The Vocalizing Vegan (Video)

As promised, here is my singing video. I decided to film myself singing whist folding laundry because when I tried filming myself singing into the camera, I looked fucking terrified. After all, this is the first time I have, intentionally, allowed another human to hear me sing since I was......I don't even know......ten?........twelve maybe? I sing around the animals all the time, the cats seem to enjoy it, the pigs don't really seem to give a shit, nut not around humans. Anyway, since I seem to be utterly incapable of judging my own abilities, please let me know whether or not I should continue to stick with my policy of singing exclusively for nonhumans.

Remember, this is that song that got stuck in my head for twelve years?

What More Can a Girl Ask for?

As I've said about a million times (sorry about that, by the way.) what I really want out of a job is purpose. I want to be able to say that my job means something. However, considering the fact that it may be entirely delusional to think that I could find such a job, I've given a lot of thought to what kinds if things I'm looking for in a regular, just for the money, job. I've come up with;
1-I want something physical to do. I can't handle just sitting around all day.
2-I want to be able to take time off if I want it.
3- I want to be able to work evenings so that I don't have to get up at 3am just to get ready.
4- I don't want to have to have a separate wardrobe to wear to work.
5- I want to stay busy.
6- I want to have enough free-time to do the things I actually care about.
7- I want to do something I'm good at.
8- I want to be able to feel, at least, okay about what I do.
9- I don't want to have to deal with animal products.
10- I want to be able to make enough money to get by.

Then I realize that, except for that last one. I pretty much have all of that at Goodwill. And then I think ......

So Many Useless Skills

I don't want to brag, but I have an abundance of very rare skills. When I say I don't want to brag I mean it; all of my skills are rare for a reason, they are entirely worthless. You know how much I like lists so here is a list of, some of, my useless skills.

1. I can kick above my head. Back in high school, this prompted a guy that I knew to try to kick as high as me, pull a muscle, fall down and call me a "stupid vegetarian bitch." To which I replied "HAHAHAHA."

2. I can fold a fitted sheet better than anyone I know. This may be a bit surprising to anyone who actually knows me at all. Surprise everyone, turns out I'm Martha fucking Stewart!

3. I can make really complicated beaded jewelry that everyone seems to think is fairly impressive but, when I tried selling it, no one wanted to buy.

4. I can eat, and enjoy, spicier food than any normal person should. I think I mentioned the pepper spray before. I also used to put extreme amounts of red pepper flakes on foods that should not have red pepper flakes on them when I was at lunch back in middle school, just to freak people out.

5. I can crack nearly every joint in my body. This one is pretty much just annoying for me, and creepy to everyone around me.

I think those are pretty much the most useless ones.

I Bet You Can't Put Your Leg Behind Your Head

Sometimes I feel like I'm nothing but a collection of useless knowledge and worthless skills. I know all sorts of things that no one would ever have any need to know, and I can do things that no one would ever need to be able to do. Yet I don't even have the basic skills necessary to function in society. I have this knack for remembering random information, like the name of every character in every book, movie or TV show I've ever seen (and some I haven't seen). I remember that kind of shit forever but I forget stuff that happenes to me in real life. I also have all of these "skills" that do me absolutely no good. I keep thinking that, someday, I'll find some way to make use of them, but unfortunately I don't think that is ever going to happen because who the fuck is ever going to pay me for kicking people in the face.