Written Spoken Word

So I said I was going to try to write some new poetry. Well I didn't actually write anything new, but I did write an extended version of something I wrote a while back. I imagine I will never actually get brave enough to do it out loud, but I'm going to pretend that I will anyway.

I long for adventure in my life. I'm talking heart-pounding, mind-racing, out of breath, "will I make it?" "will I make it?" adventure. I want to be one of those people that people talk about in reverent whispers. "Did you hear about that girl who....?" I want to run from danger, shooting sly glances over my shoulder that say "Come on! Is that all you've got?" I don't need a hero. I want to be the hero. I want to save the day and then smile and walk away as if it were nothing, leaving the would be victims to wonder "Who was that?" with tears of relief in their eyes. You can keep your white knight. I will ride to the rescue myself in my rusted out car with my homemade armor and a pen knife for a sword. I want to laugh uncontrollably with the flood of adrenaline that comes from not dying when I was so certain that I would. I want to fight for what I believe in, literally not figuratively. Fight hard. Fight with everything I have, every last drop of myself. I want to look around me and see the mark I have made on this place. I want to leave my signature on every wall, every stone, on the face of every person I meet. I want to die with a smile on my lips because, in the end, I will know that I made this life mine. I want adventure. I want to change this world with my own two hands.

Maybe I'll do what Spike did and wait until I'm fairly certain I'm going to die. 

Oh So We've Moved on to Biblical Plagues Now, Is that It?

You know how I said I was cursed? Well apparently my curse is expanding to include new and more creative forms of torture. Don't believe me? Well get this, somehow, my car has become infested with cockroaches. That's right, cockroaches! First of all, let me just say that while it is true that my car is very messy I do not now, nor have I ever, had any food in my car. I don't EVER leave anything remotely edible in my car, which I know many people do. I have absolutely no idea how or why they would have ended up in my car, there is  no reason for them to be there, NONE. Secondly, I would like to say that there is no other creature in the world that would disturb me more by choosing to inhabit my vehicle. I would honestly be less bothered if my car was full of bees, spiders, snakes, or fucking grizzly bears! I don't know why I'm so bothered by cockroaches, but I am. Anyway, I abandoned my car next to the pig barn with the windows open, in the hopes that they will leave of their own volition but I'm half afraid that I'll go back tomorrow and find my car completely overrun. I may just have to bun it. I'm fairly certain they're just sitting in there right now doing this.....

Poetry

Lately my sister and I have been listening to quite a bit of spoken word poetry. We have found some rather amazing poets. For anyone who hasn't seen it, it's a really cool art form and you should definitely check it out. I would love to try it myself were I not such a pussy when it comes to public speaking, also if I didn't live in WV which is pretty much the worst place on the planet to do anything artistic. Who knows, maybe someday I'll get brave and give it a try. Either way, I may try to write some poetry again. Hopefully I can come up with some better stuff than I did last time I tried writing poetry.

I Got Published

My life continues to grow more hellish by the second, but you are all probably getting pretty fucking tired of my bitching, I know I am, so I will talk about this instead. I got an article published in T.O.F.U. magazine. This issue is all about veganism and body image. I highly recommend it, the magazine not my article I only kind of recommend it. If you do read it, please be aware that I submitted the article several months ago back when I was much more optimistic. Also, please consider donating to keep the magazine going. Thanks.

T.O.F.U. magazine

There's No Place Like Home, but That Hotel Was Almost as Bad

Sorry about the lack of post yesterday. My aunt and my cousin arrived and I just completely forgot to write anything. Anyway, we made it back to WV. Remember how I said that I always feel like things are going to be different when I get back from a trip but they never are? Well this time something is different; my sister doesn't have a car and she and my mom are most likely going to be in a terrible mood for the next who knows how long. Not really the kind of different I was hoping for. And remember how I said at least the trip would be nice, well I was wrong about that part too.

So Much for the Fun Roadtrip

The weather was kind of shitty here today so we decided to wait and go to both the gorge and the farm tomorrow. Today we went to Ithaca and wandered around for a while, which was nice I guess. Then, as we were on our way way back to our hotel, we hit a deer on the interstate. It was fucking horrible. None of us saw her coming; she just flew at the car and slammed into the front corner on the drivers side. Ironically enough we had just been talking a few minutes before that about how there are always so many animals killed in the road and how so many people just don't try hard enough to avoid them. It really is unavoidable sometimes though. Anyway, now an innocent deer is dead, our car is fucked, we are stuck in the room instead of getting to go to the gorge or the farm, my aunt and cousin have to drive up from WV to pick us up, then we will have to come back later to pick up the car once they get it fixed. I'm telling you guys, I really am cursed. I am fairly certain that, had I stayed home, my mom and sister would have had a great time. Plus the poor deer would probably still be alive.

Checked in

We just arrived in New York. I don't really have anything exciting to say because we pretty much spent the entire day in the car. Hopefully tomorrow night I will have something better to talk about. Also, I hate hotel rooms. Just saying. This one isn't even bad; I just don't like having to try to fit my life into a single tiny room. Also, if I'm going to workout tomorrow, which I do EVERY day I will probably have to go out in the hallway because there simply isn't enough space in here. We'll see if I can actually make myself do that.

And it doesn't even have crazy retro wallpaper or one of those weird divider things like Sam and Dean's rooms always have. 

Well, So Much for the Vegan Police

It looks like the police job is no longer an option. Apparently the vegan food situation at the academy wasn't such a big deal, but the idea of having a belt that isn't made of leather is utterly absurd. I'm so very glad that I put off looking for another job for months before realizing this. Now I get to be completely broke for absolutely no reason. Awesome. Once again, I'm back where I started.

And I was really looking forward to being one of these guys too. Oh well I guess. 

Writing Is Hard

A while back I, kind of, started writing a novel. It was fairly silly, but I thought if might have been okay if I could have kept at it. Unfortunately, I got a few pages into it and then I kind of lost interest. I have seen quotes from writers who say that they write whole books, or even whole series of books, not knowing how they are going to end. I would just like to say that those writers are very lucky. Every time I start to write any kind of story, which by the way I have tried on several occasions, this is just the one that I made the most progress with before abandoning it, shortly after I start I realize how it must end. Then I pretty much know I'm done for. You see, for me at least, writing a book when you know how it's going to end is quite a bit like reading a book when you know how it's going to end, boring and tedious. I decide how it's going to start, I come up with characters and significant events that they will encounter, then an ending occurs to me. After that I just can't seem to figure out how to fill in all the empty space between all of that. Once I know how it's going to end, it all just seems sort of pointless.

Only to Me

About a week ago I went in to the police department to get fingerprinted. While I was there I mentioned that I was concerned about the availability of vegan food at the academy. The lieutenant who was handling my fingerprints, paperwork etc. said he would call the academy that day and find out what the food situation would be like and then let me know. After several days of waiting for him to call, I basically gave up on ever hearing from him. I assumed that the academy said there was no way I was going to be able to get vegan food and then he just wrote me off and moved on to the next person on the list. Well, today I realized that I hadn't gotten any voicemails for quite some time so I called my voicemail just to check. Guess what? I had THREE messages form him! THREE! My stupid phone just decided not to give me the messages. Fucking awesome. I am fairly certain this shit does not happen to other people.

You are a heartless bastard, phone!

Road Trip

This weekend my mom, my sister and I are taking a trip to Watkins Glen. The plan is to visit Farm Sanctuary  one day and the gorge the other day. I always love visiting Farm Sanctuary and the gorge is honestly the most beautiful place I have ever seen. It truly doesn't even seem like it should be a real place it's so amazing. It should be a great trip. The problem is, when I do things like this I always have this feeling like it's somehow going to change things, like I'll get back and suddenly everything will be better. That's just not how life works though is it? Anyway, it should still be nice.

This is the best picture I could find of the gorge and it really doesn't do it justice at all. 

Is This Hell?

No really? If so, would it be possible for me to get transferred to the other one? You know, the one where they peel your skin off piece by piece? I think that one would be better. Just saying.

Humans Say the Dumbest Things

One of the dumbest things that I hear people say on a regular basis is this "My parents did that and I turned out alright." Yesterday my mom, my sister and I were talking about this. First of all, has anyone else noticed that most of the people who say this do not, in fact, seem like they turned out alright at all? I, at least, have heard this mostly from people who seem to have quite a lot of highly undesirable qualities. Second, is it just me or should the goal of parenting be a little more than children that are "alright"? Shouldn't we be aiming for children who are happy, healthy, well-adjusted, productive, etc? I don't think any of those things are implied by the term "alright".

Changing Clothes Is a Pain in the Ass

I think most people, girls especially, tend to like to look different from day to day. People like to "dress up" on certain days and wear different colors or styles depending on the season. Not me. I pretty much wear the same thing no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I do change my clothes everyday. I just don't like having to pick out different clothes for each new day. In fact, I remember when I was a kid thinking how cool it would be to be a cartoon character because they got to wear the same thing everyday. I still think it would be really nice to just get to pick my favorite outfit and have a bunch of them so I would never have to decide what to wear again.

I was searching for a picture that showed a cartoon character looking into a closet full of the same outfit over and over, but when I searched "cartoon character closet" I found the evil monkey instead. I think he is much funnier. 

Stories

I found the image below on Pinterest today and it really made me think. I feel like there is at least a possibility that I could have some interesting stories to tell, if only I weren't so afraid of what the people in my life would think of the things I would say about them. It's not even that any of them did anything wrong, for the most part, it's just the way I feel about things that happened between us. I have thought many times about writing some sort of memoire, even if it was just something I posted here. My life has been pretty boring for the most part, but there have been some interesting events. The problem is that most of the interesting events involved other people and I just couldn't stand the thought of them reading it and knowing how much their actions affected me, or how I truly felt about the things we did together.

Looking for Suggestions

Can anyone suggest any good books or book series that I should read? I'm about halfway through the Wind Through the Keyhole and I really want another good one to start when I finish it. I have been spending  A LOT of time watching Netflix lately and I feel like, if I am going to be spending the majority of my time in a fantasy world, it would be better to do it by reading than by watching TV. I used to read all the time, but I started making myself read stuff that I felt was more valuable, mostly animal rights related stuff, but for the most part nonfiction just doesn't hold my interest. No matter how interesting a subject is to me, it's just never going to be as interesting as losing myself in some imaginary world. So I'm just going to go back to reading the weird fantasy/adventure/sci-fi/ horror stuff that I used to read. Anyway, you guys know what I like. Any suggestions?

There Must Be Some Mistake

I got my final grades back today and I really don't understand how this happened, but I ended up with four As and one B. I honestly have no idea how that is possible. I was expecting at least two or three Bs, and I would have been pretty much thrilled with a C in the one class that I did get a B in. Once again, I feel like a huge dumbass for deciding not to come back next semester. How can something be so easy and so hard at the same time? Furthermore, what the fuck is my problem?

Sexy Strings

Back when I was, I think, eight years old I played the violin. I really enjoyed it for a while but then I got bored, as I tend to do with everything, and gave it up. Recently, I have found myself wishing that I had stuck with it. Imagine how good I could be at it by now. Plus I have seem to have developed an affinity for the sound of stringed instruments. I started watching Angel and I LOVE the music at the beginning, which is mostly cello. Also, I found this girl who is fucking amazing! 

                                          

What a Nice Thing to Say

I recently started reading "The Wind Through the Keyhole" which is the newest addition to Stephen King's Dark Tower series. I LOVED the Dark Tower, so when I saw this book I had to buy it even though the series is actually finished and this one is just a random story that is supposed to have taken place between the others. Oh well, I am still thoroughly enjoying it. Anyway, there is this one woman (I can't tell yet if she is going to be a major character or not) who is apparently a pretty big badass. At one point one of the other characters said about her "That one'd spit in the devil's face. And if he took her down to Nis, she'd be running the place in a month." I don't know, I just thought that was really cool. I think it was mostly meant as an insult, but I would consider it quite a compliment if someone said that about me.

I assume Nis is the Dark Tower universe's version of hell. I looked it up and can't find any reference to it anywhere else, so I assume Stephen King made it up. 

I Want to Get Lost Too!

I have a new place to add to my list of places I will go if I get the chance, Hawaii. I've heard a ton of people talk about wanting to go to Hawaii and I always thought "Yeah, it would probably be nice" but it was never someplace that I was overly excited about. Then, my mom and I started watching Lost, which is apparently filmed there, and now I REALLY want to go! If I ever do get to go there, I am definitely going to wander into the forest and just live there for the rest of my life. I don't know what the people on the show are always complaining about, it seems like a cool place to live to me.

Celebration! (I guess)

Sorry there was no post last night. Hughesnet decided to let me go ahead and write a posts and then cut out just as I tried to post it. Anyway, here it is.

So today was my last final; I am officially done with school. Well, I'm officially done with this semester, I've just decided to be done with school. I think for the most part my finals went okay. A couple of my classes are worrying me a little, but I'm not even sure why. Since I've decided not to go back next semester, I'm just not sure why I even care what my grades are like. Anyway, no it's time to figure out what the fuck I'm doing now. That should be fun.

Eh, It's Just a Scratch

As I'm sure you've all realized, I'm a bit of a health nut. I do everything I can to take care of my body, except when it comes to certain things. For some reason, there are a few things that normal people consider common sense that I just don't like doing. I don't like doing them because for whatever reason, they make me feel weak, or winy, or something. One of these things is taking care of wounds. I haven't used a bandaid, or ointment, or anything besides soap and water on a wound for years. Right now, I have what started out as a cat scratch that has now become a giant disgusting looking wound and is no doubt going to leave a rather obvious scar. This is not the only common sense thing that I have an unreasonable aversion to, but it's probably the most harmful.

Where the Fuck Did Those Come From?

I don't know how it's possible, but I seem to be getting old without actually growing up. I know twenty-six really isn't that old, but it sure feels like it is. Also, I'm starting to notice wrinkles on my face which is fucking horrifying! I remember back in my theater class in high school we went on this field trip to an actual theater. They took us back stage and showed us how to do some of the makeup techniques. One of the things they showed us was how to make ourselves look old by raising our eyebrows and darkening in the lines on our foreheads. When I tried to do it it didn't work, because even when I raised my eyebrows I didn't have any noticeable lines. That is no longer the case. Unfortunately it appears that getting wrinkles does not, in fact, make you an adult. I still have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

Hooray for Finals Week

I'm fairly certain that I severely fucked up my final this morning. I can only hope that my As on the first three tests will make up for the monumentally terrible score I expect on this one. Needless to say, my grades this semester are definitely not going to be as good as last semester and possibly not good at all. I find the idea of ending up with shitty final grades unpleasant, but apparently not unpleasant enough to actually motivate me to study for the final exams. I guess it's a good thing I'm not going back next semester.

Painfully Bad

I find it rather absurd that at a time when a huge amount of our communication is done through text; Facebook, Twitter, text messages, blogs etc. it has become generally accepted to use horrendous spelling and grammar. I understand that people have this idea that their time is so precious that they need to abbreviate everything, and I guess I can accept that. I'm talking about people who are, supposedly, trying to use real words and fail miserably at it, and don't even seem to mind that they sound completely idiotic. I mean come on! Most sites automatically spell check for you! All you have to do is look for that little red squiggle under the words! It's really not that hard to write a halfway intelligent sentence, I promise.

Regeneration

Every time there is a major change in my life, I feel a need to change something major about my appearance as well. When I came back from Watkins Glen I bleached my hair blonde. Right before I came back from California I dyed it red again. Before I started college, this time, I replaced all of my tee shirts with tank tops. At the end of last semester I replaced all of my homemade bell-bottom jeans, which I had been wearing exclusively for the past several years, with skinny jeans (only to be worn with tall boots). This time I dyed my hair black. By the way, the general consensus seems to be that it looks alright.  

I'm Tired of Boy Hair

I ordered some black hair dye the other day. The more I think about it, the more I think I really do want to try growing my hair out and dying it dark. After all, some of my favorite badass girls have long, dark, somewhat unruly hair. For example, Zoe (from Firefly), Meg (from Supernatural), and Daisy (from Being Human). I think someday I might actually be able to achieve Daisy hair. Unfortunately, before that I will have to deal with the charming triangular afro phase that my hair goes through when it's growing out.

If I Ever Get the Chance to Travel

If I ever get the chance to travel, I am going to go;

1. to Portland.
2. back to LA
3. back to the Acton sanctuary
4. to Asheville, North Carolina
5. on a Sam and Dean style road trip, looking for weird stuff around the country
6. to London,
7. while I'm at it maybe I'll go to Cardiff and see if I can fall through the rift.
8. to the Orland California sanctuary
9. to Comic-Con
10. back to the AR conference

I really want to see this someday. 

Laughing Our Asses Off, for No Apparent Reason

Today My sister and I sat around at my mom's house and looked at random shit on the internet and laughed hysterically. It was one of those laugh until you cry things. The stuff wasn't even all that funny, I think it's just that she and I have the same sense of humor and sort of fed off of each other's laughter. It was really nice. To be honest, most of the time when I laugh anymore it's either forced or just out of awkwardness. I've always laughed when I'm uncomfortable, but I'm pretty sure I used to laugh for real on a regular basis too. I'm not saying I never laugh for real anymore, I do. It's just not that intense, controllable kind. Anyway, the point is, it was nice.

This is pretty damn funny too.