A New Companion and an Old ......Me

So the new Doctor Who was finally on last night, yay! It was a really good episode. In fact, there was only one thing I didn't like about it and that really wasn't the show's fault. The thing I didn't like was that it made me realize that I am getting old. I think I am officially too old to be the Doctor's companion now. Last night they told us that Clara, the Doctor's new companion, is twenty-four. I'm pretty sure Rose was nineteen when he met up with her. I'm thinking Amy was twenty-one or twenty-two. I don't know that they ever said how old Martha or Donna were, but I'm guessing neither of them were twenty-six either. That's as far back as I've seen, but I think the previous Doctor's have all had young companions as well. Anyway, I guess I can stop waiting for the Doctor to show up and take me away to see all of time and space. Damn it.

Oops, and Also Now What?

Alas, I completely forgot to write a post yesterday. I think this is the first time since I started this blog, which I guess is pretty good. Still, it bugs me. Anyway, sorry about that.

So now that I'm done whining about the lack of post yesterday, I'll go ahead and get to today's post. I still haven't heard anything from the police department. I'm starting to wonder if they facebook stalked me and decided that I was too "radical" or something. I had actually kind of wondered about that when I applied in the first place. I mean, animal rights is a pretty controversial subject in any setting, but I'm sure it's even less accepted by law enforcement than it is by the average person. These are the people responsible for arresting the people I think of as heroes after all. Anyway, I have now started trying to decide what my plan B is going to be. Yay! back to square one, yet again. Also, Impala pissed on my bed today, so that was fucking great.

Aren't People Supposed to Like the Things They're Good at?

I feel like kind of a bitch for hating school so much. The truth is, most of it comes quite easily to me. I basically never study, I buy almost none of the books I'm supposed to need, I put very little effort into homework, and I still end up with good grades (at least for the most part). I know a lot of people really struggle to get through their classes, but my biggest struggle is getting myself to go to class in the first place. I truly wish I felt any kind of motivation when it comes to college, but I just don't. If I actually gave a shit at all, I could get through it easily and have my degree. Instead, I have pretty much decided that this is going to be my last semester, at least for the time being. Who knows maybe I'll go back again later. It just feels so pointless to me though, and it makes me feel like such an asshole to know that other people work so hard for something that I'm basically just throwing away (for the second time).

Just so not me. 

"Somehow I'm Leading Someone Else's Life"

"I cut a star down with my knife. And right now, I still see the way the moon plays this tune though our lights died." Someone Else's Life by Joshua Radin

I don't know, maybe everyone feels this way, but I constantly have this feeling that I'm supposed to be somewhere else, doing something else. (By the way, I'm really on my game today, so you guys are getting a song quote AND a reference to Supernatural. Don't you feel lucky?) Anyway, there's this one episode where the angels stick Sam and Dean in this alternate life where they are just regular guys working in an office building and they don't remember who they really are. There is one scene where Sam is talking about how he feels like he belongs somewhere else, how he feels like he is destined for something different. That's how I feel. I mean, as I've mentioned multiple times, I'm bored out of my fucking mind but it's more than that. It's like there's something more important I should be doing, I need to be doing. So, if there's some angel out there who stuck me in the wrong life as some kind of joke or something, you can put me back now okay? Please? I'm not cut out for this pathetic-ass, mundane shit.

I feel his pain. 

False Hope or No Hope?

I really can't decide anymore if it's better to have a false sense of hope or to know that things are just going to suck forever. I used to say that I would rather just know for sure that things are the way they are and that's how they are always going to be. I thought that if I could just accept my life the way it is I could learn to be okay with it. At this point though I feel like I need to have something to look forward to, even if it's just an illusion. I hate feeling like I'm always living in a fantasy world, but it seems that's the only way I'm able to live. I feel stupid sometimes for the different plans I've had in the past, the different imagined possibilities I've used to get myself through, but then I realize that at least I was able to make myself function because of them. Some of them were totally unrealistic; some were realistic but utterly stupid. But in the end it doesn't really matter because thinking about them kept my mind occupied and allowed me to keep doing what I needed to do. Honestly, I don't think there is anything more crippling to me than boredom. When I have nothing to plan for, nothing to hope for, I find myself completely immobilized.

I couldn't think of a good image to go with this post, so I did an image search for "immobilized" and found this. I find it very appropriate. 

(Un) Important Updates

Well, I have nothing interesting to talk about today. So I thought I would just post a few updates about what has been going on in my life, in general.

1. I am still doing the whole raw food thing, and I'm pretty much used to it now.
2. I have almost entirely lost interest in school and am now just trying to make myself keep going until the end of the semester.
3. Impala has cut down a bit on the whole pissing on everything thing. However, he did eat one of my books and the other night he attacked his own tail so hard that he fell down the stairs.
4. I have multiple papers that I am supposed to be writing for school, but instead I have been doing pretty much anything else, including cross referencing actors from my favorite shows. I know, an excellent use of my time.
5. I am also currently watching three different shows. My dad and I are watching Supernatural (first time for him, third for me and still just as good as the first time I watched it!). My mom and I are watching Merlin (a great show despite it's "family-friendly" nature!). And I finally started watching Buffy by myself; I know I'm a bit behind the times on that one.
6. Since I decided to start running, last Friday, I managed to make myself do it every day but two. Sadly, it still hasn't gotten any easier.
7. I never did make that necklace I mentioned before, which really pisses me off every time I think about it.
8. Despite my utter lack of interest in school, my midterm grades turned out okay. I got three As one B and one C. Hopefully that last one will get a bit better by the end of the semester. Although, if it doesn't, I won't really care.
9. I'm loving my new yoga workout, and I would highly recommend it.
10. I was hoping to make this a list of ten but, despite the fact that I included the most pathetically mundane things, my life is so fucking boring that I can only come up with nine.

New Rule. From Now on I'm Always Keeping an Extra Toothbrush.

I have this incredible knack for doing things to inconvenience myself in every possible way. Tonight, I came home, fed the pigs and then actually took a shower early. So I get out of the shower, pick up my clothes to get dressed, bump into the basket containing my toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash and knock all of these things to the floor. Well, I knocked the toothpaste and mouthwash to the floor; my toothbrush landed directly on the toilet brush. Had it landed on the floor, I might have been able to deal with it, but no fucking way am I putting something in my mouth that has had any contact with anything that has had toilet water on it!  So I had to drive clear back to Mannington to get a new one. Luckily, my sister agreed to walk over to the Rite Aid and buy it for me so I didn't have to go in wearing my sweat pants and with makeup smeared all over my face, you know basically looking like everyone else in Mannington.

I'm Glad That We Can Be Shitty Human Beings Together

My sister and I went grocery shopping today. This was one of the very few nice days we've had recently so, naturally, every person on the planet was out and about. Seeing as how I tend to despise most people, this makes for a rather unpleasant day for me. Fortunately, my sister and I share an equally morbid and sarcastic sense of humor and an equal distaste for the majority of humanity. We spent the whole day ranting to each other about the stupidity and general lack of consideration of our fellow shoppers, and had quite a few good laughs at their expense. It actually ended up being a fairly enjoyable day.

I Mean Come On.

In my literature class we're currently reading Hamlet. The professor told us that, over the weekend, she wanted us to watch two different versions of the "To be or not to be" scene on youtube, compare them and see which one we liked best. One was with Kenneth Branaugh the other was........... David Tennant! That's right, the tenth Doctor himself. I watched then anyway, but there was really no need. Which one is better? What an absurd question. Who could be better than this guy.

Also, Rachel, remember when our Shakespeare class did Hamlet and I got to do a truly pathetic death scene and you got to cry over me? "The drink! I am poisoned!" (collapse awkwardly on the floor).  

Things That Make Me More Happy Than They Should

As I'm sure most people who read this blog have figured out, I'm not the happiest person in the world. However, there are a few things that I thoroughly enjoy. Most of these things are quite strange and predominantly overlooked by most people.

1. My new workout routine, especially the running part. It sucks ass while I'm doing it, but I feel really good afterward. I think it might be some sort of high from lack of oxygen.
2. Netflix.
3. That on Supernatural last night, Meg called Cas her unicorn. I fucking loved that!
4. The sound my boots make when I walk under the overpass on my way to class. It's a pretty long walk from where I park to my classes and I always look forward to the ten seconds or so that I'm under the overpass because my boots make this cool echoy (echoey? echoie? I guess that's just not a word no matter how you spell it) sound as if I'm in a cave.
5. Listening to good music when I'm in the car by myself. I get WAY too into it.
6. Getting an extra day off from class, even though I never do anything good with it.
7. That feeling in the air when it's just a tiny bit chilly and there is a slight breeze that somehow feels warmer than the rest of the air.
8. Sore muscles. I know, weird and probably a sign of some sort of psychopathology.
9. Finding out that some random celebrity has become vegan.

10. This...

A Time for Celebration

Well, I finally got the results from my written test for the police job today. I got a 90%, which I guess is good. It's at least good enough that I am going to have to jump through the rest of the hoops. I still have no idea whether I'll actually get the job or not, because this is my life we're talking about here and nothing can ever be certain, simply or straightforward.

There is one thing worth celebrating that is certain though. The new Supernatural is tonight! Supposedly this episode is going to have both Cas and Meg. I wonder if he'll show her what he learned from the pizza man :)

Goofy-Ass Obsessions

I ordered a new workout DVD a few days ago, and I just tried it for the first time this morning. I don't know what my problem is, but every time I start a new workout, I get paranoid that it's not going to work as well as the last one. This one is eighty-four minutes long, which is almost exactly what I've been doing. It's also extremely difficult, to the point that it's going to be a while before I'm even able to do all of the moves. Still I feel all anxious about not doing my old workout. I really feel like it has gotten me as far as it can, but still it worked pretty well for me for two years. I know that, if I don't get the results I want form this one, I can always go back to my old one, but it sill freaks me out. I swear, I stress about the strangest things.

Fuck It! I'm Buying a TARDIS!

Today I was running late for class. There were several reasons for this; 1- I'm always running late for class. 2- I decided to get up a little later than I usually do. 3- I slept an extra twenty minutes past my new, later, time. 4- I wanted to run before I left for class and didn't leave myself as much time as I thought I needed. 5- As it turns out, I actually needed more time than I thought I needed because apparently I simply cannot physically run as fast that early in the morning. Anyway, I was already behind by about ten minutes but I thought, quite incorrectly, that I might be able to make up a couple of minutes on the drive. Instead, on my way to class I encountered; 1- a huge tanker truck, just sitting in an intersection for no apparent reason, 2- a wreck which somehow seemed to have involved five separate vehicles, and 3- an SUV which insisted upon driving between five and ten mile per hour below the speed limit, no matter what the speed limit was. Ultimately, this resulted in my being fifteen minutes late for the class taught by the professor who promised to fail us if we were late enough times. Awesome.

Tiiiiiiiiiiime Is on My Side. Oh Wait, No It's Not.

I just had an entire week off from school. I had all these grand plans about all of the things I was going to do. I thought "I have plenty of time. I'll get so much accomplished this week!" So what did I do, you ask. I waited until the past two days to do anything, and managed to accomplish the bare minimum of things that I had to do before tomorrow. I thought I would get ahead a little on my schoolwork , nope! I thought I would make that necklace I mentioned before, nope! I thought I would get the house all nice and clean, nope! I did at least manage to clean the carpets. I also dyed my hair last night. My god what a productive week off!

Speaking of time, I think I may start posting new blogs in the evenings instead of in the mornings, at least for a while. See how that goes.

How Was Your Day Dear?

Sorry this post is so late. You see I wasn't really in an especially creative mood earlier. I woke up this morning to a huge pile of cat vomit all over my rug, the rug where I exercise, you know the one place in the whole house I would really like to stay relatively clean seeing as how I roll around on it every day. Then, I managed to step in it, in my socks, because (surprise!) it was out in the hallway too. It was just lovely.

Oh well I guess. At least it forced me to finally clean my fucking carpets, which has needed done for a very long time.

I also managed to go running for the second day in a row. So I guess the day wasn't a total loss. None the less.

I Can Do This. I Can Do This. I Can Do This.

I actually managed to make myself go for a run today. Before I went, I had myself convinced that I was going to start running every day. It was going to be great! I was going to get in such great shape and be ready in case I actually do get this job and end up going to the police academy. Then I actually did it and remembered that it makes me feel like I'm going to die. Hopefully I will still be able to keep going, but it's going to be difficult. I keep trying to believe that, if I keep working on it, it will get easier, but I just don't know if I buy it.

100th Post

This is my 100th post here. So I'm going to celebrate with (what else?) a list! In case you didn't notice, I don't actually know how to celebrate. Sorry. Anyway, here are 100 things I want to do in my life. Disclaimer- In order to get 100 things I had to include everything from the ridiculously mundane to the (almost) certainly unattainable. Also, some of these I've talked about before.

1. Get a job I actually like.
2. Get my own place.
3. Live off-the grid.
4. Get my degree.
5. Grow, at least most of, my own food.
6. Go sky-diving.
7. Have a successful relationship.
8. Write a book (that people actually read).
9. Act in an independent film.
10. Improve my social skills (a lot).
11. Speak at an animal rights conference.
12. Do something that would cause people to want me to speak at an animal rights conference.
13. Be able to run for miles without getting winded.
14. Have a group of vegan friends, that I actually know in real life.
15. Be less angry.
16. Take a martial arts class.
17. Go to Comic-Con
18. Take an exotic dance class.
19. Find a way to stop my hands from getting all bloody and gross every winter.
20. Eat a ghost pepper, and not be a pussy about it like all the videos I've seen.
21. Get a tattoo of my favorite quote from Bold Native.
22. Get a half sleeve tattoo.
23. Get several other tattoos that I have been thinking of.
24. Go to the UK.
25. Have a house with an open floor plan, so I don't have to kick things when I workout.
26. Have sexy pictures taken.
27. Get my stupid skin cleared up.
28. Sing in public.
29. Be brave enough to sing in public without having a heart attack.
30. Intern at Farm Sanctuary's Orland shelter.
31. Win a (physical) fight.
32. Start a vegan, off-the-grid community.
33. Liberate animals (Shhhh. Don't tell anybody that one.)
34. Be able to do pull-ups.
35. Get a better phone (mine is god awful).
36. Sew up my own wound. Yeah, I was actually serious about that.
37. Star using Twitter.
38. Go back to Acton.
39. Visit Portland.
40. Buy a good camera.
41. Use said camera to take my own pictures to post here, instead of always using ones form the internet.
42. Go to Burning Man.
43. Get married (MAYBE).
44. Make jewelry that people actually want to buy.
45. See something unbelievable. I don't know what, just something.
46. Feel good about my body.
47. Walk through the entire gorge in Watkins Glen.
48. Learn a foreign language.
49. Learn to play an instrument.
50. Come up with fifty more things for this list.
51. Turn my living space into a work of art.
52. Get a decent following for this blog. Not that I don't appreciate those of you who read it now. I DO!
53. Adopt a kid (MAYBE)
54. Feel sane enough that I could adopt a kid without being afraid for his/her sanity.
55. Swim in a waterfall.
56. Go rock climbing.
57. Do any of the art projects I have thought about doing over the years.
58. Go cliff-diving.
59. Be an inspiration to someone.
60. Go to Time Square on New Year's Eve, and don't freak out from all the people.
61. Go someplace that's supposedly haunted.
62. Start a video blog.
63. Buy a punching bag.
64. Learn how to do those crazy yoga poses I'm always seeing pictures of.
65. Do roller derby.
66. Learn to manage my time.
67. Learn to do Parkour.
68. Have a life that makes me wake up with a sense of enthusiasm.
69. Die knowing that my life meant something.
70. Learn to fix things, all sorts of things.
71. Learn how to have fun.
72. Be a better activist.
73. Buy an Ipod.
74. Lear to stand up for my beliefs, in a productive way.
75. Like real life better than fiction.
76. Stop feeling awkward all the time.
78. Swim in the ocean at night. I did that once, but I was too young to really enjoy it.
79. Learn to shoot a gun.
80. Start an animal sanctuary.
81. Find people I can count on the help run said sanctuary.
82. Find an exercise that will get my legs to look the way I want them to.
83. Jump through a window, you know like in the movies. This may very well result in the necessity of #36.
84. Learn to find meaning in the mundane aspects of life.
85. Go someplace where I have to get really dressed up.
86. Dance with someone. Maybe at the above place?
87. Learn to speak with various accents.
88. Earn respect.
89. Give people a reason to care about what I have to say.
90. Save a life.
91. Be well-known, even if only in some small, obscure circle.
92. Be less distracted.
93. Stop doing that weird nervous tick thing with my ear.
94. Gain better skills for dealing with the animals, so I don't yell at them.
95. Stop being embarrassed about things I did years ago.
96. Let go of past disappointment.
97. Discover the best balance between being nice and being bad-ass and then achieve that :)
98. Go to and/or have parties, and actually enjoy them.
99. Find true love (I know, super cheesy! Whatever, I'm out of good ideas).
100. Always do my best to be a good person.

                                               I hope you enjoyed my really fucking long list!

Damn You Healthy REM Cycle!

As I mentioned yesterday, my goal for this week was to accomplish some of the things that I haven't had the time to do until now. Unfortunately, the week is half over and all I have managed to do is sleep too much. I hate sleeping too much because 1-it's wasted time that I could use to do something else and, more importantly, it makes me fucking spastic.

When my brain is tired it seems to work (sort of) like a normal human brain but when it's not, it gets all manic and obsessive. Yesterday I ordered a new necklace, it's really cool and I can't wait to get it. Well today I got this idea that I should make a new chain for it. I kind of wanted to do a steam punk kind of theme. I'm pretty good at making beaded jewelry, but I've never tired anything like what I was thinking of. So my well-rested brain starts throwing out this cacophony of ideas about what I should use and how I should use it.

Then I went on this crazy rampage, digging through all of my bead stuff, all of my sewing stuff, all of my jewelry boxes, and ultimately my dad's random-shit-that-doesn't-belong-anywhere drawer. I ended up with this huge pile of stuff that I have absolutely no idea what to do with. The most annoying part is that, as I said , I just ordered the necklace yesterday, so odds are I will go through all of this hassle to make this thing and then when the necklace gets here it will look stupid and I'll just have to make another one that actually goes with the necklace. I suppose, if all else fails, I could just wear it on the chain it comes on like a normal person.

Here is the necklace I ordered. If you like it, you should definitely check out this Shop. Elise is an amazing artist and a generally cool person. 

Spring Break WOOOO!

I don't think I mentioned that I am officially on spring break this week. I assume most students get pretty excited about spring break and, don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to not have to go to class this week. However, while most people have trips or at least some sort of fun activity to look forward to, my only plans for this week are to try to accomplish some of the things that I keep running out of time to do through the week, and to get a little extra sleep ( by "extra sleep" I mean as much sleep as a normal person gets). Who needs sun and sand when you've got stinky dogs, dirty carpets and unwritten school papers? WOOOOOO!

This is from Overcompensating. Check it out!

Supernatural Themed Psychology Test? Yes Please.

I finally took my online test for my history and systems of psychology class this morning. I was rather confused and pleasantly surprised to see that it made mention of Leviathan, the Malleus Maleficarum, changelings and demons. In this case, Leviathan actually referred to the book by Thomas Hobbes, not the man-eating, shape-shifting, black-blooded, Purgatory-dweller, but still pretty damn cool.

No Clever and/or Funny Image Today

I don't even know if I should write about this because it's horrible and disturbing, and if you don't want to hear anything horrible or disturbing I recommend that you don't read this, but I said before that I was going to be honest here and talking about anything else today would be dishonest.

This morning I was getting ready to go feed Riley and Petunia and, as I was filling up the water buckets, I was thinking about what I was going to write here today. I was actually thinking that I would write that things might finally be turning around. I got up this morning and it was warm and sunny outside and, so far, I have found no sing that Impala has pissed on anything for the past 24 hours. Then I take the buckets out to put them in the car and there, laying in our driveway, is a dead cat with the bottom half of his face missing.

My dad has a pretty large group of (mostly) feral cats living outside his house. We feed and water them, but  most of them won't let us touch them or even get very close to them. Some of them we have named, but other's are hard for us to even tell apart. This was one of the ones I didn't really know, and his lower jaw had been ripped completely, and cleanly, off of his face. I have never seen anything like it in my life; it was fucking horrible. My dad says he was hit by a car, but I swear I don't know how it could have happened. His jaw was just gone.

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before or not but there is this trend in my life that, on the rare occasion, when I actually start to feel better about things something always goes terribly wrong. Well apparently I have to be more careful to make sure that I stay miserable all the time, or my bad luck will not only come back to bite me in the ass but it's going to start attacking those around me as well.

A Break from Slacktivism

I went leafleting yesterday for the first time in over a year. Jon Camp from Vegan Outreach was in town so I helped him out for a little while. I really should do it more often. I know how effective leafleting is. It's probably the best thing any of us can do to actually make a difference in our every day lives, but it stresses me out so much! I'm terrible at dealing with people and I get so pissed when people are assholes to me when I'm trying to do something good. Shockingly, things actually went really well yesterday though. Partly because it was the last day before spring break and there was basically no one on campus. Out of the like twenty people I gave pamphlets to though, I didn't meet one single asshole! Yay! A couple of people actually seemed interested too. One guy came back by after I gave him a pamphlet and said "If you keep giving those out, this whole campus is going to be vegan." Considering it was Fairmont WV I find that highly unlikely, but it still made me pretty happy.

This is from Bizarro Comics which are created by a very cool vegan artist. Check him out! 

What the Fuck Happened!?

I don't know what is going on lately. It used to be that I was terrible at dealing with people but I genuinely enjoyed the company of nonhuman animals. Recently, I swear to god, it seems like every living thing in a fifty mile radius is conspiring to make me lose my fucking mind. There are certain things in my life that always have (and I'm sure always will) caused me a great deal of stress. Recently it's like the whole universe is just feeding off of those things and turning me into this mangled mass of rage, frustration and helplessness. The three things that have been a pretty consistent source of trouble in my life have been; my issue with germs, my difficulty managing my time which causes me to run late for everything and (related to the previous issue) the fact that I am always struggling to get the right amount of sleep. Last night, I was was just barely going to get five hours of sleep. So naturally my dad's dogs wait until I just barely fall asleep and then they start howling, not barking, howling! They do this for about five minutes, then I just start to drift back off and they start again! Then, about an hour before I was going to get up, Riley starts barking. I yell at him to stop and he eventually does. Then we repeat the process three times. So this morning I'm stumbling around like a damn zombie, trying to get ready. I'm standing at the bathroom sink and I suddenly realize that my feet are wet. I look down and the entire bathroom floor is covered in piss! I mean the entire floor. Impala's favorite place to piss has been the towel that was on the bathroom floor. So I moved it thinking that he might use, oh I don't know maybe the litter box, instead? No! He just uses the entire bathroom floor. So now not only am I completely disgusted because my feet are drenched in piss, but I'm also even more behind schedule than I already was because I had to scrub the whole bathroom floor and my feet. Fucking awesome! I wish I could say this was just today, but this has been a consistent pattern for the past few months and it's only getting worse. I don't understand what is going on.  

Satisfaction

Maybe this is a completely unhealthy way of looking at things, but I hope I never become satisfied. I mean with some things, sure. I hope someday I find a job that I'm happy with and a satisfying relationship would be nice too. Overall though, I hope I never get to the point where I don't want more, want better, especially when it comes to myself. I hope I never become one of those people who just stop trying to be more than they are. There is this trend in our society now of encouraging people to accept themselves exactly as they are, and I think it's a mistake. When you accept yourself as you are, you lose your motivation to grow and become better. Why would we ever want to accept less than our absolute best?

                                                           by ~gureitsu on deviantART

Evil. Pure, Ridiculously Adorable Evil.

We now have a new cat living with us. His name is Impala and he is sweet, friendly, absurdly cute and a complete fucking terror! He is constantly attacking us, viciously. He knocks things off of every imaginable surface. He stampedes through the house all day. He tries to knock me down the stairs at every opportunity. I'm not talking about walking in front of me; I'm talking about waiting until I start to take that first step down and then running up behind me and grabbing my ankle with both hands (feet, whatever). In all honesty, these things, as dangerous and sometimes painful as they are, can be somewhat cute. What isn't cute is the fact that he has been pissing on everything in the house! I can't even tell anymore if my stuff actually smells like cat piss or if I'm juts completely paranoid. I know for a fact that, on more than one occasion, I have left the house either wearing or carrying something that has been pissed on. I'm not sure what to do about this situation, but I really don' have any desire to be the smelly kid in class.

Yes I did, in fact, name him after Dean's car. 

Poor Excuses

Remember when I said that there was supposed to be another woman taking the test the other day? Well, I have been informed that she did, in fact, show up. She just showed up half an hour late and stated that it was because she got lost in the parking garage. What the fuck? I mean really, if you got lost in a parking garage would you tell the people who are supposed to be deciding whether or not you get a job about it? I know I wouldn't. First of all, just pick a space and park there. Who cares if it's the place where you're supposed to park? Second, how hard is it to make up a reason for being late that's better than "I got lost in the parking garage"? I can think of about a thousand excuses that are more convincing and that don't make you sound like an incompetent dumbass Needless to say, they told her to go home.

Thoughts on Feminism

I have been debating for a while about whether or not I should write this post, because I have an idea that it will piss some people off. Please know that is not my intention. These are just my ideas on the subject and I don't feel like anyone is really expressing this viewpoint. Maybe because they're afraid of the backlash?

Anyway, I feel like the feminist movement has sort of outlived it's usefulness. Back when it started it was a wonderful thing, because women really were being discriminated against on a massive scale. Today though, I feel like the discrimination that takes place is more on an individual basis. This means that we, as women, should be addressing it on an individual basis. The idea of feminism is still incredibly important, but I don't think it's about laws and policies anymore, now it's about us as people. I think, for the most part, women today don't get treated the same as men because they don't act they same as men.

I have never really felt discriminated against because of my sex. In the instances when a guy has somehow implied that I was in some way less than him, I have not gone into some feminist rant, I have simply done whatever I could to prove him wrong. Back when I worked at Goodwill, I used to jump at the chance to help carry furniture in or out of the store. I was always bored out of my mind standing at the register and doing anything physical was much more appealing to me. It was not uncommon for me to go start to pick up some big, heavy thing and the big, burly guy who was buying or donating it to come over and say "Here let me get that." and try to take it out of my hands. When this happened, I always made a point to say "That's okay, I got it." pick it up, showing as little effort as possible, and walk away. On more than one occasion I looked back to find the big, burly guy standing there staring at me as if I were some sort of mythical creature.

This reaction leads me to believe that these men have not encountered many women who are able, or perhaps willing, to do things that require physical effort. I'm not especially surprised by this. I personally have known quite a few women who aren't even willing to try to do things like carry furniture. But how many men do you know who would say " I can't lift that, it's too heavy"? Most of them would be humiliated to say that. Women say that all the time though, and I think it's because they expect themselves to be weak. How can we expect men to believe we are equal to them when we don't believe it ourselves?

I guess my point is that, at this point in history, feminism is about us. If we want guys to believe that we are strong and smart and capable, we have to believe that we are strong and smart and capable. Then we have to prove it. Just saying.

YAAAAY! I guess.....

Well everyone, I took my test yesterday. I passed the physical part and apparently it's going to be a while before we get the results from the written part. Then there will still be the psychological test and the background check. Good times. Anyway, both tests went alright for the most part.

There was supposed to be one other female applying for the job but she didn't show up, so it was me and thirty guys. Awkward.  They split us into three groups of ten (my group ended up with eleven, because there was some crazy girl there who thought she could compete with thirty guys, and who turned out to be right HAH!). I ended up in the last group which is apparently where all the losers ended up, because two people out of my group couldn't do push-ups and one couldn't do sit-ups. Then we had to run one and a half miles in fifteen minutes. This was the part I was worried about. I knew I could do push-ups and sit-ups, but I hadn't practiced running in a long time (mistake!). As I suspected, I still suck at running. I made it though, and I came in fourth or fifth out of what was left of my group. I say fourth or fifth because I lost track of one of the other guys, I think he was behind me though. It was fairly miserable, but I made it through fine. Then, as soon as I was done, my lungs said "Okay so you don't need us anymore, right?" then they collapsed. I seriously need to work on that.

Then we had to come back later and do the written test. It was weird. We had to read this little booklet for 25 minutes and try to remember as much of it as we could. Then the test asked us questions from the booklet. There were also all of these questions about what steps you should take, and in what order, in a given situation. Then there were several about distance and direction and which route would be quickest and how far you would be from your starting point and whatever. Those made me a bit nervous because I am not good with direction at all, like at all. Overall I feel pretty okay about  it though. I guess we'll find out in a few weeks.

Anyway, right now I kind of feel like this

Wish Me Luck Folks

Well, today is my test to see if I can get hired for the police officer job. As much as I still don't know whether or not it would be a good fit for me, I'm pretty excited about it. I feel like, at the very least, it would be something totally different. And that's something I definitely need right now. Plus who knows, maybe if I get a job as a cop someday I'll get recruited by Torchwood to hunt down evil aliens. Hey, it worked for Gwen Cooper.

Anyway, I'll let you guys know when I find out anything.

Ever Get that Feeling Someone's In the Backseat? Frowny Face

I automatically turn around and look in the backseat almost every time I get in my car. It's not that I'm paranoid or anything; I don't actually believe anyone is back there. It just seems like a very easy, practical way to avoid an extremely cliched horror movie death. I also tend to pay attention to other things that are stereotypically indicative of something bad about to happen in a movie. I'm always wary of things like seeing the same random person in more than one place in the same day, or the same car staying behind me for an extended period of time. These just seem like common sense precautions to me.

While we are on the topic of horror movies, what is the deal with every woman in every horror movie, and a lot of other movies as well, doing that shrieking thing? As I have said on multiple occasions, I am not a normal girl. So maybe it's just that I'm weird, but I don't get that. I just don't think that I would ever scream like that. I mean what good does it do? Personally, I think it makes a lot more sense to save your breath and try to fight the guy off, but maybe that's just me. I don't care if I'm being attacked by some crazed murderer, or a ghost, or a zombie, or whatever, I just don't see myself ever doing that.