Zombie Love Story? Yes Please!

Tonight I finally got to watch Warm Bodies. I have been wanting to see it since the first time I saw the trailer. I don't know, I just loved the whole concept of it and, I must say, it lived up to my hopes. It was a highly original story, that was both funny and touching, with great social commentary. Plus, I just can't get into romantic movies unless they're really twisted in some way; one of the people being a zombie did quite nicely for me. It also gave me a bit of hope for my future romantic prospects. I mean hey, I can't be as socially awkward as a zombie right? Right!? Shit...........

I Knew I Should Have Stayed Home Today

Do you ever have those day where you just really feel like you should stay home? Like vehemently don't want to go out of the house? Every time I have one of those days (well not every time, but most times) I end up talking myself into doing whatever it is that I'm supposed to do, despite my reservations, and you know what? I almost invariably regret it. I always think "If I just make myself do this, I'll be glad that I did in the long run." but you know what? I'm not! I have found that, on those days, things tend to go exceptionally wrong. I'm telling you, damn near every time I talk myself into doing shit that I know I should do, but REALLY don't want to, I end up wishing I had just stayed home.

That's right, this post is a Magic School Bus reference. What of it? 

The Cone of Shame

So we finally got Impala fixed, in the hopes that he will stop pissing all over the house. I dropped him off yesterday and picked him up today. He was remarkably good in the car on the way there. He barely made a sound and didn't even seem to be nervous. Obviously things were a bit different on the way back; he was still quiet, but he looked incredibly sad and hopeless. I think he had just given up and decided that he had no chance of surviving the experience. I was really worried about him until I got him back inside the house, then he realized where he was and started screaming and thrashing himself against the crate. Now he has pretty much been hiding under my bed since we got back. I'm fairly certain he will never forgive me, and for good reason.

Also, they gave him a cone of shame and now I feel like the worst person ever. 

Nomad

Lately I have been thinking how nice it would be to just travel aimlessly. This is not something I had ever really wanted before. I mean I always thought it would be nice to travel some, if I had the chance, but lately I have had this strange urge to just take off and never stop. You know how I mentioned before about those recurring themes in my life that I never really seem to understand? Well the new one seems to be all about this nomadic lifestyle. The last three books that I've read have all had distinct overtones of wandering, which I did not expect at all before I read them. Also, I have been seeing a good number of turtles around, which my mom looked up in her animal symbolism book (Please note, I'm not actually saying that I believe in it) and found that they represent the idea of travel because they carry their homes with them. Now I keep thinking that what I want to do is buy a camper, and preferably a car that will go in all directions, and just keep driving around forever. Of course, this is not something that will ever happen for a multitude of different reasons, the most obvious being the many animals who depend on me to take care of them. This leads me to, once again, ask the question "What the fuck, Powers that Be?"

Even if I never get to travel, I still think it would be pretty damn cool to live in one of these. 

Happy 200th Post!

That's right, I have done this 200 times now. I don't know if you find that hard to believe, but I do. I keep thinking "How the fuck did I come up with something to say 200 separate times?" Then I remember that half of what I write about is completely ridiculous and the other half is about TV shows. Then I go "Really? Only 200?" Anyway, I wanted to do something really cool and exciting to commemorate this momentous occasion but I couldn't come up with anything.............So here's a Tordis.

You're welcome. 

Solution Found

I've figured what I'm going to do. I'm just going to become completely delusional and have a really fantastic, exciting, meaningful life. The only downside is that no one else will know about it. Oh well. Do you know that episode of Buffy where she thinks that she is in a mental hospital and her whole life has been a delusion? Probably you don't, but there was one. Anyway, I think I'm going to do that. That seems like a good plan.

Thanks for the Ego Boost

Today I was out shopping with my mom and my sister. When they went to checkout, I stopped to look at the movies. As I was reading the back of one of the DVD boxes, I looked up and there was this guy staring at me. Like really staring at me. Of course, being the awkward human being that I am, I just sort of glanced at him and then quickly walked to the register and got in line beside my mom. I looked back a minute later and he was still looking at me. Despite the fact that he was being somewhat overly intense, it was nice. Up to this point, pretty much the only guys who have shown the slightest interest in me have been at least twice my age and highly creepy. This guy was actually around my age and only slightly creepy. Huge step in the right direction, right? Well then, just as we are about to leave, I look back at him one more time and what do I see? Him talking to himself! Not in a quirky sort of way, in a schizophrenic sort of way with agitated pacing and exaggerated hand gestures. So I would just like to thank the Powers that Be (I've decided to start saying that instead of the Universe) for that. You guys are some seriously talented practical jokers. They were like "Hey, see that girl over there who looks like she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Let's make her think that someone is actually attracted to her when really he just has severe psychological problems. That'll be hilarious!" Thanks fuckers.

I think it was these guys. They seem like the type. 

Poor Decisions

Can I just go back and change every single decision I have ever made? Please? I'm fairly certain they must have all been wrong or I wouldn't be where I am right now. Sorry, nothing cute or clever or funny or even sarcastic tonight, just crippling and all-encompassing disappointment.

I offer you a happy lamb to make up for it. It's the best I've got. 

Gee Thanks for Reminding Me!

I don't think there is anything in this world that makes me feel worse about my life than seeing people I haven't seen for a long time. Why? Because the first thing they always ask is "So what have you been doing?"  Of course this seems like a totally harmless question to most people but, for those of us who still haven't the slightest idea what the fuck we are doing with our lives, this is just about the most difficult question to answer. The choices are either lie, or tell the truth and get in return that awkward smile and an "Oh." followed by awkward silence or some attempt at acting like you are not a complete and utter failure. Oh wait, there is something that makes me feel worse about my life than that; coming home from such an encounter and having to scrub piss off the floor for the THIRD TIME IN ONE DAY! I have no job, no relationship, no social life, and I basically live in a fucking sewer. It doesn't get a whole hell of a lot lower than that.

I'm basically a shifter, except at least they get to pretend they are other people. 

Adulthood (Poem)

I am not an adult. I refuse to relinquish my crazy dreams. I'll never abandon my impossible fantasies. I simply cannot concede that my delusions are well.........delusional. I will not accept the inevitability of mediocrity. I believe in the possibility of great and wonderful and terrifying things. More importantly, I believe in my own ability to greet those things with a fierce courage and unstoppable strength. I reserve the right to believe that magic exists and so do superheroes, and that there is still a chance that, someday, I might encounter both. I assert that I am entitled to the occasional temper tantrum, even if I do insist on keeping it at bay until I am alone. I can't help but assign emotions to inanimate objects, though only if the objects seem particularly emotional. I still create stories in my head just like I did when I was a little girl and, though I may no longer act them out physically, much of my life is still spent in those imagined places. The beauty and wonder of those places has led me to view our reality through a film of distaste and defiance, and to ask myself  "Why would anyone want to live here?"

If I Ever Have Kids

First of all, let me just clarify that this is highly unlikely to happen, but if it does I will;
1- Adopt them, mostly because I don't feel that it is ethical to bring any more children into the world when there are already so many who don't have families. Also because the entire pregnancy/childbirth process is rather horrifying to me.
2- Tell them that they are adopted and explain to them that it is a good thing and nothing to be ashamed of. I think it's ridiculous for people to treat adoption like some horrible secret.
3- Raise them vegan, obviously.
4- Tell them why they are vegan from a very early age.
5- Teach them to appreciate nature instead of spending all of their time indoors like most kids do today.
6- Talk to them like they are adults. I hate it when people treat their children like they're stupid.
7- Let them wear whatever the fuck they want. Kids don't care about appearances and people should let it stay that way as long as possible.
8- Give them crazy, unique names. I am partial to Darien for a boy (which I got from Darien Fawkes of The Invisible Man, my first fictional love) and Serenity for a girl (which I actually thought of before I ever watched Firefly, but I do kind of like the idea of naming a girl after a ship).
9- Encourage them to do whatever it is that they love doing no matter how weird, impractical, unconventional, etc. it may be.
10- Teach them to fight from the time they are old enough to go to school, just in case any of the above leads to them getting picked on. I would so much rather have kids who get in trouble for standing up for themselves than kids who are miserable because they don't know how.

Conundrum!

Do you ever feel like the aspects of yourself that you value most are also the ones that are the most detrimental to your overall well-being? Probably not I guess, because that sounds completely crazy! Nonetheless, I feel like that is the case for me most of the time. The few things that I actually value in myself are the things that separate me from the rest of society and make it difficult for me to interact effectively with other people. My beliefs about animal rights are obviously the most apparent, but there are many other things as well; my overwhelming need for self-control, my unwillingness to conform to societal norms, my desire for strength and self-sufficiency even at the expense of femininity, etc. I was thinking recently about whether or not, if given the chance, I would sacrifice some of these things in order to improve my life. I decided that, no I would not. These things are just too important to me. Then the more I thought about it I realized that, if I didn't have those things, I probably wouldn't see the value in them and therefore wouldn't want them or miss them if they were gone. Just to be clear, I still would never EVER change the way I feel about animal rights, but those other things, perhaps.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of..........

Alas, I'm afraid I have no prophetic dreams to report, nor any mildly insightful ones. It was just more of the same old, generally disturbing, and only vaguely remembered, shit that I always dream about. It's fairly pathetic really; things that I'm sure would pass for nightmares to anyone else are sort of fun for me because my real life is so fucking dull that I'm like "Sure go ahead and chase me with that giant knife, creepy murderer guy!"

Luckily I haven't gotten to this point yet. I love XKCD! 

New Possible Career Path.......Prophet

I mentioned a few days ago that I was going to research various, magic-related things to put in my little bottles when I make necklaces out of them. I found several rather promising herbs, one of which was bay leaves. I found a Wicca website that says they can be used for protection, success, strength, healing and purification. It also says that you should write wishes on them and then burn them. My thought is that it would be pretty cool to write wishes on them and then put them in the bottles, maybe then you could get all the benefits at once (or it would just look interesting). The website also says that you can put them under your pillow for "prophetic dreams". I'm thinking I might just give that shit a try tonight. I could certainly use some prophetic dreams. Hell, I would settle for some mildly insightful dreams.

I'm not sure it'll work though. I was never in advanced placement. 

How Did........Where Did......What?

Alright so for some reason, that is beyond my comprehension, I have this odd tendency to get other people's hair stuck to me. Like, not just the hair of people I have been in close contact with, but strangers' hair. I literally walk past people in a store and then hours later find their hair stuck on my clothes, on a regular basis. It's like I'm overly statically charged or something. Anyway, I've actually gotten somewhat used to this vaguely disturbing phenomenon. Well today it escalated quite drastically. I had just gotten out of the shower, where you would think any stray hairs would have been washed away, and I found a long hair stuck to my leg. It was at least 4 or 5 times too long to belong to me. Then I picked it off and held it up to the light and noticed that it was, get this, blue! Like TARDIS blue. How in the fuck did a long, blue hair get stuck to my leg while I was in the shower? I don't even know anyone with blue hair.

Yesterday Was Tuesday Right? But Today Is Tuesday too.

Cliche as it sounds, we really do have the opportunity to change the way we live every day. Each morning when we wake up we can choose to start over and be a different person, or at least change some of our habits. But did you ever notice that, possible though it may be, it never actually seems to work out that way? For me at least, everything makes sense when I go to bed at night. Okay, not everything, in fact almost nothing makes sense, but a few things seem to make sense when I go to bed at night. I always go to sleep thinking "Tomorrow is a new day. I will do things differently." Then I wake up and do everything exactly the same way I did the day before. I wake up and try to remind myself why I thought it was so important to change things and just can't seem to remember. But later, after it's already too late and I have made all the same mistakes all over again, then I remember. By the end of the day I'm telling myself "That's okay. I'll do it differently tomorrow." But I don't. Lately I just keep trying to get myself to actually get out of bed when my clock goes off, but I never do.

Maybe I'll start setting my alarm clock to play Heat of the Moment, to scare myself into getting up. 

If I Ever Have a Wedding

Lately it seems that weddings have been a major theme among my, very limited, social circle. Plus I spend a great deal of time on Pinterest and it's like half wedding shit all the time. Anyway, this made me start thinking about what sort of stuff I would do if I ever got married. I've decided that I would;

1- Have an entirely vegan wedding (obviously). If anyone expects me to provide meat for them, they obviously don't know me well enough to be coming anyway.
2- Have the ceremony outside, possibly in the woods, possibly at night, possibly both, definitely some place I wouldn't have to pay for.
3- Wear a short dress with tall boots, and hopefully buy it at a thrift store.
4- Tell the guests to wear something weird or absurd instead of the usual formal looking shit.
5- Make all the decorations myself.
6. Wear a charm shaped like the TARDIS (Amy can tell you why)
7- Use either fake flowers or flowers that are still alive, because cut flowers make me feel bad.
8- Have a pandan cake.
9- Possibly do the whole handfasting thing. I had never heard of it before but a facebook friend was talking about doing it at her wedding so I looked it up and it's a very cool concept.
10- Marry someone who would like all of these things. This would be the tough one.

 By the way, I wrote this last night but couldn't post it because fucking Hughesnet is afraid of thunder. 

More Poetry

We are all connected. We affect each other in ways that we cannot even imagine, and we shouldn't try to imagine or we become paralyzed by the endless stream of possibilities. We change and are changed in innumerable ways everyday without even noticing it. We will never know the true implications of our actions. We can never foresee which huge or minuscule act will forever change the world in which we live. I live my life under the assumption that everything I do creates a tiny ripple which grows smaller and smaller even as it stretches out in all directions, reaching toward infinity. Maybe someday, if I create enough of these ultimately microscopic disturbances in the fabric of our reality, they will join together and form a tidal wave which will wash over us all and leave behind a new high water mark on the walls of our world. Or maybe they will just fade into oblivion and nothing I do will be remembered any longer than the time it takes for me to do it. I try to walk through my life scattering  thoughts like spores to the wind, in the hope that they will land in the minds of those around me and grow into brand new worldviews. I stand on sidewalks and smile as I hand people bricks and as they walk away I cross my fingers that they will use them to build temples instead of dungeons. The human voice is so small, but we live in a time of truly remarkable acoustics. One little voice has the opportunity to reverberate all the way around the world in a matter of minutes, seconds but we never know quite what it will sound like when it gets to the other side. I find myself afraid to open my mouth for fear that the sound that comes out will be misunderstood. What if I hit the wrong note and cause an avalanche that buries the very thing I was trying to protect?

I'm thinking I might just use this picture for all of my poems because; 1-Then I won't have to specify that they are poems. 2-It will save me the hassle of searching for poetry related pictures and 3- It makes me happy :)   

More or Less a Child?

A great deal of the time I feel like I am very childish. I feel like I have no idea how to live in the real world. I think the majority of my goals are completely unrealistic, and I simply don't know how to function as an adult. Then there are other times when I think it's the rest of society that is childish. When you really think about it, what is childhood all about? Sure, it's about fantasy and imagination and and a general disregard for societal functions (all of which I have managed to maintain in abundance) but it's also about a focus on yourself; your own interests, your own needs, and many times your own little imagined world. How different is that really from the way most people live their lives? Is there really any difference between a child who believes there is nothing in the world more important than his toys and an adult who does nothing with his life but earn money to buy expensive cars and designer clothes? Is it more childish to have unrealistic goals for the impact your life will have, or to just decide to live only for yourself and your own tiny chunk of the world? Is it really an indication of immaturity that I am unable to accept the inevitability of mediocrity? I guess probably it is, if only by our society's standards.

Who Writes this Shit?

I don't know how often advertising actually convinces people to buy products, but I know it has certainly been very effective at preventing me from buying a lot of products. I absolutely refuse to support companies whose ad campaigns annoy the fuck out of me. For example, I will NEVER own a Swiffer! Those are probably the most annoying commercials I have ever seen and I will not give the company any reason to believe that they actually worked. Today we bought some chips, which were actually quite good, however I started reading the back of the bag and they said "Great for dippin or just plain chippin!" to which I replied "I will never buy you again!"

Companies should hire Allie from Hyperbole and a Half to write their ad campaigns. I would totally buy these!

Magicpunk Maybe?

I've decided I'm going to start making jewelry again. I'm trying something different this time though. I have all these cute little bottles and I really want to do something with them. So I'm thinking some sort of steampunkish stuff. I also think it would be cool to put unique and interesting stuff inside the bottles. I'm considering researching some sort of spell ingredients to put in them (only plant based obviously). Otherwise maybe I'll just fill them with salt, you know for protection against ghosts/demons/whatnot.

Yeah, kind of like that. 

I Try to Be My Best

In case you didn't notice, it seems that a disproportionate number of my posts are about my favorite shows. Oh well, here's another one. I just finished watching Dollhouse, which was fantastic by the way! It was interesting, exciting and depressing as fuck all at the same time, which seems to be what I look for in a show (and what I look for in general, I think.) Anyway, for those who don't know, the idea is this; people sign a contract for five years then they have their memories wiped and have new personalities imprinted for various tasks they have to perform for the Dollhouse's clients. Pretty much everyone in the show seemed very upset by the whole concept; they called it slavery, human trafficing, prostitution, etc. I would just like to say that I don't think it would be so bad. I would totally do it, and they wouldn't even have to pay me the ridiculous amount of money that they paid most of the "actives" at the end of their contracts. I would just be like "Make sure all of my personalities are vegans, and real vegans too not half-assed vegans who still eat fish or anything like that. And let me keep a few of the more badass skills you imprint me with."

Also, who knew Alan Tudyk could be so creepy? 

Hero

For the most part, I completely hate TV and refuse to watch it, though I do make exceptions for Supernatural and Doctor Who. So for the past several months, my dad and I have been watching various shows that we bought on DVD (we're currently on Buffy). However, he's out of town for a couple of days and I promised not to watch it without him. So tonight I resigned myself to finding something to watch on TV. During the very limited amount of time that I have watched TV over the last couple months, I managed to catch a couple of previews for this new reality/competition show called "The Hero". I thought at the time that it actually looked like it might be pretty cool. It appears that they basically have people do things that the heroes in action movies generally do. The first time I saw the preview I thought "I need to get on this show!" So when I came across it tonight while I was channel surfing I decided to see what it was all about. Shockingly, it turned out to be mostly just more reality TV bullshit! The stunts they had the people do were actually pretty cool, but there is an inordinate amount of unnecessary, highly annoying and obviously manufactured drama. One woman cried the entire time for absolutely no reason and was so terrified of heights that she sobbed so hard she nearly collapsed when she had to go up to the roof of their building. Did no one tell her what the show was about? Another guy threw a fucking hissy fit when he wasn't picked to do one of the stunts. I guess my point is, no matter how cool they may seem on the surface, all reality shows are shit.

Reality my ass! 

Great Love Stories

During our ill-fated road trip, I read "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green. I am a big fan of John Green and this book definitely lives up to his other books. It was an excellent story and I highly recommend it. I am going to try to avoid any spoilers (to be said in a River Song voice), but basically it's a love story between two teenage cancer patients, so you can probably guess the gist of it. Anyway, it really made me think about the nature of great love stories. Did you ever notice that the best love stories always end with one or both of the lovers dying? I used to think that the reason for that was just that it was more emotionally intense that way, but I am beginning to believe that maybe the real reason is that killing one of the people is the only way to make their love last forever. In this book, there is a scene in which one of the characters refers to the other as "the great love of my life". It's a very beautiful and heartbreaking scene but, the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if that was only the case because neither of them were likely to live long enough to have another love. I mean the one great love story that everyone always thinks of is Romeo and Juliet right? Well if you've actually read it you know that they barely knew each other and, at the beginning of the play, Romeo was half suicidal about some other girl who he was in love with but didn't love him back. Then, all of a sudden, he sees Juliet and decides that he is in love with her instead. My point is, if they hadn't killed themselves, they probably would have broken up in a week anyway, as tends to be the case with teenage romances (and most other romances for that matter). However, since they died they get to be the ultimate example of true love everlasting. I don't know, maybe I'm just a big cynical bitch.

Creativity + Lack of Recycling Options = ?

A while back the recycling center in Marion county (the barren backwoods county I happen to live in) stopped accepting glass. This was annoying, but we continued recycling it by waiting until we had to go shopping in Morgantown and then just took it there. Well now it turns out that Monongalia county ( the county which contains Morgantown) is not going to be taking it anymore either. I am very bothered by this because I create a shit ton of glass waste, due to the fact that it seems like everything I eat comes in a glass jar. I really don't want to just throw them all away, so I have been trying to think of alternatives. My goal is to come up with some sort of art project, or something, I can do involving glass jars. I have several ideas that I think sound sort of interesting. Unfortunately, for the most part, other people don't tend to like the same things I like and I just simply don't have the need or the space for hundreds of glass jars, no matter how artistic they may be. So it would be really nice if I could come up with something that I could sell, or at least give away. I think this is one of the better ideas

.

Wake Up Call

I simply cannot seem to make myself get up when my clock goes off unless I know there is something absolutely crucial that I have to do. I keep thinking I am going to get so many things done now that I have such an abundance of free time. Yet I accomplish nothing because I can't make myself get up as early as I used to. It's not like I sleep all day or anything. I think the latest I've slept since I got out of school was 9:30. It's just that I can only seem to get motivated in the mornings and by the time I feed the cats and dogs, eat breakfast, exercise for an hour and a half, feed the pigs, and shower, the morning is over. I need an alarm clock that will shout all the things I need to get done that day at me, instead of just beeping or playing music or whatever. I have all of these projects in my head that I keep thinking I am going to start. When I go to bed at night I'm always all motivated to start working on one of them the next morning. Then my clock goes off and I think "Eh, it wasn't that important." then I wake up several hours later and think "Son of a bitch! Now I don't have time to do anything!" Would anyone like to volunteer to call me around 5:00 every morning and remind me that I have shit to do? I didn't really think so........

From Now on It's All Batman Parking for Me

The Subrusaurus (my car) has apparently decided that she doesn't like to go in reverse anymore. From time to time she will make an exception but, for the most part, I have had to find ways to get around without being able to back up for the past several days. When I go to the pig barn I have to make a large circle in the grass, when I go to my mom's house I have to part in the Rite Aid parking lot across the street, and when I get back to my dad's house I have to perform a very complicated maneuver which involves pulling down into the driveway then whipping the car back up toward the road and putting it in neutral in order to drift backward into my parking spot. I have completed it successfully a grand total of one time. It is obviously not going to be long before I am forced to buy another car. So here is my dilemma, I have to get a job in order to have money to buy a car, but if I get a job and then my cars dies I will have no way to get there.....hmm. Obviously I know I am going to have to get a job anyway, but making it there without a car will be a giant pain in the ass. Plus I imagine it's illegal as fuck to drive a car that is incapable, or unwilling, to go in reverse.

Maybe I'll paint her like this. Do you think that would make me more or less likely to get a ticket? 

Turtle Rescue

I always feel a little better about myself, and life in general, if I actually get a chance to make a difference in someone's life. Of course "someone" usually means wild animals and "make a difference" usually means get them away form the road before they get hit, and they never seem especially grateful for my rescue efforts, but still it's nice to feel useful. A couple of days ago, I saved a turtle from the road. I was in one lane and the turtle was in the other. I didn't even know what he was until I got right up on him. When I realized he was alive, I stopped in the middle of the road. A car was coming the opposite direction and heading right toward him, so I put my arm out the window and waved it around like a lunatic until the guy stopped and looked at me like I was well... a lunatic. I told him about the turtle and then left my car in the middle of the lane and got out to retrieve him. The guy waits until I pick up the turtle and then yells "You gotta be careful picking those things up!" I managed to restrain myself form saying"You don't say?" in an overly sarcastic voice. Anyway, it wasn't a snapping turtle so I wasn't particularly concerned and I mostly just wanted to hurry up and get him back to the creek so I could get my car out of the road before someone slammed into it. By the time I got him back into the creek; the guy I spoke to had left, another guy in a truck who was coming from the other direction had practically peeled out going around my car (obviously trying to make some kind of point), and the turtle (who was more flexible than I realized) had stretched his back foot up and scratched a chunk of skin out of my finger. So basically I made a huge ass of myself, pissed off some redneck, and probably contracted necrotizing fasciitis, but oh well at least I got to feel useful and hopefully the turtle stayed away form the road after that.

He was one of these guys. Pretty cool aren't they?