Winter Strikes Again

I have missed kickboxing class so many times in the last couple months! It's really starting to piss me off. First we didn't have class forever because the instructor was out of town. I went to a whole one class before it was cancelled again. Then last night I didn't go because I thought the weather was going to be really bad and I didn't want to have my mom's car out on bad roads. It was snowing all morning and the roads looked shitty, so I texted my instructor to tell him that I wouldn't be able to be there. Then, by the time it was time for class, it had stopped snowing and the roads looked completely fine. I'm telling you, Winter is a sentient being who is specifically trying to ruin my life. Now it has tricked me into missing the one thing that I actually look forward to every week.

Ⓥ Bad Vegan Guilt

I'm honestly not sure if this is something that is unique to me, or if other vegans experience it as well. I get this feeling that I'm being a bad vegan for liking things that are not specifically vegan. I'm not talking about foods or clothes, or anything else that actually contains animal products (that would make sense). I'm talking about TV shows, musicians, books, things like that. I refuse to support anyone, or anything, that I know to be cruel to animals in some way. I stop supporting any artist who wears fur, I won't watch movies if I find out that the animal actors were mistreated, etc. I still feel somewhat bad for supporting anything that is not actively vegan though.

I know it's rather unreasonable for us to expect everything we participate in to be directly in line with our beliefs, especially considering what a small percentage of the total population we are. Still, it's rather disappointing to be reading a book and find that the author keeps mentioning that the characters are eating meat. When I get involved in the lives of fictional characters, I am always tempted to just pretend that they feel the same way I do about animal rights. This works out fine, as long as nothing is actually stated to the contrary. When it is directly pointed out that they don't share my beliefs, I lose a little bit of the connection I felt to them.

On the other hand, I find that I try very hard to like things that are created by other vegans or animal rights activists. I make a point to listen to bands that I wouldn't otherwise listen to because the members are vegan, or watch movies that don't necessarily appeal to me because they have vegan actors. I feel like we, as vegans, have an obligation to support each other in every way we can. To me that means sometimes convincing myself to like things that I otherwise wouldn't.

I guess when you get right down to it, it's basically just a need to feel a connection to the things I love. It's the desire to feel understood. I don't want to have to put my beliefs on hold in order to be entertained. I want to be able to be who I am and love what I love at the same time. Unfortunately, for now, that can be pretty hard to do.

Time for a Change....Again

I have, yet again, gotten completely bored with my whole look. I need something new! I just can't decide what. I've been trying this whole more natural looking makeup thing for a whole now and I just don't know if I like it. I want to try something totally different though, I just can't decide what yet. So, naturally,I've now spent countless hours online looking for makeup that I like that is also vegan, which is a giant pain in the ass! Also, my hair is starting to piss me off again. I was pretty happy with the blonde for a while, but in order to get it the color I want I have to leave the bleach on for a really long time, which is starting to fry the shit out of my hair. I'm actually considering (Considering) trying my natural color for the first time in......I don't know.......15 years....?

If only I were shifter, I could try all the things I want to without having to commit to one. 

Physics

Lately I have been drinking this vegan protein powder stuff. I have been partly drinking it to help me build muscle, but mostly just because I really hate cooking, and just being able to throw some of this stuff in a bottle makes my life easier. That's not actually the point of this post though. The point is, I recently thought "You know what would be really nice? Getting protein and caffeine at the same time!" So I started mixing coffee with the protein powder. It works quite well.....except for one thing. For some reason that is beyond my understanding of physics, if I use hot coffee it turns the powder into a giant gelatinous glob in the bottom of the bottle. No amount of shaking will break up said glob after it has formed. The only solution is to let the coffee get completely cool before pouring it into the bottle. Sometime I just don't have time for that, which means that sometimes I end up chewing my protein shake, which is fucking gross. If someone can explain to me why this happens, I would be very interested to know.

Ban-Gaisgedaig

Ban-Gaisgedaig- Young female warriors in ancient Celtic society, responsible for teaching boys the arts of combat and love.


I want to be made of satin and steel, to have a soft sheen of beauty covering the unyielding strength underneath. I want eyes lit by the fire in my soul, and flesh warmed by the molten metal coursing through my veins. Is it possible to be both the maiden and the knight? To have the face to inspire the hero and the arm to fight by his side? How does one reconcile sensuality and strength? Must we choose between beauty and bravery? Does femininity preclude heroics? I don't want to have to choose. I want to be a muse and a warrior, to have the ability to instill both desire and fear. I want to be the powers of nature incarnate, to have the glow of the sun in my skin and the force of the ocean in my muscles, to posses the gentle touch of the wind and the solid bearing of the earth. Fuck fairy tales with their damsels in distress. I will be a damsel in control.

I know it's been for-fucking-ever so, in case you forgot, this ^ image means this is a poem.

I'm On a Roll

My luck seems to be on a bit of an upswing these last couple of days. First, I didn't completely humiliate myself at the poetry slam. Then, last night, I actually won a card game. My mom, my sister, and I played canasta last night ( I know, we are the most exciting people) for the fist time in a long time. I've always enjoyed playing canasta but, as far as I can remember, I have never actually won a game. In fact, there have only been a handful of times in my life that I've won any game (or anything for that matter). This time I did though. Perhaps this is a sign that things are starting to turn around.........probably not, but it's still kind of cool. 

Better Than I Expected

I guess I was a little overly dramatic yesterday. The poetry slam actually went really well. By "really well" I mean that I didn't completely humiliate myself. In fact, I got third place. There were only six participants, but still it was kind of nice. I made it through all three rounds for the first time since I've been doing this, so I call that a success. Anyway, I just thought I would let you guys know that I was freaking out for nothing. Also, thank you to everyone who helped me out with choosing my poems, and everyone who had anything to do with the slam, it was a great experience!

Me sister took some great pictures of everyone too!