Monday, August 31, 2015

Whitney's Haven for Unpleasant Creatures

I feel like someone, somewhere, put out an ad or something telling every creature no one likes to come live at my place. Perhaps something like "Do humans hate you? Are you scorned and threatened everywhere you go? Are you extremely annoying? vaguely creepy? messy? destructive? just plain inconvenient? Then we have the place for you!" In fact, there may even be some sort of underground railroad type situation going on to bring every unwanted or looked-down-upon creature on the planet to my dad's house, my pig barn, or my dad's shop (where I store my pig food, hay, etc.). I wouldn't even mind having them around, if they would just not be assholes about it. Sure, come live here. I don't give a shit, and I promise not to kill you. Just don't make my life difficult. But no! They move in, make themselves at home, and then decide to see how far they can go.

We are particularly overrun with mice and bugs (especially spiders. Holy shit! So many spiders!). Personally, I think mice are adorable; I don't mind having them around, but when they start shitting all over my house or.... OR giving birth in my pig food bags! (yes that actually happened) they become much less adorable. I also don't really have a problem with spiders, unless they build their webs across every doorway and also across every path I take between the house and the pig barn, right about eye-level so that I end up with webs stuck to my face! in the dark! so that I can never really know for sure whether or not there is a spider on my face!
I'm pretty sure they got the idea for the ad from Doyle.

P.S. All of our domesticated animals are obnoxious as hell too, just so you know. 


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