Another One Bites the Dust

We are down yet another employee at Goodwill, one of the last remaining cashiers that I actually enjoyed working with. Fucking great. Since I have been back, this time, at least seven people have quit. We have lost, three utility workers, two cashiers, one wares person, and one manager. There may have actually been more, but they come and go so regularly that I can't even keep track of them anymore. The best part is, it always seems to be the ones I kind of like working with. The super annoying ones and the ones who don't really do their jobs are always the last to go.

Out of Gas

You know that feeling in the air right before it storms really hard? I love that feeling! It was quite strong yesterday while I was on my way to work, which was nice because it sort of distracted me from the fact that I was on my way to work. As I pulled into the parking lot, it was just beginning to rain but it felt like a huge storm could erupt at any second. I actually thought "Hey, maybe the power will go out and I can go home!" Mistake! Guess what. The power did go out. Guess what else. That no longer means that we get to go home. Now it apparently means that we have to ring people out with a fucking calculator. Luckily, it came back on pretty quickly and I only actually ended up having to do one sale with the calculator. Still, by the time we got the registers working again, there was a huge line of people waiting to check out. Plus, we could only take cash, so several people just abandoned their stuff and vowed to come back and get it later. One or two actually did. I will never wish for the power to go out again!

20 Thing I've Learned from Working at Goodwill

1- People are assholes.
2- It is possible for people to be very nice and also be assholes at the same time.
3- There is apparently nothing in the world more desirable that second-hand jewelry.
4- People read "We accept donations" as "Bring us ALL your trash"
5- It is possible to develop a seething hatred for clothes hangers.
6- The most annoying people have no idea how annoying they are.
7- You can always spot the people who are buying things to resell.
8- You can also spot the people who have never worked in retail.
9- Cashiers are VERY near the bottom of the social ladder.
10- Dressing rooms are not just for trying on clothes they are also for building massive structures comprised of clothes, hangers, knickknacks, and various other paraphernalia.
11- Everyone wants to be the first one to get a look at the new clothes being put on the racks, even if the "new clothes" are actually old clothes that you are trying to take off the racks.
12- No matter how much something costs there will be people who will be thrilled about it and people who will bitch about it.
13- Some people always need to have something to bitch about.
14- "Not-for-profit" companies don't give a shit about their employees any more than big, evil corporations do.
15- There need to be plus-sized hangers for the plus-sized clothes.
16- If someone is willing to work for almost no money, there is probably a reason for it.
17- Some people will donate anything.
18- Some people will buy anything.
19- If you give people no money, and no respect, they will give no fucks about just walking out and never coming back.
20- There are some seriously strange people in this world, and the people with the shittiest jobs are the ones who have to deal with them.

I Try to Be My Fucking Best, Okay?

I think I am going to try going back to writing in the mornings for a while. You see, Goodwill completely drains me of any and all inspiration, enthusiasm, and energy that I might have had. So, by the time I get home, I am in no state to come up with anything intelligent or entertaining to say.

Annnnnnnyway, you know how I said I've been doing the whole (stupid, frustrating, infuriating, futile) online dating thing? Well, I talked back and forth a couple of times with this one guy. He seemed a little better than some of the others. He was talking about how exciting his life had been; he'd been to this place, and that place, and done all of these things. When I wrote back I was actually trying to be sort of flirty, but I obviously failed. I said something to the effect of "It sounds like you've had a pretty exciting life. I don't feel like I've had nearly enough excitement in my life." He wrote me back this absurdly long message with all of this cliched bullshit about how the important thing is to just be yourself, and just let things happen the way they are going to, and don't have too many ideas about what your life is supposed to be, and just being a good person is enough. I swear, I've heard this same fucking speech from about thirty different people. Every time I say anything about my life being boring and devoid of meaning, this is what I get. And I'm sorry people, but it is complete and utter bullshit. Life is not about just letting whatever happens happen, and being a good person is not enough. It's about doing things, making things happen, trying to be the best that we can. If we're not going to change anything or accomplish anything then what's the fucking point?

Ripped Apart

I feel as if I am constantly trying to rip myself apart. Every aspect of my being is eternally pulling, shoving, fighting, against all of the others. How can these different facets all exist within the same person, especially when they hate each other so? I have the mind of an artist; striving for creation, for expression. I have the soul of a monk; longing for fulfillment, for meaning. And I have the heart of a warrior, searching for challenge, for victory. These people, these archetypal concepts, that dwell within my consciousness are in a never-ending battle for dominance, for control over my life, my choices. My mind tries to create things of beauty, but my soul asks "what worth is there in beauty?" and my heart bellows "where is the adrenaline rush?" My soul dreams of building a better world, but my mind  cries "I will wither away!" and my heart demands "I must have an enemy to conquer!" My heart tries to make me strong and fearless, but my mind asks "what will that leave behind when you are gone?" and my soul asks "what impact will that make on the world?" I don't know how to please them all and I fear that to satisfy one is to sentence the others to death.

I realized today that it had been quite a long time since I posted any disturbing poetry. This one is a work in progress. 

Once Upon a Time

The other day I mentioned that I believe that the secret to not being treated like shit is, for the most part, being confident in your choices. I said that I knew this from personal experience, so I'm going to explain that a little. When I was in school, specifically high school but really the whole way through, I was the weird kid. I always dressed differently, acted differently, hell even talked differently than everyone else. I had few friends, never participated in any sports/clubs/etc. and never made even the tiniest effort to fit in. By the way, I also had terrible skin and braces. However, despite the fact that I'm sure everyone thought I was a complete freak, I never got picked on. I'm sure some of the more unpleasant members of my class said things about me behind my back from time to time, but almost no one ever said anything bad about me to my face. I truly believe this was due to the fact that they knew it wouldn't make any difference. I didn't want to be like them and they knew it. I had no desire for their approval, and this left them with no reason to express their disapproval.

Excuses Excuses

Sorry I'm late everyone. You see, I got stuck at work until almost ten (we close at 9). Therefore, I was really fucking tired and my brain was just not working. Plus, I had to get up early today because we have to go pick up some hay for Riley and Tuni, then I have to come back and wash all the hay off me so I can go grocery shopping. Anyway, the point is this; there was no blog last night because I simply did not have time to sit around and wait for my quickly deteriorating brain to present me with a decent post. Anyway, I got stuck at work because the guy that works in the back had a shit-ton of donations to deal with and couldn't get all of it carried inside by himself. So basically I stayed at work and carried heavy shit for an hour. As I'm sure you all know, I don't mind physical labor. However, I do mind having to stay late at work. Here's how pathetic I am though.....are you ready? As we were leaving, the manager said something to the effect of "I shouldn't have kept you so late, but I knew we needed you." To which I replied "Oh, that's no problem." but in my mind I'm going "They needed me!" Then I didn't even mind that I had to stay late. I am depressing.