Ⓥ Cecil

I imagine, by now, you have all heard about what happened to Cecil. Just in case you haven't, the short version is that he was a lion who was a well-loved, and rather iconic, resident of the Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe. He was lured away from the safety of the park and then killed, in a brutal and torturous manner, by a hunter from America, simply because the man wanted him as a "trophy". Everyone from the general public, to animal activists, to celebrities have been outraged by what was done to Cecil, and for good reason. It was unforgivable. However, I feel like everyone who is up-in-arms over Cecil's death is overlooking a very important point that ought to be addressed; namely that, as horrible and heartbreaking as this tragedy was, far worse things are happening to millions of animals every day, and for just as absurd reasons.

Please don't misunderstand me; I am very upset about what happened to Cecil, I'm just not more upset about it than I am about what happens to all of the animals raised for food, clothing, and experimentation everyday, in our society. The hard truth here is that, as awful and painful as Cecil's death must have been, it is nothing compared to the way these other animals die, not to mention the way they live. At least Cecil got a chance to live his life the way he wanted before he died. This is a luxury that the vast majority of animals never get. They never know what it is to have freedom, all they know is pain, loneliness and death. In my opinion, that is the real tragedy, to die having never know any sort of happiness. Cecil was lucky in that aspect; he had his freedom, he had the life he was meant to have, he was loved, and he is missed. No one misses these other animals; they are not given names and therefore, in our minds, might as well never even have existed. They are not mourned, and their deaths are not protested, they are simply forgotten.

I am happy to see that there are so many people willing to stand up and condemn this hunter's actions. I'm ever happier to see how many people are referring to it as "murder." Because that it what it was. Killing for no reason is murder, there is no way around that. Sorry to burst your bubble, hunters, but you are not brave, or impressive, or strong, or whatever it is that you think you are. You are nothing but serial killers with better PR. You kill those who cannot defend themselves and then you take "trophies" to remind yourselves of your own brutality. There is no honor in that.

I only hope that all of this publicity about Cecil will lead people to think a little more about what they feel makes it so unforgivable to kill this one particular animal when so many others are killed everyday. I have seen a lot of people talking about various ways to honor Cecil, and I think that the best way that we could possibly honor him is to do everything we can to stop these sorts of tragedies from happening to any other animals, not matter how famous they are, or what species they are, or whether or not we have bothered to give them names. Because, like it or not, he wasn't so different from any other animal. He was a beautiful living creature, with thoughts, and feelings, and needs, and a soul (whatever that word may mean to you. To me it means the part of him that made him an individual), just like every single other living being.

Goodbye, Cecil. I am truly sorry for what was done to you, and for all of the atrocities committed by our species, against those we see as "lesser".

Riley and Tuni's First Post

Anyone who followed my blog probably noticed that I didn't exactly deliver on my promise to chronicle my experience at Farm Sanctuary. There are several reasons for this, which I am not going to get into right now. Lets just say that the main reason was my usual lack of motivation. Since I didn't write anything for the two months I spent in Watkins Glen, I felt kind of ridiculous just starting back where I left off when I got back. So I have been waiting for a good topic to start back on. I think this is about as good as I could have hoped for.

Here is a bit of backstory. While I was interning at Farm Sanctuary I met two wonderful piglets, Riley and Petunia. They were adorable and sweet and I (and, I'm pretty sure, everyone else who met them) fell in love with them instantly. Petunia was brand new to the farm and overflowing with energy and enthusiasm. Riley was a bit older and more reserved, but just as friendly and loving despite the trauma he had endured before finding his way to Farm Sanctuary.

Riley was rescued from a stockyard by a brave and compassionate Farm Sanctuary employee who witnessed his suffering and saved him from a painful death. Despite the best efforts of everyone at the farm and the veterinary staff at Cornell, Riley was left blind in one eye and with his head permanently tilted to one side from a severe infection. Petunia was born with a hernia and was "donated" to Cornell so that veterinary students could practice performing surgery on her. She would have been euthanized had it not been for the fact that Cornell was very familiar with Farm Sanctuary. They agreed to save her if Farm Sanctuary would pay for the surgery. So after her surgery she came to live at the farm.

I got to know Riley and Petunia very well during my internship and was very sad to think of leaving them when it was over. About a week before my last day, the shelter director mentioned that she was planning to adopt out Riley and Petunia. As soon as I heard that, I knew that I had to be the one to adopt them. Thankfully, she agreed that I would make a good pig guardian. So when I got back to West Virginia my dad and I started work on a fence and a barn. After a very lengthy process, and a lot of help from my co-workers, we ended up with a charming, mint-green, barn and an acre of pasture. Then we just had to wait for them to arrive.  

The staff at Farm Sanctuary scheduled Riley and Petunia's arrival for 8:00am July 9th. I spent the last couple of days before they got here making sure that everything was just right, to make the transition as easy as possible for them. I woke up at 5:00 on the 9th, and sat around for hours waiting for the truck from Farm Sanctuary, and worrying about all the things that could go wrong. At 10:30 they finally arrived.

Apparently the two men entrusted with Riley and Petunia had left Watkins Glen at midnight and driven straight through. But their GPS had decided to take the scenic route and had gotten them lost in the ridiculous labyrinth that is the back roads of West Virginia. The fact that they didn't just turn back is rather remarkable to me. Instead they somehow managed to guide an enormous trailer up and down the most narrow, winding, pot-hole-infested "roads" you can imagine and find their way to a place most people, even in this area, have never heard of. For that, they have my utmost respect and gratitude. 

 I had prepared myself for the fact that Riley and Petunia would be extremely upset by the whole moving process and terrified by their completely alien surroundings. I was ready to give them their space and wait patiently for the day when they would finally get to know me again and let me come near them. I was sure that they would not remember me, and therefore probably not trust me at all. I half expected them to hide in their barn and cower whenever I came by. It turns out this was not something I needed to worry about.

When they arrived, they stepped out of the trailer as if it was completely natural for them to be on the road for ten and a half hours and then find themselves in a place they have never seen before surrounded by people they don't know. As soon as my parents and I went into the barn, they acted like we were all old friends. I like to think it's, at least partly, because they remembered me but this may just be wishful thinking. I'm pretty sure I would never associate me, as I look now, with me, as I looked all bundled up in layer upon layer of thick clothing and the absurdly bright, orange, tasseled hat I wore the entire time I was at the farm. But whatever the reason, their immediate friendliness alleviated much of my anxiety about the whole thing.

Riley and Petunia have now been living with me for over a week and I think we are starting to get the kinks worked out of our system. My dad and I built them a pond to discourage swimming in the water bowl, which seems to have been very effective. I've learned to drop the food bowls over the fence to protect myself from being tackled. I discovered that apples are far easier for them to eat when they have been cut in half and that carrots look rather disgusting when they have been frozen and thawed, but are apparently much tastier that way. I have also learned that both Riley and Petunia love company and will follow us all over the field, as long as they aren't trying to eat. If they are trying to eat, everyone else ceases to exist. I have noticed how much they love each other and that they don't seem to spend any time apart. If they do get separated they play their own version of Marco Polo to compensate for the tall weeds and Riley's poor vision. Of course, once again, if food is present all bets are off.

Well, this post has gotten quite long enough. I will be posting updates (hopefully) regularly and (again hopefully) there will be pictures on Facebook soon. If anyone is interested in visiting Riley and Petunia please contact me. They are quite fond of visitors, especially visitors who bring snacks.

This ^ was Riley and Tuni's first day with me.

The Volatile Vegan's Attempt at Bellydance (video)

I thought for this week's video, I would share my favorite bellydance workout with you guys. I've done several different ones, and this one is the most challenging (which is probably why I still look kind of goofy when I do it) and fun that I have found. Also, I have found that you automatically look less stupid if you wear a scarf around your hips when you do bellydance (in case you were wondering).

The Most Supernatural Thing

There is this running joke in the Supernatural fandom that the most supernatural thing on the show is the fact that Sam gets wifi wherever he goes. Personally, I think it's actually how easily they dig up graves. Then again, cemetery dirt probably isn't as full of rocks and roots as my yard is, but still.

In case you hadn't guessed what I was getting at here, I worked on my ditch again today. I dug for about an hour, until I was utterly drenched in sweat (since it was upwards of 90 degrees today), and then said "fuck it!" I think I'm about halfway done. The rest of it may go a little quicker because I think I'm almost out of the really rooty/rocky part.....almost. Then there is still the other ditch to dig. Awesome. Anyway, digging is bullshit and Sam and Dean make it look way too fucking easy.

I wanted the image of these two guys digging up a grave and talking about how Supernatural makes it seem so easy, but apparently it doesn't exist. So this one will have to do.

I've Gone Too Far!

You know how I have mentioned multiple times that I have been reading Deadpool? Well, I think I have gone a little overboard. See, I decided that I wanted to know the whole story, because I'm a crazy person and I can't stand not knowing everything about the things I like. However, I wanted to do this with as little expense as possible (because, as I have learned, comics are more expensive than regular books). I really had no idea how to do that though. So I went searching on Amazon. I found a series called "Deadpool the Complete Collection, by Daniel Way". Now, since there were only four volumes, I should have realized that it was not, in fact, the "complete collection" but I thought maybe they were just really big volumes. Wrong. In was actually just all of the stories written by Daniel Way (hmmmmm....probably should have realized that, based on the name......) which are all pretty recent, and offer very little back-story. So, once I figured that out, I went back to Amazon and found "Deadpool Classics" volumes 1 through (so far) 11. I thought "Classics. That should have the oldest stories, right? I can start at the beginning!" Well......kind of. It turns out that those contain mostly Deadpool appearances from other comics, and very few of his own comics. So now I finally bought just plain "Deadpool". Probably I should have started there in the first place. None of them have arrived yet, but I feel like I should pretty much know every single thing about Deadpool by the time I'm finished (which I guess was the point, right?). Anyway, I guess my point here is that I am going to have a shit-ton of Deadpool comics! Also, that I really don't even want to think about how much money I have spent on them.

But look at this cute baby Deadpool fan art I found. 

Hell of a Workout

Well, I think I did enough physical labor over the weekend that I should be able to count it as my workout for the rest of the week (of course, I won't ....but I should). On Friday I helped put up hay, yesterday I dug a ditch for the water to my camper, then today my dad and I started work on the pump house.

The hay went pretty smoothly. That is, until a drunk guy decided to park his truck directly in the middle of the road and then get out and walk away! Apparently, this guy and a woman in another vehicle met on the road and, as opposed to  just scooting over so they could pass each other, he just sat there and tried to force her to back up. When she didn't, he started yelling profanities at her, then got out and walked away. It held us up for a good half hour. We did manage to get plenty of hay to last for quite some time though. So I guess it worked out okay.

As for the ditch digging, digging is the one type of physical labor that I absolutely hate. I think the main reason for this is that our property is basically nothing but fucking rocks! Every time I stick the shovel into the ground *thunk*. Then I spend ten minutes trying to pry the rock out, so I can lift the shovel up, plunge it back down and *thunk*. Every fucking time! So yeah, when I said I dug a ditch, what I really meant was that I dug a half-assed ditch that I will now probably spend the rest of the week working on, trying to get it deep enough to be any good.

Today, before we could start on the pump-house, we had to move the world's largest rock out of the way. It was insane. My dad and I each had a bar that we used to try to pry the thing out of the ground. We had to pry it up, then slide blocks under it, then pry it some more, then slide the blocks, then stack blocks on top of each other, then pry some more. It took forever, and I'm fairly certain that I was almost no help at all since, every time I tried to pry the thing, my bar just kept sliding through the dirt. Anyway, we finally managed to just roll the thing over into the ditch (not the one I just dug, but the one with the little stream in it).

So yeah, good times.

Except the digging, the digging sucked!

Ⓥ Mother of All

You know the old saying "Necessity is the mother of invention"? Well, it seems to me that necessity is the mother of......well everything. Necessity is the mother of strength, of patience, of evolution, of adaptation, of education, of everything. Humans, for the most part, are lazy. We do most things when, and only when, we absolutely have to. However, necessity is also a relative term. We can decide what is, or is not necessary. There is a switch in each of our minds that controls which things we see as necessary. We can think about it logically and decide for ourselves what those things are. When we stop thinking about something as optional, we suddenly find that we have access to all of the things that necessity creates.

When we find ourselves in difficult situations, we also find ourselves doing things that we never knew we could. We become better, stronger, smarter, more creative people when we have to. There have been many times in my life when I have done things that I didn't previously think I could. Some of these things you just do, and others you have to work your way up to but, one way or another, being placed in a situation which asks more of you than you thought you were able to give allows you to find parts of yourself you didn't know were there. You find a way to do what needs to be done, whether through brute strength, sheer force of will, creative thinking, or whatever, and you do this simply because you must; because it's necessary.

Why though, do we have to save the best parts of ourselves for times when we absolutely have to use them? The truth is, we don't. We can all choose what is most important to us, and live as if those important things are matters of life and death (and sometimes they really are). We can force ourselves to be our best by simply deciding that we have no other option.

When you talk about animal rights and veganism with the average person, you get lots of responses like "I could never do that!" or "I could never live with (insert random animal product here)." The truth is, yes you can! We all can. It can be difficult, especially at first, but we are strong. We are so much stronger than we realize, and the only thing we have to do to bring out that strength is to decide that we have to. I think that's the real difference between vegans and other people. It's not the we're stronger, or that we don't like those foods as much as other people do, most of the time it's not even that we care more. It's just that we decided that veganism is necessary. Once you've done that, the rest is easy.

Basically, necessity = Eve (from Supernatural).

Postponed

Today is supposed to be my animal rightsy post day. I do have one that I've been working on, but it's not ready yet. So I'm going to put it off until tomorrow or the next day, so I can take the time to make it a little better. Anyway, since I'm not doing my animal rights posts today, I thought I would take this time to ask you guys a question.

When I get moved into my camper, I'm thinking of setting up a space to do videos. I'm wondering if you guys would rather see more video blogs and less written blogs? I know there are a lot of people who would rather watch videos than read posts, and I'm wondering if I should start leaning more toward a video blog? What do you think?

Who Am I?

So here is my first "throwback Thursday" post. It is the first poem in my poetry book from 2010. 

I am a dreamer without a dream.

I am an artist without an art.

I am a soldier against my own thoughts.

I am a betrayer of my own heart.

I am an activist too scared to act.

I am a lover unable to show love.

I try to be everything at once.

I find that I am nothing at all.

I hide my true desires

behind everything that I pretend to be.

It seems that all the things I really want

conflict with what I want people to see.

I want to take chances

but fear what I might lose.

I want to stand up for my beliefs

but I don't know what I can do.

I want to show how I truly feel 

to let people finally see the real me

but I can't stand to show them all my flaws

or let them know that I am weak.

No wonder I can't make connections

since no one knows who I am.

I wish that I could show them

but I don't know how I can

since I don't even know myself,

who I am or who I want to be.

All of my conflicting traits

don't even make sense to me.

Since I use the image of Spike doing poetry for my new poems, I thought I would use one of him singing for my old poems (because most of them were actually written with songs, not poems, in mind). Also, Buffy's face in this picture pretty nicely conveys the feeling I have about most of my old work.

My New Home (Video)

Here is the video I promised of my new camper. Don't judge it too harshly, it doesn't look great right now but I think it has a lot of potential.

My New Favorite Mythical Being

My dad and I have been watching Beastmaster lately. We used to watch it back when I was a kid, and I liked it then, but I was pretty skeptical about whether or not I would like it now. I must admit, some of the acting is pretty bad, and most of the special effects are really bad, but the writing is good, the fight choreography is cool, and I really enjoy the overall theme of the show. It's very much about protecting animals and the planet, and living in harmony with nature. They have even (on multiple occasions) compared killing/enslaving animals with killing/enslaving humans, which I find pretty exciting.

Anyway, there is this one character, named Curupira, who is a demon responsible for protecting the forest and all the animals who live there. She basically loves animals and the forest and hates humans. She frequently kills people who come into the forest and kill the animals or disrupt the natural order. Here's the best part though; she's not a villain. She kills someone nearly every time she shows up, but everybody kind of just acts like "Well yeah, they shouldn't have fucked with her forest."

Well, after I saw her on the show, I had to look it up and she if there was a real legend about Curupira, or if the writers made her up. Turns out there is a real legend, though apparently the real Curupira is male, not female. Still, most of the basics of the story are the same and I love it!

You want to know the weird thing though? I took a short hiatus from reading Deadpool to read Neil Gaiman's Black Orchid, and guess who was mentioned? I don't know why that happens to me so often. I hear about some random thing I've never heard of before, and then it just keeps popping up all over the place.

Look What I Got!

Yesterday, my dad and I went to Home Depot to get some stuff for my camper. We got a hot water tank, and some plumbing stuff (not terribly exciting) but I also got something that I am pretty excited about. Try not to laugh, okay? I bought some of those weird puzzle-piece foam tiles, like they put down in classrooms for small children. Here's my reason, I have been thinking forever about putting some kind of mats down in my exercise room and I thought that, since we have to replace the floor in there anyway, I might as well go ahead and do it the way I want to. I've been working out on various rugs my whole life, and it's just awful! They slide, they don't provide nearly enough cushioning, and (here's my favorite part) they give me fucking rug-burn on my shoulder blades and tailbone when I do sit-ups! Now, for the first time in my life, I might actually be able to do my workout without slightly injuring myself every time.

And I don't even give a shit if it looks like I'm living in a kindergarten classroom.

Sigh of Relief

My camper has finally arrived! It was delivered yesterday evening, and we can now start the process of getting it hooked up. I was honestly starting to think that I might never find anyone to haul it, but this last guy was really very easy to deal with and got it here even sooner than he said he would. There are a few issues that I didn't expect, like a saggy floor in the bedroom, but nothing too terribly bad. I'm actually really excited about it! You can expect a video introduction to my new home on Wednesday!

Behold my new camper!

Homeward Bound

My camper is officially on it's way! So it should be here sometime this evening. I'm still trying not to get overly excited until it's actually sitting in my yard, but the fact that the guy did manage to pick it up and get it on the road seems like a pretty good sign. Once it gets here, we will still have a shit-ton of work to do before I can live in it, but I think I really am on my way to having my own home (small and shitty though it may be).

The more I think about how nice it will be to have my own space, where I can do things the way I want to, the more I think that it will make a huge difference in my life. I truly feel like I will be much less angry and on-edge than I am now, if I can just do things my own way in my own "house". Who knows maybe I'll even get to the point where I truly think of it as home.

I guess I'm not so much homeward bound as my home is meward bound, but close enough.

Ⓥ Vegan Superheroes

Today, I found some seriously cool vegans that I wanted to tell everyone about. I started out looking for Tim Shieff's Facebook page (the link is actually to his YouTube page, because he has some great videos you should all check out). He is an amazing athlete who often speaks out about veganism and animal rights issues.

Anyway, when I found it, I started scrolling through his feed and found a link to a page run by a friend of his who is a vegan stunt man. It's called We See You, and it's full of beautiful images of farmed animals. The goal of the page is to change the way people perceive these animals.

From there, Facebook recommended that I check out Casey Michaels' page. She is another vegan stunt person and apparently she was actually Scarlet Johansson's stunt double in Age of Ultron. So yeah, the real Black Widow? the one who pulled off all of those amazing moves? Vegan! She was also Hit Girl's double on Kickass 2. Plus, she makes a point to proclaim her veganism on her page by calling herself a "vegan stunt performer."

I am always happy to find any public figures who are vegan, especially when they are as open about why they are vegan, as these people are. I am particularly excited though to find people who also manage to prove that veganism can be an asset to the individual as well as to animals and the planet. These people do things that the average person can't even imagine being able to do, and they do them while maintaining a compassionate lifestyle. These are true superheroes, in every sense of the word! They have skills and abilities far beyond those of regular people and they dedicate themselves to protecting the innocent. What could be more heroic than that?  

Pretty sure that's actually Casey.

Throw Back Thursdays...?

I've been half considering posting some of my old writing here; mostly because I feel like I'm eventually going to run out of shit to talk about, and that would delay the inevitable for a little while. Are people still doing the Throwback Thursdays thing? I feel like that would be a good(ish) excuse to post old writing. I'm thinking about sharing some of the poems from my ill-fated poetry book from a few (read- more than I care to think about) years ago, also maybe some of the better posts from my old blog, perhaps one or two papers I wrote in college, and possibly even some random excerpts from some of my old notebooks. What do you guys think? Would anyone care to read any of that? I've been skimming through some of it lately, and I feel like most of it's a bit overly dramatic, but also somewhat more creative than the stuff I tend to write now. Could be interesting....or not, I don't know.

The Volatile Vegan Learns Capoeira (Video)

I've mentioned a few times that I've been doing a capoeira workout. Well, I thought I would show you guys what I've learned so far.

Riveting Update

I just thought I would let you guys know that I got all of my blueberries dried. It didn't work quite as well as I had hoped, but I suppose they aren't too bad. The first batch came out more like freeze-dried than dehydrated. I wanted them to be like raisins, but instead they were more like a combination of gravel and dried leaves. Of course, I ate them anyway, but it was kind of unpleasant. I dripped some water on them, to add some of the moisture back, and that seems to have worked pretty well. Now if they just don't mold or anything I'll be good to go.

This is what I was going for......not so much what I got.

To make up for the really boring post, here is the trailer they just released for Suicide Squad. If you haven't seen it yet, it's ridiculously creepy/disturbing/amazing! 

Lazy-ish

I know I've talked about this before, but I don't have anything better to talk about, so I'll just reiterate. I'm so lazy, in the most ridiculous ways! I will put absurd amounts of effort into certain things, but other things (that require far less effort) get completely ignored. It seems like I'm really good at making myself do things as long as I do them everyday, but things that only need to be done occasionally get put off for-fucking-ever. I literally have to make myself do things every day, even if they don't need to be done every day, just to make sure they get done at all. For example, my nails haven't been painted for like two weeks now, simply because I haven't bothered with them. I hate the way my hands look without polish, but not enough to actually paint them. It's not even so much the painting that bugs me, as the waiting for them to dry. It's just so fucking inconvenient! I need to be able to use my hands! I don't have the patience to wait around for my damn nails to dry.

At this point, I'm actually starting to get used to the no polish look.

Another Bright Idea

Yesterday my mom, my sister and I went to pick blueberries. I thought that it might be nice to dry some of my own fruit. See, I eat a shit-ton of raisins and I've been wanting to try something else, but everything is just too fucking expensive. So instead, I thought I would buy a dehydrator, then spend a couple hours picking berries, then pay eighteen dollars a gallon for them, then spend many hours letting them dry, after which they will most likely not add up to enough to last me for more than a week. Yet another of my brilliant ideas in action.

Also, the blueberry bushes were covered in weird, angry caterpillars. Like these^.

Once More with Feeling

I finally found someone else to move my camper! He is doing it for the same price that I had agreed on with the first guy, which is nice since everyone else seemed to want twice that much. Supposedly he is going to pick it up on Saturday, and I should have it by Sunday. Also, I think my dad and I are going to go buy some stuff for my pump-house tomorrow, so that I can have running water sometime in the near future. Maybe, just maybe, things are starting to come together. Maybe.

No, Buffy. Not until the thing is actually sitting in my yard.....but then? Definitely! 

Ⓥ Moral Absolutes

I have found that I seem to have a very different view of morality than most people. Many things that others find to be completely unethical, I don't really think are all that important. I seem to be much slower to judge people for "bad" things that they have done than other people are.

The truth is, I think that the world exists almost entirely in shades of gray. Everything we do, we do for our own reasons which other people will never truly be able to understand. So to judge the actions of another person objectively is nearly impossible; we can never know what led a person to make a particular decision, or what goal they had in mind when they did it. For that matter, judging our own actions objectively is nearly impossible; we never know what implications our actions might have on those around us, or whether we even made a certain decision for the reason we thought we did.

That being said, I do believe that there are a few (though only one that I am absolutely certain of) moral absolutes in this world. I do believe that a few things are truly wrong, no matter the circumstances. I have some ideas about what these things are but, as I said, there is only one that I know for sure. The one moral absolute that I believe in wholeheartedly is this- To cause the unnecessary death or suffering of an innocent being is always wrong. I do not feel that this is something that can be debated. I do not believe that there is any argument that can be made against that statement.

Are there times when killing can be justified? Yes. Are there times when torture can be justified? Perhaps. Are there times when killing the innocent can be justified? In rare situations, when it is crucial for the greater good, probably. Are there times when harming the innocent, when there is no need for it, can be justified. No. It's that simple.

So this is why I'm so deeply dedicated to veganism even though, in many cases, I may seem to have less concern for what is or is not ethical than the average person. I feel like our society, as a whole, spends far too much time judging, and punishing, and berating people for doing things that really aren't that bad. All the while, we completely overlook the truly unforgivable things that are happening everyday.  

I still don't actually believe in good and evil though.

Fire And Ice (Video)

I was so busy bitching yesterday that I totally forgot it was video day. So here is my video for this week; it's my poem Fire and Ice. I even put in the effort to memorize this one (it's a pretty short one, so it wasn't that much effort).

The Stupidest Thing Ever!

Would you like to hear the stupidest thing ever? Now you guys know how many stupid things happen to me, so you know that when I say this is "the stupidest thing ever" that is really saying something.

Remember how the guy who was supposed to move my camper backed out because the license pate was expired (and also, kind of, because of the bearings)? Well, as it turns out, the license plate is not in fact expired (also, it turns out that the bearings are good too). Apparently, when the guy who sold me the thing asked me what I was going to do about the license plate, he was just wanting to know if I needed him to leave his (still legal) plate on.

So yeah, now that I have already cancelled the deal with the mover, I find out that every single issues that was keeping him from moving the fucking thing is actually not an issues at all! Unfortunately, I now can't find anyone else who is willing to do it for anything remotely resembling a reasonable price. All of the other companies that bid on my shipment originally are now ignoring me, presumably because they don't want to deal with someone who cancels shipments. So, basically, I am now completely fucked for absolutely no reason at all!

Do you guys remember Freaks and Geeks ^ because it was a really good show.

Home

I just thought I would go ahead and explain to all of you why having my own space is so important to me that I'm willing to go through all of this fucking hassle just to get a shitty, thirty year old, camper to live in. The things is, I haven't had a place that feels like home to me since.....well....forever. I mean, I'm sure there was a time when I was a kid that I felt at home in my house, but I don't remember it. As long as I can remember, I have been trying to squeeze myself, and my life, and all my stuff, into someone else's space. I've never had a place where I felt comfortable. I've never had a place where I felt at home. I've never had a place that was mine. I need a retreat, a sanctuary, a place where I can go to feel at ease when I just can't deal with the world anymore. I need to know that there is one single place in the world where I can go where I won't have to pretend, or tip-toe around, or try to work my way around other people's stuff. I just need that feeling of home.

Back to the Start

My entire life is nothing but running in circles. No matter what I do, I always end up right back where I started. I officially cancelled with the guy who was supposed to move my camper today. Then the guy I bought the camper from emailed me and said that he thought maybe the guy who sold him the camper would be able to move it for me. Also, my mom knows someone who said that her son might be able to haul it for me. Naturally, I thought that having two promising leads was a good sign that I might actually get the thing moved. Well, the guy who used to own the camper apparently bought a smaller truck and can't haul something this big anymore, and the son of the woman my mom knows wants to change me three dollars per mile. By the way, the camper is 585 miles away. So yeah, that's not going to work for me! So now it looks like I'm back to dealing with random strangers on uShip, except that this time no one has bid on it yet. Fucking awesome.

On the upside, I now have this song stuck in my head.....which is nice, since I like this song. 

What a Fucking Surprise!

Remember how I said that I should have my camper soon, as long as nothing went wrong with the transport of it? Well, guess what? It did! The guy who I hired to move it decided that he's not going to move it after all. He says that the tires might not be any good, and the bearings might not be any good, and the license plate is expired. Well, you know what? Those are things that he probably should have considered before I payed for him to haul the fucking thing! I just sort of assumed that someone who moves campers for a living would have the means to move campers that are harder to move. He knew how old the thing was, and that I had bought it on Ebay, before he agreed to move it. Somehow the idea that maybe a thirty year old camper wouldn't be in perfect condition, and might have an expired license plate, didn't occur to him until I had already paid for his services. Now I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do! Obviously, I'm going to try to get my money back, but how am I supposed to find someone who I can count on to move the thing for real. I really thought that going through a service (uShip) that does nothing but connect people who need things moved with people who move things would be a sure-fire way to get the thing moved. Nope! That's the sort of thing that works for normal people, not me! Never me!

Again, Deadpool understands me......well, except for the fact that I don't kill people.

It's the Little Things

When your life is mostly bullshit, like mine is, sometimes the smallest things can make everything seem better. After the whole idea about getting a trailer fell through (but before I decided to buy a camper instead) I was fairly certain that I was just going to be stuck living with my dad for.....well....forever. So I decided that, if I wasn't going to get my own space, I was at least going to do whatever I could to make my life feel a little less shitty. This mostly just involved buying shit that I had been wanting to buy, but didn't feel justified in buying because I thought I was going to need all the money I could save to get the stuff I needed for the trailer. Of course, now that I bought this camper, the fact that I spent so much money on these other things seems rather unfortunate, but what can you do?

That's really not the point of this post though. The point is that these stupid little things that I bought really did make things seem a little less shitty. It's kind of pathetic really, how exited I get about the dumbest stuff. I bought some new scrub pants, because I was tired of having to wear my old, remarkably hideous, ones to work everyday. I also bought some new pants to wear on the weekends, and some new dollhouse pants (which are the ones I'm happiest about); no one else even sees them, but I just feel so much better having ones that fit properly and aren't all stretched out.

You want to know the one that's really depressing though? Bag clips. My dad always uses clothes pins to seal up bags and, since that's all he has, that's what I've been using too. But I don't like them! They're not tight enough to keep things closed properly, and they can't really be washed. So I bought myself some stainless steal bag clips. When I went though and switched out the old clips for the new ones on all my stuff, I was so fucking excited! They were strong enough that I didn't have to worry about them falling off, and if they get dirty I can actually wash them! I practically did a fucking happy dance, just because my food was sealed with a better clip. So yeah, sometimes it's the little things that make all the difference......but, then again, it's also the little things that keep adding up until you owe your soul to Amazon.com

My new bag clips, yay!

Ⓥ The Great Divide

I feel like one of the greatest divisions in the vegan community is between those who believe in natural health and those who support modern medicine. At times it seems there is this, sort of, war between the two sides. The medical side seems to be especially critical of the natural side; often accusing them of being irrational, uneducated, or downright crazy. They seem to think that people who choose natural health over conventional medicine give us a bad name.

I will admit, there are those who I believe take natural health a bit too far, putting too much stock in things that don't make a lot of logical sense. However, for the most part, I tend to side with them anyway, and here's why. First and foremost, the entirety of the medical/pharmaceutical industries are dependent upon animal-testing. I, for one, will do anything and everything to avoid supporting such a horrible and unnecessary practice. It is true that there are some natural health companies that conduct animal-testing as well but there are also many that do not, and there are quite a few of these companies that are entirely vegan, or at least vegan friendly.

The other reason is (and you don't even have to be interested in animal rights to understand this one) modern medicine, and the pharmaceutical industry especially, thrive because of illness. If people don't get sick, they don't make any money. That has to make you wonder "Who's best interest are they really focusing on here?" You see, medications in general aren't meant to make you healthy, they are meant to make you feel just healthy enough to keep coming back for more. They don't want to prevent illness, they don't even want to cure it, they just want to treat the symptoms so that you have no choice but to spend absurd amounts of money to keep buying more and more of their product.

If the drug companies were actually trying to help people, there wouldn't be commercials for their products on TV to convince people that they need to be medicated for things that are often just normal parts of being alive. If doctors were actually trying to help people, they wouldn't be pushing these products on everyone who comes into their offices. The companies that make these drugs and the doctors who prescribe them are both working to keep us all just sick enough to think we need the medications and just healthy enough to believe they're working.

Obviously, the people who sell natural health products are also trying to make money, but there are a few distinct differences. First of all, there is not nearly as much money involved. I don't know about you but, from my experience, the more money is on the line the more immoral people tend to become. Second, most natural health products are designed to actually prevent or cure health problems, not just lessen the symptoms. Even the ones that are used to simply treat symptoms are usually, at least, intended to also make the symptoms less severe over time, whereas medication often requires progressively higher doses to keep the symptoms under control.

So yes, maybe some of the proponents of natural health are a little out there, and some of them believe in things that don't necessarily make sense. I believe their intentions are good though. Besides, what harm can it really do to believe in things that may or may not work? Even ineffective herbs and vitamins are probably not going to due any real harm. So, personally, I'll trust the people who I think are actually out to help me to stay healthy not just help themselves to stay rich.

So what if some of us are a little crazy? 

My Own Place?

I bought a camper today you guys! It really looks like I might really get to have my own place here soon! The thing is all the way in NY but I'm working on hiring someone to haul it for me. Unlike the last time I needed something hauled, I actually got several offers from people willing to move it. So it might just work out.

I'll tell you, it was a fucking ordeal though. I bought it on Ebay, which should have been a pretty straightforward process, right? No, of course not! This is me so, naturally, it had to get absurdly complicated and annoying as shit. You see, the seller set it up so that you could only pay the deposit, not the full price. I have no idea why anyone would do that. I mean, all that could possibly accomplish is making things harder on both of us.

So I wrote to him and asked how I was supposed to pay the rest. He writes back and says that I should pay with cash or check when I picked the camper up. Well, guess what? That's why people buy shit on Ebay, so they don't have to pay with cash! I could have bought one locally if I had the cash to buy one! Also, I'm not actually going to be there to pick the thing up. So I wouldn't be able to give the money to him even if I had it.

So yeah, we wrote back and forth like six times. He made several really helpful suggestions like; get a cash advance from my credit card, mail him a check, or use Western Union. Thanks, but that doesn't really work for me! Finally, I went to Paypal's website and manged to figure out how to transfer the money directly to him. I had to pay an extra fifty dollars just for making the transfer, but it was better than having to discuss the issue with him any further. Then, I wrote to him and asked him if he got the money, and he took forever to write back to me, which really made me wonder if he was just going to scam me out of my money.

He finally did get back to me though, and said that it did go through. So as long as nothing goes wrong with the transport, I should have my camper sometime in the near future. Then I can start the process of making it livable, which shouldn't be too bad actually, especially since my dad has offered to help pay for some of the necessities. I'm not going to be convinced until I have the thing at my house though, because I simply don't trust the Powers That Be not to fuck me over at the last second.

If there's anybody who knows what it's like to be fucked over by the Powers more than I do, it's Deadpool.

Ganglion Cyst Smash (Video)

That weird-ass lump on my hand came back, so I got my sister to smash it for me again. And this time you guy get to watch. You're welcome.