Home

I just thought I would go ahead and explain to all of you why having my own space is so important to me that I'm willing to go through all of this fucking hassle just to get a shitty, thirty year old, camper to live in. The things is, I haven't had a place that feels like home to me since.....well....forever. I mean, I'm sure there was a time when I was a kid that I felt at home in my house, but I don't remember it. As long as I can remember, I have been trying to squeeze myself, and my life, and all my stuff, into someone else's space. I've never had a place where I felt comfortable. I've never had a place where I felt at home. I've never had a place that was mine. I need a retreat, a sanctuary, a place where I can go to feel at ease when I just can't deal with the world anymore. I need to know that there is one single place in the world where I can go where I won't have to pretend, or tip-toe around, or try to work my way around other people's stuff. I just need that feeling of home.

Back to the Start

My entire life is nothing but running in circles. No matter what I do, I always end up right back where I started. I officially cancelled with the guy who was supposed to move my camper today. Then the guy I bought the camper from emailed me and said that he thought maybe the guy who sold him the camper would be able to move it for me. Also, my mom knows someone who said that her son might be able to haul it for me. Naturally, I thought that having two promising leads was a good sign that I might actually get the thing moved. Well, the guy who used to own the camper apparently bought a smaller truck and can't haul something this big anymore, and the son of the woman my mom knows wants to change me three dollars per mile. By the way, the camper is 585 miles away. So yeah, that's not going to work for me! So now it looks like I'm back to dealing with random strangers on uShip, except that this time no one has bid on it yet. Fucking awesome.

On the upside, I now have this song stuck in my head.....which is nice, since I like this song. 

What a Fucking Surprise!

Remember how I said that I should have my camper soon, as long as nothing went wrong with the transport of it? Well, guess what? It did! The guy who I hired to move it decided that he's not going to move it after all. He says that the tires might not be any good, and the bearings might not be any good, and the license plate is expired. Well, you know what? Those are things that he probably should have considered before I payed for him to haul the fucking thing! I just sort of assumed that someone who moves campers for a living would have the means to move campers that are harder to move. He knew how old the thing was, and that I had bought it on Ebay, before he agreed to move it. Somehow the idea that maybe a thirty year old camper wouldn't be in perfect condition, and might have an expired license plate, didn't occur to him until I had already paid for his services. Now I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do! Obviously, I'm going to try to get my money back, but how am I supposed to find someone who I can count on to move the thing for real. I really thought that going through a service (uShip) that does nothing but connect people who need things moved with people who move things would be a sure-fire way to get the thing moved. Nope! That's the sort of thing that works for normal people, not me! Never me!

Again, Deadpool understands me......well, except for the fact that I don't kill people.

It's the Little Things

When your life is mostly bullshit, like mine is, sometimes the smallest things can make everything seem better. After the whole idea about getting a trailer fell through (but before I decided to buy a camper instead) I was fairly certain that I was just going to be stuck living with my dad for.....well....forever. So I decided that, if I wasn't going to get my own space, I was at least going to do whatever I could to make my life feel a little less shitty. This mostly just involved buying shit that I had been wanting to buy, but didn't feel justified in buying because I thought I was going to need all the money I could save to get the stuff I needed for the trailer. Of course, now that I bought this camper, the fact that I spent so much money on these other things seems rather unfortunate, but what can you do?

That's really not the point of this post though. The point is that these stupid little things that I bought really did make things seem a little less shitty. It's kind of pathetic really, how exited I get about the dumbest stuff. I bought some new scrub pants, because I was tired of having to wear my old, remarkably hideous, ones to work everyday. I also bought some new pants to wear on the weekends, and some new dollhouse pants (which are the ones I'm happiest about); no one else even sees them, but I just feel so much better having ones that fit properly and aren't all stretched out.

You want to know the one that's really depressing though? Bag clips. My dad always uses clothes pins to seal up bags and, since that's all he has, that's what I've been using too. But I don't like them! They're not tight enough to keep things closed properly, and they can't really be washed. So I bought myself some stainless steal bag clips. When I went though and switched out the old clips for the new ones on all my stuff, I was so fucking excited! They were strong enough that I didn't have to worry about them falling off, and if they get dirty I can actually wash them! I practically did a fucking happy dance, just because my food was sealed with a better clip. So yeah, sometimes it's the little things that make all the difference......but, then again, it's also the little things that keep adding up until you owe your soul to Amazon.com

My new bag clips, yay!

Ⓥ The Great Divide

I feel like one of the greatest divisions in the vegan community is between those who believe in natural health and those who support modern medicine. At times it seems there is this, sort of, war between the two sides. The medical side seems to be especially critical of the natural side; often accusing them of being irrational, uneducated, or downright crazy. They seem to think that people who choose natural health over conventional medicine give us a bad name.

I will admit, there are those who I believe take natural health a bit too far, putting too much stock in things that don't make a lot of logical sense. However, for the most part, I tend to side with them anyway, and here's why. First and foremost, the entirety of the medical/pharmaceutical industries are dependent upon animal-testing. I, for one, will do anything and everything to avoid supporting such a horrible and unnecessary practice. It is true that there are some natural health companies that conduct animal-testing as well but there are also many that do not, and there are quite a few of these companies that are entirely vegan, or at least vegan friendly.

The other reason is (and you don't even have to be interested in animal rights to understand this one) modern medicine, and the pharmaceutical industry especially, thrive because of illness. If people don't get sick, they don't make any money. That has to make you wonder "Who's best interest are they really focusing on here?" You see, medications in general aren't meant to make you healthy, they are meant to make you feel just healthy enough to keep coming back for more. They don't want to prevent illness, they don't even want to cure it, they just want to treat the symptoms so that you have no choice but to spend absurd amounts of money to keep buying more and more of their product.

If the drug companies were actually trying to help people, there wouldn't be commercials for their products on TV to convince people that they need to be medicated for things that are often just normal parts of being alive. If doctors were actually trying to help people, they wouldn't be pushing these products on everyone who comes into their offices. The companies that make these drugs and the doctors who prescribe them are both working to keep us all just sick enough to think we need the medications and just healthy enough to believe they're working.

Obviously, the people who sell natural health products are also trying to make money, but there are a few distinct differences. First of all, there is not nearly as much money involved. I don't know about you but, from my experience, the more money is on the line the more immoral people tend to become. Second, most natural health products are designed to actually prevent or cure health problems, not just lessen the symptoms. Even the ones that are used to simply treat symptoms are usually, at least, intended to also make the symptoms less severe over time, whereas medication often requires progressively higher doses to keep the symptoms under control.

So yes, maybe some of the proponents of natural health are a little out there, and some of them believe in things that don't necessarily make sense. I believe their intentions are good though. Besides, what harm can it really do to believe in things that may or may not work? Even ineffective herbs and vitamins are probably not going to due any real harm. So, personally, I'll trust the people who I think are actually out to help me to stay healthy not just help themselves to stay rich.

So what if some of us are a little crazy? 

My Own Place?

I bought a camper today you guys! It really looks like I might really get to have my own place here soon! The thing is all the way in NY but I'm working on hiring someone to haul it for me. Unlike the last time I needed something hauled, I actually got several offers from people willing to move it. So it might just work out.

I'll tell you, it was a fucking ordeal though. I bought it on Ebay, which should have been a pretty straightforward process, right? No, of course not! This is me so, naturally, it had to get absurdly complicated and annoying as shit. You see, the seller set it up so that you could only pay the deposit, not the full price. I have no idea why anyone would do that. I mean, all that could possibly accomplish is making things harder on both of us.

So I wrote to him and asked how I was supposed to pay the rest. He writes back and says that I should pay with cash or check when I picked the camper up. Well, guess what? That's why people buy shit on Ebay, so they don't have to pay with cash! I could have bought one locally if I had the cash to buy one! Also, I'm not actually going to be there to pick the thing up. So I wouldn't be able to give the money to him even if I had it.

So yeah, we wrote back and forth like six times. He made several really helpful suggestions like; get a cash advance from my credit card, mail him a check, or use Western Union. Thanks, but that doesn't really work for me! Finally, I went to Paypal's website and manged to figure out how to transfer the money directly to him. I had to pay an extra fifty dollars just for making the transfer, but it was better than having to discuss the issue with him any further. Then, I wrote to him and asked him if he got the money, and he took forever to write back to me, which really made me wonder if he was just going to scam me out of my money.

He finally did get back to me though, and said that it did go through. So as long as nothing goes wrong with the transport, I should have my camper sometime in the near future. Then I can start the process of making it livable, which shouldn't be too bad actually, especially since my dad has offered to help pay for some of the necessities. I'm not going to be convinced until I have the thing at my house though, because I simply don't trust the Powers That Be not to fuck me over at the last second.

If there's anybody who knows what it's like to be fucked over by the Powers more than I do, it's Deadpool.

Ganglion Cyst Smash (Video)

That weird-ass lump on my hand came back, so I got my sister to smash it for me again. And this time you guy get to watch. You're welcome.