honest, I don't really care that much what people think anymore. The way I see it, if I'm completely honest it will weed out the people who I shouldn't be wasting my time on in the first place and whoever is left, those are the people who I should be focusing on. This all sounds great right? But unfortunately, deciding to become an open book doesn't fix the original problem, which is my inability to talk to people. So I bring all of my confessions here to be seen by anyone who might possibly give a shit, whether they are my family or closest friends or some random-ass person from the other side of the world. This is my way of feeling a connection. So thanks for reading, whoever you are.