I Think I'm Starting to Get the Hang of This

I went to my second Aikido class last night, and I really think I'm going to like it. We worked on some of the stuff that we did last week and, while I didn't actually remember how to do any of it, I definitely picked it up faster this time than last time. So hopefully that means that I'm retaining at least some of it.

We also did several new things, and it seems like most of the basic movements are pretty much the same; you just use them in different ways. So I feel like, once I really get those few basic moves down, I'll be able to improve much more quickly. Also, the sensei told me that I'm doing very well, so that made me feel pretty good about the whole thing. 

One thing we did that was not similar to anything else was "rolling" which is....exactly what it sounds like. We learned how to dive at the floor (backward and forward) and roll over back to a standing or kneeling position. I had actually practiced this before (you know, because I'm a dumbass) and, though this was a little different than the way I had been doing it because it was at an angle instead of straight over my head, I still feel like I got it quicker than I would have otherwise. According to my friend who invited me to the class in the first place, I am exceptionally quiet when I do it......I don't know..... maybe that's something that comes from practicing this kind of shit while living with other people? You eventually learn to slam yourself into the floor without waking the person sleeping in the next room, or disturbing the person watching TV downstairs. Or maybe I'm just that stealthy. 

Something New

I did, in fact, go to Aikido last night. It was definitely a change of pace from Muay Thai, but I really enjoyed it. I'm still not sure if I will be able to go regularly, since it is on weeknights and I just don't know if I can justify missing a massage to go, but I would like to. For one thing I liked it but, more importantly, I think it would be good for me. Plus, I know someone in the class, so I would have someone to talk to about it who would actually understand, as opposed to just trying to tell my family about it and having them look at me like I'm a lunatic.

The reason I think it would be good for me is because it was totally different from my Muay Thai class. This was much more technical, there were a lot of small very precise movements, as opposed to the more general movements I've been doing in Muay Thai. It was a bit frustrating for me, since I'm not used to having to pay quite so much attention to my movements, but I think it's definitely something that I should learn how to do.

It was also a lot less physically intense than Muay Thai (which did bug me a little, since I kind of like feeling exhausted at the end). Everything I've done so far has been about getting as much force as you can behind every move to get more power, whereas this was about using as little force as possible by turning your opponents' momentum and body weight against them. I admit, some of it was a bit close for my comfort though. Turning the other person's body weight against them usually means having to get right up against them, and I'm not really good with the whole having people in my personal space thing. Of course, that is also probably something I should be working on. Anyway, it was a good experience overall. 

It felt a little bit like this ^ at times.

The Most Supernatural Thing

There is this running joke in the Supernatural fandom that the most supernatural thing on the show is the fact that Sam gets wifi wherever he goes. Personally, I think it's actually how easily they dig up graves. Then again, cemetery dirt probably isn't as full of rocks and roots as my yard is, but still.

In case you hadn't guessed what I was getting at here, I worked on my ditch again today. I dug for about an hour, until I was utterly drenched in sweat (since it was upwards of 90 degrees today), and then said "fuck it!" I think I'm about halfway done. The rest of it may go a little quicker because I think I'm almost out of the really rooty/rocky part.....almost. Then there is still the other ditch to dig. Awesome. Anyway, digging is bullshit and Sam and Dean make it look way too fucking easy.

I wanted the image of these two guys digging up a grave and talking about how Supernatural makes it seem so easy, but apparently it doesn't exist. So this one will have to do.

Hell of a Workout

Well, I think I did enough physical labor over the weekend that I should be able to count it as my workout for the rest of the week (of course, I won't ....but I should). On Friday I helped put up hay, yesterday I dug a ditch for the water to my camper, then today my dad and I started work on the pump house.

The hay went pretty smoothly. That is, until a drunk guy decided to park his truck directly in the middle of the road and then get out and walk away! Apparently, this guy and a woman in another vehicle met on the road and, as opposed to  just scooting over so they could pass each other, he just sat there and tried to force her to back up. When she didn't, he started yelling profanities at her, then got out and walked away. It held us up for a good half hour. We did manage to get plenty of hay to last for quite some time though. So I guess it worked out okay.

As for the ditch digging, digging is the one type of physical labor that I absolutely hate. I think the main reason for this is that our property is basically nothing but fucking rocks! Every time I stick the shovel into the ground *thunk*. Then I spend ten minutes trying to pry the rock out, so I can lift the shovel up, plunge it back down and *thunk*. Every fucking time! So yeah, when I said I dug a ditch, what I really meant was that I dug a half-assed ditch that I will now probably spend the rest of the week working on, trying to get it deep enough to be any good.

Today, before we could start on the pump-house, we had to move the world's largest rock out of the way. It was insane. My dad and I each had a bar that we used to try to pry the thing out of the ground. We had to pry it up, then slide blocks under it, then pry it some more, then slide the blocks, then stack blocks on top of each other, then pry some more. It took forever, and I'm fairly certain that I was almost no help at all since, every time I tried to pry the thing, my bar just kept sliding through the dirt. Anyway, we finally managed to just roll the thing over into the ditch (not the one I just dug, but the one with the little stream in it).

So yeah, good times.

Except the digging, the digging sucked!

Ⓥ Mother of All

You know the old saying "Necessity is the mother of invention"? Well, it seems to me that necessity is the mother of......well everything. Necessity is the mother of strength, of patience, of evolution, of adaptation, of education, of everything. Humans, for the most part, are lazy. We do most things when, and only when, we absolutely have to. However, necessity is also a relative term. We can decide what is, or is not necessary. There is a switch in each of our minds that controls which things we see as necessary. We can think about it logically and decide for ourselves what those things are. When we stop thinking about something as optional, we suddenly find that we have access to all of the things that necessity creates.

When we find ourselves in difficult situations, we also find ourselves doing things that we never knew we could. We become better, stronger, smarter, more creative people when we have to. There have been many times in my life when I have done things that I didn't previously think I could. Some of these things you just do, and others you have to work your way up to but, one way or another, being placed in a situation which asks more of you than you thought you were able to give allows you to find parts of yourself you didn't know were there. You find a way to do what needs to be done, whether through brute strength, sheer force of will, creative thinking, or whatever, and you do this simply because you must; because it's necessary.

Why though, do we have to save the best parts of ourselves for times when we absolutely have to use them? The truth is, we don't. We can all choose what is most important to us, and live as if those important things are matters of life and death (and sometimes they really are). We can force ourselves to be our best by simply deciding that we have no other option.

When you talk about animal rights and veganism with the average person, you get lots of responses like "I could never do that!" or "I could never live with (insert random animal product here)." The truth is, yes you can! We all can. It can be difficult, especially at first, but we are strong. We are so much stronger than we realize, and the only thing we have to do to bring out that strength is to decide that we have to. I think that's the real difference between vegans and other people. It's not the we're stronger, or that we don't like those foods as much as other people do, most of the time it's not even that we care more. It's just that we decided that veganism is necessary. Once you've done that, the rest is easy.

Basically, necessity = Eve (from Supernatural).

Throw Back Thursdays...?

I've been half considering posting some of my old writing here; mostly because I feel like I'm eventually going to run out of shit to talk about, and that would delay the inevitable for a little while. Are people still doing the Throwback Thursdays thing? I feel like that would be a good(ish) excuse to post old writing. I'm thinking about sharing some of the poems from my ill-fated poetry book from a few (read- more than I care to think about) years ago, also maybe some of the better posts from my old blog, perhaps one or two papers I wrote in college, and possibly even some random excerpts from some of my old notebooks. What do you guys think? Would anyone care to read any of that? I've been skimming through some of it lately, and I feel like most of it's a bit overly dramatic, but also somewhat more creative than the stuff I tend to write now. Could be interesting....or not, I don't know.

My Own Stuff

You know how I said that I cleaned the kitchen yesterday? Well, I actually got a whole cabinet and a drawer cleaned out for my stuff. That is much more of an accomplishment than it sounds like, by the way. Our kitchen was completely overflowing with random shit that, for the most part, no one has even seen for years. So I now have my own little section of the kitchen with all my own stuff! I've been gradually buying my own dishes and whatnot, and I've finally gotten most of what I need and now I finally have places to put it all. It's almost like having my own kitchen....well....not really, but kind of......I guess.

Hey, Sam! Just because I don't cook doesn't mean I don't need my own kitchen space, okay?

Because I'm Crazy

So you guys know how I've been working on doing pull-ups for a long time now. Well, I've finally gotten to the point where I feel like I'm pretty decent at it. When I first started I couldn't do very many at a time (actually, when I started out I couldn't do any at a time), so I started doing several sets within a short period of time, because I thought it would help me progress faster. I think it worked, because I have made quite a lot of progress. I always do them when I go to feed the pigs, and I would do three sets in the mornings and four sets in the evenings (because, for some reason, I can never do as many per set in the evenings). Here's the thing though, now that I can do more of them at a time, I've still been doing that many sets. It's become a pretty huge pain in the ass, and takes a long time to do. 

So finally I decided that I'm going to cut down the sets, just so that I won't have to dread feeding the pigs quite so much. I decided that I'm going to do two sets in the mornings, and one in the evenings, and that's it. The way I see it, now I can just keep increasing the number I do per set (I'm currently at 12) without it taking quite so much time. The problem is, now I'm kind of freaking out about it. I know it's insane, but my brain is like "NO! You can't do that! You'll lose all the progress you've made!" and I'm like "No, Brain, I'm still doing way more than I used to. It'll be fine." and my brain is like "No, I'm telling you. Your arms will turn to mush!" So yeah, I'm now trying to force myself to do less pull-ups and to believe that my brain is wrong. 

I Just Couldn't Wait

You know how I said that my dad and I were planting some Carolina Reapers? Well, they are officially planted, but they haven't come up yet. It was driving me crazy wondering what they tasted like, so I broke down and ordered some dried ones online.

I'm not sure if there will be a major difference between fresh ones and dried ones but, I must say, they weren't as hot as I expected (by the way, I still fully intend to eat a fresh one on camera when we get some). The flavor is quite good though, almost berry-like. Anyway, I just ate a little piece of one to see how hot it was, then I put a whole one in my rice-cooker with my teff. When I tasted the finished teff, I thought "Hmm, should have used two."

Also, I just realized something kind of funny (at least to me). The reaper is the new hottest pepper, replacing the ghost pepper because, just like in Supernatural, reaper trumps ghost. 

The Wrong Line of Work

I spent a couple of hours putting up hay, earlier today. It was really fucking hot, and I got really fucking sweaty, and I also got cover head-to-toe with little hay particles, and sort of sunburned. None-the-less, I really don't mind doing that sort of work. I always feel better about myself, and the work I've done when it's 1-something physical, and 2-something with measurable results. I really wish that almost all physical labor type jobs didn't require you to be there ridiculously early. I feel like, if I have to have a job that isn't actually something I want to do, that would be the next best thing. I just can't justify looking for a job that would require me to get up any earlier than I already do (which has been somewhere around 5:00, most days, recently). And skipping my workout (or most of the other things I do in the mornings, for that matter) is out of the question.

I don't share Dean's attitude about this sort of thing. 

Good News

On Saturday, my sister and I went to the Pittsburgh Vegan Festival. It was pretty cool, there were tons of people there (although it's hard to say how many of them were actually vegan, that's still encouraging), and a lot of really great local(ish) vegan vendors! Apparently they're doing another one in the fall, and I think this time I'll try to actually get there early enough to hear some of the speakers and everything. Anyway, there was someone there doing tarot readings, and I just couldn't help myself. 

I know a lot of people think this kind of stuff is complete crap, and maybe it is, but here's how I look at it. When it comes to anything that's outside of or beyond our physical world, I believe that anything is possible but nothing is for sure. Because I wanted to get the most accurate impression of her abilities (or lack thereof) I tried my best not to react to anything she said. I know that is one way that fake psychics con people; they say something vague and then, when you agree, they get more specific. My sister pointed out afterward that this woman actually started out specific, and very accurate, and then sort of backpedaled when I didn't say anything. I mean, it still wasn't anything remarkable but, that said, I thought it was a pretty good reading, and my sister agreed.

The reader started off by telling me that I was very stable, but that my life had potential for much better things. At this point I was kind of like "riiiiight, totally" but as she went on it got more accurate. I have to assume that the stable part was about my behavior, and not my actual mental state. I really am quite good at pretending to have my shit together and behaving as if I do. Even when I'm completely losing it, I still manage to get shit done. Someone I worked with years ago once told me I was "very zen", at the time I just did my best not to laugh. 

Anyway, she then went on to say that I've been wanting to make changes in my life; changing jobs, moving, changes in relationships, etc. She said that I had reached a plateau and that things were going to change dramatically, specifically that "I wouldn't be surprised if I saw you two years from now and your life was completely different". 

She then said that I'd had a lot of struggles in my life and that they had been strengthening my soul for something better. This was one of the times when she sort of tried to back up, when I didn't react. I didn't acknowledge the fact that I was struggling and she looked sort of flustered and said "Or the goods things in your life. It's all been to change you for the better." 

She smiled at me and said that I always do everything in my life with love and compassion and that was why better things were going to come to me. Again I didn't react. I wasn't going to tell her that all I want in my life is to make the world a better place, or that I desperately need to give my life meaning. She kind of shrugged and said "Maybe just with your vegan lifestyle." 

When she turned over the last card, which represents the overall outcome, she got this big smile on her face and said "Oooh, I love it when it's a good card!" It was The Universe (she wasn't using a standard tarot deck, by the way) and she said that this also meant changes for the better. She looked sort of sympathetic though and said "This one means that it will take a while." and explained that changes this big never happen quickly. She finished by saying "Someday, you will have the world the way you want it."  

Honestly, I thought that the way she phrased that last statement was the most impressive part of the reading. I feel like most people would probably want to hear that their own lives would be the way they want them, but she didn't say "life" she said "world." It made it seem as if she knew that I would never be satisfied with just having a good life for myself, as long as the world in general is still so shitty. 

I guess I just thought it was interesting that the whole reading focused entirely on the three things that seem to be the themes of my life; a constant struggle to change things, a commitment to trying to do the right thing, and a desperate need to have a positive impact on the world. I know this still could have applied to lots of different people, especially at a vegan festival, and also that it's a little too good to be true. But hey at least it gives me something to keep me going for a while. After all, that's why people go to psychics anyway, right? 

Plus, I went to a psychic once before, years ago, and she was blatantly full of shit.

I'm Rich! Oh Wait........

I got my tax refund check today. That was pretty cool. I'm actually so broke that I got back more than I payed in, which is nice. It's kind of like the government said "Hey! You're a worthless piece of shit. Here have some free money." Of course I'm no fool, so naturally I said "Okay! Thanks!" Now the only question is "What do I do with nearly $800.00 of extra money?" Oh that's right, I pay my bills and don't starve for a month or so. Well, that makes it much less exciting......

There for a minute, it felt kind of like this. 

Good Stuff, Like Really Good

You guys remember that perfume I mentioned a while back? Well, I ordered some and it's fucking amazing! The shop is called Sarawen Perfume Art, all of her stuff is vegan and they are all based on really cool things, like fictional characters and whatnot. I bought Wayward Son which is inspired by Sam Winchester. It said it was a unisex scent, and I was nervous that it would be too manly smelling for me to actually wear, but it's not. Now I'm just nervous that I'm going to end up being one of those girls who wears way too much perfume because I like it so much that I keep putting more on. Basically, what I'm saying is............

Seriously, I fucking love it! Plus she seems like a really cool person. So check out her store. The Supernatural ones are listed under "Gothic" if you're looking for them. 

It's Sort of a Niche Market

So you know the weird little belt/purse thing I made? Well, I'm thinking about making some other ones and trying to sell them in my Etsy shop, which will hopefully be up and running again sometime in the near future. You see, before I broke down and made one for myself, I looked everywhere; Etsy, Ebay, Amazon, etc. trying to buy one. Every one I could find was; ridiculously overpriced and/or leather and/or in another country and/or goofy looking. So it seems to me that this country has a serious shortage of cute, affordable, vegan, belt-bag things. Also, apparently these things go by many names, one of which is "utility belt" which is definitely what I am going to call them if I start selling them because.........

Halp!

As you may have noticed (if you live in the same area I do) it was actually halfway warm outside today. Some of the snow even started to melt! It was so nice to actually be able to go outside without immediately feeling my nose hairs freeze that I started thinking about all the things I want to do once the snow completely melts. Here's the problem though, I couldn't actually come up with anything. I seriously need to get a fucking life, like now! I can't spend every second of every day hanging around the house. I just can't! Furthermore, the only social contact I've really had, for the past I don't even know how long, has been my immediate family. Don't get me wrong I do love them and everything, but I swear to fuck, if I don't get some sort of interaction with someone who fucking gets me and doesn't constantly make me feel like shit about myself soon, I'm going to snap! So here's my question for you. Where should I go to interact with other people? Also, how do I interact with other people?

I'm fairly certain this is what I look like every time I try to talk to other humans. 

In Conclusion

Seriously, just this one last thing and then I'll move on, at least for a while. There is this idea that seems to be fairly common, that things like wearing makeup and shaving your legs are inherently somewhat oppressive to women. I disagree. To be honest, I can't really decide who got the short end of the stick on the whole makeup thing. I mean, yeah it kind of sucks that women are expected to look all perfect all the time. When I think about it though, I'm pretty glad that I get to wear makeup. I feel so much better about myself with it and, if I were a guy, I wouldn't be able to get away with wearing it. As girls, we get to basically paint ourselves to look however we want. Guys are pretty much stuck with what they've got. Unless, of course, they're actors.  

Okay, so Supernatural is not exactly the most feminist show on TV. Holy fuck do I love it though!  

Also, I think instead of women not shaving their legs, guys should have to start shaving theirs. I mean come one guys, body hair is pretty gross; and I, for one, don't want to touch anybody who is all furry anymore than you do. Just saying. 

Sometimes It's Good to Live in a Fantasy World

You know how yesterday I wrote about all the things that I think I would need in order to function properly? Well, for the most part, I have no idea what to do about those things. I either don't know what I want them to be, or I do know but haven't the slightest idea how to achieve them. One thing I do know though, is what I want my home to be like. So sometimes, just to make myself feel better about everything else, I imagine what I would want in my perfect space. Here are a few of the things I think a good home needs.

1- One big open space. As far as I'm concerned, the only room that needs to be separate is the bathroom.
2- Most of the walls covered in shelves.
3- Of the walls that aren't covered in shelves, one should be a huge white board. That way I can keep everything I feel I need to remember in a particular day, clearly in sight.
4- Another wall should be a huge pin-board. That way I can have my own real life Pinterest, in my house.

In the open space I would have;
5- My punching bag.
6- A stripper pole.
7- A pull up bar.
8- A rope to climb.
9- Maybe a clothes line, so I won't have to waste energy using a dryer. Also, since it's me we're talking about here, the clothes line would probably end up doubling as my closet.

10- Everything would be the most ridiculous, bright, semi-obnoxious colors.

Or, you know, I could just live in the Impala with Sam and Dean. Either way. 

Well This Is Awesome

I seem to have become spontaneously crippled. Yesterday morning, when I fed Riley and Tuni, the barn door wouldn't shut properly. I fought with it forever. I tried to chip away any ice I could find that might be impeding the door. Nothing worked. So, finally, I just gave up and shut the door as much as I could and then kicked it until it shut well enough to latch. Apparently when I did that I also broke my fucking foot. Here's the goofy part though; it only kind of hurt a little at the time. It was mostly fine all day. Then last night it started hurting worse, and worse, and worse. By the time I went to bed I was half convinced that it was actually broken. I guess it wasn't because this morning it was better, not good, but better. Now it hurts just enough to be super inconvenient.

So am I just going to hobble around looking like a fool all day? 

Stranded Again

Once again, we are having truly awful weather here. It's snowing A LOT, and really fucking cold. This means that I'm basically confined to the house for the entirety of the day, and who knows how many more days after this. Here's the funny part though, it's kind of okay with me. I have realized that, if I actually had my own space, I would probably be better off just hiding in the house all day. When I know that I don't have anywhere to go, I come up with all of these things that I want to do. Most of them are a complete and utter waste of time but, every once in a while, I actually manage to do something half-way worthwhile. I come up with all of these different art projects I want to try and all of these different writing ideas. I feel like, if I had unlimited time, I might actually be able to do something with some of this shit someday. As it is, I mostly just think of things I want to do and then never do them.The biggest issue is trying to get in as many of the things I think about doing as I can before my motivation starts to wane, which always happens much sooner than I expect it to. Also, it seems like the majority of my stress and anger comes from time constraints. I'm late for everything all the time and it never ceases to piss me off. It's pretty hard to be late for hanging around your own house though.

P.S. Don't forget to watch the new Supernatural tonight to combat the "boycott" :)

Fucking Awesome

Last night, I stayed at my mom's house to watch the new Supernatural (which was fantastic as always, by the way) so I didn't get back to feed Riley and Tuni until after ten. Then, when I went to put the water buckets in the car, my entire car was covered in this layer of extremely fine frost. It was so thin that I couldn't even get it to scrape off. Well, I wasn't about to wait around for my car to warm up enough to melt it. So I just said "Fuck it!", and decided to drive it anyway. I mean the barn is like ten feet from the house. So I'm peeking through this tiny clear spot on the windshield, trying to make sure no cars are coming as I pull out. Unfortunately, I forgot how close I had parked to the fence and I drug the side of my car against the fence-post. Luckily, it was my shitty, rusted up car and not my mom's car. That doesn't really help the fence-post though.

At least I got to see the new Supernatural, right?