It Looks Like the Powers Have a Sense of Humor

So, yesterday, I broke out the old Tarot cards for the first time in over a year. I decided to be really serious about it this time (don't you laugh at me), so I went outside and sat under my favorite tree and really focused on being open to any suggestions the Divine Powers might have for me. By the way, I have taken to referring to them as the "Divine Powers" when I'm being sincere and the "Powers that Be" when I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, I ended up with a layout that, while still not especially helpful, did seem somehow intentional and more than a little snooty.

The first position in the layout is called "what covers you" and it is supposedly the issue you're facing. My card was the king of wands. I started reading about him and realized that he was basically....well....me. Last time I tried to do my cards, I was trying to choose a card to represent me, which is something you are supposed to do before you start your reading. I finally just gave up on that because none of the queens really seemed that much like me. So the Divine Powers were like "You see, here's your problem. You're basically a guy." The next position is "what crosses you" which is either an obstacle or a benefit, depending on the context. My card was the ace of pentacles, which is all about money. I think that one is pretty self-explanatory. The next card "crowns you" and is all about the way you think about your situation. My card was the king of swords and his whole deal is about making people follow the rules. So, to me, this refers to my distaste for rules and my desire to live outside of conventional society. The next card is "at your feet" and indicates everything I have done that has led me to my current situation. It was the queen of swords who is all about following the rules. I interpreted this as meaning that I have been letting other people influence me and my decisions for too long. Next is the "near future". I got the knight of swords. He is this charismatic, dare-devil type. The way I saw it, this could either be someone who will come into my life, or someone I could become. Either way, I'll take it. Then came the "near past" which was the page of swords. This one talked about a kid with a dysfunctional family life who never felt that he/she had a real home. Seemed fairly accurate. Next is the "most important aspect". I got the ten of swords which is about pain and despair. I found that one pretty self-explanatory as well. Her comes the kind of funny part. The next position is called the "world to you". Guess which card I got? The world. I kind of feel like someone was getting sick of giving me insight and was just like "You want me to tell you what the world to you is? Really? It's the fucking world!" After that was "hope and fear". My card was the hermit, which was also funny because it was actually both my hope and my fear depending on whether I looked at it literally or symbolically. Literally, yeah I'm pretty fucking terrified that I will end up being a hermit for the rest of my life. But when you read the description of the card it actually represents the light at the end of the tunnel. The last card is the "out-come" and is supposed to be the answer to the question at hand. Mine was the ace of wands, which talks of new beginnings, fresh starts, and positive changes. I'll fucking take it!

By the way, yes I do realize that I obviously didn't shuffle well enough. Hence the king, queen, knight, page and ten of swords all in a row. That doesn't make them any less accurate though. So there.

These are my cards. Aren't they pretty? 

Who Would've Thought?

Yesterday, my dad, my sister, my sister's boyfriend and I went back to the Palace of Gold (the place we went for the Festival of Colors) and took a tour of the palace. It was even more amazing on the inside than it was on the outside. Here's the really cool part though; I just assumed there were places like this all over the country. There aren't. This is the only one in the U.S. and, apparently, the first one ever. Srila Prabhupada, the guy who started the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (the Hare Krishnas) is the one who actually founded this place. It was originally intended to just be a community for his devotees, but they wanted to build a special place for him to stay when he came to visit them. So they TAUGHT THEMSELVES how to do everything and built the whole fucking place by themselves. I find that completely amazing! They did all the marble (which is everywhere), stained-glass (some of the most beautiful I've ever seen), gold-leaf (also, everywhere), painting (including hand-painted ceilings, with intricate floral designs), and tapestries (unbelievably intricate). Here's the shitty part, he died before he ever got to stay there. So they just kept adding to the place and made it into this huge memorial for him. They added statues of him, and some objects that belonged to him. There is also a plaque of his footprints which is the original that every similar plaque in every other Prabhupada memorial all over the world is made from.

How does this place exist in WV? Furthermore, since it does, how did I not know about it? 

So Maybe I was Being Unreasonable

Okay, so maybe I really was being unreasonable before. I have still been talking to the guy I met on Vegan Passions and I think he wasn't actually being an ass after all. I guess I'm just so used to people being asses to me that I have learned to expect it. Anyway, he actually seems pretty cool.

Now to the point. We were talking about jobs and he said that no one actually loves their job, and that the people who say they do are really just saying that to make themselves feel better. I think he may be right. I know that's the case with most people, because most people don't get to do what they had always wanted to do with their lives. What I'm really wondering about is the people who do get to do what they had always wanted to do. Do you think that as soon as you start doing something professionally it automatically loses it's appeal? I think it very well may. We actually discussed this phenomenon in one of my psych classes once. I believe the theory was (something like) as long as you're doing something just because you enjoy it, you get an emotional reward from it. However, if you add in a monetary reward it sort of negates the emotional one, and all of a sudden the thing that used to be fun is now a hassle because "it's your job." What do you think? Does anyone actually love their job?

I mean, even Sam and Dean hate their job and they have the best job ever. 

How Did I Not See This?

Yesterday, I was looking for a particular picture on Facebook. So I'm scrolling back through my old pictures and, at some point, I realize that the picture I'm looking for isn't there. However, I have become so wrapped up in looking at old pictures of myself that I just keep scrolling. I was horrified to find that the pictures just got worse and worse the further back I went (until I got to my time at WVU and then they got slightly better again). It was so bad that I was legitimately angry by the time I got to the end of them. I mean, I knew I was never happy with the way I looked. Now I know why. It's because I looked like shit! It also kind of makes me paranoid that I actually look like shit now and just don't realize it. Because I know damn well that I didn't realize I looked that bad back then or I would have done something about it.

Who is this and what is that growth protruding form her lower abdomen? Also, look at that arm; no muscle tone whatsoever. It looks like a fucking tentacle.  

Maybe I'm Being Unreasonable?

Remember the whole online dating thing? Well, I have been talking to this one guy for around two weeks now, and he seemed pretty cool. Yesterday, he gave me his real email address (as opposed to the one through Vegan Passions). I was actually really happy about it, because I felt like that meant that things were progressing. So I emailed him and was all excited waiting for him to email me back. Then, the first official email I get from him makes me think "Yeah, this is not going to go anywhere." He is a self-proclaimed "music snob" which is fine, as long as he doesn't act all condescending about my taste in music, which he kind of did. Another thing that pissed me off  in this email was that he asked me if I was finished with school. Which, as you all know, I'm not. However, I am 26 so most people would assume that I am either finished with college or that I didn't go. The fact that he asked about it kind of made me feel like what he really wanted to ask was "So you're not really planning on being a cashier forever, right?" And I hope I don't end up being a cashier forever, but if I do, I would hope that he would be able to respect me anyway. I don't really feel like he would. Also, I feel comfortable bitching about him here because, despite the fact that I mentioned my writing at least twice, he didn't ask about it. If I met someone I was interested in and I found out that they wrote a blog, I would be dying to read it and find out how their mind works. Not him.

I swear, it seems like every person who ever shows an interest in me, is only interested in me in theory. When I actually start talking about myself they zone out, which is really weird in this case because I basically outlined my entire personality on my profile. It kind of makes me wonder if he even bothered to read the damn thing.

Get it? Because she seemed really nice and like she was really interested in Sam, then it turned out that she was actually a demon. (Unfair?) 

It's the Most Important Part of the Story, the Ending

For quite some time now, I have been thinking that I would like to write a book. Specifically, I've been thinking that I would like to write a memoir. I know what you're thinking "That's a stupid idea! You're always talking about how your life is super boring!" and, yes, you are right. However, despite how bored I am with my life right now, if I cut out all the boring parts and only cover the most interesting things from my entire life in a relatively short book, I think it could be rather compelling. I actually have had some rather unique and unusual experiences, that some people might actually care to hear about. Here's the problem; I have no idea how I would end such a book. I feel like anyone who might read it would want some sort of resolution at the end, and there is absolutely no aspect of my life which has been resolved. I feel like I have to do something, or be something, or at least figure out something before I can write a book about my life. At this point, I feel like if anyone actually read my life to the end they would get to the last page and yell "What the fuck was that!" and throw the book across the room. So come on, Powers That Be, give me some sort of epiphany so I can write my fucking book.

Check it out, you guys. We have the same hair. 

I Have a Wand Now. Wands Are Cool.

So this is going to sound really stupid to anyone who isn't me, and I kind of feel like an ass ever writing it but whatever, I feel like an ass most of them time anyway.

I have been slowly gathering the various tools, symbols, and artifacts associated with Wicca. One of the things I wanted to get was a wand. I had been thinking about buying one, but then David Salisbury's book said that you should create your own. He said to use a fallen branch rather than breaking or cutting one from a tree, and that the wand should be about the length from your elbow to the tip of your middle finger. I knew immediately which tree I wanted to get my wand from. 

There is this one tree that I have loved ever since I was a kid. I used to climb it all the time and, (here comes the really stupid sounding part) I always felt like we had an emotional connection. Anyway, I had been thinking about it for a couple of days and just didn't bother to go look for one. Then, the other day, I just suddenly got all inspired and thought "I'm going to go get a wand from my tree!" This happened to be on a day when it was pouring the fucking rain, but I didn't care; I was going to get a wand! So I'm trudging through the rain, trying to get to my tree and I'm looking at my feet the whole time to make sure I don't trip over anything hidden in the waste high weeds. Then, all of a sudden, I look up and there is this fallen branch tangled in another branch and hanging directly in front of my face. It was exactly the circumference that I was wanting and was almost perfectly straight but with all these cool little knots on it. There was one knot that, when I held it up to my arm, was just at the end of my middle finger. I thought to myself "if it breaks right there, I'll know this is supposed to be my wand, and guess what? It did. The really cool thing is that David Salisbury also mentioned that wands are never supposed to touch the ground. So the fact that this branch had fallen without touching the ground is pretty fucking amazing, I mean if you're a big nerd like me that is. Anyway, the point is I now have a really cool wand that was a gift from my favorite tree.

Nerdiest post ever? Oh, I think so. 

Right Next to the People Who Talk at the Theater

For the last three or four days, every time I check my email, my inbox has been absolutely packed full of the most obnoxious spam; namely, ads for porn and various methods of penis enlargement. Well guess what spammers? I don't have a fucking penis, nor do I have any interest in seeing "giant bouncing boobies" or finding out whether Brittney or Jamie Lynn is the bigger slut. Thanks anyway though! Fuckers. Seriously, there is a place for people who crowd my, already over-crowded, inbox with this type of shit. It's called.........

You Really Don't Have to Read This One.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. I need to write something. Blah, blah. It's five in the morning and I have to get ready for work. Blah, blah, blah. I should have gone to get my check on Friday because now I want to order silly things online and can't because I don't have enough money. Blah, blah. My brain doesn't work this early in the morning. Blah. This morning I set my clock for 4:00 and woke up at 3:59. Kind of weird. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, this post was a waste of all of our time. Sorry.

You're a Little Late

It's really goofy how life works sometimes. Whatever you're waiting around for never seems to happen, but if you decide that you don't give a shit about it anymore and start waiting for something else, (BAM!) there's that other thing all of a sudden. Kind of like how no one ever asks you out unless you're already dating somebody, or how you can't ever get a job unless you already have a job.

You know how I said I was doing the whole online dating thing? Well, it was basically a fucking disaster. I kept checking my email all the time, just hoping that someone (who wasn't creepy and three times my age) would contact me. Well, it just wasn't happening, so I said "fuck it!" and tried to forget about the whole thing. Then a couple of days ago, I found this shop  and wanted to buy the whole fucking place! I managed to limit myself to three or four things though. One of them was a bottle of perfume and I was fairly certain it was vegan, but I wanted to make 100% sure before I bought it. So I wrote to them and asked them about it. Being the crazy person that I am, I was super excited to buy all the amazing stuff I found so I was VERY anxious for them to write me back. So naturally, I checked my email about 800 times yesterday, just hoping for a response from the shop. Well guess what? They never did write to me. Guess who did write to me? Two different guys from Vegan Passions. TWO! And they both seem decent. All this time I've been driving myself crazy just hoping to hear anything from anyone, and now that I basically gave up on it and stared driving myself crazy over something else, now I get two!

I am The Girl Who Waited......and then got the thing she wasn't waiting for anymore. 

What More Can a Girl Ask for?

As I've said about a million times (sorry about that, by the way.) what I really want out of a job is purpose. I want to be able to say that my job means something. However, considering the fact that it may be entirely delusional to think that I could find such a job, I've given a lot of thought to what kinds if things I'm looking for in a regular, just for the money, job. I've come up with;
1-I want something physical to do. I can't handle just sitting around all day.
2-I want to be able to take time off if I want it.
3- I want to be able to work evenings so that I don't have to get up at 3am just to get ready.
4- I don't want to have to have a separate wardrobe to wear to work.
5- I want to stay busy.
6- I want to have enough free-time to do the things I actually care about.
7- I want to do something I'm good at.
8- I want to be able to feel, at least, okay about what I do.
9- I don't want to have to deal with animal products.
10- I want to be able to make enough money to get by.

Then I realize that, except for that last one. I pretty much have all of that at Goodwill. And then I think ......

Everything but the Desert Island

Yesterday I ended up talking to some woman at Goodwill about veganism. Well, what really happened was, I tried to be polite as she spouted off every cliche an omnivore has ever said to a vegan. Except the one about the desert island, which is good because if she had said that one I just might have snapped. Now, allow me to recreate for you the awkwardness that resulted from her obnoxiousness and my social ineptitude.

I was standing at the register, talking to my manager, and this woman comes up behind me and says "What size do you wear, little missy, 00?" Little missy? Really?
To which I replied "Hahah, afraid not." I know that was a dumb thing to say, but really what do you say to that?
Then she says "Seriously, how do you stay so thin?"
I say "Well, I'm a vegan." Now obviously there are other factors, like my compulsive need to workout for an hour and a half every day, but I always credit veganism first.
She says "What?"
Me: "A vegan. I don't eat any meat, milk, eggs."
Her: "Oh, you're a vegetarian."
Me: "Yeah." No, I'm a fucking vegan. That's why I said vegan. But whatever.
Her: "So what do you eat? Just fruits and veggies?"
Me: "Yeah, and rice and pasta and things like that."
Her: "Do you ever eat fish or anything?"
Me: With a big fake smile. "Nope."
Her: " But where do you get your protein?"
Me: Through gritted teeth. "Well, most people don't know that lots of plant foods actually have a lot of protein. I eat nuts and beans and that sort of thing."
Her: Sort of waves what I just said away. "Don't you ever crave it though?"
Me: Trying to seem amicable "Well, it's been thirteen years for me. So I'm pretty much over that, hahah."
Her: "Oh." "So you really think that works for you, huh?"
Me: "Yeah, it really works very well for me."
She then proceeds to tell me all about how the guy who owns Goodwill is getting rich off of people's donations.

Thank you, lady at Goodwill, for a truly stimulating conversation.

I was totally winning at defensive omnivore bingo. 

Dollhouse Pants

Do you ever have inside jokes where you're the only one inside? Well I do. Many times I don't say them aloud, because I know no one will know what the fuck I'm talking about. Other times I do, just because they're so funny I can't keep them to myself. Needless to say, no one else ever seems to think so. I especially like to have clever names for my clothes. I have;
1-Amy Brown socks- Tall striped socks, named for the artists who draws a lot of fairies with such socks.
2-Mitchell gloves- If you've seen Being Human, you know what I'm talking about.
3-The Travelling Shorts- A pair of shorts I bought at Goodwill a couple years back. They are jean shorts with a tag that says "one size fits all". I was with my sister and my boyfriend (at the time) when I found them. We all thought it was ridiculous and there was no way they would fit multiple sizes. So just for shits, we all decided to try them on. They fit all of us! It was insane! (by the way, I have neither seen nor read The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. I just know the concept and thought it was funny.)
4- For years now, I have been wearing this certain type of pants to sleep and exercise in and I've never been sure what to call them. I usually call them sweat pants, but they're not exactly sweat pants, or pajama pants, but they're not those either. I guess they're sort of yoga pants, but not quite. Well, I've finally figured out what they are. They're Dollhouse pants.

The Power of Words

I haven't said much about it for a while, but I've still been reading up on Wicca. The more I find out about it, the more I like it. I like the polytheistic aspect of it. I love the emphasis on a connection to nature and the idea that we are able to interact with the planet's energies in a meaningful way. I think the thing that I like the most though, is the focus on the power of words. The whole idea behind a spell is that the right combination of words can actually create an energy force that can cause a desired outcome. When you think about it, isn't that the point of writing? To find the specific combination of words that  has the greatest effect? I just started reading The Deep Heart of Witchcraft (my third book on the subject) by David Salisbury, who happens to be a gay, vegan witch (YES!). When I found him it sort of dispelled any reservation I had about Wicca after reading The Witches' Way. The authors of The Witches' Way put a LOT of emphasis on the importance of the male/female polarity and the whole thing seemed rather discriminatory to me. They also talked about non-humans as having a lower form of soul with no individual consciousness (bullshit!). Anyway to get back on topic, there is a quote right in the very beginning of David's book which says "When we write something down, we're affirming the thought in our heads to the physical world, bringing it into being. In that sense, every act of writing is an act of magick and should be treated as such." Love it!

Epitaph

For the sake of the planet and all of the beings who inhabit her, I really hope that humans get their shit together soon. I feel like there is a good chance that we're on a direct path for our own destruction and if we don't make some changes soon, we are going to ruin everything for everyone. For my own sake though, I sometimes hope that they just go ahead and burn it all down. The things is I just don't feel, and never really have felt, that I was built for this world. I sometimes think that I might thrive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I sometimes think that a good struggle for survival might be just what I need.

Mayhap there is a weird depressing poem in here somewhere? 

Also, the title/image are Dollhouse reference, just so you know. 

Festival of Colors

Yesterday, a group of us went to the Festival of Colors. It was held at the Palace of Gold  in Moundsville WV. First of all, may I just say that I am completely amazed that this place exists in WV. It was absolutely beautiful! The buildings were incredibly intricate and detailed. There were these amazing statues everywhere. They had a huge rose garden with varieties of roses I have never seen before. And there was a gorgeous pond full of lily pads and huge lotus blossoms. Then there was the event itself. It was the most fun I have had in a very long time. I had seen pictures of it online many times and always thought "I want to do that someday." but as far as I knew they only did it in India, and I knew I was most likely never going to make it to India. Then I found out they were having it in fucking Moundsville WV! I was more than a little shocked. Everything about it was beautiful. A whole crowd of people covered from head to toe in every color of the rainbow, and then some. Every hour they had a group color toss, during which everyone threw handfuls of color into the air at the same time and created this enormous cloud of swirling dust. Plus the colors were scented with some sort of incense, or something, that had this pleasant lightly rosy smell. The whole thing was fucking fantastic and I'm definitely going back next year!

Caty posted some truly great pictures on Facebook. Check them out! 

Another One Bites the Dust

We are down yet another employee at Goodwill, one of the last remaining cashiers that I actually enjoyed working with. Fucking great. Since I have been back, this time, at least seven people have quit. We have lost, three utility workers, two cashiers, one wares person, and one manager. There may have actually been more, but they come and go so regularly that I can't even keep track of them anymore. The best part is, it always seems to be the ones I kind of like working with. The super annoying ones and the ones who don't really do their jobs are always the last to go.

Out of Gas

You know that feeling in the air right before it storms really hard? I love that feeling! It was quite strong yesterday while I was on my way to work, which was nice because it sort of distracted me from the fact that I was on my way to work. As I pulled into the parking lot, it was just beginning to rain but it felt like a huge storm could erupt at any second. I actually thought "Hey, maybe the power will go out and I can go home!" Mistake! Guess what. The power did go out. Guess what else. That no longer means that we get to go home. Now it apparently means that we have to ring people out with a fucking calculator. Luckily, it came back on pretty quickly and I only actually ended up having to do one sale with the calculator. Still, by the time we got the registers working again, there was a huge line of people waiting to check out. Plus, we could only take cash, so several people just abandoned their stuff and vowed to come back and get it later. One or two actually did. I will never wish for the power to go out again!

20 Thing I've Learned from Working at Goodwill

1- People are assholes.
2- It is possible for people to be very nice and also be assholes at the same time.
3- There is apparently nothing in the world more desirable that second-hand jewelry.
4- People read "We accept donations" as "Bring us ALL your trash"
5- It is possible to develop a seething hatred for clothes hangers.
6- The most annoying people have no idea how annoying they are.
7- You can always spot the people who are buying things to resell.
8- You can also spot the people who have never worked in retail.
9- Cashiers are VERY near the bottom of the social ladder.
10- Dressing rooms are not just for trying on clothes they are also for building massive structures comprised of clothes, hangers, knickknacks, and various other paraphernalia.
11- Everyone wants to be the first one to get a look at the new clothes being put on the racks, even if the "new clothes" are actually old clothes that you are trying to take off the racks.
12- No matter how much something costs there will be people who will be thrilled about it and people who will bitch about it.
13- Some people always need to have something to bitch about.
14- "Not-for-profit" companies don't give a shit about their employees any more than big, evil corporations do.
15- There need to be plus-sized hangers for the plus-sized clothes.
16- If someone is willing to work for almost no money, there is probably a reason for it.
17- Some people will donate anything.
18- Some people will buy anything.
19- If you give people no money, and no respect, they will give no fucks about just walking out and never coming back.
20- There are some seriously strange people in this world, and the people with the shittiest jobs are the ones who have to deal with them.

I Try to Be My Fucking Best, Okay?

I think I am going to try going back to writing in the mornings for a while. You see, Goodwill completely drains me of any and all inspiration, enthusiasm, and energy that I might have had. So, by the time I get home, I am in no state to come up with anything intelligent or entertaining to say.

Annnnnnnyway, you know how I said I've been doing the whole (stupid, frustrating, infuriating, futile) online dating thing? Well, I talked back and forth a couple of times with this one guy. He seemed a little better than some of the others. He was talking about how exciting his life had been; he'd been to this place, and that place, and done all of these things. When I wrote back I was actually trying to be sort of flirty, but I obviously failed. I said something to the effect of "It sounds like you've had a pretty exciting life. I don't feel like I've had nearly enough excitement in my life." He wrote me back this absurdly long message with all of this cliched bullshit about how the important thing is to just be yourself, and just let things happen the way they are going to, and don't have too many ideas about what your life is supposed to be, and just being a good person is enough. I swear, I've heard this same fucking speech from about thirty different people. Every time I say anything about my life being boring and devoid of meaning, this is what I get. And I'm sorry people, but it is complete and utter bullshit. Life is not about just letting whatever happens happen, and being a good person is not enough. It's about doing things, making things happen, trying to be the best that we can. If we're not going to change anything or accomplish anything then what's the fucking point?

Ripped Apart

I feel as if I am constantly trying to rip myself apart. Every aspect of my being is eternally pulling, shoving, fighting, against all of the others. How can these different facets all exist within the same person, especially when they hate each other so? I have the mind of an artist; striving for creation, for expression. I have the soul of a monk; longing for fulfillment, for meaning. And I have the heart of a warrior, searching for challenge, for victory. These people, these archetypal concepts, that dwell within my consciousness are in a never-ending battle for dominance, for control over my life, my choices. My mind tries to create things of beauty, but my soul asks "what worth is there in beauty?" and my heart bellows "where is the adrenaline rush?" My soul dreams of building a better world, but my mind  cries "I will wither away!" and my heart demands "I must have an enemy to conquer!" My heart tries to make me strong and fearless, but my mind asks "what will that leave behind when you are gone?" and my soul asks "what impact will that make on the world?" I don't know how to please them all and I fear that to satisfy one is to sentence the others to death.

I realized today that it had been quite a long time since I posted any disturbing poetry. This one is a work in progress. 

Once Upon a Time

The other day I mentioned that I believe that the secret to not being treated like shit is, for the most part, being confident in your choices. I said that I knew this from personal experience, so I'm going to explain that a little. When I was in school, specifically high school but really the whole way through, I was the weird kid. I always dressed differently, acted differently, hell even talked differently than everyone else. I had few friends, never participated in any sports/clubs/etc. and never made even the tiniest effort to fit in. By the way, I also had terrible skin and braces. However, despite the fact that I'm sure everyone thought I was a complete freak, I never got picked on. I'm sure some of the more unpleasant members of my class said things about me behind my back from time to time, but almost no one ever said anything bad about me to my face. I truly believe this was due to the fact that they knew it wouldn't make any difference. I didn't want to be like them and they knew it. I had no desire for their approval, and this left them with no reason to express their disapproval.

Excuses Excuses

Sorry I'm late everyone. You see, I got stuck at work until almost ten (we close at 9). Therefore, I was really fucking tired and my brain was just not working. Plus, I had to get up early today because we have to go pick up some hay for Riley and Tuni, then I have to come back and wash all the hay off me so I can go grocery shopping. Anyway, the point is this; there was no blog last night because I simply did not have time to sit around and wait for my quickly deteriorating brain to present me with a decent post. Anyway, I got stuck at work because the guy that works in the back had a shit-ton of donations to deal with and couldn't get all of it carried inside by himself. So basically I stayed at work and carried heavy shit for an hour. As I'm sure you all know, I don't mind physical labor. However, I do mind having to stay late at work. Here's how pathetic I am though.....are you ready? As we were leaving, the manager said something to the effect of "I shouldn't have kept you so late, but I knew we needed you." To which I replied "Oh, that's no problem." but in my mind I'm going "They needed me!" Then I didn't even mind that I had to stay late. I am depressing.

Just Embrace It

Today, my dad, my sister and I were talking about people having to choose between doing what they want to with their lives and living up to society's standards. I think a lot of people feel that they can't be who they are, or have the kind of life they want, because other people would look down on them. My thought on the whole thing is this; be who you are, and embrace it. If you don't want to sell your soul to some evil corporation just so you can make a lot of money, then don't. Please don't, but also don't be ashamed that you don't have as much money as your friends who did sell their souls. If you feel like you are less than them because you don't make as much money, they will also think of you as less than them. However, if you are proud of your choice and you accept the fact that you may have to live a more modest life because of it, they can't look down on you. I'm fairly certain this system works in almost any situation. For the most part, people are assholes. They can tell when you're ashamed of something, and they will take advantage of that. As long as you are unashamed, you can do damn near anything you want and they can't say anything to you. I know this from personal experience. Mayhap I will go into greater detail about how I know at a later date.

.......is basically what I'm saying

What Are You Complaining about?

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, my dad and I have started watching Farscape. The basic idea of the show is that an astronaut gets sucked into a wormhole and ends up lost somewhere in the universe with no idea where he is in relation to Earth. He spends a large portion of his time just trying to figure out how to get back home. This concept seems to be a really common theme in the Sci/Fi and Fantasy genres. It seems like someone is always getting lost in some amazing place and then moping and whining about how much they want to go home. Just once I would like to see someone get lost in some distant and magical place and be like "Fuck yeah! I'm staying here! This is so much better than where I come from!" because that's what I would say, if I were in that situation.

Quit you're bitching Crichton! Damn! 

Personas

We all have different personas that we use in different areas of our lives, yeah? Well, I guess I got a little too comfortable dividing myself into different parts, because I recently noticed that I do the same thing in my online life. I find that my Facebook has become basically like my normal public persona. I don't really say much. Occasionally I make a polite comment about something someone else has said or done, and every once in a while I share something I think is clever or amusing. This blog is more like a glimpse inside my mind. Here, I say all of the things I'm thinking while I'm making polite conversation, nodding and smiling, or just trying to keep my mouth shut. Pinterest is where I keep all of the things that seem to speak to my very soul. If you look at my boards you will find all of the things that I love for reasons I can't explain, and things that express my thoughts and feelings more honestly than I can ever convince myself to. The one aspect of myself that manages to transcend the boundaries of my different online networks is the same as it is in real life. I do somehow work animal rights into every situation in my life, at least from time to time.

The two sides of Pinterest. 

Over-Identifying

In every book/movie/TV show that I get into, I invariably find at least one character that makes me think "Holy shit! He/she is just like me!" Well, my dad and I just started watching Farscape and I'm telling you, I am Aeryn Sun. She hates showing emotion, she doesn't know how to interact with other people, she has no idea what to do with her life or where she belongs, she absolutely does not do the girly thing, and she's pissed off all the time. Plus, she's really good at carrying heavy shit.

Seriously, we're the same person. 

(Mis)Adventures in Online Dating

Today I decided, once again, to try VeggieConnection. In case you didn't guess, it's a dating site geared toward vegetarians and vegans. Sounds like a great idea, yeah? Not really. I first signed up in 2009 and since then I have tried it for anywhere from a day to upwards of a month, gotten fed up with it, hidden my account and sworn never to return, maybe four or five times. In the short expanse of time that I have actually used my account, I have managed to have some remarkably unfortunate experiences. First, I spent several days talking to this guy from California who ended up flipping out on me because we were IMing and I took too long to respond, so he accused me of talking to another guy while I was talking to him. To be fair, I was talking to someone else at the same time, but it was a friend. Also, it was none of his fucking business one way or the other. Then, there was a guy from Texas who gave up on me after I didn't want to fly there and stay with him after only knowing each other for a few days. The worst one though, I think, was the guy I emailed back and forth multiple times a day for several weeks. We seemed to have a lot in common, and I really liked him. He eventually came to see me, as he was passing through to visit a friend. We had the worlds most awkward double-date with my sister and her boyfriend, he slept in my bed and I slept on the couch, we had some polite conversation before he left the next morning, then I never heard from him again. Anyway, today, I'm scrolling through the profiles and what do I see? A vegan from....get this....Lawrence Kansas! It has to be a sign of some sort, right? So I click on his profile and it has almost no information on it. Then I happen to notice that, in the section where you can check the boxes for the different ethnicities you are interested in, he has checked all of them except "African decent/Black". Guess what VeggieConnection, if I wanted to meet racist assholes I could do that right here in good old Mannington WV. Seriously, why does that section even exist? What possible reason can someone have for not wanting to date a particular race than that he or she is a racist asshole?

I Can Kill You with My B..........anana

My sister, Caty, came over and took some new pictures for me today. Now, normally, I completely hate any and all pictures of myself, but she got some really great ones. She took some "normal" ones for Facebook, Pinterest, etc and I decided to go ahead and try for the River Tam pose for this blog. My Dad actually found one deadly (looking) blade for me and I decided to use a banana in place of the other one. I thought that way I would cover both parts of "volatile vegan" in one shot ( I also, stuck an apple on the end of the machete, just to be sure I got the point across. Plus it works with the River theme). So what do you guys think?

Caty even managed to edit the background and the coloring to make it look more like the original, because she is hahshum*. If anyone wants to see the other pictures, by all means, check them out on Facebook. 

*hahshum=awesome. Don't ask me why. I mean you can if you want, but you will lose interest before the end of the explanation. 

Worth 1000 Words

My sister has been doing photography lately. She has some really great stuff, you should check her out. Anyway, soon (maybe sometime this weekend) I am going to get her to take some new pictures for me. You see, I use the same profile picture for everything and it's around two years old. So I'm thinking I will do a halfway normal looking one for Facebook, but I want something ridiculous, and nerdy, and over-the-top for this blog. I'm considering going with the River Tam pose. Of course, it won't be nearly as cool without the deadly blades.

Any suggestions?