So Many Useless Skills

I don't want to brag, but I have an abundance of very rare skills. When I say I don't want to brag I mean it; all of my skills are rare for a reason, they are entirely worthless. You know how much I like lists so here is a list of, some of, my useless skills.

1. I can kick above my head. Back in high school, this prompted a guy that I knew to try to kick as high as me, pull a muscle, fall down and call me a "stupid vegetarian bitch." To which I replied "HAHAHAHA."

2. I can fold a fitted sheet better than anyone I know. This may be a bit surprising to anyone who actually knows me at all. Surprise everyone, turns out I'm Martha fucking Stewart!

3. I can make really complicated beaded jewelry that everyone seems to think is fairly impressive but, when I tried selling it, no one wanted to buy.

4. I can eat, and enjoy, spicier food than any normal person should. I think I mentioned the pepper spray before. I also used to put extreme amounts of red pepper flakes on foods that should not have red pepper flakes on them when I was at lunch back in middle school, just to freak people out.

5. I can crack nearly every joint in my body. This one is pretty much just annoying for me, and creepy to everyone around me.

I think those are pretty much the most useless ones.