Thursday, September 3, 2015


Here is another post from my old blog. Once again, this one still rings true after all this time. 

A lot of "funny" meat-eaters out there may think that vegetarians and vegans have no sense of humor. What other explanation could there possibly be for us not laughing when they make hilarious jokes like "if we're not supposed to eat animals why are they made out of meat?" Well, there is a very good explanation. That's not fucking funny! In fact, that is so not funny that I want to rip your face off when you say it.

Shortly after Riley and Petunia (my adopted pigs, for those who don't know) came to live with me, some guy was driving by and saw me walking toward the barn. He stopped and asked me what was in there. When I told him they were two pigs he laughed and said "are their names ham bone and pork chop?" I'm sure he thought I was quite rude because, not only did I not laugh at his remarkable wit, I simply said "no" and walked away from him. Though I'm sure it did seem that way, I didn't do this to be rude. I did it because, had I tried to stay and talk to him, I would have said something much more rude than "no".

I have actually had several people make similar jokes about Riley and Petunia and I know at least most of them are not trying to upset me. They genuinely think they're being funny. But if I made a joke about murdering your family would you think it was funny? Riley and Petunia are my family. And when you make jokes about eating other animals it's like making a joke about murdering someone else' family, still not funny.

The truth is that most vegetarians, vegans and animal rights activists do have a sense of humor. Most of us are quite capable of laughing at ourselves. Personally, I will not be offended if you make fun of me, of vegans in general, of vegan food, of whatever. Just don't make fun of the animals who are suffering, because that will never be funny.

I am a fairly stereotypical vegan. I'm socially awkward. I dress weird. I eat strange things. I like animals better than people. I buy environmentally-friendly everything. And the list goes on. There is plenty of comedic material there. Make as many jokes about that as you want.

A lot of vegan food is pretty weird. It also happens to be quite delicious, healthy and not made of the flesh or secretions of tortured animals, but none the less it is kind of weird. Yesterday I happened upon this image

and thought it was hilarious! I love Tofurkey, but it is sort of inherently funny and most omnivores are rather horrified by it.

The point is, when animal rights activists don't think you're funny it's not because we're so full of ourselves that we can't take a joke. It's because what may seem like a joke to you is just a heartbreaking reminder of the fact that animals are being tortured and killed to us. Suffering isn't funny. If you took a moment to try and see things from our perspective, you might realize how horrible what you're saying sounds to us.

So the next time you see me, if you want to point out the fact that I am entirely incapable of having a normal conversation with another human, or inquire about the mud stains on my jeans (which are there because Riley and Petunia smear mud on me and I'm not willing to use chemical based laundry detergent to get it out) go right ahead. Just don't try to pretend that there is anything funny about what happens to animals in this society, because there isn't. Thanks.

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