That Worked Out Well

You know how I'm always bitching about how shitty our internet is here? Well, for the past three days, it has been SUPER shitty. Like, working just enough to make you keep going "Maybe it'll work now!" over, and over, and over again until you want to throw your computer through a wall. Or maybe that's just me? Anyway, today for the first time in weeks I finally manged to make myself get up early; not because I had anything in particular to do, but just because I feel better and get more accomplished that way. Well, guess what? The internet was finally working, so instead of getting anything important accomplished, I spent four hours just fucking around online to make up for not being able to for a few days. I'm telling you guys, my time management skills are impeccable. The good news about all of this wasted time is that I managed to find an Etsy shop run by a vegan/animal rights advocate who makes perfume inspired by various nerdy things; including this one\/ based on Sam Winchester.

Also, she donates some of the proceeds to animal charities! How cool is that? If I had money, I might just buy every one of her perfumes just so I would know what all of my favorite characters smell like.  Here is Dean, by the way. And Cas.   

Just What I Was Hoping For

For the past several weeks, I have been desperately searching for a new pair of Mitchell

Gloves (which is what I call those fingerless gloves). I had several pairs of the knitted ones, but they are all starting to wear out and I kind of wanted some that were vinyl or something, so that it wouldn't look quite as weird if I continued to wear them once the weather clears up. Anyway, once again, I ran into the problem of all the ones I like being leather, and/or super expensive, and/or from overseas. I finally found some that I liked in L.A. (still a little farther than I would like, but I was willing to deal with it) for, get this, $4.99! and free shipping! I was so happy that I bought two pairs, so I would have an extra. Well, they arrived a couple of days ago and I couldn't wait to try them on! When I took them out of the envelop, the first thing I noticed was a big WARNING stick which informed me that they contained chemicals which may cause cancer. I found that a bit disconcerting, but I was willing to overlook it. Them I tried them on and realized that, not only would they apparently give me hand cancer, but they made me look like I already had it. They were sown crooked so they had (obviously unintentional) holes everywhere, they were completely square, and they were several sizes too big (despite being "one size fits all"). Basically, they made it look like I had giant robot hands that had torn through my gloves in random places. Yeah, yeah, I know "you get what you pay for" fuck you.

Mitchell^.....................Gloves^                 

Now There's an Idea!

I just suddenly remembered that I totally forgot to write a post for today. It's not like I have anything exciting to talk about anyway, but I thought I should get something down here. So here's this. I've been on a serious superhero kick lately. I recently realized that I am just a natural born multitasker and that I have a hard time doing just one thing at a time, especially things that are time consuming and/or difficult. My mind gets bored or frustrated and I just end up giving up on whatever it was that I was trying to do. Well since, lately, I have been trying to teach myself how to do all of these new things, sculpting, drawing, making utility-belts, etc, I've been watching movies to keep my mind occupied whilst I struggle endlessly with the things I'm trying to make. For whatever reason I have been mostly interested in watching superhero movies. I already had some and I bought quite a few more from various discount movie bins. So far it has been working pretty well. I don't even notice that it takes me for-fucking-ever to make really small, unimportant, things. An unfortunate side-effect is that I keep finding myself thinking "Hey, you know what would be a lot more fun than making misshapen mugs? Being a fucking superhero!"

Today I watched Daredevil. I found it fairly enjoyable. Plus, I'm thinking that if you can get superpowers just by going blind.........that one seems kind of feasible for me. Just saying. 

Sacrifice

A couple of days ago, my dad and I watched the Angel episode "Sacrifice." At the end of the episode, my dad asked me why it had been called that and I pointed out that the bug demon told Wesley that love was sacrifice. This led to a long and rather frustrating debate about what that actually meant, whether it was true, whether love was really a good thing assuming it was true, and eventually the definition of sacrifice. Well, in case anyone cares, here is my thought on the whole thing. Yes. Love is sacrifice, absolutely. Here's the thing though; so is everything else. Everything in life is about sacrifice. Everything. We are constantly, like every moment of every day, giving up one thing (or many things) for the sake of something else. We sacrifice; money, attention, progress, success, and most importantly time. Every single second we spend doing one thing could be spent doing something else. The question is whether or not the sacrifice is worth it. At the end of the day, how many of our choices are we really satisfied with? How many times do we feel like we chose the right things to use up our time and energy on? That's where love comes in. The important thing about love is, at least in my opinion, that it makes the sacrifice seem worth it.

^Bug demon^ for those who haven't seen the show. 

It's Sort of a Niche Market

So you know the weird little belt/purse thing I made? Well, I'm thinking about making some other ones and trying to sell them in my Etsy shop, which will hopefully be up and running again sometime in the near future. You see, before I broke down and made one for myself, I looked everywhere; Etsy, Ebay, Amazon, etc. trying to buy one. Every one I could find was; ridiculously overpriced and/or leather and/or in another country and/or goofy looking. So it seems to me that this country has a serious shortage of cute, affordable, vegan, belt-bag things. Also, apparently these things go by many names, one of which is "utility belt" which is definitely what I am going to call them if I start selling them because.........

Connection

I should be alone. I'm lonely when I'm alone, but that's better than what I am when I'm with others; always faking, always angry. Because the truth is I'm always alone. I move with them, act like them, pretend to be one of them, but I'm not one of them. I don't belong in my family, in my country, anywhere. I take off my glasses when I'm in public because I think I look better that way, as if it matters what I look like. My poor vision turns them all into monsters. Their faces blurred and distorted. Are they looking at me? I can't tell. I don't know if this makes it better or worse. I feel like they are all staring at me, and yet I am invisible. I am an uneasy presence they can all sense, so they squint their eyes and try to make out what it is they feel but can't see. Everyone is looking at me, but no one sees me. I just want to be seen. One small connection. A guy holds the door for me. I thank him. He smiles. A connection. Thirty seconds, no more. I think about it for the rest of the day. How pathetic is that?

Wow! Thanks, Subconscious!

You know how, when you're asleep, sometimes your subconscious will sort of work the things that are happening in the real world into your dreams? Well, here's a good one for you.

I like to sleep with my window slightly open. Usually it's totally fine because the way my window is positioned keeps any rain, or snow, or whatever from coming in. Well apparently last night it was both rainy AND windy, so the rain started blowing in through the window and hitting me in the face while I was sleeping. Would you like to know what my subconscious mind came up with as an explanation for all the little drops of moisture hitting my face? In my dream I (and several other people, though I can't remember who they were) were standing in this dungeon type room. It was basically a huge box made of bricks. I can't remember what the room was supposed to be, or why we were there. What I do remember is that the walls and ceiling suddenly started leaking. That's not so bad, you say. But oh, I'm not done yet. It wasn't water, it was blood. There were little drops of blood dripping out from between the bricks. So yeah, I got rained on in my sleep and my brain decided that the best things it could do with that was to put me in a dungeon and have the walls bleed on me. I'm sure that's totally normal and definitely not a sign of any sort of mental illness or anything.

I Did It! Kind of....

I kind of, sort of, made one of those things I was talking about yesterday! It really doesn't look much like the one I wanted to buy, but I'm still kind of pleased with the way it turned out. I wore it today, and it felt pretty badass. Although perhaps I am just delusional and it actually looks super pathetic. But, at least for now, I like it. Plus, I think it will be highly convenient because now I can carry the really important stuff with me and leave all the less important stuff, in my giant purse, in the car when I go places. I mean, you never know when you are going to be drawn into an epic battle of some sort and not want to deal with a big bulky purse, right?

Well, We'll See What Happens

I found this thing online that I desperately want! There are three reasons why I have been forcing myself not to buy it. 1- It is kind of expensive. Really it's not all that expensive, but it's from that shop I found a while back that makes me wish I lived in Lithuania, which means that the shipping would cost me as much as the thing itself. 2- I always feel kind of guilty having things shipped from really far away, you know like from Lithuania, because of the environmental impact. 3- I think there is a good chance that everyone I know will think this thing is stupid, and give me a hard time about it, and I just can't justify dealing with #1 and #2 just so I can be harassed.

So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to make one myself, from stuff I already had or bought at Goodwill. That way when everyone makes fun of me for it, I can be like "Fuck you. It's environmentally-friendly and it was practically free." Now if I can just make it look halfway decent, I'll be all set.

^This is the thing. Apparently, it's called a "waistbag" and I want it! 

Halp!

As you may have noticed (if you live in the same area I do) it was actually halfway warm outside today. Some of the snow even started to melt! It was so nice to actually be able to go outside without immediately feeling my nose hairs freeze that I started thinking about all the things I want to do once the snow completely melts. Here's the problem though, I couldn't actually come up with anything. I seriously need to get a fucking life, like now! I can't spend every second of every day hanging around the house. I just can't! Furthermore, the only social contact I've really had, for the past I don't even know how long, has been my immediate family. Don't get me wrong I do love them and everything, but I swear to fuck, if I don't get some sort of interaction with someone who fucking gets me and doesn't constantly make me feel like shit about myself soon, I'm going to snap! So here's my question for you. Where should I go to interact with other people? Also, how do I interact with other people?

I'm fairly certain this is what I look like every time I try to talk to other humans. 

You Know What? I Don't Even Want to Know This Time

Okay, so you guys know about my whole thing with all the weird recurring themes in my life that seem like they should mean something but I can never figure out what? Well here's one for you. What exactly is the symbolic significance of creatures with mouths where their eyes should be? Yeah. You know I mentioned a while back that I was reading The Sandman? Well, I just finished the second volume, The Dollhouse, and in it there is a character called The Corinthian. He basically just looks like a regular guy except for the fact that he has mouths where his eyes should be. Kind of creepy, right? You know what's even creepier? The fact that the night after I first read about the Corinthian, my dad and I watched an episode of Angel involving this weird slug-looking demon. You know what I didn't notice about this particular demon the first time I watched this episode? That it happens to have mouths for eyes. Holy fucking shit, Powers That Be! What are you doing to me with this shit?

I Made a Thing

So, I have been experimenting with making random things out of clay, just to see what I might be good at and/or enjoy. Well, the other day I made what was supposed to be a pig. Instead, it turned out as more of a panteater; a little bit pig, but mostly anteater. I decided that such a creature really needed a back story, so I made one up for him.

 The Panteater is a cunning creature who, though mostly harmless, can be highly inconvenient. He will sneak into your home while you sleep and, though causing no physical harm to anyone, will eat any and all pants within the home. Despite the great deal of frustration this causes when everyone wakes up the next morning to find that they suddenly posses not a single pair of pants, they often find it difficult to remain angry with the Panteater due to his endearing appearance and heartfelt apologies.

"I'm really sorry I eated all your pants. I was just so hungry."

In Conclusion

Seriously, just this one last thing and then I'll move on, at least for a while. There is this idea that seems to be fairly common, that things like wearing makeup and shaving your legs are inherently somewhat oppressive to women. I disagree. To be honest, I can't really decide who got the short end of the stick on the whole makeup thing. I mean, yeah it kind of sucks that women are expected to look all perfect all the time. When I think about it though, I'm pretty glad that I get to wear makeup. I feel so much better about myself with it and, if I were a guy, I wouldn't be able to get away with wearing it. As girls, we get to basically paint ourselves to look however we want. Guys are pretty much stuck with what they've got. Unless, of course, they're actors.  

Okay, so Supernatural is not exactly the most feminist show on TV. Holy fuck do I love it though!  

Also, I think instead of women not shaving their legs, guys should have to start shaving theirs. I mean come one guys, body hair is pretty gross; and I, for one, don't want to touch anybody who is all furry anymore than you do. Just saying. 

Furthermore

This is actually sort of old news, but it pissed me off at the time and I was just thinking about it and thought, since I'm on this whole feminism kick the last few days, I might as well write about it. A while back I found this article about how magazines are now starting to Photo Shop models to look "healthier." Well, I don't if that's a good thing or a bad thing really. It seems to me that if a model is so thin that magazine editors think she looks unhealthy they should just encourage her to actually get healthy, but whatever that's not what this post is actually about.

The thing about the article that pissed me off was the picture of Cameron Diaz. Now, don't get me wrong, she is very thin. However, I don't think that she is unhealthily thin and it looks to me like what they really did was not to make her look "healthier" but to make her look more traditionally feminine. They smoothed out all of her muscle tone and made her look more soft and curved everywhere. One of the things they say they did to the photo was to smooth out the "bony definition" on her hip. I would think that people who make their living taking pictures of people's bodies would have some understanding of the human body. That isn't her fucking hipbone they smoothed out! It's the muscle that runs over the hipbone (the obliques, maybe?), and it will only show up like it does on her if you do a shit-ton of sit-ups! In the original photo, she did not have the type of body you get from starving yourself, which is what the article makes it sound like, she had the type of body you get from working your fucking ass off. I don't know how she felt about it, but if some magazine shooped out all the work I had put into my body and then claimed that they did it to make me look healthier, I would be kicking someone's ass and, in the original photo, she looks like she is more than capable of doing it.

And Another Thing....

To continuing the discussion from last night, another thing that I don't really agree with about our society's current idea about feminism is this whole "body acceptance" movement. I mean, the idea behind it is great and all, but I think we're going about it in entirely the wrong way.

It seems to me that telling women to accept their bodies just as they are is sort of the opposite of empowering. Let me explain. The problem with our ideas about our bodies (at least in my humble opinion) is not that we want to change them; changing our bodies requires will-power, hard work, dedication, commitment, all of these are good things. The problem is that we want to change our bodies into what society tells us they should be. I see absolutely no problem with people wanting to be the best they can in every way. We should not be telling women to accept their bodies as they are, we should be telling them to make their bodies what they want them to be. I think there is a great sense of empowerment that comes from watching your body change and become better due to your hard work. That is something that we should be cultivating, not discouraging.

I, personally, don't believe that I will ever stop trying to improve my body; I'm just not the type of person who is ever really completely satisfied with anything. That in no way means that I don't appreciate the progress I have made though. I feel good about all the work that I have done, and all the benefits I have gained from it. This is not because I look the way society tells me I should (because I don't look the way society tells me I should) but because I look more and more the way I want to everyday. I feel that, instead of telling each other to accept our bodies the way they are, we should be telling each other to decide who we want to be, and do whatever it takes to be that. Myself, I'm sort of going for the "warrior woman" look.

"Have you ever been with a warrior woman?" 

Helpless or Bitchy?

So, my dad and I have been watching Angel lately. Tonight we watched the episode "Billy". This was the episode with the guy who had the (really lovely) power to make any guy he touched become a woman-hating psychopath. Anyway, it was a very feminist episode and, whenever I think about that sort of thing, I always find myself analyzing the different perspectives on feminism and what it means to different people. I know I have talked a little about this in the past, but I think I have a slightly different idea about this stuff than most people do. For example, overall I thought this episode was great, but there where a few things that really bugged me. One was this scene with Cordelia and Lilah where Cordelia convinces Lilah that she should help them because she is a "vicious bitch" and that no vicious bitch would ever put up with someone making her feel helpless. That bugs the shit out of me! I feel like that tends to happen in A LOT of shows. The girl is either, at least somewhat, helpless or, at least somewhat of, a bitch. No one seems to know how to write female characters who are both strong and pleasant to be around. I feel like we need to try a little harder to let women know that you don't have to be an asshole to be strong and take care of yourself.

One of the things I did really like about the episode though was Cordelia's sword fighting, because something that frequently irritates me about "strong female characters" is when you watch them fight and you can tell that, yeah the character is strong but the actress playing her isn't. I thought Charisma Carpenter looked like she could do some serious damage.

I Don't Get It

Did I ever tell you guys about how Impala likes to have sex with my clothes sometimes? Well he does. He also like to carry my clothes around the house for no apparent reason. Last night, my dad and I were sitting in the living room watching Angel and Impala just comes wandering into the room carrying one of my shirts in his mouth. This was the shirt I had slept in the previous night and I had left it lying on the floor in my room, upstairs. Yes, he carried my shirt down the stairs and into the living room. He then proceeded to drag it aimlessly around the room before wandering off again. At the time, I thought "I'll probably never see that shirt again." because he has been known to take my clothes and hide them under random pieces of furniture, I guess so I won't take them back? Later, when I went upstairs to go to bed, there was the shirt just lying at the top of the stairs. So, just to recap, he took my shirt from my bedroom floor, dragged it down the stairs, brought it into the living room, wandered around with it for a moment, then dragged it back up the stairs and put it back a few feet from where it was to begin with. Why? I just........why?

Oath

Alright you guys, I swear, when the weather gets better ( I mean like spring better, not like slightly less snow better) I AM going to find something interesting to do with my time. I don't care if I have to take up drag racing, or grave robbing, or whatever, I will have something to tell you that you might actually give a shit about. As it is, the high point of my day was watching X-Men and making a set of Runes out of clay. I will get less boring eventually, I swear.

That's Something, I Guess

Sorry this post is so late, but hey, at least it's here right? Anyway, I just thought I would let you all know that I have, sort of, made a tiny bit of progress. I actually, finally, finished that job I was doing in Fairmont. You know, the one with the painting and the unbearably slow-going border peeling? Yeah, that one. It's done. I should be getting a check for it sometime in the next week. This will hopefully mean that I can buy some materials for all the projects I've been thinking about starting and maybe, maybe, get some stuff made and posted for sale. Also, my dad and I finally fired some of the clay pieces I've been working on, so wish me luck with that. Personally, I'll be pretty fucking thrilled if they don't come out as piles of dust, since neither of us really knew what we were doing and that kiln has been sitting around unused for about a century.

"You took that end and you...well you took it. And that's....well I guess that's somethin." 

Be a Rabbit

I actually started thinking about this after the new Supernatural episode on Tuesday during which Dean, once again, mentioned his aversion to "rabbit food". I think this is something that most vegetarians or vegans have heard at one point or another. I've certainly heard it enough. Omnivores like to refer to plat-based foods as rabbit food in this condescending way, that implies that it is somehow not sufficient for humans. Like "Oh, I could never eat that rabbit food." Or, better yet, imply that we are somehow less capable than them because we do eat it. Like "How can you survive on that rabbit food?" Well, here's the thing that I don't think they realize; rabbits are actually pretty fucking badass when you think about it. Rabbits are;

1- Fast- They can run up to 35 MPH and frequently outrun the carnivores who are trying to eat them.
2- Strong- They can jump more than 36 inches.
3- Sexy- People don't talking about "breeding like rabbits" for nothing.
4- Determined- Have you ever tried to pick up a rabbit who didn't want to be picked up?
5- Smart, the know how to escape from all the many creatures who are always trying to eat them.
6- Energetic- Unlike most carnivores, who pretty much sleep anytime they are not actively hunting, rabbits almost never stop moving.

So here's my question; why is it that people think it's better to be like the big animal with the sharp teeth and claws, who is always killing smaller animals, than to be like the little animal who, despite his small size and lack of sharp claws and teeth, stands up to the big animal on a daily basis? Furthermore, why is it considered a bad thing for us to eat the diet that allows this amazing little creature to do these things? The point is this; we should all be so lucky as to be more like rabbits, and the next time someone tells me I'm eating rabbit food I'm going to say "Thank you."

This is my depiction of a, sort of, post-apocalyptic warrior rabbit. Note the double Samurai swords, pierced ears, and veganarchy tattoo. 

Absolutely True Rumors

I just had to share this with you guys. I recently discovered this lip balm called Crazy Rumors and it is completely amazing and you should buy some right now! All of their products are vegan, cruelty-free and all natural and, I'm telling you, this is the best stuff I have ever put on my lips. I haven't even been wearing lipstick lately because 1- I don't want anything else on them but this stuff and 2- They look so much better that I really don't feel like I need it anymore. They have about a million different flavors to choose from and it feels incredible and has managed to fix even my nasty, dried up lips. I bought the Red Velvet Cake flavor a while back and have used it obsessively ever since. It is absolutely delicious, though it does taste a bit more like Tootsie Rolls than cake to me. So, since it is nearly gone already, I decided to order the Mocha flavor. It just came yesterday, and holy fuck does it smell amazing! Also, all their stuff is surprisingly affordable. Just Saying.

Sometimes It's Good to Live in a Fantasy World

You know how yesterday I wrote about all the things that I think I would need in order to function properly? Well, for the most part, I have no idea what to do about those things. I either don't know what I want them to be, or I do know but haven't the slightest idea how to achieve them. One thing I do know though, is what I want my home to be like. So sometimes, just to make myself feel better about everything else, I imagine what I would want in my perfect space. Here are a few of the things I think a good home needs.

1- One big open space. As far as I'm concerned, the only room that needs to be separate is the bathroom.
2- Most of the walls covered in shelves.
3- Of the walls that aren't covered in shelves, one should be a huge white board. That way I can keep everything I feel I need to remember in a particular day, clearly in sight.
4- Another wall should be a huge pin-board. That way I can have my own real life Pinterest, in my house.

In the open space I would have;
5- My punching bag.
6- A stripper pole.
7- A pull up bar.
8- A rope to climb.
9- Maybe a clothes line, so I won't have to waste energy using a dryer. Also, since it's me we're talking about here, the clothes line would probably end up doubling as my closet.

10- Everything would be the most ridiculous, bright, semi-obnoxious colors.

Or, you know, I could just live in the Impala with Sam and Dean. Either way. 

Self-Awareness

One of these days, I really am going to get my shit together and post everyday. Anyway.

I really hate myself sometimes for being as unhappy as I am. I feel like, to an outside observer, my life really doesn't seem all that bad. So what right do I have to feel the way I do about it? Furthermore, I pretty much always hate myself for how incredibly angry I get over the most mundane annoyances. I mean, one tiny thing goes wrong and I'm utterly furious for most of the day. I think I finally figured out though, why it is that I am the way I am. It's not like knowing why is actually going to change anything, but at least I understand now. So here's my theory; I think there are a few basic things that people need to have, or feel that they have, in order to function in an even remotely healthy way.

1- Purpose- People need to have concrete goals to work toward. They need to know where they want to be and what steps they should take in order to get there.
2- Fulfillment- People need to feel that the things they do matter. Their lives need to have value for them.
3- Connection- People need other people. Whether romantic or platonic, people need to feel deep connections with others. They need to feel understood, accepted, and appreciated.
4- Space- People need to have a safe place. They need to have a place to go that feels like their own, a place to get away from the rest of the world and feel at home.
5- Control- People need to feel like they have some small measure of control over what happens to them. They need to feel like they have the ability to shape their own futures, like their choices matter.

The problem is, I don't feel like I have any of these things.

1- I don't know what the fuck my purpose is.
2- I know, for a fact, that nothing I'm doing right now matters in the least.
3- Basically, the only people I even associate with are my immediate family and, half the time, they don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.
4- I can't even remember when the last time was that I felt "at home" in the place I was living.
5- No matter how hard I try, every choice I make somehow gets me farther and farther from where I want to be.

The point here is this, I have GOT to get some of this shit figured out or I am going to end up spending the rest of my life as a giant fuming ball of rage. I don't have any of the big things that people need in life, so I put far too much importance on the little things. So then, one little thing gets fucked up and my world falls apart. I am basically holding my psyche together with duct tape.

To make up for the fact that this post is so depressing and whiny, here is a picture of Impala being all adorable.

Enough Already!

Sorry there was no post yesterday. You see, it was raining so Hughesnet took the day off. Of course, today we are completely buried under a mountain of snow but apparently Hughesnet doesn't mind snow. I guess I should be grateful that it's rain, and not snow, that scares our internet away because if I were snowed into the house and didn't have any internet access I can guarantee that bad things would happen. Anyway, with or without internet, this snow is really getting to be absurd. I mean seriously, what is the fucking deal this year? This is more snow than I think I have ever seen, other than when I was in Watkins Glen. So, to whoever is responsible for this sort of thing; can we get over this snow bullshit and move on now please? Thanks.

This is Avo stuck in a snow drift, by the way. 

In Reference to Yesterday's Post

I'm almost done with this painting/tedious-as-fuck-border-peeling job I've been doing. It's about damn time! I feel like I've been working on it forever, mostly because I spent most of that time snowed in at my house. Anyway, here is my new plan. Once I get this job finished, I'm going to use part of that money to buy a whole bunch of random art supplies. Then I'm going to just lock myself in my house and make a whole bunch of random shit. I'm just going to try everything and see what I like, what I'm good at, and what people might want to buy. I've had all of these ideas about stuff I want to try for years, but I've never taken the time to do it. Well, now I'm going to. Some of the things I want to try are; clay jewelry, metal jewelry, clay mugs, maybe some other clay sculptures, I also want to try drawing things and then writing some of my poems over the drawings, and I'm going to try to come up with something to do with all of these glass jars I've had lying around ever since the recycling place stopped taking glass. I keep trying to force myself to have a halfway normal life, to go out and do things, to try to have some sort of social life, but the truth is that I suck at that! So now I'm going to give the whole crazy, reclusive, artist thing a try.

Here are the things I've made so far. I know, the flower in the bottom center turned out sort of suspiciously shaped. I still think it looks kind of cool though, so whatever.