35 Things I Think I Have Figured Out

This is a post from my old blog, from way back in 2012. Surprisingly, I think it all still holds true (for me anyway). Also, I never did get 21 and 31 quite right.


I recently found this through StumbleUpon. http://inoveryourhead.net/100-tips-about-life/ and it inspired me to make my own list. Not that anyone has any reason to take my advice, but I think maybe I have figured out a few things that might be helpful to some people. Or maybe not, who knows, but here they are anyway. 

1.Never put yourself in a situation where you feel like an outcast. Surround yourself with people who understand you. If you have to be surrounded by people who don't understand you, make them understand.

2.If you are doing something that makes you feel guilty, stop doing it.

3.Make yourself eat healthy food, even if you don't like it. You will learn to like it (trust me) and pretty soon all that junk food you've been eating will start to taste like shit.

4.Don't be afraid to change your appearance as drastically and frequently as you want to. Nobody ever said you have to look the same way all the time, and sometimes a fresh look feels like a fresh start.

5.Find a type of exercise that you enjoy and do it every day, preferably in the morning. It makes the whole day go easier.

6.Try to understand people, even people you don't like. Everyone has a reason for being the way they are and understanding that makes it a lot easier not to hate them (sometimes it's still really hard though).

7.Music makes everything better. Play it loud to drown out the sound of your own thoughts when you need to. Or sing (even in your head) if you are in a place where you can't play music.

8.Spend time in nature.

9.Create something.....anything.

10.Give people the benefit of the doubt but never count on them too much.

11.Learn to be self-sufficient in as many ways as you possibly can.

12.Force yourself to be strong, physically and emotionally.

13.Always try to be better than you are, but don't judge yourself when it takes a long time to get where you want to be.

14.Find a cause that you truly care about and dedicate yourself to it wholeheartedly. It will give you a reason to keep going even when you feel like you have nothing else.

15. If you really want to do something that seems crazy, do it anyway.

16. Stop trying to impress other people. Only try to impress yourself. Don't do/buy/say things because others think you should and don't be ashamed to like what you really like.

17. Don't follow trends, but also don't stop doing something just because it becomes trendy.

18. Make your house/apartment/room/car your space. Stop worrying about making it look "good" and make it look "you" paint murals on your walls, buy mismatched furniture, cover your car in bumper stickers. Make it a place that feels good, not a place that feels presentable.

19. Stop caring about material possessions. No matter what our society tells you, they just don't matter.

20. Buy things used. They have more character and it's better for the environment.

21. Make yourself talk to people (that one is more for me than for you).

22. Designer labels are bullshit.

23. No matter what some people (like my dad) might say, using words like "shit" and "fuck" does not make you sound unintelligent. Sometimes it just makes you sound more passionate.

24. Being nice to people, even the ones who aren't nice to you, really does get you a long way. It also might get you an ulcer, but you decide what is more important.

25. Don't make yourself do things you don't want to do just because it's expected of you, but do make yourself do things you don't want to because it's needed of you.

26. Stop believing things just because people tell you to, no matter who those people are. Look at an issue from all sides and then decide for yourself.

27. Don't feel guilty for being who you are.

28. If you feel depressed, don't just take a pill, change your life.

29. Stop treating symptoms and start fixing the underlying problems, in all aspects of your life.

30. Be your own canvas.

31. Never condone something you don't believe in just to avoid looking like an asshole (that one is more for me than you too).

32. There is nothing quite like a good adrenaline rush.

33. Sometime the people who seem the most together are actually the most fucked-up.

34. Do things you're not sure you're capable of. Learning your true strength is extremely good for your self-esteem.

35.Finally- Pretty please stop eating animals! (Did you really think I was going to leave that one out?)

Then again, maybe I'm just full of shit.

Homeward Bound

My camper is officially on it's way! So it should be here sometime this evening. I'm still trying not to get overly excited until it's actually sitting in my yard, but the fact that the guy did manage to pick it up and get it on the road seems like a pretty good sign. Once it gets here, we will still have a shit-ton of work to do before I can live in it, but I think I really am on my way to having my own home (small and shitty though it may be).

The more I think about how nice it will be to have my own space, where I can do things the way I want to, the more I think that it will make a huge difference in my life. I truly feel like I will be much less angry and on-edge than I am now, if I can just do things my own way in my own "house". Who knows maybe I'll even get to the point where I truly think of it as home.

I guess I'm not so much homeward bound as my home is meward bound, but close enough.

Another Poem Video (Ban-Gaisgedaig)

Here is my new video of my poem, Ban-Gaisgedaig. I really need to find a better place to film these things than on my mom's couch. Also, I got kind of lazy this time and decided to read the thing instead of memorizing it, sorry about that. 

By the way, if anyone actually has any idea how to pronounce that word I would love to know! I found it online so I've never heard it said, and it's Celtic so I know it wouldn't just be pronounced the way it's spelled. 

Pulling It Off

You know those people who are totally over-the-top, and ridiculous, and possibly insane, but still somehow attractive? The ones who do the weirdest, most absurd, things but you still want to be around them anyway? The ones who never get embarrassed and obviously don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of them, and somehow that makes people love them? I have always wanted to be one of those people. I think I could do it too. I definitely have the weirdness part down. All I would have to do is stop stifling my natural behaviors. The problem is, I just don't think I have to confidence to pull it off. I have never been able to do anything crazy without getting embarrassed about it, and I don't think it works unless you can do it with no regrets. I think that's the difference between being one of those crazy charismatic people and just being really fucking weird.

Sam, from Garden State, is my hero. 

Happy Fucking Birthday to Me

I know that once you get to be over the age of around twelve, birthdays become less than exciting; and after you reach the age of twenty-one, you officially have no reason to want to get older anymore. So, with that in mind, I'm sure I'm not saying anything here that you all haven't already thought on every birthday you've had for the last who knows how many years. That's not going to stop me from saying it though. I fucking hate birthdays! All they do is remind me that I've done jack shit with my life. I have now been alive for twenty-seven years and have absolutely nothing to show for it. Every year on my birthday I find myself wondering if I am any further along in my life than I was the previous year. Most years I find that, if anything, I have gone backward. To be quite honest, I'm fed up with it. By this time next year, I damn well better have made some sort of progress in my life! This year I AM going to get my shit together, no matter how much of a mess it is.

"It's gonna be a busy year." 

P.S. Sorry about the irregularity of my posts lately, and for the skipped posts. That is definitely one of the things on my list of  "shit that I need to get together."

Flirting Fail

I kind of got flirted with today, so that was sort of nice. I went out to eat with my mom, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend. By the way, when I say "went out to eat" with them, I mean sat at the table with them and watched them eat. Always nice and awkward. Anyway, the waiter started asking me about my tattoo, the vegan one with all the animals. First he asked if he could see it, then where I got it done, then he told me how nice it looked, then he asked me if I get a lot of compliments on it, then if anyone ever says anything negative when they see it. Then he said something like "the only thing missing is a picture of me." I just kind of laughed, thinking he was just being weird. Then he was like, "No I mean people call me cabrito. It means baby goat." I have no idea why they call him that, but the whole thing was pretty cool actually. Of course I, being the awkward and utterly socially inept person that I am, tried to be charming but I'm pretty sure I just looked at him like this.

Plus, I still sound like shit because of the stupid cold.

Too Close

We all look at ourselves too closely. We lean toward mirrors and meticulously inspect every wrinkle, every pore, until the flaws are all we can see, until our faces and our bodies no longer make sense to us. We pick ourselves apart one piece at a time hoping desperately to exchange each part for one of another size, another shape, another color. We walk through our day bartering with those around us, silently begging them to trade us their lips, their eyes, their flat stomachs, never knowing that at the very same time they are frantically searching for someone to give them bigger breasts, thicker hair, or longer legs. Because you see, it's easy to look perfect from a distance. We view others from across streets, across rooms, or across tables and wonder how it is that they mange to be so beautiful. But we seldom get the chance to see ourselves from far away. We are so focused on every little detail that we barely even know what we look like as a whole person. Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror that I didn't know was there and for just a moment I think "Who is that? She's pretty." Then I look closer and realize that it's the same girl with the big nose, and the bad skin, and the stomach that always sticks out just a little, no matter how many sit-ups she does. We look at ourselves too damn closely. If we could just take a few steps back, maybe we could all see how beautiful we are. But we can't, because we are all flawed structures built for the specific purpose of slowly tearing ourselves down. It's what we do. It's all we've ever known.

^This picture means it's a poem, just in case you forgot. 

100th Post

This is my 100th post here. So I'm going to celebrate with (what else?) a list! In case you didn't notice, I don't actually know how to celebrate. Sorry. Anyway, here are 100 things I want to do in my life. Disclaimer- In order to get 100 things I had to include everything from the ridiculously mundane to the (almost) certainly unattainable. Also, some of these I've talked about before.

1. Get a job I actually like.
2. Get my own place.
3. Live off-the grid.
4. Get my degree.
5. Grow, at least most of, my own food.
6. Go sky-diving.
7. Have a successful relationship.
8. Write a book (that people actually read).
9. Act in an independent film.
10. Improve my social skills (a lot).
11. Speak at an animal rights conference.
12. Do something that would cause people to want me to speak at an animal rights conference.
13. Be able to run for miles without getting winded.
14. Have a group of vegan friends, that I actually know in real life.
15. Be less angry.
16. Take a martial arts class.
17. Go to Comic-Con
18. Take an exotic dance class.
19. Find a way to stop my hands from getting all bloody and gross every winter.
20. Eat a ghost pepper, and not be a pussy about it like all the videos I've seen.
21. Get a tattoo of my favorite quote from Bold Native.
22. Get a half sleeve tattoo.
23. Get several other tattoos that I have been thinking of.
24. Go to the UK.
25. Have a house with an open floor plan, so I don't have to kick things when I workout.
26. Have sexy pictures taken.
27. Get my stupid skin cleared up.
28. Sing in public.
29. Be brave enough to sing in public without having a heart attack.
30. Intern at Farm Sanctuary's Orland shelter.
31. Win a (physical) fight.
32. Start a vegan, off-the-grid community.
33. Liberate animals (Shhhh. Don't tell anybody that one.)
34. Be able to do pull-ups.
35. Get a better phone (mine is god awful).
36. Sew up my own wound. Yeah, I was actually serious about that.
37. Star using Twitter.
38. Go back to Acton.
39. Visit Portland.
40. Buy a good camera.
41. Use said camera to take my own pictures to post here, instead of always using ones form the internet.
42. Go to Burning Man.
43. Get married (MAYBE).
44. Make jewelry that people actually want to buy.
45. See something unbelievable. I don't know what, just something.
46. Feel good about my body.
47. Walk through the entire gorge in Watkins Glen.
48. Learn a foreign language.
49. Learn to play an instrument.
50. Come up with fifty more things for this list.
51. Turn my living space into a work of art.
52. Get a decent following for this blog. Not that I don't appreciate those of you who read it now. I DO!
53. Adopt a kid (MAYBE)
54. Feel sane enough that I could adopt a kid without being afraid for his/her sanity.
55. Swim in a waterfall.
56. Go rock climbing.
57. Do any of the art projects I have thought about doing over the years.
58. Go cliff-diving.
59. Be an inspiration to someone.
60. Go to Time Square on New Year's Eve, and don't freak out from all the people.
61. Go someplace that's supposedly haunted.
62. Start a video blog.
63. Buy a punching bag.
64. Learn how to do those crazy yoga poses I'm always seeing pictures of.
65. Do roller derby.
66. Learn to manage my time.
67. Learn to do Parkour.
68. Have a life that makes me wake up with a sense of enthusiasm.
69. Die knowing that my life meant something.
70. Learn to fix things, all sorts of things.
71. Learn how to have fun.
72. Be a better activist.
73. Buy an Ipod.
74. Lear to stand up for my beliefs, in a productive way.
75. Like real life better than fiction.
76. Stop feeling awkward all the time.
78. Swim in the ocean at night. I did that once, but I was too young to really enjoy it.
79. Learn to shoot a gun.
80. Start an animal sanctuary.
81. Find people I can count on the help run said sanctuary.
82. Find an exercise that will get my legs to look the way I want them to.
83. Jump through a window, you know like in the movies. This may very well result in the necessity of #36.
84. Learn to find meaning in the mundane aspects of life.
85. Go someplace where I have to get really dressed up.
86. Dance with someone. Maybe at the above place?
87. Learn to speak with various accents.
88. Earn respect.
89. Give people a reason to care about what I have to say.
90. Save a life.
91. Be well-known, even if only in some small, obscure circle.
92. Be less distracted.
93. Stop doing that weird nervous tick thing with my ear.
94. Gain better skills for dealing with the animals, so I don't yell at them.
95. Stop being embarrassed about things I did years ago.
96. Let go of past disappointment.
97. Discover the best balance between being nice and being bad-ass and then achieve that :)
98. Go to and/or have parties, and actually enjoy them.
99. Find true love (I know, super cheesy! Whatever, I'm out of good ideas).
100. Always do my best to be a good person.

                                               I hope you enjoyed my really fucking long list!