Back to the Start

As I mentioned yesterday, it looks like I'm going back to Goodwill. I'm not even bothered about this so much because I don't want to work there, it really wasn't all that bad, it's just that I feel like I keep going in circles. Every time I try to do something different with my life I end up right back where I started. When I really stop and think about it, I'm not entirely sure that I've ever actually made any progress in my life at all. In fact, I'm not even sure what I would consider progress to be.

So, We Meet Again

After a great deal of waiting, and hoping, and even a bit of half-assed praying, I have reached the end of my rope on the whole "find a job I actually like" front. So today I finally broke down and went to talk to the people at Goodwill about getting my old job back. I have to go talk to them again tomorrow, but it's looking like I'm going back to being a cashier. How is it that I keep ending up in the same places (both literally and figuratively) over and over again?

Nostalgia

Tonight I went with my mother, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend to watch the fireworks in Mannington. I really don't like fireworks at all, I get bored with them very easily and the ones that I don't find boring I find annoying. Plus Mannington does everything shittily. However, I hadn't actually left the house in three days, so I thought I might as well go with them.  Anyway, as expected, the fireworks sucked. But we all walked over to the park together to watch them, which was nice. It was funny though, I hadn't been in that park for a long time and it felt weird to be there again. It's not even that I spent all that much time there as a kid, it's just that I automatically associate it, or certain parts of it, with childhood. So anyway, I spent half the time wandering around and looking at the park and marveling at how much it has changed since I was little. It was one of those really sad things that I seem to enjoy for some fucking reason.

Brief and Intermittent Motivation. Also, Indecision

I actually got motivated for a little while today and made a couple of pairs of earrings. If I manage to get motivated again in the next few days I just might even put them on Etsy, maybe. Anyway, I was hoping for some advice. I made the earrings with these tiny little bottles that my sister found for me. What I'm trying to decide is, should I put things in the bottles or leave them empty? I was considering using either salt or herbs with supposed magical properties. Also, if I do put things in them, should I print up little labels for them? I was thinking, if I use salt, maybe I would make labels that say "a circle of salt to protect you". What do you think? Should I keep it simple or go all out? I know it would be much easier if I posted pictures of the earrings so you would know what I'm talking about, but my camera is shit and I'm lazy.

I found this picture rather adorable. Apparently it's by Luke Chueh. 

Just Thought I'd Share

Lately I've been reading up on Wicca. This actually started because I was going to make those necklaces I mentioned a long while back. Unfortunately, that never actually happened and now I am just reading about it because it's interesting and I have nothing better to do with my time. Anyway, I am currently reading The Witches' Way and there is this one part that I think is really cool and I just thought I would share it with all of you, mostly because I have nothing better to talk about tonight. There is this story about the "descent of the Goddess" and the whole thing is kind of interesting, but it ends with this little paragraph that I just love for some reason. It goes like this....

"For there are three great events in the life of man: Love, Death and the Resurrection in the new body; and magic controls them all. For to fulfill love you must return again at the same time and place as the loved one, and you must remember and love them again. But to be reborn you must die and be ready for a new body; and to die you must be born; and without love you may not be born; and this is all the magics."

I don't know, I just think there's something really beautiful about that. Also, it always bugged the crap out of me when everyone on Buffy always pluralized the word "magic" since I had never heard anyone do that before. Well, apparently it's a real thing. Who knew? besides Wiccans I mean.

Too Close

We all look at ourselves too closely. We lean toward mirrors and meticulously inspect every wrinkle, every pore, until the flaws are all we can see, until our faces and our bodies no longer make sense to us. We pick ourselves apart one piece at a time hoping desperately to exchange each part for one of another size, another shape, another color. We walk through our day bartering with those around us, silently begging them to trade us their lips, their eyes, their flat stomachs, never knowing that at the very same time they are frantically searching for someone to give them bigger breasts, thicker hair, or longer legs. Because you see, it's easy to look perfect from a distance. We view others from across streets, across rooms, or across tables and wonder how it is that they mange to be so beautiful. But we seldom get the chance to see ourselves from far away. We are so focused on every little detail that we barely even know what we look like as a whole person. Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror that I didn't know was there and for just a moment I think "Who is that? She's pretty." Then I look closer and realize that it's the same girl with the big nose, and the bad skin, and the stomach that always sticks out just a little, no matter how many sit-ups she does. We look at ourselves too damn closely. If we could just take a few steps back, maybe we could all see how beautiful we are. But we can't, because we are all flawed structures built for the specific purpose of slowly tearing ourselves down. It's what we do. It's all we've ever known.

^This picture means it's a poem, just in case you forgot. 

Let Them Wonder

Yesterday, my sister bought a couch for her new apartment, and today my dad and I went to help her pick it up. She doesn't actually get to move into the apartment just yet, so we had to bring it to my dad's shop to store it for her. Well, my dad's shop is a bit....um....full. So we had to lift the couch up and sit it on top of a table. Yeah, I don't know, it wasn't my idea. Anyway, I got my end of the couch up to about eye level and then it tipped off of my left hand and slid down my bicep before coming to rest on the table. So now I have couch burn running from my shoulder to my elbow. It's not terribly obvious right now, but I have a feeling that it might be somewhat impressive tomorrow. I would be rather interested to know what sort of explanations people will come up with when they see it. They will be all.....