It Looks Like the Powers Have a Sense of Humor

So, yesterday, I broke out the old Tarot cards for the first time in over a year. I decided to be really serious about it this time (don't you laugh at me), so I went outside and sat under my favorite tree and really focused on being open to any suggestions the Divine Powers might have for me. By the way, I have taken to referring to them as the "Divine Powers" when I'm being sincere and the "Powers that Be" when I'm being sarcastic. Anyway, I ended up with a layout that, while still not especially helpful, did seem somehow intentional and more than a little snooty.

The first position in the layout is called "what covers you" and it is supposedly the issue you're facing. My card was the king of wands. I started reading about him and realized that he was basically....well....me. Last time I tried to do my cards, I was trying to choose a card to represent me, which is something you are supposed to do before you start your reading. I finally just gave up on that because none of the queens really seemed that much like me. So the Divine Powers were like "You see, here's your problem. You're basically a guy." The next position is "what crosses you" which is either an obstacle or a benefit, depending on the context. My card was the ace of pentacles, which is all about money. I think that one is pretty self-explanatory. The next card "crowns you" and is all about the way you think about your situation. My card was the king of swords and his whole deal is about making people follow the rules. So, to me, this refers to my distaste for rules and my desire to live outside of conventional society. The next card is "at your feet" and indicates everything I have done that has led me to my current situation. It was the queen of swords who is all about following the rules. I interpreted this as meaning that I have been letting other people influence me and my decisions for too long. Next is the "near future". I got the knight of swords. He is this charismatic, dare-devil type. The way I saw it, this could either be someone who will come into my life, or someone I could become. Either way, I'll take it. Then came the "near past" which was the page of swords. This one talked about a kid with a dysfunctional family life who never felt that he/she had a real home. Seemed fairly accurate. Next is the "most important aspect". I got the ten of swords which is about pain and despair. I found that one pretty self-explanatory as well. Her comes the kind of funny part. The next position is called the "world to you". Guess which card I got? The world. I kind of feel like someone was getting sick of giving me insight and was just like "You want me to tell you what the world to you is? Really? It's the fucking world!" After that was "hope and fear". My card was the hermit, which was also funny because it was actually both my hope and my fear depending on whether I looked at it literally or symbolically. Literally, yeah I'm pretty fucking terrified that I will end up being a hermit for the rest of my life. But when you read the description of the card it actually represents the light at the end of the tunnel. The last card is the "out-come" and is supposed to be the answer to the question at hand. Mine was the ace of wands, which talks of new beginnings, fresh starts, and positive changes. I'll fucking take it!

By the way, yes I do realize that I obviously didn't shuffle well enough. Hence the king, queen, knight, page and ten of swords all in a row. That doesn't make them any less accurate though. So there.

These are my cards. Aren't they pretty? 

Who Would've Thought?

Yesterday, my dad, my sister, my sister's boyfriend and I went back to the Palace of Gold (the place we went for the Festival of Colors) and took a tour of the palace. It was even more amazing on the inside than it was on the outside. Here's the really cool part though; I just assumed there were places like this all over the country. There aren't. This is the only one in the U.S. and, apparently, the first one ever. Srila Prabhupada, the guy who started the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (the Hare Krishnas) is the one who actually founded this place. It was originally intended to just be a community for his devotees, but they wanted to build a special place for him to stay when he came to visit them. So they TAUGHT THEMSELVES how to do everything and built the whole fucking place by themselves. I find that completely amazing! They did all the marble (which is everywhere), stained-glass (some of the most beautiful I've ever seen), gold-leaf (also, everywhere), painting (including hand-painted ceilings, with intricate floral designs), and tapestries (unbelievably intricate). Here's the shitty part, he died before he ever got to stay there. So they just kept adding to the place and made it into this huge memorial for him. They added statues of him, and some objects that belonged to him. There is also a plaque of his footprints which is the original that every similar plaque in every other Prabhupada memorial all over the world is made from.

How does this place exist in WV? Furthermore, since it does, how did I not know about it? 

So Maybe I was Being Unreasonable

Okay, so maybe I really was being unreasonable before. I have still been talking to the guy I met on Vegan Passions and I think he wasn't actually being an ass after all. I guess I'm just so used to people being asses to me that I have learned to expect it. Anyway, he actually seems pretty cool.

Now to the point. We were talking about jobs and he said that no one actually loves their job, and that the people who say they do are really just saying that to make themselves feel better. I think he may be right. I know that's the case with most people, because most people don't get to do what they had always wanted to do with their lives. What I'm really wondering about is the people who do get to do what they had always wanted to do. Do you think that as soon as you start doing something professionally it automatically loses it's appeal? I think it very well may. We actually discussed this phenomenon in one of my psych classes once. I believe the theory was (something like) as long as you're doing something just because you enjoy it, you get an emotional reward from it. However, if you add in a monetary reward it sort of negates the emotional one, and all of a sudden the thing that used to be fun is now a hassle because "it's your job." What do you think? Does anyone actually love their job?

I mean, even Sam and Dean hate their job and they have the best job ever. 

How Did I Not See This?

Yesterday, I was looking for a particular picture on Facebook. So I'm scrolling back through my old pictures and, at some point, I realize that the picture I'm looking for isn't there. However, I have become so wrapped up in looking at old pictures of myself that I just keep scrolling. I was horrified to find that the pictures just got worse and worse the further back I went (until I got to my time at WVU and then they got slightly better again). It was so bad that I was legitimately angry by the time I got to the end of them. I mean, I knew I was never happy with the way I looked. Now I know why. It's because I looked like shit! It also kind of makes me paranoid that I actually look like shit now and just don't realize it. Because I know damn well that I didn't realize I looked that bad back then or I would have done something about it.

Who is this and what is that growth protruding form her lower abdomen? Also, look at that arm; no muscle tone whatsoever. It looks like a fucking tentacle.  

Maybe I'm Being Unreasonable?

Remember the whole online dating thing? Well, I have been talking to this one guy for around two weeks now, and he seemed pretty cool. Yesterday, he gave me his real email address (as opposed to the one through Vegan Passions). I was actually really happy about it, because I felt like that meant that things were progressing. So I emailed him and was all excited waiting for him to email me back. Then, the first official email I get from him makes me think "Yeah, this is not going to go anywhere." He is a self-proclaimed "music snob" which is fine, as long as he doesn't act all condescending about my taste in music, which he kind of did. Another thing that pissed me off  in this email was that he asked me if I was finished with school. Which, as you all know, I'm not. However, I am 26 so most people would assume that I am either finished with college or that I didn't go. The fact that he asked about it kind of made me feel like what he really wanted to ask was "So you're not really planning on being a cashier forever, right?" And I hope I don't end up being a cashier forever, but if I do, I would hope that he would be able to respect me anyway. I don't really feel like he would. Also, I feel comfortable bitching about him here because, despite the fact that I mentioned my writing at least twice, he didn't ask about it. If I met someone I was interested in and I found out that they wrote a blog, I would be dying to read it and find out how their mind works. Not him.

I swear, it seems like every person who ever shows an interest in me, is only interested in me in theory. When I actually start talking about myself they zone out, which is really weird in this case because I basically outlined my entire personality on my profile. It kind of makes me wonder if he even bothered to read the damn thing.

Get it? Because she seemed really nice and like she was really interested in Sam, then it turned out that she was actually a demon. (Unfair?) 

It's the Most Important Part of the Story, the Ending

For quite some time now, I have been thinking that I would like to write a book. Specifically, I've been thinking that I would like to write a memoir. I know what you're thinking "That's a stupid idea! You're always talking about how your life is super boring!" and, yes, you are right. However, despite how bored I am with my life right now, if I cut out all the boring parts and only cover the most interesting things from my entire life in a relatively short book, I think it could be rather compelling. I actually have had some rather unique and unusual experiences, that some people might actually care to hear about. Here's the problem; I have no idea how I would end such a book. I feel like anyone who might read it would want some sort of resolution at the end, and there is absolutely no aspect of my life which has been resolved. I feel like I have to do something, or be something, or at least figure out something before I can write a book about my life. At this point, I feel like if anyone actually read my life to the end they would get to the last page and yell "What the fuck was that!" and throw the book across the room. So come on, Powers That Be, give me some sort of epiphany so I can write my fucking book.

Check it out, you guys. We have the same hair. 

I Have a Wand Now. Wands Are Cool.

So this is going to sound really stupid to anyone who isn't me, and I kind of feel like an ass ever writing it but whatever, I feel like an ass most of them time anyway.

I have been slowly gathering the various tools, symbols, and artifacts associated with Wicca. One of the things I wanted to get was a wand. I had been thinking about buying one, but then David Salisbury's book said that you should create your own. He said to use a fallen branch rather than breaking or cutting one from a tree, and that the wand should be about the length from your elbow to the tip of your middle finger. I knew immediately which tree I wanted to get my wand from. 

There is this one tree that I have loved ever since I was a kid. I used to climb it all the time and, (here comes the really stupid sounding part) I always felt like we had an emotional connection. Anyway, I had been thinking about it for a couple of days and just didn't bother to go look for one. Then, the other day, I just suddenly got all inspired and thought "I'm going to go get a wand from my tree!" This happened to be on a day when it was pouring the fucking rain, but I didn't care; I was going to get a wand! So I'm trudging through the rain, trying to get to my tree and I'm looking at my feet the whole time to make sure I don't trip over anything hidden in the waste high weeds. Then, all of a sudden, I look up and there is this fallen branch tangled in another branch and hanging directly in front of my face. It was exactly the circumference that I was wanting and was almost perfectly straight but with all these cool little knots on it. There was one knot that, when I held it up to my arm, was just at the end of my middle finger. I thought to myself "if it breaks right there, I'll know this is supposed to be my wand, and guess what? It did. The really cool thing is that David Salisbury also mentioned that wands are never supposed to touch the ground. So the fact that this branch had fallen without touching the ground is pretty fucking amazing, I mean if you're a big nerd like me that is. Anyway, the point is I now have a really cool wand that was a gift from my favorite tree.

Nerdiest post ever? Oh, I think so.