Born Under a Bad Sign (Video)

A (hopefully) funny(ish) video about being cursed. Also, yes, the title is a reference to the Supernatural episode, though the song is also fairly relevant.

I Mean, It's a Possibility

I went through and deleted a bunch of shit from my SD card, so hopefully that was the issue with my camera and now I will be able to do videos again. Then again it may just be that the electronic curse has struck again. Speaking of the electronic curse, one of my clients was kind enough to come check out the issue with my electricity for the camper. He's an electrician and he had some kind of meter that is supposedly designed precisely for finding shorts in wires. Shockingly enough, it didn't work. I mean, it might have worked. From one direction it seemed like the signal stopped in one particular spot, but from the other direction it seemed there was nothing wrong with it at all. Of course, best case scenario, I'm still not getting into the camper; I'll just be getting how water in the pump-house. Still, maybe this will be one less thing to inconvenience the shit out of me. Maybe.

Wow, Thanks. I Feel Much Better Now!

Since I don't really know how to go about finding a good psychic, so I decided to just do my own tarot reading and film it for you guys. However, my camera has now started just shutting off for no apparent reason. So yeah, no video today. Anyway, it seemed at least semi-accurate but was not exactly encouraging. The way I do my spreads, the final card is supposed to be the outcome of the current situation. My last card was called "Challenge" #15 of the major arcana. I didn't like the book that came with my tarot cards, so I have been using a generic tarot book. When I looked up #15 in my book, it turns out that it's not normally called challenge (my cards were just trying to be nice), it's really called "The Devil" and it represents "negative thoughts" and being the "prisoner of poor choices". Awesome.  

Wrong Again

As a follow up to yesterday's post-

I really thought that giving up the one thing that I really wanted (my own space), would put a stop to the awful shit that has been happening in my life. I'm not even going to do into it right now, but suffice it to say I was wrong. I was very, very wrong. I honestly don't even know what to do. I know I joke all the time about being cursed, but I'm really starting to believe it. There is definitely something seriously wrong with my life, and it's something that I can't do anything about. You can't change things that you have no control over, and you can't prevent things that you can't see coming. I truly feel like there is some dark thing following me around, doing everything it possibly can to make me miserable.

I know this sounds completely stupid, but I really kind if want to find a psychic (or something), to tell me what the fuck this is. Am I actually cursed, or is there some fucking evil spirit stuck to me, or am I just a shitty human being, or what? Of course I know that most psychics are full of shit, but I do think that there are real ones out there too. Does anyone know how one would go about finding a Destiny Rumancek, or perhaps a Missouri Moseley? I'm really not kidding, I'm willing to try anything, at this point.

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A?

My dad and I have been watching Hemlock Grove, on DVD because we can't get Netflix at his house. I thought that it was pretty safe to watch season one because season two had already been released on blu-ray (for $60.00, for ten episodes!) so surely the DVDs would be out anytime. So, ever since we started season one, I've been checking Amazon every couple of days for season two DVDs. Well, we finished season one a couple of days ago and there was still no sign of them.

I've already watched both seasons twice, but I'm still dying to watch it again, and my dad really likes it and wants to know what happens next. So we have both been pretty annoyed by the lack of season two DVDs. A while back we managed to find "Hemlock Grove Season 2 (Region 2) DVDs", but I was kind of iffy about that, because I wasn't really sure what the difference was. I mean, I knew that meant they were originally released in another country, but I didn't know if they would be different somehow. So I kept waiting.....and waiting......and finally, yesterday, I just said "fuck it!" and ordered them.

Then today, I happened across another set of DVDs from region two. These had a disclaimer which said "Region two; Won't play in most American or Canadian DVD players." SHIT! I assumed, if there was a difference it would be within the show itself (like it would be edited differently or something) I never considered the possibility that the disks wouldn't even work. And here's the really annoying part, it's not even a difference in the players, it's just in the way they are programmed. So, at some point, some asshole was like "Hey, we can't have these people selling DVDs from one country to another, let's program some weird protocol into the players that won't let them play foreign shows." Fuck that guy!

Fortunately (maybe) there are supposedly cheat codes you can use to make your player "region free." I guess we'll just have to wait until the disks get here, and give it a shot.

Oh we're ready. We are so ready. 

You're Kidding Right? Right?...........RIGHT?

You know my electronic curse? That thing that causes every electronic device I ever own to break in weird, inconvenient, and irreparable ways? Well, it appears that it is not confined to electronic devices but electricity in general. You know how I said that my dad and I got electricity run to the pump house last week, and that all we had to do was hook up the panel box and I would have water at the pig barn? Well, it turns out that there is a short somewhere in the (I believe 80ft long) cable that we ran along the ceiling of my dad's shop and then under the ground outside, and there is no way for us to know where it is unless we dig the whole thing up and probably strip the coating off of it to find where the problem is. So yeah, I'd say we're back to square one with the electricity, but we're actually way farther back than that. What the fuck, Powers? Seriously, what the fuck?

Several Fails and a Win

Well, I have really been on a roll this week, let me tell you.

1- I have now missed two posts within one week.
2- I have now put off my animal rightsy post for so many days that it now doesn't really seem worth posting one. I think I'll just wait until this Friday.
3- The guy who sells the hot peppers wasn't at the farmers market, so there will be no reaper video this week.
4- I bought an epilator (if you don't know what that is, because I didn't, it's basically a bunch of tweezers hooked up to a motor that pulls your hair out). That in itself isn't too much of a fail, aside from the fact that I really couldn't afford such a thing, but the fact that so far all it has done is remove about half of the hairs in a given area and give me a horrible looking rash is. I'm going to keep using it for a while anyway though, because I paid too damn much for the thing to give up on it that easily.



Now for the one win.

1- The Typhoid Mary pictures cam out really great!

Whitney's Haven for Unpleasant Creatures

I feel like someone, somewhere, put out an ad or something telling every creature no one likes to come live at my place. Perhaps something like "Do humans hate you? Are you scorned and threatened everywhere you go? Are you extremely annoying? vaguely creepy? messy? destructive? just plain inconvenient? Then we have the place for you!" In fact, there may even be some sort of underground railroad type situation going on to bring every unwanted or looked-down-upon creature on the planet to my dad's house, my pig barn, or my dad's shop (where I store my pig food, hay, etc.). I wouldn't even mind having them around, if they would just not be assholes about it. Sure, come live here. I don't give a shit, and I promise not to kill you. Just don't make my life difficult. But no! They move in, make themselves at home, and then decide to see how far they can go.

We are particularly overrun with mice and bugs (especially spiders. Holy shit! So many spiders!). Personally, I think mice are adorable; I don't mind having them around, but when they start shitting all over my house or.... OR giving birth in my pig food bags! (yes that actually happened) they become much less adorable. I also don't really have a problem with spiders, unless they build their webs across every doorway and also across every path I take between the house and the pig barn, right about eye-level so that I end up with webs stuck to my face! in the dark! so that I can never really know for sure whether or not there is a spider on my face!

I'm pretty sure they got the idea for the ad from Doyle.

P.S. All of our domesticated animals are obnoxious as hell too, just so you know. 

 

Shocking

Well, surprise surprise, I didn't sell anything at the artist fair. My sister gave out some business cards, but that was it. I pretty much sat there and read Deadpool (and then a novel, after I finished the volume of Deadpool I had) for six hours. Then we went home. Super productive.

My dad and I did get a little but of work done of the camper today. We got the water lines into the well, and got the pump put together (for the most part). Next week, we're going to try to get the electrical lines over to the pump house, so we can make sure the pump works. Then we have about 8000 other things that we still need to do. So yeah, it's still going to be a while.

Speaking of shocking, in this issue, Deadpool did his version of The Aristocrats and I found it pretty hilarious (don't judge me!).

Monday Seems Like a Good Day for Random Updates

I just wanted to let you guys know about some things that have been going on.

1- Tomorrow (barring any unforeseen complications) I will be posting Part One of my Pepper Review video. So far, we still only have two parts, but I'm hoping to get ahold of a Carolina Reaper so I can do a third part.

2- That weird orange shit is still on my ankle, and I think it actually looks a little more disgusting today. It seems to have mostly stopped burning, but it has moved on to itching, which is only slightly better. Also, I still have not a single clue what it is or where it came from.

3- On a more pleasant note, I think whatever the fuck was wrong with my rib has finally healed. I am now able to do my entire workout without intense pain. So I guess there's that.

4- You know how I said the other day that my sister was going to take some new pictures for me? Well, I had this idea that I wanted to do one or two pictures dressed as Typhoid Mary (The Marvel character, not the woman who gave people typhoid fever). I just assumed that my sister would think it was stupid, but it turns out she's totally into it and now we are going to do a whole Typhoid Mary  shoot. I'm pretty excited about it. On a related note, does anyone have a katana I can borrow?

Typhoid Mary ^

What Is That!?

My dad and I did some more work on the camper today. It turns out that it's not quite as bad off as we thought. It looks like all of the water in my "exercise room" actually came from the water heater which, when we took it out today, we found had obviously been frozen and busted. We initially thought that the roof had been leaking, which would have meant a lot more work and money, but it seems that is not the case. So yay! 

Unfortunately, I also seem to have been exposed to some sort of flesh eating substance. I was working, and I felt this stinging sensation inside my boot. I assumed it was some sort of bug biting or stinging me, but I was in the middle of something and it wasn't terribly painful, so I just ignored it. It just kept stinging though, so finally I stopped and took my boot off to check it out. I found absolutely nothing. I thought "Well that's weird" put my boot back on and kept working. It just kept fucking stinging though! So I took my boot and my sock off. When I looked at my ankle, I had this weird orange (and I mean orange!) mark, that was still burning even though there was obviously no bug. I have no idea what this shit is, but I now have two orange marks which are still burning even now! What is this? How did I possibly get some sort of corrosive substance inside my boot? And why is it so orange? 

It actually got less orange throughout the day. It was much brighter than this when it first happened.

The Stupidest Thing Ever!

Would you like to hear the stupidest thing ever? Now you guys know how many stupid things happen to me, so you know that when I say this is "the stupidest thing ever" that is really saying something.

Remember how the guy who was supposed to move my camper backed out because the license pate was expired (and also, kind of, because of the bearings)? Well, as it turns out, the license plate is not in fact expired (also, it turns out that the bearings are good too). Apparently, when the guy who sold me the thing asked me what I was going to do about the license plate, he was just wanting to know if I needed him to leave his (still legal) plate on.

So yeah, now that I have already cancelled the deal with the mover, I find out that every single issues that was keeping him from moving the fucking thing is actually not an issues at all! Unfortunately, I now can't find anyone else who is willing to do it for anything remotely resembling a reasonable price. All of the other companies that bid on my shipment originally are now ignoring me, presumably because they don't want to deal with someone who cancels shipments. So, basically, I am now completely fucked for absolutely no reason at all!

Do you guys remember Freaks and Geeks ^ because it was a really good show.

Back to the Start

My entire life is nothing but running in circles. No matter what I do, I always end up right back where I started. I officially cancelled with the guy who was supposed to move my camper today. Then the guy I bought the camper from emailed me and said that he thought maybe the guy who sold him the camper would be able to move it for me. Also, my mom knows someone who said that her son might be able to haul it for me. Naturally, I thought that having two promising leads was a good sign that I might actually get the thing moved. Well, the guy who used to own the camper apparently bought a smaller truck and can't haul something this big anymore, and the son of the woman my mom knows wants to change me three dollars per mile. By the way, the camper is 585 miles away. So yeah, that's not going to work for me! So now it looks like I'm back to dealing with random strangers on uShip, except that this time no one has bid on it yet. Fucking awesome.

On the upside, I now have this song stuck in my head.....which is nice, since I like this song. 

What a Fucking Surprise!

Remember how I said that I should have my camper soon, as long as nothing went wrong with the transport of it? Well, guess what? It did! The guy who I hired to move it decided that he's not going to move it after all. He says that the tires might not be any good, and the bearings might not be any good, and the license plate is expired. Well, you know what? Those are things that he probably should have considered before I payed for him to haul the fucking thing! I just sort of assumed that someone who moves campers for a living would have the means to move campers that are harder to move. He knew how old the thing was, and that I had bought it on Ebay, before he agreed to move it. Somehow the idea that maybe a thirty year old camper wouldn't be in perfect condition, and might have an expired license plate, didn't occur to him until I had already paid for his services. Now I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do! Obviously, I'm going to try to get my money back, but how am I supposed to find someone who I can count on to move the thing for real. I really thought that going through a service (uShip) that does nothing but connect people who need things moved with people who move things would be a sure-fire way to get the thing moved. Nope! That's the sort of thing that works for normal people, not me! Never me!

Again, Deadpool understands me......well, except for the fact that I don't kill people.

My Own Place?

I bought a camper today you guys! It really looks like I might really get to have my own place here soon! The thing is all the way in NY but I'm working on hiring someone to haul it for me. Unlike the last time I needed something hauled, I actually got several offers from people willing to move it. So it might just work out.

I'll tell you, it was a fucking ordeal though. I bought it on Ebay, which should have been a pretty straightforward process, right? No, of course not! This is me so, naturally, it had to get absurdly complicated and annoying as shit. You see, the seller set it up so that you could only pay the deposit, not the full price. I have no idea why anyone would do that. I mean, all that could possibly accomplish is making things harder on both of us.

So I wrote to him and asked how I was supposed to pay the rest. He writes back and says that I should pay with cash or check when I picked the camper up. Well, guess what? That's why people buy shit on Ebay, so they don't have to pay with cash! I could have bought one locally if I had the cash to buy one! Also, I'm not actually going to be there to pick the thing up. So I wouldn't be able to give the money to him even if I had it.

So yeah, we wrote back and forth like six times. He made several really helpful suggestions like; get a cash advance from my credit card, mail him a check, or use Western Union. Thanks, but that doesn't really work for me! Finally, I went to Paypal's website and manged to figure out how to transfer the money directly to him. I had to pay an extra fifty dollars just for making the transfer, but it was better than having to discuss the issue with him any further. Then, I wrote to him and asked him if he got the money, and he took forever to write back to me, which really made me wonder if he was just going to scam me out of my money.

He finally did get back to me though, and said that it did go through. So as long as nothing goes wrong with the transport, I should have my camper sometime in the near future. Then I can start the process of making it livable, which shouldn't be too bad actually, especially since my dad has offered to help pay for some of the necessities. I'm not going to be convinced until I have the thing at my house though, because I simply don't trust the Powers That Be not to fuck me over at the last second.

If there's anybody who knows what it's like to be fucked over by the Powers more than I do, it's Deadpool.

Scarlet Fever

I just thought that I would show you guys exactly what I did to my arm yesterday. In case you can't tell, it basically looks like road rash. I kind of wish it was road rash; then it would at least indicate that I had done something halfway interesting. Instead it just indicates that I'm a dumbass, and my life is stupid. I mean seriously! I've practiced that punch every day for the past several weeks, and not once did I kick through the wall or scrape my arm on the ceiling but, naturally, since I was trying to film it yesterday everything that could possibly go wrong did.

By the way, the post title is a reference to the Supernatural episode "Yellow Fever" in which Dean caught ghost sickness which caused him to develop spontaneous road rash, and be afraid of everything. Since I'm not really afraid of anything, but am pissed off all the time, I decided to go with "scarlet fever" (because yellow=afraid, red=angry)...... too convoluted?

HALP!

Okay, so I didn't tell you guys about this because I didn't want to get ahead of myself and start going on and on about yet another thing that will never actually happen. The problem is, I really need this one to happen or I'm honestly going to fucking snap. I simply cannot continue to live in my dad's house. I've spent my entire life living with other people, and I just need my own fucking space! Like now!

So my mom and I have been looking for a trailer that I can put near my dad's house (because none of my other ideas about getting my own place are anywhere near feasible right now). I actually found one that, while kind of grungy and generally shitty, has everything I need to make it into what I want.

It has a "cathedral ceiling" (which sounds rather absurd in reference to a trailer, but whatever) which is perfect for me, so I can do all of my crazy workouts without crashing into the ceiling, and I could actually set up my stripper pole. It also come with a refrigerator, and a washer and dryer. And it's free!

Here's the problem though, we can't find anyone to haul the fucking thing for me. It's on a hill, at the top of a kind of pot-holey, gravelly, driveway and apparently that's more of a pain in the ass than professional trailer movers are willing to deal with. I mean I would totally understand if they wanted to charge us more for dealing with this, I'm totally fine with that, but we can't find anyone to do it at all.

So, if anyone out there knows of anyone who can, and has the necessary equipment to, move and set up a trailer and would be willing to help me out with this I would greatly appreciate it! Seriously, the fate of my sanity rests on your shoulders!

 

For Real This Time

I really am working on getting my Etsy store back up and running. Hopefully I will have some things listed in the next couple of days. I tried to list some things today but (shockingly!) our internet cut out while I was working on them. On a related note, last night, I spent a ridiculously long time drawing a picture to use for the new banner on my Etsy page. It turned out fairly shitty by most people's standards, but for me it was pretty decent. I'm actually sort of proud of it. Then I tried to put it on my page and it ended up all cut in half so you can't actually tell what it is. Hopefully I will get that figured out soon too. Anyway, here it is in it's original, non-goofily-cropped format.

How About if Everybody Just Calms the Fuck Down?

My dad is out of town for a couple of days, so I actually have the house to myself for the first time in I don't even know how long. This would be kind of nice, were it not for the fact that all of the animals like him better than me and are therefore throwing a collective fit! Every one of them is completely spazzing out and being a general pain in my ass. So instead of having some nice time to myself, I have every animal in the house following me around and looking at me like "Why did it have to him who disappeared and not you?!" Also, barking, lots and lots of barking.

Basically they're acting like this. 

The Dinosaur of Anger!

What in the fucking hell is this? Has anyone else ever gotten this? Is it a Hughesnet thing? Is it my computer? I have never seen this anywhere else, on any other computer. But the last week this son of a bitch shows up on my screen ten..... twenty times a day. I don't know what is going on, but holy fuck have I grown to hate this little bastard!