It Looks Like the Powers Have a Sense of Humor

So, yesterday, I broke out the old Tarot cards for the first time in over a year. I decided to be really serious about it this time (don't you laugh at me), so I went outside and sat under my favorite tree and really focused on being open to any suggestions the Divine Powers might have for me. By the way, I have taken to referring to them as the "Divine Powers" when I'm being sincere and the "Powers that Be" when I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, I ended up with a layout that, while still not especially helpful, did seem somehow intentional and more than a little snooty.

The first position in the layout is called "what covers you" and it is supposedly the issue you're facing. My card was the king of wands. I started reading about him and realized that he was basically....well....me. Last time I tried to do my cards, I was trying to choose a card to represent me, which is something you are supposed to do before you start your reading. I finally just gave up on that because none of the queens really seemed that much like me. So the Divine Powers were like "You see, here's your problem. You're basically a guy." The next position is "what crosses you" which is either an obstacle or a benefit, depending on the context. My card was the ace of pentacles, which is all about money. I think that one is pretty self-explanatory. The next card "crowns you" and is all about the way you think about your situation. My card was the king of swords and his whole deal is about making people follow the rules. So, to me, this refers to my distaste for rules and my desire to live outside of conventional society. The next card is "at your feet" and indicates everything I have done that has led me to my current situation. It was the queen of swords who is all about following the rules. I interpreted this as meaning that I have been letting other people influence me and my decisions for too long. Next is the "near future". I got the knight of swords. He is this charismatic, dare-devil type. The way I saw it, this could either be someone who will come into my life, or someone I could become. Either way, I'll take it. Then came the "near past" which was the page of swords. This one talked about a kid with a dysfunctional family life who never felt that he/she had a real home. Seemed fairly accurate. Next is the "most important aspect". I got the ten of swords which is about pain and despair. I found that one pretty self-explanatory as well. Her comes the kind of funny part. The next position is called the "world to you". Guess which card I got? The world. I kind of feel like someone was getting sick of giving me insight and was just like "You want me to tell you what the world to you is? Really? It's the fucking world!" After that was "hope and fear". My card was the hermit, which was also funny because it was actually both my hope and my fear depending on whether I looked at it literally or symbolically. Literally, yeah I'm pretty fucking terrified that I will end up being a hermit for the rest of my life. But when you read the description of the card it actually represents the light at the end of the tunnel. The last card is the "out-come" and is supposed to be the answer to the question at hand. Mine was the ace of wands, which talks of new beginnings, fresh starts, and positive changes. I'll fucking take it!

By the way, yes I do realize that I obviously didn't shuffle well enough. Hence the king, queen, knight, page and ten of swords all in a row. That doesn't make them any less accurate though. So there.

These are my cards. Aren't they pretty?