So here is my first "throwback Thursday" post. It is the first poem in my poetry book from 2010.
I am a dreamer without a dream.
I am an artist without an art.
I am a soldier against my own thoughts.
I am a betrayer of my own heart.
I am an activist too scared to act.
I am a lover unable to show love.
I try to be everything at once.
I find that I am nothing at all.
I hide my true desires
behind everything that I pretend to be.
It seems that all the things I really want
conflict with what I want people to see.
I want to take chances
but fear what I might lose.
I want to stand up for my beliefs
but I don't know what I can do.
I want to show how I truly feel
to let people finally see the real me
but I can't stand to show them all my flaws
or let them know that I am weak.
No wonder I can't make connections
since no one knows who I am.
I wish that I could show them
but I don't know how I can
since I don't even know myself,
who I am or who I want to be.
All of my conflicting traits
don't even make sense to me.
Since I use the image of Spike doing poetry for my new poems, I thought I would use one of him singing for my old poems (because most of them were actually written with songs, not poems, in mind). Also, Buffy's face in this picture pretty nicely conveys the feeling I have about most of my old work.