I feel like I am a totally different person now than I was, say, back in high school; even than I was back when I was going to WVU. I have changed a great deal, both through conscious effort and natural evolution. But there are times I feel like I am still that person I used to be, not just back at WVU or back in high school, but before that. Sometimes I feel like I haven't changed at all over the course of my life. When I think about it, I know that I have. I know that I have grown and learned and become better for it, but then I worry that all of that is in my head and that the people around me will still see me as this goofy, awkward, unattractive child, and that I will never be able to get past that.
Does anyone know the episode (Restless) of Buffy where Willow had the dream that everyone kept telling her that people would find out "the truth about her" or "about the real her." That's what I feel like sometimes; like the person I think of myself as is just this illusion I've created and that everyone knows that but me.
I feel like that too! More than I should. And I love that episode of Buffy! It's strange and awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I'm not the only one! I just get this really surreal feeling sometimes and wonder "Do I actually look the way I think I do, or am I something totally different to other people?" I loved it too :) I thought they pulled it off so well. I loved that they threw in some stuff that was completely irrelevant and ridiculous, because I know that's mostly what my dreams are.
DeleteI often think that I would love to spend a day seeing myself through other's eyes. . . Then I realize that is a terrible idea.
DeleteHahahah, I know what you mean. I'm fairly certain it would either make me feel infinitely better about myself, or completely shatter any hope of ever feeling better about myself.
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