False Hope or No Hope?

I really can't decide anymore if it's better to have a false sense of hope or to know that things are just going to suck forever. I used to say that I would rather just know for sure that things are the way they are and that's how they are always going to be. I thought that if I could just accept my life the way it is I could learn to be okay with it. At this point though I feel like I need to have something to look forward to, even if it's just an illusion. I hate feeling like I'm always living in a fantasy world, but it seems that's the only way I'm able to live. I feel stupid sometimes for the different plans I've had in the past, the different imagined possibilities I've used to get myself through, but then I realize that at least I was able to make myself function because of them. Some of them were totally unrealistic; some were realistic but utterly stupid. But in the end it doesn't really matter because thinking about them kept my mind occupied and allowed me to keep doing what I needed to do. Honestly, I don't think there is anything more crippling to me than boredom. When I have nothing to plan for, nothing to hope for, I find myself completely immobilized.

I couldn't think of a good image to go with this post, so I did an image search for "immobilized" and found this. I find it very appropriate.