Saturday, March 29, 2014

"What Can I Say? I Want to Do Everything. Is That Too Much to Ask?"

Today, my mom and I were talking about career possibilities. This always, inevitably, leads to much frustration and confusion. You see, she is offering me all of these, seemingly, great options for different things I could do, and I have no idea how to make her understand why none of them would work for me. I have put hours upon hours of thought into this, and I can't come up with a solution for this problem. The problem being that I get so fucking bored with everything! Nearly every job on the planet has at least some tiny aspect that I find appealing; that's why I have considered (and in several cases actually worked toward) having so many different jobs. The thing is, after a very short time, those things that appealed to me fade into the background and I find myself completely hating the job. What I really want is to do everything. I want to be everything. I need my life to make a difference, to make things better, to change the world. I need to have a creative outlet, to create, to make something beautiful. I need to have something physical to do, to use my strength, to feel powerful. I need to use my mind, to think things through, to analyze things. I don't think there is any career out there that would let me do all of those things, and  I can't stand having a job that doesn't (at least not for any length of time). What am I supposed to do about that?
".....I figure, once I settle on one thing I've excluded everything else. There are so many things I'd like to be."