Chronic Politeness

I truly believe that the best way to be happy with yourself is to make a point to cultivate characteristics that you respect in others, and to try to overcome the ones you don't respect. I have been making a conscious effort to do this for some time now, and I believe that it has made a huge difference in my self-esteem. At this point, there are very few things that I am ashamed of. There is still one thing though that I just can't seem to get past. I just cannot seem to get over this whole doormat mentality that I have. All the people I respect most tend to be those who don't take shit from anybody; people who stand up for themselves, their beliefs and other beings. I seem to have what you might call "chronic politeness" I am compelled to be polite to people, even when they are being complete dicks to me, and I HATE that about myself.

Last night this woman came into Goodwill and was looking at the jewelry counter. I was standing there waiting to see if she would want me to get anything out for her. She asks to see my tattoo (the Vegan one) and when I show it to her she says, and I quote "Oh that's terrible." and shakes her head slowly. I honestly laughed, I was so taken aback. I mean, I have had people ask to see my tattoo and then not know what to say when they see what it is, but never has anyone expressed such blunt disapproval. Then she says "I have some friends who are vegans (I would just like to say that she may well know some vegans but, considering her attitude toward them, I would be willing to bet that they don't think of her as a friend.). You can usually tell who's a vegan because they're always scrawny like you." I really, REALLY wanted to punch her in the face. I seriously considered telling her that I think her concept of a healthy weight is a bit skewed (she was at least 30 pounds overweight), and/or dropping to the floor and doing 20 or 30 push-ups to show her how fucking "scrawny" I am. Instead, I just rang up her stuff and told her to have a nice night. I then proceeded to berate myself for it for the rest the night and again today.

I'm fairly certain Aeryn would kick the living shit out of anyone who had the nerve to call her scrawny, and I should have done the same. 

Beautiful vs. Hot

I have seen multiple different photos and graphics, circulating around the internet, with a quote advising girls to "Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot." I do see what they're getting at but I, for one, don't think that's especially good advice and here's why. At least in my mind, beauty is a physical characteristic. You're either beautiful or you're not. Being "hot" on the other hand (and this is, again, in my mind. I can't say for sure that it means this to anyone else.) is about choices. I consider people to be hot based on their style, attitude, and behavior, not on any particular physical attributes. If you have a beautiful face, you are beautiful; if you don't then you're not. However, as far as I'm concerned, you could have a horrifying facial deformity and it would not necessarily prevent you from being hot, if you so choose. Some of the hottest people are not those who would generally be considered to be beautiful. There is just something about them as people, the way they act, the way they handle themselves, that makes them appealing. I guess my point here is; I would much rather be called hot than beautiful, because I feel like it would be a reflection on me as a whole person, not just on the appearance of my face.

Take Aeryn, for example. She has a fairly unique look that many people might not consider "beautiful." However, I doubt that anyone would dispute the fact that she is hot as all fuck. 

Thoughts on Love Part 5: The Crichton to My Aeryn

Sorry, I just couldn't get through this series of posts about Love without talking about my favorite fictional couple. Over the years, I have found so many characters that I have connected with, related to, rooted for, fallen for, and mourned over. I don't think I have ever  found a couple whose relationship I was more invested in than Crichton and Aeryn though. Normally, I just don't care all that much if Person A and Person B get together or not. Since we started season one of Farscape though, I have been dying to know if Crichton and Aeryn ever get their shit together. Obviously, one reason for this is that, as I mentioned before, Aeryn is basically me. If she can find Love then maybe there is hope for me yet. After I started thinking about my own definition of Love, I realized that the other reason I care so much what happens to them is that they fit so perfectly with what I believe Love to be. Throughout most of the series, Aeryn is cold, angry, lost, and emotionally-stunted (much like someone else we all know) but Crichton still always wants to be around her anyway. He never tries to change her; he never expects her to be anything other than what she is. The only thing he ever really demands of her is that she admit that she loves him back, and even when she won't he still wants to spend all of his time with her. The really beautiful part is that, over time, he does end up changing her. By accepting her and loving her for exactly what she is, he makes her better that she ever was before, without changing the root of who she is. I guess my point here is, I need my own Crichton.

Just to Reiterate

My brain is such an asshole! Last night, I set three clocks! THREE! And they still didn't wake me up! I set my CD player alarm for 6:30, my brand new alarm clock for 6:35, and my alarm on my phone for 6:40. I thought "There's no way I can sleep through all that." Wrong! I didn't wake up until 7:30, when my dad came in and shook my foot. By then all the clocks had given up, except my phone which was till desperately buzzing away under my pillow. Poor little bastard tried so hard; I felt kind of sorry for him. How is this physically possible? More importantly, how am I ever going to get my shit together if I can't even manage to wake up in the mornings?

That's What I Call a Good Day

I finally got to watch the season premier of Supernatural yesterday and it was amazing! I love that show more than anyone should ever love a work of fiction. I'm not going to say anything else about it; you should just watch it, because it looks like this season is going to be great. You know, just like the other 8 seasons were. I also watched the new episode of S.H.I.E.L.D. I think it's going to be really good too. I've found that, at least in my opinion, Joss Whedon shows tend to start out good and then get to be fantastic later on. This is of course with the exception of Firefly, which started out fantastic and then got cancelled! Fox will never be forgiven for this outrage! Not that I'm bitter about it or anything. Then last night we watched the most ridiculous and hilarious episode of Farscape. I am now thoroughly convinced that everyone who was involved with that show was stoned ALL THE TIME. In this episode, Crichton and Chiana got stuck in a video game which fed off of Crichton's memories and featured Zhaan as a fat guy who milked himself, and Aeryn as a horny princess who talked like the mother from The Waterboy. Also, there is a truly weird scene, with an elevator who wishes he could go sideways, that had me cracking up.

Luxan Hyper-Rage

There was this one episode of Farscape that we watched recently during which D'Argo was so pissed off at the general state of his life that he got into a fight with Crichton and ended up putting him into a coma. Then he throws his Qualta blade down into the bowels of the ship and they all have to go look for it. It's a whole big thing. Anyway, most people would probably think that his behavior was completely ridiculous and out-of-line. However, I know what it's like to have your whole life go to shit and feel like there's absolutely nothing you can to about it and, frankly, I think it's a bit of a miracle that I haven't put anyone into a coma yet. Instead I just yell a lot and sometimes punch various structures when no one is looking.

This image is from Crichton's crazy, cartoon, coma-dream. It's a weird show. 

My Brain Is an Asshole

I swear there is some little piece of my brain that thinks the most fun thing in the world is to sabotage me, in every possible way. Yesterday was my day off, and I had all these things I was planning to get done. As usual, my plans didn't quite pan out. I thought "That's okay. I'll just get up early tomorrow and do it." So I set my clock for 6:00. I woke up at 8:56, which is about two hours later than I get up when I don't have shit-tons of housework to do. Fucking awesome! Thanks brain!

There's a chance it may be Scorpius. 

What Are You Complaining about?

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, my dad and I have started watching Farscape. The basic idea of the show is that an astronaut gets sucked into a wormhole and ends up lost somewhere in the universe with no idea where he is in relation to Earth. He spends a large portion of his time just trying to figure out how to get back home. This concept seems to be a really common theme in the Sci/Fi and Fantasy genres. It seems like someone is always getting lost in some amazing place and then moping and whining about how much they want to go home. Just once I would like to see someone get lost in some distant and magical place and be like "Fuck yeah! I'm staying here! This is so much better than where I come from!" because that's what I would say, if I were in that situation.

Quit you're bitching Crichton! Damn! 

Over-Identifying

In every book/movie/TV show that I get into, I invariably find at least one character that makes me think "Holy shit! He/she is just like me!" Well, my dad and I just started watching Farscape and I'm telling you, I am Aeryn Sun. She hates showing emotion, she doesn't know how to interact with other people, she has no idea what to do with her life or where she belongs, she absolutely does not do the girly thing, and she's pissed off all the time. Plus, she's really good at carrying heavy shit.

Seriously, we're the same person.