The Illusion of Freedom

So you know how I was trying to buy a trailer? and I just couldn't seem to get anyone to move one for me? Well, I've been thinking about it and I'm thinking that maybe I was going about this the wrong way anyway. I know I'm kind of just rationalizing here, but hear me out. I had talked years ago about living in a camping trailer, then I (sort of) decided against it because I thought it would be too small for me to workout in. Well, I just realized that a regular trailer really wouldn't be all that much roomier. I mean, they're still really narrow and most of them have somewhat low ceilings. So if I'm willing to live in one of those, how much worse could it be to live in a camper? In fact, I feel like it could actually be better in some ways.

See, for a long time I've been kind of torn about the idea of investing any money in a place of my own here. I just keep thinking that someday I will move somewhere else, and then any money and time that I spent on making a place for myself will be wasted because I'll have to leave it behind. The great thing about a camper though, is that it could go anywhere I go. If someday I have an opportunity to leave, I can just do it. Not only would I have the ability to move, but having a camper would actually make it easier. I wouldn't even necessarily have to worry about finding a place to stay when I get to wherever I end up going. There are RV parks all over the place. So wherever I go, I will always have a place to stay. I know this is probably something that will never happen, and I'm just being delusional here. But, you know what? Sometimes delusions are all we have.

Plus, as an added bonus, I wouldn't have to worry about finding a professional to haul it for me. I just have to find a camper close enough that I can go pick it up. Also, as another added bonus, it will automatically be cheaper on heat/electricity/etc. And, to be honest, I just think they're cooler than regular trailers. Somehow I just feel like living in a camper is a personal choice, whereas living in a trailer is something you do because you can't afford to live in a real house.

Yeah.....thanks for that.

Who Would've Thought?

Yesterday, my dad, my sister, my sister's boyfriend and I went back to the Palace of Gold (the place we went for the Festival of Colors) and took a tour of the palace. It was even more amazing on the inside than it was on the outside. Here's the really cool part though; I just assumed there were places like this all over the country. There aren't. This is the only one in the U.S. and, apparently, the first one ever. Srila Prabhupada, the guy who started the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (the Hare Krishnas) is the one who actually founded this place. It was originally intended to just be a community for his devotees, but they wanted to build a special place for him to stay when he came to visit them. So they TAUGHT THEMSELVES how to do everything and built the whole fucking place by themselves. I find that completely amazing! They did all the marble (which is everywhere), stained-glass (some of the most beautiful I've ever seen), gold-leaf (also, everywhere), painting (including hand-painted ceilings, with intricate floral designs), and tapestries (unbelievably intricate). Here's the shitty part, he died before he ever got to stay there. So they just kept adding to the place and made it into this huge memorial for him. They added statues of him, and some objects that belonged to him. There is also a plaque of his footprints which is the original that every similar plaque in every other Prabhupada memorial all over the world is made from.

How does this place exist in WV? Furthermore, since it does, how did I not know about it? 

Festival of Colors

Yesterday, a group of us went to the Festival of Colors. It was held at the Palace of Gold  in Moundsville WV. First of all, may I just say that I am completely amazed that this place exists in WV. It was absolutely beautiful! The buildings were incredibly intricate and detailed. There were these amazing statues everywhere. They had a huge rose garden with varieties of roses I have never seen before. And there was a gorgeous pond full of lily pads and huge lotus blossoms. Then there was the event itself. It was the most fun I have had in a very long time. I had seen pictures of it online many times and always thought "I want to do that someday." but as far as I knew they only did it in India, and I knew I was most likely never going to make it to India. Then I found out they were having it in fucking Moundsville WV! I was more than a little shocked. Everything about it was beautiful. A whole crowd of people covered from head to toe in every color of the rainbow, and then some. Every hour they had a group color toss, during which everyone threw handfuls of color into the air at the same time and created this enormous cloud of swirling dust. Plus the colors were scented with some sort of incense, or something, that had this pleasant lightly rosy smell. The whole thing was fucking fantastic and I'm definitely going back next year!

Caty posted some truly great pictures on Facebook. Check them out! 

Nomad

Lately I have been thinking how nice it would be to just travel aimlessly. This is not something I had ever really wanted before. I mean I always thought it would be nice to travel some, if I had the chance, but lately I have had this strange urge to just take off and never stop. You know how I mentioned before about those recurring themes in my life that I never really seem to understand? Well the new one seems to be all about this nomadic lifestyle. The last three books that I've read have all had distinct overtones of wandering, which I did not expect at all before I read them. Also, I have been seeing a good number of turtles around, which my mom looked up in her animal symbolism book (Please note, I'm not actually saying that I believe in it) and found that they represent the idea of travel because they carry their homes with them. Now I keep thinking that what I want to do is buy a camper, and preferably a car that will go in all directions, and just keep driving around forever. Of course, this is not something that will ever happen for a multitude of different reasons, the most obvious being the many animals who depend on me to take care of them. This leads me to, once again, ask the question "What the fuck, Powers that Be?"

Even if I never get to travel, I still think it would be pretty damn cool to live in one of these. 

There's No Place Like Home, but That Hotel Was Almost as Bad

Sorry about the lack of post yesterday. My aunt and my cousin arrived and I just completely forgot to write anything. Anyway, we made it back to WV. Remember how I said that I always feel like things are going to be different when I get back from a trip but they never are? Well this time something is different; my sister doesn't have a car and she and my mom are most likely going to be in a terrible mood for the next who knows how long. Not really the kind of different I was hoping for. And remember how I said at least the trip would be nice, well I was wrong about that part too.

So Much for the Fun Roadtrip

The weather was kind of shitty here today so we decided to wait and go to both the gorge and the farm tomorrow. Today we went to Ithaca and wandered around for a while, which was nice I guess. Then, as we were on our way way back to our hotel, we hit a deer on the interstate. It was fucking horrible. None of us saw her coming; she just flew at the car and slammed into the front corner on the drivers side. Ironically enough we had just been talking a few minutes before that about how there are always so many animals killed in the road and how so many people just don't try hard enough to avoid them. It really is unavoidable sometimes though. Anyway, now an innocent deer is dead, our car is fucked, we are stuck in the room instead of getting to go to the gorge or the farm, my aunt and cousin have to drive up from WV to pick us up, then we will have to come back later to pick up the car once they get it fixed. I'm telling you guys, I really am cursed. I am fairly certain that, had I stayed home, my mom and sister would have had a great time. Plus the poor deer would probably still be alive.

Checked in

We just arrived in New York. I don't really have anything exciting to say because we pretty much spent the entire day in the car. Hopefully tomorrow night I will have something better to talk about. Also, I hate hotel rooms. Just saying. This one isn't even bad; I just don't like having to try to fit my life into a single tiny room. Also, if I'm going to workout tomorrow, which I do EVERY day I will probably have to go out in the hallway because there simply isn't enough space in here. We'll see if I can actually make myself do that.

And it doesn't even have crazy retro wallpaper or one of those weird divider things like Sam and Dean's rooms always have. 

Road Trip

This weekend my mom, my sister and I are taking a trip to Watkins Glen. The plan is to visit Farm Sanctuary  one day and the gorge the other day. I always love visiting Farm Sanctuary and the gorge is honestly the most beautiful place I have ever seen. It truly doesn't even seem like it should be a real place it's so amazing. It should be a great trip. The problem is, when I do things like this I always have this feeling like it's somehow going to change things, like I'll get back and suddenly everything will be better. That's just not how life works though is it? Anyway, it should still be nice.

This is the best picture I could find of the gorge and it really doesn't do it justice at all. 

I Want to Get Lost Too!

I have a new place to add to my list of places I will go if I get the chance, Hawaii. I've heard a ton of people talk about wanting to go to Hawaii and I always thought "Yeah, it would probably be nice" but it was never someplace that I was overly excited about. Then, my mom and I started watching Lost, which is apparently filmed there, and now I REALLY want to go! If I ever do get to go there, I am definitely going to wander into the forest and just live there for the rest of my life. I don't know what the people on the show are always complaining about, it seems like a cool place to live to me.

If I Ever Get the Chance to Travel

If I ever get the chance to travel, I am going to go;

1. to Portland.
2. back to LA
3. back to the Acton sanctuary
4. to Asheville, North Carolina
5. on a Sam and Dean style road trip, looking for weird stuff around the country
6. to London,
7. while I'm at it maybe I'll go to Cardiff and see if I can fall through the rift.
8. to the Orland California sanctuary
9. to Comic-Con
10. back to the AR conference

I really want to see this someday. 

100th Post

This is my 100th post here. So I'm going to celebrate with (what else?) a list! In case you didn't notice, I don't actually know how to celebrate. Sorry. Anyway, here are 100 things I want to do in my life. Disclaimer- In order to get 100 things I had to include everything from the ridiculously mundane to the (almost) certainly unattainable. Also, some of these I've talked about before.

1. Get a job I actually like.
2. Get my own place.
3. Live off-the grid.
4. Get my degree.
5. Grow, at least most of, my own food.
6. Go sky-diving.
7. Have a successful relationship.
8. Write a book (that people actually read).
9. Act in an independent film.
10. Improve my social skills (a lot).
11. Speak at an animal rights conference.
12. Do something that would cause people to want me to speak at an animal rights conference.
13. Be able to run for miles without getting winded.
14. Have a group of vegan friends, that I actually know in real life.
15. Be less angry.
16. Take a martial arts class.
17. Go to Comic-Con
18. Take an exotic dance class.
19. Find a way to stop my hands from getting all bloody and gross every winter.
20. Eat a ghost pepper, and not be a pussy about it like all the videos I've seen.
21. Get a tattoo of my favorite quote from Bold Native.
22. Get a half sleeve tattoo.
23. Get several other tattoos that I have been thinking of.
24. Go to the UK.
25. Have a house with an open floor plan, so I don't have to kick things when I workout.
26. Have sexy pictures taken.
27. Get my stupid skin cleared up.
28. Sing in public.
29. Be brave enough to sing in public without having a heart attack.
30. Intern at Farm Sanctuary's Orland shelter.
31. Win a (physical) fight.
32. Start a vegan, off-the-grid community.
33. Liberate animals (Shhhh. Don't tell anybody that one.)
34. Be able to do pull-ups.
35. Get a better phone (mine is god awful).
36. Sew up my own wound. Yeah, I was actually serious about that.
37. Star using Twitter.
38. Go back to Acton.
39. Visit Portland.
40. Buy a good camera.
41. Use said camera to take my own pictures to post here, instead of always using ones form the internet.
42. Go to Burning Man.
43. Get married (MAYBE).
44. Make jewelry that people actually want to buy.
45. See something unbelievable. I don't know what, just something.
46. Feel good about my body.
47. Walk through the entire gorge in Watkins Glen.
48. Learn a foreign language.
49. Learn to play an instrument.
50. Come up with fifty more things for this list.
51. Turn my living space into a work of art.
52. Get a decent following for this blog. Not that I don't appreciate those of you who read it now. I DO!
53. Adopt a kid (MAYBE)
54. Feel sane enough that I could adopt a kid without being afraid for his/her sanity.
55. Swim in a waterfall.
56. Go rock climbing.
57. Do any of the art projects I have thought about doing over the years.
58. Go cliff-diving.
59. Be an inspiration to someone.
60. Go to Time Square on New Year's Eve, and don't freak out from all the people.
61. Go someplace that's supposedly haunted.
62. Start a video blog.
63. Buy a punching bag.
64. Learn how to do those crazy yoga poses I'm always seeing pictures of.
65. Do roller derby.
66. Learn to manage my time.
67. Learn to do Parkour.
68. Have a life that makes me wake up with a sense of enthusiasm.
69. Die knowing that my life meant something.
70. Learn to fix things, all sorts of things.
71. Learn how to have fun.
72. Be a better activist.
73. Buy an Ipod.
74. Lear to stand up for my beliefs, in a productive way.
75. Like real life better than fiction.
76. Stop feeling awkward all the time.
78. Swim in the ocean at night. I did that once, but I was too young to really enjoy it.
79. Learn to shoot a gun.
80. Start an animal sanctuary.
81. Find people I can count on the help run said sanctuary.
82. Find an exercise that will get my legs to look the way I want them to.
83. Jump through a window, you know like in the movies. This may very well result in the necessity of #36.
84. Learn to find meaning in the mundane aspects of life.
85. Go someplace where I have to get really dressed up.
86. Dance with someone. Maybe at the above place?
87. Learn to speak with various accents.
88. Earn respect.
89. Give people a reason to care about what I have to say.
90. Save a life.
91. Be well-known, even if only in some small, obscure circle.
92. Be less distracted.
93. Stop doing that weird nervous tick thing with my ear.
94. Gain better skills for dealing with the animals, so I don't yell at them.
95. Stop being embarrassed about things I did years ago.
96. Let go of past disappointment.
97. Discover the best balance between being nice and being bad-ass and then achieve that :)
98. Go to and/or have parties, and actually enjoy them.
99. Find true love (I know, super cheesy! Whatever, I'm out of good ideas).
100. Always do my best to be a good person.

                                               I hope you enjoyed my really fucking long list!