Stagnation

Sorry this post is so late, I was busy today (by "busy" I mean I wasted the better part of my day and then had to go grocery shopping).

Anyway, last night in class we worked on blocking punches. We had to partner up again, and this time I ended up working with the young girl's mom. (To go off on a bit of a tangent here for a second, I actually think it's pretty cool that they're taking the class together. I feel like sharing an activity like that could be a good way to strengthen any relationship.) Unfortunately, I wasn't really any more comfortable hitting the mom than I was hitting the daughter, mostly because the mom didn't seem particularly comfortable with being hit. I guess we did okay overall, but it's just not feeling like I'm getting much of anywhere with this anymore. As I have said before, what I really need is someone who will just kick my ass until I learn to defend myself. Enough with this gentle practice with people who don't actually want to fight shit!

Ⓥ How Much Like Us?

I have always found it very difficult to decide where to draw the line when it comes to treating non-human animals as equal to humans. I believe wholeheartedly that they deserve every bit of consideration that humans do. The problem is that there are some inherent differences in the way they think and feel versus the way we do. How are we ever to know how things really affect them?

I often find myself thinking about living the way animals do, even the ones who are loved and cared for, and thinking how miserable it would be. Then I look at them and they don't seem to be bothered by it. I always wonder if I just can't see that they are unhappy, or if things really feel that different to them.

I think the boredom alone would be too much for me to deal with. As far as I can tell, all the animals in my care basically sleep all day and night. I can't even imagine having nothing to do but sleep all the time, yet that seems to be what they want to do. I wonder if there is something I could do to make their lives more interesting, or if they would still choose to lay around all day no matter what I did.

These are things that have always troubled me, but Riley and Tuni, my adopted pigs, create even more of a dilemma. I just don't know how to handle their physical circumstances or their social situation. In the past, I've always done everything I could to stop any one of my animals from bullying any other. However, with Riley and Tuni, there is very little I can do. With their size, I can't actually stop them from fighting if they want to. When I interned at Farm Sanctuary, I learned about the social hierarchy in pig herds, and apparently one pig picking on the next pig is just the way things are done. I just don't like it though; I keep thinking how awful it would be to be the smaller pig and to know that I was going to be pushed around every day. I don't know though, is it something that bothers them the way it would me? or is it just something they accept?

The thing that I worry about most though, when it comes to Riley and Tuni, is the weather. It has been so very cold here recently, and there are few things in this world that I find more uncomfortable than cold. Since I, obviously, can't bring them inside I keep wondering what I can do to make things more comfortable for them. I imagine them laying in the barn huddled and shivering. Then I look out in the field and see them walking around in the ice and snow, seemingly oblivious to the frigid temperatures.

For the most part, I have basically lived under the assumption that the best way to understand another being's state of mind is to try to imagine myself in his or her situation. I'm beginning to realize though, that may not be an accurate representation. The problem is, if that doesn't work, what does? How can we know when we should be doing more to make our companion animals happy, and when we should just accept that they have different needs than we do?

As much as I would like to, this is just not feasible when you're talking about pigs.

Well That's Pretty Cool

I just read the Legion book series (or the first two, anyway. There damn well better be a third one, since the second one left on a rather ridiculous cliff-hanger). I decided to read them because I found this article on Buzzfeed that said anyone who liked Supernatural should read these books. They actually were pretty similar, a little more teenage social drama than I generally like, but other than that they were quite good.  Anyway, part of the first book was set in WV, which is cool since half the country doesn't even know we're a state, and the WV State Penitentiary (our, supposedly haunted, old prison) was a fairly major part of the story. So yeah, I was pretty happy about that. Plus, it reminded me that I've never actually been to the state penitentiary, and this is a situation which I need to remedy.

What Are the Odds?

I actually got my tax refund yesterday. I went to the bank's website to check my account balance, to see whether or not I could afford to pay my credit card bill, and was startled and bewildered by the amount. At first, I thought someone at the bank must have made a mistake, and then I remembered that I had my refund direct deposited and was pretty excited to realize that it was, in fact, my money.

Anyway, now that I have it, I really need to open a savings account, so that I won't end up just spending it all. I haven't had a savings account in years, because this is the first time in years that I've had even a tiny bit of extra money. I keep hoping that, if I actually have a savings account, I'll see it when I go to check my balance and be motivated to add money to it from time to time. Then maybe, someday, I'll have enough money to do something worthwhile. But, then again, what are the odds of that actually happening? Probably not good....

Thanks, Effie! 

Clearly a Scam

Every once in a while, I decide that I'm finally going to figure out what I'm doing with my life. Then I spend hours and hours reading articles about possible careers, only to realize that, yeah, I still have no fucking clue what I'm doing with my life. So, today, after I finished that, I started taking various career tests to see if they could offer any insight. Well, not a single one of them said that I should be a demon hunter, and vampire slayer, or a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. So I'm just going to assume that they're bullshit.

So Far, So Good

I just thought I would let you guys know that I once again have my own computer. My dad took pity on me and bought me a Chromebook, which was really nice of him. Now I can actually do stuff online without having to plan my life around times when other people aren't going to be using their computers, which will be a nice change of pace. Now as long as the curse doesn't take this one too, I'll be good to go. I've had it for a couple of days now, and it still seems to be working fairly well, so we're off to a good start.

Perhaps I should leave it somewhere else until I have a chance to check my house for hex bags, just in case. 

It Just Doesn't Seem Right

Yesterday, I was so pissed off about the weather that I forgot to tell you guys about class on Friday. We had three new people in class, so we ended up pairing up and practicing together. This was fine except for the fact that I was paired up with a girl who I would honestly estimate to be around fourteen years old. She was actually quite good, but it just feels like there's something inherently wrong about an adult kicking a kid, no matter the kid's level of skill. So, basically, I spent the entire class looking totally incompetent because I just couldn't bring myself to actually use any real force with her. Not that I ever look especially competent anyway, but you know.

Oh, Cruel Fate!

With the weather the way it has been lately, I've been forced to step outside my comfort zone quite a bit. You know how I've talked about how nervous it makes me to drive my mom's car on bad roads? Well, considering the fact that my road has been, at least partly, covered in ice for the last two weeks, I've pretty much had to get over that. Basically, I've just been doing whatever I was planning to do regardless of what the roads were like, and it's been working out just fine.

Then, today, I actually had plans. Not just going to Kroger like I do every week (I needed to do that too, by the way) but actual plans. You know, the fun kind. Now, I knew it was supposed to snow today, but I thought "So what? I've been driving on bad roads every day. How bad can it be?" To which Fate replied "Oh, have you been driving on bad roads? Let's see you drive through this two foot tall snow bank, I'm just going to drop right here in the middle of the road." Now, not only do I not get to do what I was planning to do, or buy any groceries, but I'm stuck in my fucking house all day with nothing to do!

Ⓥ Contradiction

I think most people pretty much assumes that anyone who is vegan automatically loves animals (as in loves being around animals, taking care of animals, etc.) However, over the years, I have come across a few vegans who didn't have companion animals, or who even claimed not to particularly like animals. I always found that to be contradictory. I thought, what would possibly motivate someone to become vegan if they don't even like animals?

I have recently come to the realization though, that one's personal feelings about animals really shouldn't have any bearing on whether or not those animals deserve basic rights. I, personally, have never been much of a people person. I don't particularly enjoy the company of most people. That does not mean that I would ever want to deny those people their rights, or that I believe that they should be killed or tortured. The same principle should apply equally to non-human animals. Whether you like a particular animal or not should not determine that animal's overall worth anymore than your feelings about a particular human should determine that human's worth.

So really, when you think about it, it's perfectly logical that there would be vegans who don't necessarily enjoy being around non-human animals. For them, it's simply a matter of right and wrong as opposed to a judgement based on their own personal feelings. These people simply understand that, no matter how you may feel about an individual, of any species, it's wrong to deny that individual his or her rights.

I think this is something that we may want to keep in mind when talking to non-vegans. I have always believed that it was crucial to our cause to convince people that all animals are lovable (which, of course, they all are, at least to the degree that all human are) but that really shouldn't matter. The issue should not be whether or not animals are worthy of our compassion, that should be a given. The issue is whether or not we are willing to acknowledge the rights to which they are entitled simply by their status as living beings.

Signature Look

I don't know why I do this, I know other people don't, but I am always searching for sort of a signature look. Most people like to have options, I don't. I want to have one thing that I'm totally happy with. Anything that I can get away with wearing every day, I will. The same jewelry, the same boots, whatever. I have been trying to find the right jacket for basically as long as I can remember. Every time I buy one, I end up not being satisfied with it for one reason or another. My dad just bought me one a few months ago that I loved, or at least I loved the look of it. But it's too constricting! This is the same problem I had with the last jacket I bought, you know the one from Lithuania. I need something that I like the look of, but still allows me to move the way I want to. I swear, I look for clothes the way other people look for relationships. I just want to the right jacket that I can spend the rest of my life with. Is that too much to ask?

And we all know the right jacket can make all the difference.

Planning Ahead

Lately it has been bugging the shit out of me that I don't feel like I have enough room in my exercise room. It's just not big enough for me to do everything that I want to do without bumping into the walls, or the ceiling, especially now that I have been trying to do this capoeira stuff. I mean, what I'm doing now is pretty basic, but if I want to do the more complicated stuff (which I do) I'm going to need to be able to move freely without having to worry about kicking the ceiling. I was talking to my dad about trying to raise the ceiling in there, and maybe take out this one wall that sticks out into the room. It's still just never actually going to be what I need though. Then, today, I realized that it would be much better to just clean out our basement and make it into my own personal little gym. There is a ton of space down there that is currently just being used to hod a bunch of shit that we are never going to use. It's filthy, of course, and full to the brim, but it could be pretty amazing with a little work. So yeah, I'm thinking this spring I'm going to work on getting myself a nice arrow-cave-like workout space.

We actually have some jars that look very much like this ^ in our basement right now. Gross. 

It's All Relative, I Guess

I can't remember for sure if I've mentioned this here before, but I know I've said it to just about everyone I know, so probably most of you have heard it. I've lived in this state my entire life, and we have winter here every year, how is it that after all this time I've never gotten used to the cold? Well, I realized last night that, at least to some extent, I finally have. I mean, I still fucking hate it, but not as much as I used to.

As I'm sure you know, it has been getting ridiculously cold the last few nights. Two nights ago, it was 5 degrees when I was feeding the pigs. Then last night when I went to feed them, I'm carrying the buckets down the hill and I think "You know, it's not too bad out here." Then I remember that, when I was driving home, the thermometer on the bank said 13. That was when I realized that, yeah, I've kind of gotten used to the cold.

Decisions, Decisions

I finally broke down and did my taxes yesterday. By "I did my taxes" I mean that my sister did them, and I told her some of the information that she didn't already know =. She also helped me deal with the whole healthcare website too, so I won't have to worry about getting fined or whatever next year. I really didn't want to do it, but I'm not going to get into why right now. Anyway, I didn't end up with a fine for it this year, which was nice. And overall, I'm getting nearly $800 back, which is really nice.

Now I just have to figure out what would be the best thing to do with that money. I keep reminding myself that "getting several new tattoos" is not the correct answer. I've pretty much narrowed it down to; paying off some of my debt, trying to get a car, or putting it in a savings account until I have enough money to do something worthwhile. I could actually pay off one of my loans with that much money, but then I still have another one and my credit card. I'm just not sure how much of a difference that will really make for me. I also can't get much of a car for $800. I may very well end up with something that will just cost me more than it's worth, in the long run. But the idea of just saving it seems sort of absurd when I think about how many different things I need money for. I just don't know......

Conundrum!

THUNDA SNOW!

Yesterday I went grocery shopping with my sister and her not-boyfriend. We knew the weather was supposed to be bad, but it ended up being a bit more than we were expecting. Specifically, it was THUNDA SNOW! (I have been told that is the proper way to spell it.)

We went into Target and everything was normal. When we came out, there was a rather surreal amount of snow coming down, which the wind was somehow managing to blow in all directions at the same time. Then as we were trudging across the parking lot there was this rather aggressive clap of thunder. My sister made sort of an excited high-pitched squealing noise, and her not-boyfriend shouted THNUDA SNOW! much to the delight of a guy who happened to be walking past us at the time.

After that, we had a bit of a near death experience on the roads, and then a brief power-outage while we were in Kroger. Overall, it was a pretty interesting day.

That's a Little Better

My regular instructor was back in class lat night. The other girl was still teaching too, but we had a few new students so they split the class up and I didn't end up having to work with her, which was good. We pretty much just practiced punches the whole time. In fact, I basically spent the entire class working on the jab. It wasn't the most exciting class, but at least no one quizzed me about what I had learned. And, as my mom pointed out, at least he didn't make me slap a bowl of water.

Ⓥ Don't Call Me Skinny

I wrote an article about this topic for T.O.F.U magazine a couple of years ago, but it's something that I feel is very important, so I just thought I would cover it here as well.

People often talk about veganism in relation to weight loss. It's a pretty well known fact that a vegan diet can be very helpful when it comes to losing weight, but something that people don't talk about is what it can do for your self-image. I can't say how much this will apply to other people but, at least in my case, my commitment to animal rights and veganism has made a huge impact on the way I see myself, and my body. There was a time when I was pretty obsessed with being thin and had little concern for strength or my overall health. I felt like I was in a constant battle with my body; it refused to look the way I wanted it to, and I refused to give it what it wanted.

The more dedicated I became to animal rights though, the more I started to care more about being healthy and strong than I did about being "skinny". I wanted to prove that vegans aren't the way so many people perceived them to be. I think the real turning point for me came when I was interning at Farm Sanctuary in California. There was a day when a group of volunteers came to help at the shelter, and I was working with them cleaning up a large section of the cow pasture. We were all shoveling manure into these big trash barrels, and then I had to lift them up and dump them into the back of the tractor. One of the barrels got particularly full before I got a chance to dump it, and when I started to pick it up a guy offered to help me. I said that it was okay, and I could get it. After I emptied it, a woman standing nearby said "Wow, you're really strong." I realized that hearing that made me feel far better about myself than I ever would have from hearing "Wow, you're really skinny." After that, I decided that, no matter how good veganism is for losing weight, I didn't care about that anymore. I would rather be strong, capable, healthy. And a vegan diet is just as good at encouraging those things.  

Now, every once in a while, I get people who tell me how "skinny" I am, and I always tell them that I'm not skinny. I think they either think that I'm trying to be modest, or that I have a skewed view of my own body. That's not what it is. I'm really not skinny. Skinny is something that you achieve one of two ways; either you are born with an especially high metabolism, or you severely restrict your caloric intake. That's not me. I take care of my body, and give it the healthy fuel that it needs, that's not the same thing. I don't even like the word "skinny" anymore. It brings to mind the idea of the scrawny, sickly vegan that I have been trying so hard to disprove. It implies that you are nothing but skin and bones, and that's not what I am, and it's not what I want to be.

I owe a great debt to veganism, Farm Sanctuary, and that one volunteer, whose name I never even knew, for changing the way I think about myself and my body. I have heard people say that veganism is like an eating disorder (which is utterly ridiculous, by the way), or that it is used to cover up an eating disorder, but for me it was the exact opposite. It gave me a new respect for my body and the motivation to be as healthy as I possibly can.

Buffalo Boo, from the California shelter. 

Where Can I Buy That?

I'm not going to go into too much detail, in case you haven't seen the episode (and care to see it later) but on Arrow last night there was this scene in which Oliver is giving Laurel this big lecture about how she was an addict and was using adrenaline instead of drugs or alcohol to deal with her problems. I started thinking (Actually, no I didn't just start thinking. To be honest I had thought this many times before, but this just confirmed what had already been thinking) That's exactly what I need! You see, the things that other people do to relax (getting drunk, for example) don't work for me. In fact, they tend to just make everything ten times worse. But a nice adrenaline high? Now that just might work. Unfortunately, I think drugs would be a lot easier to come by.  

In Oliver's defense, she does keep getting her ass kicked. Of course, that would also provide a fair amount of adrenaline. 

I Don't Think I Believe You..........

Despite all my previous disasters, I'm back on a dating site. You know, because I'm super pathetic and my life is super boring. Anyway, today I got a message from a guy who says that he is a movie producer and thinks that I would be perfect for his next movie. I am 99% sure this is some sort of scam, though I'm not entirely sure how it works. I'm seriously considering just playing along until he starts asking for money or something. Of course there is always the possibility that it's not a scam and he's just an ax murderer or something, but then again that might be interesting too.

you're a "movie producer".

A Surprising Realization

I think I've mentioned before how much I hate listening to the radio. I just can't ever find a station that I don't feel the need to change at least every other song. However, I recently decided that since it takes me a whole five minutes to get to work now, that it's just not worth the hassle of bringing my iPod. This means that I do end up listening to the radio for a few minutes everyday. I generally switch back and forth between two different rock stations.

The other day I was on my way to work when AC/DC's Thunderstruck came on. I've never been much of an AC/DC fan,I know Dean Winchester would be ashamed of me, but they're just not my style. There was nothing better playing on the other station though, so I listened to it anyway. About half way through the song I suddenly realized something that gave me a whole new respect for them; Brian Johnson sounds exactly like Gollum!

Seriously, listen to this song.......

and then imagine him singing it.....

Maybe it's just me, but I thought it was pretty hilarious. 

All Your Almond Butter Are Belong To Me

You guys know about my almond butter addiction right? Well, this weekend I went grocery shopping with my mom and my sister, and we ended up going to Sam's Club. Do other people know about Sam's Club? I feel like it's a weird place where most people probably don't go, but I could be wrong. Anyway, in case you don't know, they sell food and other necessities, but most of it only comes in absurd quantities. It turns out that they now have almond butter in 24oz jars for the same price that I've been paying for the 16oz jars. I know this probably doesn't sound that exciting, but I eat a lot of almond butter, so it's a pretty big deal for me. The only problem is that Sam's can't necessarily be counted on to continue carrying things for very long. So I'm seriously considering just going there and buying all of it that I can get my hands on, while it's still there.

^ When I finish a jar of almond butter. 

That Helps a Little

I'm pretty sure ninety percent of the people who read this blog live within an hour of me and would, therefore, already know this; but the weather here has actually been really pleasant the last couple of days. This makes my life significantly easier and less frustrating. 1- I just hate everything much less when it's not cold and miserable outside. 2- I don't have to worry about sliding my mom's car off the road on the way to work. 3- Most importantly, I can go feed the pigs without having to participate in an epic battle with the ice around the barn. Also, my dad fixed the barn door today. So, hopefully, even if it does freeze back I won't have to beat it (and myself) half to death just to get it to open and close.

Yeah....... I Don't Think So

Well, I actually got to go to class last night. Guess what though? My instructor wasn't there. He was, however, kind enough to get someone else to cover the class for him. Would you like to know who it was? The other girl! That's right, the one who was in class with me just a few weeks ago. The one who started several months after I did. The who keeps calling me "fairy." I don't know how this happened and, to be honest, I don't really care. But if it happens again I am going to be really, really pissed! And it's not just because I'm being bitter (although I probably am). This was, by far, the worst class I've had there. We did basically nothing that felt at all like exercise, and she kept quizzing us (which was about the most irritating thing ever) "Okay, tell me two things you learned about punches?" Yeah, it was shitty. And since I count on this class to help me release my pent up rage, going there and getting even more pissed off is just not going to cut it.

Ⓥ Animal Rights, Human Rights

Probably every vegan on the planet has heard, if not directly then at least second hand from other vegans, the "argument" from meat eaters that vegans care more about animals than they do about other humans. I have heard a few different responses to this, most of which were very good. One of the best, probably, is that caring about animals in no way diminishes one's compassion for other humans, and animal rights activism and human rights activism are not mutually exclusive. The other one I like, which is probably a little less effective but perhaps a bit more satisfying to say to an obnoxious omnivore, is that the majority of meat eaters don't actually do anything to help other humans either.

The truth of the matter is, at least in my case, animal issues are more important than human issues. It's not because I don't care about humans, or because I like animals better. For me, it's all about the level of suffering. I believe that, when it comes to suffering, all beings, human or nonhuman, should be given equal consideration. And the truth is, even in the very worst cases, there are no humans who are in situations as horrible as those that many animals are facing. Yes, there are human rights violations happening all over the world. Yes, there are people with diseases which could have been prevented. Yes, there are people living in abject poverty. And yes, all of these things are terrible.

However, if I had to choose between working to end any of these things and working for animal rights, I would choose animal rights every time. Because there are no humans being locked in battery cages or gestation crates. There are no humans being subjected to horrifying medical experiments. There are no humans being skinned, or boiled, or eviscerated while they are still alive simply because we want something that comes from them. The torment that animals face in our society everyday is far greater, and on a far grander scale, than any injustice endured by humans in our current culture.

So yes, it is true that as animal activists we can still work for human charities, and that is a very admirable thing. It is also true that most of the people who claim that vegans care more about animals than people probably do very little to help their fellow humans. I, personally, don't feel that we should have to justify ourselves though. We shouldn't have to pretend to care equally about human rights causes, if we don't. I think that we should have every right to focus on the greatest injustices first, without apology. And I believe that is exactly what animal rights activists are doing.

I Take It Back

You know how I said I was going to let my hair go back to its natural color? I take it back. I couldn't stand it. As soon as it started to show through the blonde I went "What the fuck was I thinking? I hate this color!" Unfortunately, I still desperately needed to change something, lest I lose my mind. So I spent an exorbitant amount of time looking at pictures of other people's hair on the internet. I finally decided to stick with blonde, but try harder for the platinum color I was actually going for in the first place. Everything I found kept saying that the trick is to find a good toner. Well, that didn't seem like such a big deal. Of course finding a good toner, and finding a good toner that is vegan are two very different things. So I improvised. Supposedly, you need purple toner to take out the yellow, and I just happened to have some Manic Panic Ultra Violet left over from that time I had purple hair for like a day. I mixed some of it with the coconut oil I put on my hair. I think I went a little overboard because now I have slightly purple streaks, but it did get rid of the yellow and the purple isn't too terribly noticeable. So I'm calling it a win.

I've got kind of a Last Unicorn/Lady Amalthea thing going on, which I kind of like actually. 

Voicemail from the Veil

I think I may have received a phone call from a ghost yesterday. I had a voicemail from a restricted number, which very seldom happens to me. When I listened to it, it was only a few seconds long. At first I thought it was just static but it sounded kind of weird, so I played it again. It sounded almost like someone was talking in the background, but not like a butt-dial, more like EVP. Now if only I was one of those tech savvy people who know how to remove background noise from audio, I could find out what the ghost was trying to tell me. But alas, I guess he will just have to call back later when he has better reception.

Or, if that doesn't work, he could always try the coffee maker.

So Meta

You know what bugs the shit out of me (besides everything, I mean)? When I think of something I want to write about when I have already chosen a topic for that day. Honestly, most days I struggle to come up with anything remotely interesting to talk about, but then every once in a while I get three or four ideas for posts in one day. I don't know why everything is always like that for me, it has to be all or nothing. The worst part is, usually by the next day I've forgotten what the ideas were, or at least how I was going to phrase them. I am 99% sure that I had a good idea for a post yesterday, but then I was like "No wait, I want to do a post about Imbolc." Now I cannot for the life of me, remember what my idea was! So yeah, now I just ended up writing a blog post about writing a blog post, sorry.

Imbolc

Today is Imbolc (or, for most of you probably, groundhog day). Either way, it's supposedly the turning point toward spring. I have to be honest, I'm not really feeling that today, but it's still a nice thought. The idea is sort of about everything coming to fruition, like all the plants that have been hibernating underground all winter starting to come back to the surface. It's also about honoring Brid (there are about 8000 different ways to spell her name but, from what I can tell, that seems to be the original one.) Anyway, she was so cool that, even though she was a pagan goddess, the church adopted her as a saint, Saint Brigid. Which is understandable, I guess, because she is pretty damn impressive. She is a goddess of, among other things, poetry, art, metal smithing, and healing.

Image by papermuse. 

Flying Pigs Jewelry Lives! or...It Will.....Soon

Recently, for some reason that I don't understand, I have been getting a bunch of new likes on Flying Pigs Jewelry's Facebook page. This would be great, were it not for the fact that I haven't actually had anything listed in my shop for months. Now I just feel kind of guilty that there are all of these people interested in my stuff and I have nothing to offer them. I finally got (somewhat) motivated and made a few new things a couple of weeks ago, but I realized that all of the pictures I took of my older stuff were pretty terrible and there was really no point in posting a bunch of new terrible pictures. Well, my sister was kind enough to take some pictures of my stuff today. So sometime in the near future I will be re-posting most of the things I had listed before (with new, better, pictures) along with a few new things. So yeah, if you're into weird, sometimes animal rights themed, sometimes nature themed, sometimes who the fuck knows themed jewelry, I will soon have things for you.

For example ^