Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Alright Universe This Is Your Last Chance

So I've decided that I'm going to go ahead and see this police thing through. I called them back today and I'm going to get fingerprinted on the 14th. I thought about it, and I still feel like it's my best shot at actually feeling like I'm doing something worthwhile with my life. I'm sure, if I actually manage to get the job, there will be things I won't like but I think it might be the closest I will ever get to doing what I want to do.

Plus as stupid as this is, I can't help but feel like there has to be some reason why things keep happening the way they do. Most of the time it really just seems like something out there is trying to drive me insane, but I keep trying to believe that eventually it might work out for the best. I really had given up on this job. Then I was just about to apply for another one, or several. If I had actually accepted another job before I heard from the police department I wouldn't have wanted to turn it down. So who knows, maybe I heard from them now because the universe knew that it was almost too late.

I'm telling you what though, if nothing good comes out of this I'm not paying attention to anymore "signs" from the universe ever again. I'm just going to assume that something out there is just fucking with me for the fun of it. I mean it universe! This is it!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Shitty, Shitty Timing

I swear, the timing in my life is fucking ridiculous! You know how I've been waiting to hear about that police job basically forever at this point? Well, about a week ago, I decided that I just couldn't wait anymore, so I started looking for other jobs. At first I was really disappointed, because I was convinced that I REALLY wanted this job. When I decided that I couldn't wait around for them anymore I started telling myself that it probably wasn't right for me anyway. I started thinking about all of the reasons it was a bad idea, things like; "It will probably be really boring." "I hate uniforms!" "I might not even be able to do it because of the food issue at the academy." "I'll probably have to write tickets/ arrest people for things I don't think should be illegal." etc. I think these are actually all valid. Anyway, I finally had myself convinced that I was better off without this job. Plus I found three or four jobs in the paper that I was going to apply for. Then guess what? Today I get a call from the police department! I didn't answer it and I really don't know what to say when I call them back. I tried to get all excited about it, but now all I can think about is all of those reasons I told myself I didn't want it. This is how things always seem to happen for me. I only get things I want after I have given up on ever getting them and convinced myself that I didn't really want them in the first place.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

If I Ever Build My Own House

I am thinking about doing a series of post called "If I Ever" in which I fantasize about all the things I would do if I could. This one is about the house I would have if I could build one that was exactly the way I want.

1. It will be basically one giant room, because I love the feel of open floor plans.
2. It will be only as big as I absolutely need.
3. It will have only hard floors, the easier to clean when the inevitable animal related mess happens.
4. It will have solar panels.
5. It will have at least one wall of all mirrors, so I can actually see whether or not I'm doing the moves right when I work out.
6. It will not have cable or satellite.
7. It will have a punching bag.
8. It may or may not have a stripper pole.
9. It will be full of ridiculous decorations.
10. It just might look like this

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Eureka! Maybe...... I don't know.....

So I had sort of an epiphany today, or maybe it was a stroke, who knows. Anyway, I had an interesting idea. The idea was this; you know how if you say, or even just think about, a word too much it loses all of it's meaning? Well, what if that works with everything? What if you can focus on anything and eventually it will cease to have any impact on you? Well, I decided to try it out. The yoga workout I've been doing has a few poses that are fairly painful. I actually don't mind the ones that are really painful, but there are several that are just highly uncomfortable, and those bug me. Normally, I try to distract myself from the "pain" by thinking about something else, focusing on my breaths, singing to myself in my head. That never actually works though, I just end up thinking about how uncomfortable I am, counting how many breaths it takes to get through the pose, or paying attention to how far into a song I have to get before I'm finished. So today I decided to try something different. Instead of trying to ignore it, I just focused all of my attention on the spot that hurt the most. I was somewhat surprised to find that it actually worked. After a few seconds of focusing exclusively on the pain, it basically stopped hurting. I'm tempted to try it on psychological issues, but I'm thinking that has an equal chance of resulting in a much better outlook on life or a complete breakdown.

Friday, April 26, 2013


I am seriously considering growing out my hair. I know this is a rather boring topic for a post, but it's a pretty big deal for me. This haircut is the closest I've ever come to actually liking my hair. However, I've had my hair this way for SEVERAL years now and I'm starting to get really bored of it. Here's the thing though, for me, changing my hair actually means dealing with an incredibly annoying and lengthy process of waiting for it to grow to a manageable length. When it does grow out I will have to try, once again, to find a way to tame the ridiculous mess that it will become. Also, if I grow it out I think I will have to find a new color too. Every time I have tried to grow out my hair, I have found that red+frizzy= clown. I'm thinking either dark brown or black.
Otherwise maybe I'll go for something like this. I've always sort of wanted to. 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Tabula Rasa

So here's another one of those weird recurring themes I see in my life. About three weeks ago, in my development class, we learned about the theory of Tabula Rasa. It means "blank slate" and basically the theory is that we are born as nothing. Everything that we are is developed throughout our lives. I don't really agree with this. I feel that there is something more to us that is there from the time we are born. That's not really the point though. The point is; I have now seen this term three times in the last three weeks. A couple of weeks after we learned about it in class, I was watching Buffy and there was an episode titled "Tabula Rasa." Then a couple days ago my mom and I started watching Lost, and guess what, another episode with the name "Tabula Rasa." As usual, this probably isn't as weird as I think it is, but whatever, it feels weird. So what's the message here? The only thing I can think of is "start over." You know, give myself a blank slate and do things differently. In what sense though? I keep thinking that I'm supposed to start over as a new person; finally be the person I want to be instead of the person I've always been. Unfortunately, I've tried that before and it didn't work. Who knows, maybe this time it will.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Short Bitchy Post

Sometimes I wonder why I bother with half the shit I do. I feel like about ninety percent of my time is spent doing things that I feel compelled/obligated to do, but actually accomplish nothing (this blog for example). The one that really bugs me though is the amount of time and effort I spend trying to stay in shape. I mean what fucking good does it do me? It's not like anybody notices. I put all of this work into my body so that no one can even look at it except me. I do love feeling strong and capable, but every once in a while it hits me that I don't really need to be. I wish that I had the sort of life that would require me to have all of these great physical abilities, but I don't. Mostly I just put in a fuck ton of effort for absolutely no reason.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Supernatural Songs

So here it is, the list of songs from Supernatural. I know there are tons of other great ones, unfortunately these are the only ones I could think of. Next time I start the show over (which I'm sure will be shortly after I finish it this time) maybe I'll write them down as I go. These are some of my favorites though.

1. Carry on My Wayward Son by Kansas. I always liked this song, but now I fucking love it! The end of the season recap is always ridiculously amazing.

2. Knockin on Heaven's Door by Bob Dylan

3. Beautiful Loser by Bob Seger

4. Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival. This has always been one of my favorites and now I like it even more.

5. Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple.

6. Play with Fire by The Rolling Stones. I've had this one stuck in my head for days, and I don't even mind.

7. Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. I really want to hate them because, as far as I'm concerned, Sweet Home Alabama is quite possible the most annoying song ever. Some of their other ones are actually pretty good though, like this one.

8. Turn into Earth by The Yardbirds. They never even played the part with the lyrics in the show, but the music was so intense I had to find out what it was. I'm very glad I did because it was beautiful (Clarence).

9. White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane

10. (Don'y Fear) the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult

11. Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum

12. Renegade by Styx. I think I mostly just like this one because the scene was so badass.

13. Black Water by Doobie Brothers. This song was actually an incredibly cheesy match for the scene it was in, but I still like it.

14. Rooster by Alice in Chains

15. The House of the Rising Sun by The Animals. This one is probably going to creep me out from now on, but in a good way.
Knock knock knockin on heaven's door. 

Monday, April 22, 2013

Remember That Thing That Seemed Really Cool and Then Ended Up Being Terrible?

Back when I was going to WVU, I used to listen to music all the time. I had all this great music on my computer and I would pretty much hide in my room and listen to it, instead of interacting with my roommates. I feel like since then I haven't been listening to very much music, and I miss it. My taste used to be really varied and I feel like now I listen to the same two or three bands all the time. Most of the reason I had such a large collection back at WVU was because I had just discovered LimeWire. Does anyone even remember that? I think it was around for a few months before everyone realized that it was eating their computers, which is what happened to mine by the way. Back then I fucking loved it though! I could find pretty much any song I could imagine, even though I liked a lot of really weird, obscure stuff. I also had a ton of classic rock and I had forgotten how much I love it. I actually have Supernatural to thank for reminding me how great classic rock is. I just might make a lists of all the amazing songs that show has introduced (or reintroduced) me to for tomorrow's post.

Sunday, April 21, 2013


Whenever I decide to make some sort of change in my life, I always feel like crap if I don't stick with it. Even things that I try that don't work out well at all, I feel like a quitter if I give up on them. I kind of pride myself on my will-power and self-control and giving up on things just makes me feel weak and pathetic. You know how I said I was running everyday? Well, I gave it up a couple of weeks ago after I severely fucked up my right knee and left ankle and ended up limping around for a week. Even after I knew they were injured I still kept running for several days thinking I would just push through it but, shockingly, they only got worse. I also decided to give up on the fully raw diet a couple of days ago. I just wasn't noticing any benefits and it was getting really annoying and expensive. I'm still eating a lot more raw stuff than I was before but I'm not going to stress about it unless I notice that I start feeling a difference. Anyway, the point is that I hate giving up on things, even if they are causing me more harm than good. Also, I am going to start running again eventually but I am going to try to go a little easier and hope I don't destroy my body this time.

Saturday, April 20, 2013


I don't know what the deal is, but my mom seems to constantly be trying to diagnose me with something. It seems like every week or so she has come up with some new disorder that I have. Sometimes I think "Yeah, I can see where you're coming from, but no." Other times I am completely baffled, like today. I guess my sister bought this book about, I think it was called, sensory defensiveness. My sister thinks she may have this, and I think she may be right. Much of it does seem to fit for her. However, my mom read parts of this book and has decided that I have it too. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Basically the idea is that people with this issue are overly sensitive to sensory input. If anything, I am the complete opposite. I like overloading my senses. I find it comforting. I listen to my music at a ridiculous volume. I have no aversion to pain. I have never felt the need to wear sunglasses when it's bright out. I eat foods that other people think are unbearably spicy. When it comes to pretty much every possible sensory stimulus, I am less sensitive than pretty much anyone I have ever met. I asked my mom why she thinks I have this and she just kept telling me that I should read the book. What the fuck?

Mother, no offense. I know you are trying to help, but really I don't have this or any other disorder, disease, condition, whatever. I am just a general mess. I don't think they have a technical diagnosis for that. Sorry.

Friday, April 19, 2013


Yesterday I wrote about all of my unrealistic relationship requirements. Then today, in my personality class, we were supposed to be talking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs and we ended up spending the entire class talking about love. It was a really interesting lecture, although rather depressing for someone who has pretty much resigned herself to a life devoid of it. Anyway, apparently Maslow had this theory that there are two levels of love. One he called D love; D means deficiency. This is the kind of love that is basically just about people not wanting to be alone, they are just trying to fill their own needs for love and acceptance. Then there is the higher level which is called B love; B is for belonging. This is a higher, more mature form of love in which both people actually try to fill the other's needs and feel good when they are able to do so. This made me wonder how many people ever actually achieve that higher level. How much of our love is genuine and how much is just people being afraid to be alone? So there's your happy thought for the day.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Forever Alone

As I have mentioned before, I have realized that I am most likely never going to have a successful relationship (in fact, it's starting to look like I am never going to have any kind of relationship ever again). Well, here's why. The things I would need in another person are things that simply don't exists within the same person. I would need someone who had so many conflicting traits that his/her head would most likely explode. For example, I need someone who;

1. Is damaged enough to understand me, but not too damaged to function (this is a VERY fine line).
2. Understands that it is possible to simultaneously hate people and feel compelled to help them.
3. Is adventurous, possibly to the point of stupidity.
4. Understands my germ issue.
5. Is willing to put up with my poorly behaved animals.
6. Cares about health/fitness at least somewhere near as much as I do. .
7. Has a twisted sense of humor.
8. Doesn't care about having nice/expensive things.
9. Wants to make the world a better place.
10. Is at least as much of a guy as I am (I'm sure this sounds weird, but it is surprisingly difficult. If I ended up dating a girl, this wouldn't be as much of an issue but I still couldn't be with some winy bitchy girl. I just couldn't handle being the guy in a relationship with a guy though.)
11. Doesn't do any of that cutesy shit. I can't stand that.
12. Can have an intelligent conversation without trying to prove anything.
13. Doesn't need too much reassurance (not because I don't want to be reassuring, but because I'm not good at it.)
14. Has a weird sense of style, or at least doesn't mind that I do.
15. Is not overly emotional.
16. Accepts the fact that I am overly unemotional.
17. Is as tough as me (once again, not as important for a girl but still important.)
18. Shares, or at least understands, my taste in music, TV, movies, etc.
19. Isn't terribly disturbed by my sometimes self-destructive tendencies.
20. I love and loves me back ( I guess that's the big one, huh?)

So I would say there's what? Maybe a 1% chance that I would ever find anyone like that? Then you add in the fact that the person would HAVE to be vegan (or at the very least vegetarian, and willing to go vegan) and it drops to 0. So yeah.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


Periodically it suddenly hits me that I am probably never going to get out of my current situation. I keep convincing myself that things are going to get better, that I am going to find a job that I actually like, that I will be able to afford my own place, that I will have a real social life, etc, etc. Then I realize that is never going to happen. Then, just when I think I am just about as disappointed as I can possibly be with my life, things completely go to shit. Today, I was trying very hard to ignore how much I hate my life. Then, immediately after I got out of the shower, I had to scrub a huge pool of cat piss off the floor, twice! Not only am I entirely  trapped in my shitty life, I am trapped in my shitty life and constantly covered in something disgusting and germ infested. Fan-fucking-tastic!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Ten Things I Hate About You (And by You I Mean Me)

I have seen that Dove video making it's way around facebook the last couple of days, the one meant to demonstrate the difference between the way we see ourselves versus the way others see us. It's actually really cool and fairly thought-provoking. Unfortunately, I'm a crazy person so the thoughts it provoked from me were about all of the traits I can't stand about myself, both physical and otherwise. Here are the top ten.

1. My skin.
2. My nose.
3. My thighs.
4. My double chin.
5. My hair.
6. My utter lack of social skills.
7. My distaste for reality.
8. My feet.
9. My triceps.
10. My inability to tolerate boredom.

Not necessarily in that order.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Well Now I feel Like a Giant Asshole

So I just wrote a new posts a few minutes ago. As soon as I finished it, I posted it on facebook. Then I thought I would go ahead and check some updates while I was there. As I was reading through my news feed I suddenly realized that my posts was HORRIBLY inappropriate and deleted it. I may post it someday, but today was obviously not the right day. So if anyone saw that other post before I deleted it, please know that I wasn't trying to be an evil bitch, I was just utterly uninformed. The reason I didn't know what happened, and that I still don't really know, is that I do my best to avoid the news. I try to stay informed about the things that I can actually do something about. Other than that, I don't really want to know. I have no desire to hear about the millions of ways people are destroying each other and the planet as a whole. I am disillusioned enough with humanity the way it is. If I can help in some way then let me know, otherwise I prefer to stay in the dark to preserve what little hope I have left for our species. Anyway I'm sorry, both for the post and just in general.

Running Into Burning Buildings

*This is the post I wrote a while back and then removed because of what happened in Boston. I figured I might as well go ahead and post it now because, at this point, it's probably not going to get any less offensive.*

This probably makes me a truly awful human being but I often find myself hoping that I will come upon some terribly dangerous situation; you know like a car accident, or a burning building, or a robbery, or something. It's not that I hope those things will happen, it's just that if/when they do happen I hope I'm there. You hear about people who find themselves in these situations and do something crazy and save people's lives. I want to be one of those people.
I was looking for a picture of a burning building and found this. So I just thought I would share. Enjoy. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Possible Tattoos

Probably one of the first things I am going to do when I finally manage to get a job is get a new tattoo. After that, I am probably going to get several more. Here is a list of some of the ideas I have. I will almost certainly get at least some of these; others I will probably later decide were stupid and be glad I didn't get them.

1. The quote from Bold Native "animals are not property, they are not ours to use. They are an end unto themselves. Their freedom is beautiful and their slavery is a horror."

2. A quote from a Giving Tree Band song "She held tight to what she thought was right and loose to what she knew was best."

3.  Stained glass tears. This is a reference to a Dar Williams song. The line is "She says you've know her deepest fears cause she's shown you a box of stained glass tears."

4. The Last Unicorn tattoo I mentioned before.

5. The protection tattoo form Supernatural.

6. A farmed animal themed half-sleeve.

7. A sonic screwdriver (10th Doctor era).

8. A monarch caterpillar.

9. A fruit bat.

10. "No power in the verse can stop me"

I'm sure I will come up with others.

Saturday, April 13, 2013


So I actually had a semi-productive day today. I wrote two pages on one of my school papers. I cleaned my nasty-ass carpets (which meant first fixing the belt on the vacuum cleaner. That was a bit of an ordeal), I cut and dyed my hair, I did laundry and best of all I watched two episodes each of Merlin, Doctor Who and Supernatural. That's right, that counts as productive for me.

Friday, April 12, 2013


Very soon the semester is going to be over. This signifies two things 1- I am going to be very relieved. 2- I am going to be very bored. Obviously, I am going to have to find a job. Whether I get the police job or not, I have to get some kind of job or I'm not going to be able to eat, but I also need to have something to do with my time. You know what would be really great? If sometime over the summer I could manage to actually find something that I enjoy doing. Maybe some sort of social activity? Something fun? I don't even think I understand the concept of fun anymore; in fact, I'm not sure I ever did. There was a time when I thought I was having fun, but in retrospect it seems kind of awful.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Most Useless Premonition Ever

I get Deja Vu all the time, I would say at least once a week or so. Every time I do, instead of feeling like "I think I've done this before." I usually feel like "I think I dreamed about this." This is weird for two reasons 1- I almost never remember my dreams, so thinking that I remember dreaming about anything is kind of dumb. 2- It pretty much always happens when I'm doing something ridiculously mundane. So my next thought after "I think I dreamed about this." is usually "Wow, that must have been a really boring dream." Also, I'm usually doing things that I do all the time so, even if I did dream about it, I may very well have just been dreaming about the last time I did whatever it was. Anyway, something slightly different, but no more helpful, happened this morning. I was brushing my teeth and I got that "I dreamed about this" feeling. Then I thought "Wow, I dreamed about brushing my teeth! Fascinating!" Then, I remembered the rest of the dream though; I was brushing my teeth and my mouth started bleeding profusely. About thirty seconds after I remembered the rest of the dream, I accidentally jabbed myself in the gums with my toothbrush. This is not unusual, I do this all the time. What was a bit unusual was the rather remarkable amount of blood. I tried to spit out some toothpaste and spit out a whole mouthful of blood instead. My dream still exaggerated a bit, but not that much. Of course, the most logical explanation here is that I was so distracted by the thought of my creepy dream that I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, not that I get premonitions of absurdly boring events, but that wouldn't make a very good topic for a post.
It looked kind of like this. 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013


I know I've mentioned this before, and I think it's a fairly common occurrence, but it's really weird how there are always these random recurring themes showing up in my life. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of unicorns. Yeah, I know kind of goofy. Anyway there was an episode of Merlin about them, then one of the people I follow on Pinterest pinned a really cool, very realistic, picture of one, then today they were talking about them on the episode of Buffy I was watching and of course there was that episode of Supernatural that I mentioned a few posts back. Well, I think this time it might be the universe taunting me. Ever since that Supernatural episode, I keep thinking about the idea of comparing significant others or "soul mates" or whatever to unicorns. I find it pretty appropriate, especially for someone as far from the norm as myself. They are these wonderful, beautiful, magical creatures who you imagine would make everything in your life alright, but alas they are pure fantasy.

Also, I think I might get a tattoo of her someday. This movie was a huge part of my childhood and, after re-watching it recently, may have had a larger impact on me than I realized at the time. 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

An Internal Thermometer for External Temperatures?

It's remarkable how much easier it is for me to get up and get going in the mornings when it's nice outside. It doesn't make sense because most of the time, even if I have my window open, I can't really tell what the temperature is like outside when I wake up. Somehow my body just knows which days it is going to have to deal with miserable weather and which days it will actually be halfway comfortable.

Monday, April 8, 2013

An Interesting Development

Well, it looks like maybe the police department hasn't counted me out after all. A friend just told me that she was talking to a couple of officers and they mentioned something about how the new "vegan chick" is going to have a hard time when they all start telling hunting stories. While I'm certainly not thrilled about the idea of having to listen to a bunch of hunting stories, I'm pretty excited to hear that they seem to think I have a good chance of getting the job. Also, I don't know if they realize this but I've lived in West Virginia my whole life. I've heard my fair share of hunting stories.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Spring? Is That You?

Of course the day when I have a pile of homework to do ends up being the nicest day we've had this year. This is why, tomorrow, I am going to try to make myself get up around 3:00am so I can finish the paper that I didn't finish today. Instead of finishing my paper, I went for a walk with my mom and my sister; and my dad took me up on the hill and let me shoot at a rock. I must say, that was a very interesting though highly uncomfortable experience. I imagine I will get used to it (assuming that becomes necessary).

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Wait a Minute

I now have four weeks of class left. My initial reaction to this is "Oh thank (the) god(s)! Maybe I will make it through this semester after all!" Then I think "Waaaaiiiiiit, don't I have a shit ton of work due at the end of the semester? A shit ton of work that I haven't even started working on?" The answer is yes, yes I do. At which point the thought of the end of the semester begins to elicit this strange combination of intense relief and complete horror. Also, I have two papers due Monday. I kind of started one of them, kind of. What the fuck is my problem.

Friday, April 5, 2013

"Well That Was Tedious."

There is one upside to this ridiculous apathy I've been experiencing lately. Things that would normally be completely fucking terrifying, like say doing a group presentation that I am woefully under-prepared for in front of a whole room full of people when one of my group members didn't even show up, now apparently just give me a nice little adrenalin rush.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Hero's Journey

In two different classes now, we have talked about the "hero's journey." We just started talking about it in my literature class, which makes sense, but a while back we also talked about it in my history of psychology class. Apparently there is this book by Joseph Campbell, which I'm thinking I should probably read, in which he compares the idea of the "hero's journey" (which is apparently a universal idea across pretty much every culture.) to everyday life. I don't know, maybe if I read it I'll have an easier time seeing everyday life as more than just a giant pile of pathetic, mundane shit. The problem is, I don't want to go on some metaphorical hero's journey, I want to go on a real one!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Personality Traits

In my Theories of Personality class recently, we were learning about personality traits. Apparently there are different levels of traits which have varying amounts of impact on our lives. Cardinal traits are by far the most powerful and affect almost every aspect of a person's life. My professor emphasized the fact that not everyone has these, and sort of implied that the people who do have them tend to not be the most well-adjusted people. Well, I would definitely say that I have one of these. I think my commitment to animal rights would definitely be considered a cardinal trait. It has a fairly drastic impact on every aspect of my life, even on things that seem entirely unrelated to it. From a psychological standpoint, it may very well be at least somewhat maladaptive. However, despite the many problems it causes me in my life, I'm glad I have it. I am pretty much unwaveringly critical of every detail of myself but my dedication to doing the right thing, no matter how much the majority of society may disagree with it, is something I'm actually proud of. As crazy as it sounds, I wouldn't trade my isolating and all-encompassing sense of morality for all the blissful ignorance in the world.

Also, what the fuck is up with Blogger's spell-checker? It keeps telling me that words I'm using aren't real words, which makes me wonder if I'm crazy and just think that they're real words. Stop lying to me Blogger! I looked them up.

Bad pun! 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

What the Hell Happened to My Face?

Do you ever leave the house and think "Yeah, I look alright today." Then you get where you're going and catch your reflection in something and go "What the fuck?! How did I let myself go out in public looking like this?" This seems to be a constant problem for me. I don't know if the lighting in my house is very good or very bad, but I never look the same here as I do anywhere else. The lighting at school seems to be especially cruel though. I go into the bathroom and actually cringe when I look in the mirror.

Monday, April 1, 2013

So Many Useless Skills

I don't want to brag, but I have an abundance of very rare skills. When I say I don't want to brag I mean it; all of my skills are rare for a reason, they are entirely worthless. You know how much I like lists so here is a list of, some of, my useless skills.

1. I can kick above my head. Back in high school, this prompted a guy that I knew to try to kick as high as me, pull a muscle, fall down and call me a "stupid vegetarian bitch." To which I replied "HAHAHAHA."

2. I can fold a fitted sheet better than anyone I know. This may be a bit surprising to anyone who actually knows me at all. Surprise everyone, turns out I'm Martha fucking Stewart!

3. I can make really complicated beaded jewelry that everyone seems to think is fairly impressive but, when I tried selling it, no one wanted to buy.

4. I can eat, and enjoy, spicier food than any normal person should. I think I mentioned the pepper spray before. I also used to put extreme amounts of red pepper flakes on foods that should not have red pepper flakes on them when I was at lunch back in middle school, just to freak people out.

5. I can crack nearly every joint in my body. This one is pretty much just annoying for me, and creepy to everyone around me.

I think those are pretty much the most useless ones.