I Mean, It's a Possibility

I went through and deleted a bunch of shit from my SD card, so hopefully that was the issue with my camera and now I will be able to do videos again. Then again it may just be that the electronic curse has struck again. Speaking of the electronic curse, one of my clients was kind enough to come check out the issue with my electricity for the camper. He's an electrician and he had some kind of meter that is supposedly designed precisely for finding shorts in wires. Shockingly enough, it didn't work. I mean, it might have worked. From one direction it seemed like the signal stopped in one particular spot, but from the other direction it seemed there was nothing wrong with it at all. Of course, best case scenario, I'm still not getting into the camper; I'll just be getting how water in the pump-house. Still, maybe this will be one less thing to inconvenience the shit out of me. Maybe.

One Year

Well, it has officially been one year since I started this blog and, as promised, here is my one last secret that I have yet to reveal to all of you. It probably won't seem like much of a secret to most of you, especially considering the multitude of exceptionally personal things I have already discussed here, but it's a pretty big one for me. Here it is; despite the way I act and the immense effort I go to in order to hide it, in a lot of ways, I am a big stereotypical girl and it bugs the shit out of me!

I try to act like I only care about really important things and the only thing that matters to me is trying to make the world a better place.

But sometimes I'm like "I just want somebody to hold my fucking hand!"

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a list of all the ways in which I am just an annoyingly average girl. 

1- Sometimes I just really want someone to tell me I'm pretty. 

2- A part of me still believes in the whole "fairy tale love" bullshit. 

3- I actually do that stupid things that girls do in movies where they dance around their houses when they're home alone. 

I do, at least, wear pants when I do it though. 

4- Good romantic scenes make me really happy and really sad at the same time. 

I couldn't find a picture of the part where he picks her up and spins her around, but holy fuck do I wish someone would be that happy to see me! 

5- I'm constantly comparing myself to other women and taking inventory of our respective good and bad attributes. 

I will never be able to look at her and feel good about myself. 

6- There are certain excessively cheesy love songs that I just can't help but love, no matter how shameful they may be. 

When this song comes on the radio I find myself incapable of turning it off, or of not singing along. 

7- Here's the one that I really REALLY don't want to admit to. Sometimes I actually do cry. Fuck do I hate it! And I never do it when anyone else is around to see, but it does happen. Usually, it's not even for any particular reason either. It's just sort of a "life in general sort of sucks" thing. 

8- I actually think it would be a lot of fun to go dancing, like in a club (gasp!). I would probably give it a try were it not for the fact that I am fairly certain I would just make an ass of myself. 

9- I totally understand every part of this post 

Every part. 

10- Part of me has always wanted, and probably will always want, to be a famous actress/singer/something. 

11- Sometimes I find myself looking at these stupid things and thinking "You know, that probably would be pretty nice." 

I chose this particular one because I think the second picture makes it infinitely funnier. 

12- I have quite a fondness for sexy underwear. 

I especially like this place because their stuff is sexy, badass, and affordable. 

13- As much as I try not to, I get extremely bothered by negative comments, especially ones concerning my appearance. 

I also have a tendency not to forget these comments for, well, ever. 

14- Whenever I happen to be near a mirror, I find that I can't help but check to make sure there's nothing for anyone to say anything negative about. Like obsessively. Usually I find lots of things. 

Too many things. 

15- I really wish I would get hit on sometimes. I mean by someone who isn't three times my age. 

Could somebody look at me like that^ please. 

So there you go, guys. My deepest, darkest secret is that I am, in fact, a girl. 

All Philosophical and Shit

I have decided to get all philosophical with my post tonight. I also happen to be half asleep, so it may just come out sounding like I'm really stoned. Apologies in advance if that is the case.

Here goes. What is it that makes different people feel differently about things? Why does one person like something and another not? Take food for example; why do some people love broccoli and other people hate it? Does it actually taste different to one person than it does to another? Furthermore, how can any of us actually know what something tastes like to someone else, or sounds like to them, or feels like to them? When you play your favorite song for someone and they hate it, do they really hate the same thing that you love or is it completely different inside their head than it is inside your's? The one that I find myself wondering about the most is physical sensations and biological responses. I, for example, love a good adrenaline rush; my mother, on the other hand, would avoid them at all costs. Why? Why would, say, the thought of jumping out of an airplane fill me with excitement and her with complete terror. Are we, in fact, experiencing the same thing, and interpreting it differently, or are they actually two totally different sensations?

Thank you, Rachel, for pinning this today. I think it's kind of perfect for this post. 

"Well That Was Tedious."

There is one upside to this ridiculous apathy I've been experiencing lately. Things that would normally be completely fucking terrifying, like say doing a group presentation that I am woefully under-prepared for in front of a whole room full of people when one of my group members didn't even show up, now apparently just give me a nice little adrenalin rush.

Something. Anything!

It's amazing how much my physical state depends upon my emotional state. I can have a ridiculous overabundance of energy, or feel like I can barely move. It all depends on whether or not there is anything going on that I give a shit about. The situation in which this causes me the most trouble is trying to get up in the mornings. Most mornings, when my clock first goes off, I actually wake up fairly easily. The problem is, whatever I have to do that day never seems quite as appealing as going back to sleep "for just a few minutes". So I end up hitting my snooze button multiple times, getting up too late to do everything I needed to do and, usually, showing up late for class. Many times, I hit the snooze so many times that I eventually sleep through my clock altogether and wake an hour or more late (like today). On the rare occasion that I have something to look forward to, even if it's something completely stupid, I wake up ready to go. As I said though, rare. My point is, I need to find something, anything, to look forward to each day or I am going to end up failing all of my classes because I can't get up in time to get there. Okay, if I'm being completely honest here which, as I mentioned the other day, I am; even on the days when I do oversleep by an hour or more I still have more than enough time to make it to class. I would just have to skip doing one of the many things that are, sadly, more important to me than making it to class. These things include; my hour and a half long workout, checking my email, and writing this blog, among other things. I guess what I'm trying to say here is......