Everything but the Desert Island

Yesterday I ended up talking to some woman at Goodwill about veganism. Well, what really happened was, I tried to be polite as she spouted off every cliche an omnivore has ever said to a vegan. Except the one about the desert island, which is good because if she had said that one I just might have snapped. Now, allow me to recreate for you the awkwardness that resulted from her obnoxiousness and my social ineptitude.

I was standing at the register, talking to my manager, and this woman comes up behind me and says "What size do you wear, little missy, 00?" Little missy? Really?
To which I replied "Hahah, afraid not." I know that was a dumb thing to say, but really what do you say to that?
Then she says "Seriously, how do you stay so thin?"
I say "Well, I'm a vegan." Now obviously there are other factors, like my compulsive need to workout for an hour and a half every day, but I always credit veganism first.
She says "What?"
Me: "A vegan. I don't eat any meat, milk, eggs."
Her: "Oh, you're a vegetarian."
Me: "Yeah." No, I'm a fucking vegan. That's why I said vegan. But whatever.
Her: "So what do you eat? Just fruits and veggies?"
Me: "Yeah, and rice and pasta and things like that."
Her: "Do you ever eat fish or anything?"
Me: With a big fake smile. "Nope."
Her: " But where do you get your protein?"
Me: Through gritted teeth. "Well, most people don't know that lots of plant foods actually have a lot of protein. I eat nuts and beans and that sort of thing."
Her: Sort of waves what I just said away. "Don't you ever crave it though?"
Me: Trying to seem amicable "Well, it's been thirteen years for me. So I'm pretty much over that, hahah."
Her: "Oh." "So you really think that works for you, huh?"
Me: "Yeah, it really works very well for me."
She then proceeds to tell me all about how the guy who owns Goodwill is getting rich off of people's donations.

Thank you, lady at Goodwill, for a truly stimulating conversation.

I was totally winning at defensive omnivore bingo.