I have mentioned in the past how everyone seems to, despite my best efforts, have this idea about me that I am this sweet, polite, naive, innocent person. Even the people who don't think that at least think that I'm a nice person. Here's the thing though, I'm really not that nice. I have this compulsion to act nice when I'm around other people (though that compulsion is getting weaker all the time) but deep down it's really not who I am. At least not anymore. I still care deeply about being a good person; as in doing the right thing, standing up for what I believe in, trying to make the world a better place. I just no longer give a shit about being a nice person. I have almost entirely lost my ability to feel sympathy for the majority of people I encounter. I no longer feel compelled to go out of my way for anyone who doesn't really need/deserve my help. And to be perfectly honest, I'm pretty okay with a fair number of things that most people would likely consider morally reprehensible. I just don't feel that much of an obligation to other people anymore. The truth is, we're all pretty much assholes and, for the most part, we probably all deserve whatever we get. If I ever have the chance to make a real difference I will jump on it, no matter the cost. But when people expect me to do things for them just to make their lives a little more convenient, then fuck them.
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