Funny, Universe. Real Fucking Funny.

I find it to be a bit of a cruel cosmic joke that I both love animals and hate germs. I feel like I'm constantly cleaning up, and frequently stepping in, shit, piss or puke. My dog has this weird skin condition that causes him to smell awful and have flaky, itchy skin. He sleeps in bed with me, so my bed is always full of stinky dog skin flakes. Sometimes while I'm sleeping he likes to move up and lay right next to my face. My cat climbs in the toilet every time we forget to close the lid and then walks on me with little, wet, toilet feet. Petunia, one of my pigs, gets overly enthusiastic when she eats and gets food up  her nose. Then she comes up to me, looking for her treats, and snorts, spraying me with a combination of snot and pig food. I feel like I'm going to catch the fucking Ebola Virus, and I'm not even sure it exists anymore. Thanks, Universe.