Germaphobe or Drug Addict? You Don't Know.

So I'm still considering the whole police officer thing, and before I can take the agility test (which, by the way, makes me feel like I'm competing in a fucking dog show) I had to get a doctor to declare me to be in good enough physical condition to take the test. Yesterday I finally went to get a physical. I don't even know how many years it's been since I was in a doctor's office. I avoid them at all costs. Every time I set foot in a doctor's office, hospital, health clinic, any similar place, I become convinced that I am going to contact some horrifying illness. When I show up for my appointment yesterday, I am already on edge. I walk into the building and try to act like I'm not on the verge of sprinting in the opposite direction. To my relief, there is only one person in the waiting room, which indicates to me that 1- less people = less germs, and 2- maybe this won't take very long. I sit in the waiting room for maybe five minutes before they take me in and I'm thinking "Yes! I am going to make it through this after all." Then, for some reason they decide to leave me in the exam room for over an hour! During which time I hear multiple people coming and going. Some of them are coughing, some groaning, and some talking about how they spent the whole weekend lying in bed. Meanwhile, I'm pacing back and forth at around ninety mile an hour and alternately wringing my hands and shoving them so far into my pockets that I'm afraid the seams are going to rip. Plus I'm pretty sure my eyes looked like they were going to pop out of my head. Twice, other patients walked by and looked at me, at which point I realized that they were most likely wondering what kind of pills I was there to score.

Straight Edge-ish

Many vegan health nuts, like me, consider themselves to be straight edge. While I completely understand their reasons, I don't share their motivation. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I haven't done any of those things for years, but it's not because I don't believe in them or even because they're unhealthy. The only reason I don't smoke is because cigarettes are too fucking expensive and, as far as I know, there is a grand total of one brand that doesn't conduct animal testing. The reason I don't drink or do drugs is because, for whatever reason, they seem to have the opposite effect on me that they do on other people. Alcohol does not make me feel relaxed or help me to be more outgoing. It turns me into a nervous wreck. As soon as I start to feel that lowering of inhibitions that most people enjoy so much, I freak out. I can't stand feeling out of control and I just end up trying even harder to act normally. The only drug I've ever used it pot, because after seeing the effect it had on me there was no way in hell I was trying anything harder. I tried it twice. The first time it was just miserable. I felt confused and paranoid and had this sense that time was not passing. The second time was fucking disturbing. I had this intense image of myself, literally, smashing my own face in with a book. It was so vivid that I honestly wasn't sure if it was real or not. I often think that my life would be a lot easier if I could escape my own mind with various substances like other people do but, unfortunately, I don't seem to have that option.